31. Cody

THIRTY-ONE

I slipped into the booth opposite Ryder at Time & Tap Tavern.

It was just off the main drag in Time River, and the small bar was a place he and I had come to for years whenever we felt like catching up by ourselves.

The vibe was mellow, country music playing from the jukebox and patrons tucked up to the horseshoe bar that took up the entire middle of the place. The two side walls were lined with elevated booths, seven on each side, and a few tables sat on either side of the door up front.

The lights were dull, swinging from the ceiling over each table.

Ryder was slung back in the booth, already sipping from a tumbler of whiskey when I arrived.

Five minutes late because I'd spent extra time kissing Hailey outside her house before I'd finally pried myself away.

He canted me a smirk when I plopped into the seat. "About damned time. You texted to meet up and here I've been sitting by myself like a poor fucker who was about to get stood up." His expression darkened. "I was worried something was wrong when you texted me."

I cracked a grin. "What, I can't want to hang out with my bestie on a Tuesday night?"

Ryder's sharp brow arched. "Bestie?"

The guy might act like a hard-ass, but I knew he loved it, so I took it upon myself to rub it in.

"That's right. You're my BFF. My bosom buddy. My ride or die." I drew them out, making each more ridiculous than the last, going for whatever nonsense Dakota and Paisley always spewed about each other.

He balled up a napkin and threw it at me. I tried to dodge it, but it hit me in the temple. I feigned outrage. "How dare you, Ryder? Why always so violent?"

Amusement crawled over his face. "Not sure I can be considered the violent one. Not after what you pulled on Saturday night." His tone turned emphatic, head tipping to the side. "You want to tell me about it?"

God, Saturday felt like a lifetime ago. Like the world had been flipped. Every-fucking-thing I knew changed.

I shrugged like it wasn't a big thing while the violence threatened to work its way back to the surface, escaping from where I was barely managing to keep it tapped. "Asshole got sloppy and hurt some girl. I was simply reminding him of his manners."

Ryder let go of an incredulous chuckle. "Poor fucker got the message delivered to him in blows. Think he pissed his pants. Ezra had to call his wife to come and pick him up to take him to the ER."

Irritation blustered through my consciousness. What a fuckin' prick. Dude deserved to get his ass beat. Unfortunately, there were worse deviants we were dealing with right then.

Speculation in his eyes, Ryder pressed deeper into the topic he was hinting on. "And some girl?"

I itched, not sure why I was agitated since I'd been the one to call him here, really needing to talk about that very girl, the one girl, but I wasn't quite sure how to broach it. Not when I was so out of my element that I had no idea what the hell I was doing.

Treading thin.

Ice cracking below.

The fractures splintering out, five seconds from a collapse.

No question, the frigid waters were right there to drag me to the bottom.

I scratched at my beard, thankful for the distraction when a server stopped at our booth. I ordered a beer on tap, then turned back to Ryder who was watching me carefully.

"Something's up with you," he said the second she was out of earshot.

I sighed. "Think I'm in trouble."

I could sense the flash of worry that sped through him, though he kept his voice casual and cool. "And what kind of trouble might that be?"

I gnawed at the middle of my bottom lip before I finally confessed, "The kind where I actually like that girl."

He looked far too entertained by the news, relieved that this was the only trauma we were talking about.

If he only fuckin' knew.

"Ah, a woman has finally gotten under your skin. Wasn't sure I was ever going to see the day, though it was pretty damned apparent from where I was sitting on Saturday night that she had you in knots."

I scraped a flustered hand over my face and blew out a sigh as I sank back on the booth seat. "She doesn't have me in knots, man. She has me in fucking chains."

Disbelief rocked through him, and his eyes the color of pitch gleamed. "That's how it is, huh?"

"Think so." I was reticent to admit it. The server walked by and set my beer in front of me, and I muttered a quiet, "Thank you," as she walked away.

Ryder slinked back farther in the seat, that shock of black hair flopping to the side. "I'm not sure why you look so disturbed by it, brother. I know you've been chasing your next hookup ever since I can remember, but I promise you, when you find the one, you aren't going to feel like you're missing a thing. You never fucking get bored because each time you touch her, you only want more."

