9

Trapped in my emotions and thoughts I roam the streets, pondering my next step. The constant noise brings all my feelings to the surface and I can't control the random tear that rolls down my cheek. Ashamed, I wipe it away quickly. I've always been strong and I won't allow this bullshit to affect me.

I detest Max for using my father's choices against me. I fully understand why it's frowned upon but I also relate with why my dad did roll against the club. It was out of love for me. He didn't plan on dying behind bars before his release. Of course, he should've known they would retaliate. They always do. Max is the lowest of low when it comes to rank within a club. His father may have been the president but he's a prospect at best. He tries his hardest to instill traditions that once existed in our lives but is failing miserably. He hopes a MC would accept him into the fold but he couldn't be more wrong.

When Elle didn't defend me, I felt betrayed. Especially, when I've always been there for her and her stupid brother. I question why I've stayed so long. I can live my life the way I want to, without distractions. I have all the means to travel. Truck, camper, and though I have abundant savings, I could sell my house and everything tied to it. My past, my father's past, has caught up to me and I hate it. I want no part in it. Max and Elle both refuse to let go of their roots. I've never felt tied to the biker way of life and have no reservations about leaving it all behind.

Strolling the streets, my thoughts push me toward making a life-changing choice. A choice I know that needs to happen to keep my sanity. After two hours of walking around the vendors, watching people act like fools, and doing burnouts in the middle of the street, I found myself standing across the street from the police station. Images of turkey leg girl flash in my mind. And though I didn't see how she was left; my imagination takes over and puts her body in questionable positions. What happened to her should've never been a thought. My stomach flips with disgust and I take the first step into living up to my badge of shame.

When I exit the building, I feel lighter. Even if Max didn't hurt that girl, my conscience is clean. With information in hand, they plan on obtaining the footage from the bar and surrounding businesses. They'll be pursuing every lead they have regarding the dead girl. It could also turn out that my information on Max that night could save his ass, but I know once he finds out, he and maybe even Elle will hate me forever.

Casually, I make my way back to my camper. There's no sign of my friends and I'm grateful. I'm not ready to spill the beans. I need the time to figure out what I'm going to do with my life. I sit in my camping chair and watch as people pass by. Aside from the revolving bikes and clunker cars, it's relatively quiet on our end tonight.

"Hey there," Mac says as he approaches, pulling me out of my distracted thoughts.

I shift in my seat, feeling uncomfortable all of a sudden. I like this man a lot and he does awaken my sexual desires, but he's not the type of person I want to associate with. The type of individual I want to associate with any longer. He's part of the scene and that isn't my focus. Trying to be nice, I give a half-smile," Hey. What's up?"

"I didn't see you at the show."

"Yeah, sorry. Just had some things come up."

He grabs Elle's chair and unfolds it, setting it beside mine. I didn't want him around but I didn't bother to refuse him. He then sits and sips his beer. "You good?"

I can't help but release a scoff, "Do you really care?" I ask while picking at my nails and cleaning under them. "No offense but you don't come off as the type to care for small talk."

"I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't curious."

"Fair," I sigh and look back at his camper. "Where's Janelle?"

"She's hanging out with some of the old ladies from our club. Now, cut the shit. What has you down?"

"Nothing really." I shrug, "Fought with my asshole friends."

"Want to elaborate?" I should've kept my mouth shut but the need to vent forced it out. He stayed quiet as I explained everything about the dinner to him. Even the information on my dad, which is secret, came out with ease. Once everything was all said, he took a deep breath, "Well, damn. Sounds like you have some choices to make, man."

"I already did," I looked back down to my fidgeting hands. My right leg is also shaking up and down as my nerves are shot. A chill rushes over me while waiting for his judgmental reply.

"You ratted to the pigs?"

"This is a child were talking about. Club or no club, don't they take priority over anything else?"

"Typically, yes. A child who chose to run away. A child who knew what they were doing with their body and they knew what sort of trouble that can cause."

"You think she wanted to practically whore herself out just to feed herself? We can't be sure of that. She was just a dumb kid. We've all been there and made stupid choices. But it still doesn't give someone the right to hurt her. If Max had a part in it, he should do the time." Mac seems lost in thought and his expression is hard. "What would you do?"

"Holden, I would never rat on my club, my brothers."

That was the first time he had used my name directly. "We aren't a club and he sure as fuck isn't my brother," I insist. "My family might've lived by a code but I don't."

