11

SIX MONTHS LATER

Some may find it a rash decision but the moment I got home, I contacted a realtor regarding the sale of my house. A week after, it was appraised and put on the market. Today, I met with the realtor to sign over my childhood home. That place holds far more bad memories than good ones, making it way easier.

This is a huge step for me. Elle thinks I'm crazy for letting everything linked to my past go to random people. I've sold the house completely furnished, leaving me with only small items that'll be useful in my new camper. I gave the old one to Elle. She'll need it for any future events. I even let go of my dad's bike and riding gear for nearly nothing. It felt amazing to release it all.

"It's gonna be weird seeing different people living there," Elle says. "Are you sure you don't want to just live with me?" She's been having a hard time dealing with her brother being in prison. It didn't take long for him to finally confess to his crimes. We assumed that the girl was murdered but in reality, after toxicology, it was found that she over dosed on fentanyl that Max had provided. I knew there was something curious about his backpack. He was dealing at the event and most likely the cause of several OD's that week. Ultimately, he was the cause of her death. To hear him tell it, they went to the trails to hook up and get high. When she died, he freaked out and ran away. He didn't even bother to help her or call an ambulance. A real shitbag in my opinion. He's exactly where he belongs and I hope they give him the maximum. People like Max are a menace to society and should be locked up.

"I appreciate the offer but I really need this." She means well but I know there's animosity there. Though Max got himself arrested by hosting a party in the motel and having drugs there, it was my tip to the police about the girl is what landed him in shackles. Elle would never blame me directly but in my heart, I know she does.

"Do you know where you're going first?"

I shake my head, "Not really. Just gonna drive and see where the road takes me."

She smiles, "We can get pizza or something tonight. Maybe watch a movie."

It is my final night in my home before I take off. "No, if we're gonna do it, we're gonna do it right. Our last night won't be indoors."

Her brow pinches, "What? You hate being in public."

I shrug, "I do but I'm not gonna see you for a while. So…" I don't plan on returning to this area for a long time, if ever. There's nothing holding me here, not even the glue of our friendship. I've reflected a lot on our relationship but it's always been rocky. I blame myself. For years, I felt I had to compensate for my father's actions. Elle and Max were left alone too. They had nobody else to help them along the way, and even though we're roughly the same age, and Elle being female, I felt I had to protect her especially. I've come to realize that Elle does have people she can turn to. The club may be disbanded but there are plenty of people who are still affiliated with the chapter that would be willing to help a deceased presidents daughter.

Later, while enjoying our time together over a crab boil, my phone jingles. I ignore it and continue to crack open a crab leg.

"Are you not gonna check that?"

I shake my head, "Nope."

She chuckles, "I'll never understand it."

"What?"

"Why have a phone if you're never going to check it?" She rips open a crawfish and pulls the delicate tail meat out with her teeth.

I shrug, "I just don't feel the need to check my phone constantly. You miss a lot when your nose is in a glowing screen twenty-four-seven, ya know?"

"I guess so. But what if it's something important?"

"At eight at night? Plus, not many people have my number anyway."

"Is that what you're gonna do when I call you after you move? What if you're injured in a ditch somewhere? Nobody would know because you refuse to answer the damn phone."

"Fine, drama queen. I'll check it." I lick my fingers clean of butter and wipe them with my napkin before fishing my phone out of my pocket. It's a private message on my social media. I'm shocked once I open it and realize who it's from.

"Well?" Elle questions.

Ignoring the message, I click on the profile and it possesses limited information. No posts, no bio, and only a profile picture. Curiously, the account was created recently as well. "Umm, this is weird."

"What is?"

I ponder for a moment. "Do you remember that guy from Sturgis? The fire-breather guy?"

She grins, "Dry hump guy. What was his name again?"

I scoff at the memory of Elle walking in on us. "Mac."

"He was a shithead to you that day. What does he want?"

I go back to the message and read it quickly. "He's in town and wants to hang out."

"Oh really," she asks in an accusing tone and smiles. "Maybe he wants to continue y'all's session in the camper."

I ignore that and look at the screen curiously, "How did he get my social? I don't even use my real name and I don't have a picture."

"You would be surprised how easy it is to find someone on the internet these days."

"My account is private. Only friends should be able to find me."

She smiles, "Who cares? When does he want to meet?"

"Tonight."

My friend grows even more bubbly in her seat, "Are you going?"

"I don't know."

"You liked him, didn't you? He obviously liked you," she says with an accusing grin. "Did y'all ever…ya know?"

I shake my head, "Not exactly."

"Meaning?"

I shrug, "It wasn't anything. We made out a couple of times."

"Oh," she says and bites into a piece of corn on the cob.

"He blew me."

Elle chokes and nearly spits corn all over me. "What? Why am I just now hearing about this?" she asks while wiping her chin clean of corn juice.

"A lot was going on then. Not exactly prime time to discuss random sexcapades."

She nods in agreement. "Ok, but it's clear he enjoyed your time together."

"Maybe." I put the phone face down on the table and continued eating. It jingles again but I ignore it again. I'm doing my best to deny my urges and the butterflies in my stomach. I can feel my friend's eyes on me. I look up, "What?"

Her eyebrows shoot up and her eyes grow wide, "You're not gonna reply?"

"It's our last night together for a while. Can't we just eat and enjoy ourselves?"

"Yeah, but…I mean," she shrugs. "Aren't you curious?"

"I am," I confess. I'm also terrified. I'm ready to move on with my life and build a new one. I don't want to revisit my past. Sadly, as much as I love Elle, I'm even ready to be away from her and her chaotic world. Hooking up with Mac would only keep me within those memories.

"Holden."

"What?"

"Look, I support you in whatever you're needing to do but why are you denying yourself happiness?"

"I'm not."

"Yes, the fuck you are."

"Do you actually think I could be happy with someone like Mac? He's practically a traveling clown for people to gush over. And what makes you think he's still not with his old lady?"

"Even if he is, who cares? He certainly didn't back then and to be fair, neither did you." I hated that she was right. I should've never allowed our interactions to go as far as they had. I don't feel guilty but it was wrong. I'm smarter than that. Homosexual people are still hated in today's society, especially men. When Elle walked in on us, I hated it but I understood why he reacted the way he had. If we had seen, we'd both be in danger of a potential hate crime. "Take a chance is all I'm sayin'," she concludes.