Ryder thought I was afraid of commitment, which there was no goddamn question that I was, but it wasn't bred of the reasons he imagined.

It wasn't because I was scared of getting locked down, worried I'd forever be wondering if the grass was greener on the other side.

It was that I was afraid of what I was bringing to the table. The mess I'd created that would only taint and destroy.

The truth that I would never be good enough for the woman who I'd left at her house after kissing her wild on her porch. The whole time, I'd felt like I was getting a piece of myself ripped away when I forced myself to get in my truck and drive to Time River to meet up with Ryder.

Every instinct demanded that I stay by her side.

Funny thing, Hailey thought she was the one bringing the baggage while I came barreling in loaded like a fucking freight train.

I figured no one else could understand quite the way that Ryder would be able to.

I shook with the truth that I'd been keeping from him my entire life, a hypocrite who'd secreted my mistakes away, all while I'd been demanding that he keep away from my sister because I'd known he'd had himself entangled in some shady shit.

But what I'd done, I'd done for my family.

For Dakota and Kayla and our mother.

Because they were worth it.

Because I would give anything for them.

Because I'd promised.

And still, I didn't know how to admit to him my true concerns.

"I want to be good enough for her, Ryder. Right for her and her daughter. Make their lives better rather than become a cloud that darkens their path."

He took a sip of his whiskey, and he pointed at me from where he had his hand curled around the glittering glass. "That right there is a choice, Cody. Whether you make their lives better or worse."

I barely nodded, even though it wasn't quite the truth. I'd given up that power a long time ago.

I pushed out the one thing that I could give him. The first obstacle ahead of us that I wasn't going to just hurdle, but tackle head-on.

Fucking raze it to the ground.

"Her ex is sniffing around…trying to get her back. Rich kind of prick who thinks the world owes him something and everyone should get on their knees and bow when he's coming. He doesn't like it that Hailey isn't yielding."

Darkness rolled through his expression, and he slowly set the glass on the table, the brutality that was Ryder coming out full force.

Mine rolled inside, the warning rumble of an earthquake before the entire goddamn thing split apart.

"Does he know about you?" Ryder asked.

A morbid chuckle rolled out when I thought to the way I'd kissed Hailey in front of him that night, playing this whole thing as fake when the second my mouth had touched hers, I'd known I'd never experienced anything as real as that.

"You can say I took it upon myself to make sure the fucker knew she wasn't sleeping alone at night."

Ryder let go of a cynical laugh. "I bet you did."

I shrugged, bringing out the innocence. "I couldn't help myself." Then I sobered. "Think he's seriously bad news. Dangerous sort who's involved in seedy shit. She won't tell me exactly what because she's afraid of saddling me with the truth…thinking she's going to make it worse."

"What are you going to do about this little problem?"

"Whatever it takes." I said it simple.

"Good." Ryder sat back with mischief playing on his face. "So, I'm guessing I'm here because you're wondering if I'm going to have your back?"

"You're the last person I'd call if I needed backup. Look at you…nothing but a stick." I gave him a taunting grin, trying to hold back the laugh.

The dude was deadly, all lean, hewn muscle, a viper who would silently strike. No question about that. But I still loved to rub that shit in.

"You wish, asshole."

I waffled, trying to figure out what I really needed to say. Trying to sort through the mess we were wading in. "I think I called you here because I want to make sure everyone in this family knows what she's up against. I want her to know she's important. To all of us. That she has this crew to rely on if it comes to that."

That importance throbbed from within. This feeling that I wanted to gather both Hailey and Maddie up, curl them in my arms, and never let them go.

"You can count on that. Of course, brother. You've come running every time I've ever needed you. Besides, the girls claimed her." Affection pulled to his lips, that soft spot he had for my sister so damned distinct. "Pretty sure Hailey isn't going anywhere."

"That's the way I intend it," I said.

Disbelief pulsed across his face before he seemed to settle on something. "Love looks good on you, man."

That single word pierced me.

Is that what this was?

This thing that made me feel like I was going to lose it if I didn't get back to her?

The itch that prodded me into action?