He smiles, "Look, maybe if your pops would've taken his licks like a man, you wouldn't be in this position to begin with is all I'm sayin'."

I can't help but feel taken aback by his response, "My dad did what was right by me. The Iron Dragons were not his priority."

He chuckles, "No offense, but at what cost? He disbanded an entire club because he was selfish. People were killed, including himself, leaving you and your palls without a soul to protect you."

His words hit me full-force in the gut. Though he loved me, my dad did fuck everything up. In the past, I never wanted to place the blame on him. I can't even picture what my life would be like if he would've just kept his mouth shut and served his time.

Then again, if he wouldn't have ratted, he would be out by now. Who knows, maybe, as crazy as it seems now, I could've married Elle, tying us to the club for life. My sexual desire would've remained more hidden than they are now. Perhaps never even surfaced to begin with. A scary and cringy thought in my opinion but it would've been the outcome.

"He ruined everything," I confess with a shameful heart.

"I get it but your pops really fucked you over. Now, you have to pay for his transgressions. I'm surprised club members haven't already taken their revenge on you."

The thought of someone scares me but I'm always ready. "They can try."

"If I were you, I would watch your back. Especially here. Don't want this news to get out. Never know who might be listening."

Frustration washes over me. I know how serious these things are but I shouldn't be the one to pay a price for something I didn't do. "This is beyond unfair."

"What's unfair is I've had a full-on rager and you haven't even noticed."

My eyes glance at his crotch and he's not lying. He's fully erect. It even jumps slightly beneath his jeans. I look away, trying to avoid the way my body has awakened. I'm pissed off that something about him makes me react this way. He's a dangerous inconvenience in my life right now.

"How do you do that?"

"What?" he scoffs.

"Change the subject so quickly."

He shrugs, "What better to distract you than with a stiff cock in the ass?"

"My pain makes you want to fuck?"

He laughs, "Not exactly. But I know what will cheer you up." He leans in closer. "Let me make you happy." He leans in even closer, near my ear. "I'll fuck the chaos right out of you. What do ya say?"

I look back at his camper, "What about Janelle? What would she say if she walked in on us?"

He sits back into his chair and sips his beer. "She might join in," he smiles.

As much as I want him to alleviate all my thoughts and pain, it would only be a temporary fix. I would be back in the same situation by morning. "It does sound fun but I think I'm gonna have to pass."

"Touch it for me."

"No. Touch it yourself."

He doesn't hesitate to cup himself and begin stroking his need in from of every passerby. "You know you want to."

"I do. That's the problem," I confess and look away, attempting to deny my urges.

"You remember the last time?"

I can still feel his mouth against me. "Yes," I whisper.

"Imagine my finger being replaced with this. Bend you over that table and filling you completely."

I release a nervous scoff, "You wanna be caught lying with a rat?"

"Rats need love too." He stands, gripping my attention. "Come on. We'll go to your camper if it makes you feel better."

I rock back and forth in my chair for a moment before standing and turning toward the old air stream. Once the door is closes behind us, he chugs the remainder of his beer before grabbing me, covering my mouth with his. His aggressive manor is exactly what my body is craving. The male human contact is exactly what I need. Having Mac take me this way feels so wrong but oh so right. I try to hold him against me but he spins me quickly around and shoves me onto the bed. He pins me down with his massive body, grips my hair tightly and begins to grind his cock against my ass. I grip the sheets, relishing in the pleasure of the situation. He's right. I desperately need this release.

Suddenly, the door to the camper opens and Elle enters, "Oh, fuck. I…uh…sorry." She quickly exits, slamming the door behind her.

Mac jumps off me quickly and I turn over just as fast. "Fuck," he grumbles and adjusts his cock in his pants. "She saw us."

"It's all right. Elle knows about me."

"That's fuckin' great for you," His face is bright red and filled with anger. "but I have appearances to keep. Imagine what would happen if my club found out. Fuckin' idiot."

I chuckle and stand, trying to calm him. "Dude, it's fine." I reach for him but he shoves me away. In the process of trying to catch myself, one of Elle's sculptures falls hard against the floor.

"Get off me." He rushes toward the door and upon stepping out, he bellows, "Keep your filthy hands off me, fag."

Shocked, I stumble over my words, "Hold on. What?" I follow him out. Bewildered, I watch as he throws his leg over the seat of his bike, starts the engine, and pulls away quickly, spitting gravel behind him. I look over to Elle and she's shocked.

"What the fuck, H?" She rushes over to me, "Are you ok? Did he hurt you?"

I shake my head, "I'm fine." I know why he reacted that way. Being a gay man in an affiliated MC is a big no-no. Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve sort of shit and they take it seriously from what I remember. This is why his public outburst has cleared him but has now put a bright blinking target on my back, making me want to leave even more now.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause any issues."

I keep my expression tight and shrug, "No biggie." I wave her inside where it's cooler so we can talk.

"Oh, man," she whines. I help her stand the fallen sculpture and she inspects it. "Seems all right."

"It's fine." I lean against the counter. "What's up?"

She plops down onto the hard bed and giggles, "I'm sorry I walked in on y'all. I'm so embarrassed."

My brow pinches, "I've seen you in plenty of questionable positions…literally. Me getting dry fucked is hardly something to be embarrassed over."

She shakes her head, "I don't care who you screw but a married guy?"

"He's not."

"Not what? Gay or married?"

I shrug, "Neither, I guess."

Confusion washes over her face as she processes what I said. "Wait…huh?" She shakes her head, "Never mind." She pauses and takes a deep breath. "I came here to talk to you. What Max said…it was wrong."

Emotion swells in the back of my throat. I look away, fighting back the pain. Not because of the hurtful intent his words held. I release a shuttering breath. "The words he used initiated the exact response he was hoping for."

"I don't think…"

I cut her off, "No, Elle, he meant every word. He's been holding onto it for a long time."

"For what? The right moment to weaponize it? Come on. He's not that smart."

"Substances typically make the real us come out, Elle."

She shakes her head and looks away. "Holden, I can't believe he would intentionally hurt you like that."

Before everything in our lives changed, I could've never thought Max would do anything horrible to me or his sister, but there's nothing left of the boy I once knew. "Doesn't matter. Not anymore."

"What do you mean?"

I avoid her questions and press the true complications in our lives. "What happened with him anyway? Max?"

Elle shakes her head and sighs deeply. Frustration exudes from her body. "He doesn't trust the law."

I release a groan of irritation, "He's done some dumbass shit in the past but this takes the cake. I knew he wouldn't go, which is why I did."

She gasps, "You didn't."

"I sure as hell did and I would do it again."

Sadness overcomes her and her voice becomes a whisper as tears fall, "How could you?"

"How could I what? Be a rat?" I look at her angrily. My rage is not with her but how could she ask me such a question? "It sickens my stomach, Elle. What was I supposed to do?"

"You could've waited. Give him a chance." Tears are free-flowing down her cheeks now. "How could you do this to him?"

"You act like what I did was wrong. That girl was a child. A baby. What part of that don't you get?"

"I do get it but Max is my brother. I would never put him in danger."

"So you would much rather all of us go down for his stupid choices?" I shake my head, "Not me. Fuck that." I turn away but stop and face her. "Call me a rat all you want. I don't give two shits. I'm finished with all his and your bullshit. Done."

She stands quickly, "Don't you dare loop me into this."

"Why not? You're the one who enables his behavior. For what? All so you don't hurt his feelings? Who gives a shit? He sure doesn't give a damn about you. If he did, he would've gone the moment we suggested it, but no, he's a selfish prick junkie and always will be."

"I help my brother because I love him."

"You love him enough to go to jail for him?"

"You act as if he's guilty."

"The last we saw of him that night, he was with her. There's no telling what happened. He even admitted he was blitzed out of his mind and doesn't remember shit." I shrug, "Maybe he is."

"That doesn't mean anything, Holden, and you know it."

"If he's innocent, fine. But that girl deserves justice, no matter the cost."

Elle's tears used to crush me. I never want to see her suffer but this is too heavy. I used to believe I would bury someone for my best friend. I thought I was willing to hide the body and burn any evidence to prove my loyalty and love for her, but I was wrong. My mind and my heart are shut off to her emotions in the instance. There's no defending Max's behavior any longer. I can't. I won't go out of my way to protect him.

"I want to go home and forget any of this happened."

"Believe me, so do I. And that's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm getting the fuck outta here in the morning, with or without you, Elle."

She grows silent and nods while wiping tears from her cheeks. "I'll find Max."

I roll my eyes, "For fuck's sake." I storm out of the camper, slamming the door behind me.