"I think you're getting ahead of yourself," I said rather than trying to process the magnitude of it. If I could possibly be worthy of it.

Ryder laughed. "Nah, Cody, you're just lagging."

He drained the rest of his whiskey then glanced at his phone. "Listen, I need to call it. Kayden made me promise I'd be home in time to read him a story before bedtime."

Yeah, dude loved the hell out of them.

"Thanks for meeting me."

"I'm glad to talk my bestie down any time." Sarcasm rolled through his words, and he leaned forward so he could take his wallet from his pocket.

I waved him off. "I've got it. Go on before you break my nephew's heart."

Ryder grinned. "Never, man." He pushed from the booth then he came around and set his hand on my shoulder. His tone turned serious. "Don't let fear stand in the way of what your heart needs, Cody. I did it for a long damned time, and the only thing it did was cause more pain in the end. And for the record, you are good enough for her."

Regret burned like a bitch.

Because he didn't know, and I honestly didn't know if that was true. Still, I forced a nod. "Thanks for that, Ryder."

"Always."

Turning, he strode through the bar, weaving through the few people who were mingling around, and he pushed out the door into the descending night. I sat there in my thoughts, polishing off my beer, then lifted my hand to the server as she walked by.

"Is that it for you?" she asked.

"Yeah, I need to get home."

Home.

I'd always considered myself a wanderer. A piece of this small town while forever being detached. Knowing not to hang on too tightly because it would eventually be ripped away, and the thought of losing it then was all the more painful.

Resolve rode in to seize every orifice of my chest.

I made the decision right then and there that I wasn't going to let my past catch up. I was going to do whatever it took to finally put it to bed. Because I didn't want to let go. I wanted to hold on.

I stood from the booth, dug into my wallet, and tossed two twenties on the table to cover the bill, then I pushed out through the single door and into the heat of the summer night.

The deepest gray curled through the vastless canopy above, and a smattering of stars had started to dot the sky.

I shoved my hands into my pockets as I followed the walkway around the side of the bar to the parking lot. My truck was on the far end, facing the building. The drone of cars up on Manchester echoed through the heavy air, though this area was pretty serene.

Through the stillness, I edged that way, rounding to the driver's side as I clicked the locks.

The running lights flashed, and I reached out to pull open the door.

That was when the serenity disintegrated.

Awareness prickled the fine hairs at the back of my neck and the energy shifted to ominous.

A flash of depravity.

I didn't have time to turn around to find where it was coming from before pain splintered across the side of my head.

Searing, splitting misery nearly knocked me from my feet.

I struggled to remain upright as glass shattered and rained around me.

Agony spiraled, and I blinked and fought for the air that I couldn't seem to bring into my lungs. Everything felt like it was caving.

A crushing kind of affliction that fought to wipe me out.

The only thing that kept me standing was the fury that burst in my consciousness. Jumping right into my bloodstream and careening through my veins.

Inciting a riot that whirled me around to face the pussy who'd attacked me from behind.

The second I did, a fist pummeled me in the gut. So hard the last of the air ripped out of me on a rasp. I roared, squinting as I tried to focus through the blur that clouded my eyes.

Dizziness spun through my brain and made it impossible to process sight.

Or maybe it was the hot streams of blood that I realized were pouring down my face from the wound at the side of my head that kept me from seeing straight.

Blinking through the disorder, I staggered forward, and I threw a fist at the vague figure that lurked in the encroaching darkness. The silhouette stepped back, out of my reach, and I was unprepared for the next blow that seemed to come from out of nowhere.

A fist that slammed me up high on my cheek.

Pain blistered out, all of it too much, and I fell to my knees.

My head dropped between my shoulders as I rasped, "Motherfucker…you're going to regret that."

A low, menacing laugh rolled through the air, and I could feel the presence cover me from above. I tried to lift my head to it, to confirm the attacker because the hatred that toiled inside promised I knew exactly who it was.

But the pain kept me on my knees.

The dizziness.

The onslaught too much.

"I'm afraid you're wrong." The scum leaned in closer, spewing venom near my ear. "It's you who's going to be filled with regret. You get one chance. If I were you? I'd run."