Chapter 30

Bailey

Everything was happening so fast, I didn’t have time to do much of anything but sit there, frozen. There were photographers surrounding me, asking me to smile, thanking me for coming, acting like I hadn’t dropped out of sight for three years. It was surreal, and despite my stomach churning and my heart slamming against my chest, I managed to smile, nod, and not heave all over the table.

My biggest concern about making public appearances had been that the press would spot my limp—or the scars on my right leg—and create unkind headlines about me being crippled, gimpy, and whatever other horrible terms they might use. I’d never imagined I’d be thrown together with Dirk. And now they were asking me to stand up and pose with him.

That wasn’t going to happen.

I’d been willing to risk some publicity, and even the cruel headlines, to do this for Jensen. But I wouldn’t pretend to care about Dirk for anyone.

That was a game I refused to play.

“Excuse me,” I said, standing and grabbing my purse. “Jensen.”

“I’m here, babe.” He muscled in front of Dirk and put his arm around my waist.

“Are you and Jensen Bang dating?” someone asked.

“Are you and Dirk getting back together?”

“Are the two of you working on a movie together?” someone else asked.

“Not a chance in hell,” I snapped, not giving a damn if they were recording me or planned to print that tomorrow. “We are never working together, and never, ever getting back together. And if I’d known he was going to be here tonight, I wouldn’t have come. Let’s go, Jensen.”

“Aw, come on, you don’t have to pretend to hate me in front of your boyfriend!” Dirk called after me, laughing. “We both know you never had it as good as you had it when we were together.”

Disgust shot through me with such ferocity, I picked up speed, so anxious to get away from him, I didn’t care that my limp was on full display or that I’d broken away from Jensen and nearly stumbled over my own two feet.

“Bailey, slow down.” He was right behind me, hand on my arm, holding me steady.

“Motherfucker.” I hissed out the word, moving as fast as I dared. I was wearing low heels, with an extra inch on the right one, but my hip was throbbing, and I needed to sit down sooner rather than later. “That stupid, arrogant, narcissistic little prick. I fucking hate him so much.”

“I know, baby. I’m sorry. I had no idea Tim and Eddie had something like this planned.” Jensen handed the valet his ticket before turning to me.

“This is what I was trying to tell you,” I said in a stony voice. “This is what always happens. This is the world I left behind, and why I left it. Do you understand now?”

“I do, but it’s not a big deal. I mean, you stood up for yourself, so who cares what?—”

“It’s never that simple!” I snapped, throwing up my hands. “They’re going to take what happened and twist it and skew the perspective, take what I said out of context, and do anything and everything to make the story as exciting and click-bait-y as possible, with zero regard for the truth. I’m sure by tomorrow morning the world will know that I’ve been fucking Dirk this whole time but then cheated on him with some random guy from the Phantoms.”

“Okay, it’s frustrating, but it’s not true,” he said quietly. “Do you really care what people you don’t know think?”

“I care what movie studio executives think. Because I want them to keep buying my scripts. I care what publishers think because maybe I’d like to write my memoir someday. What Valentina thinks when she goes to school and kids are talking about her daddy’s friend. I care what your mom thinks.”

“My mom is a smart cookie. She’ll know immediately that kind of stuff isn’t true.”

The valet pulled Jensen’s SUV in front of us, and I hobbled around to the passenger side without waiting for anyone to help me.

I was mad and sad and frustrated and hurt and so many other things that were racing around within my psyche.

I didn’t know who to take those emotions out on, so I turned to Jensen.

“I think you should take me home.”

He sighed. “Babe, I’m really sorry. What can I do to fix this?”

“There isn’t anything. I just need some time to think, decompress.”

“We’re a couple. We’re supposed to weather the hard times together.”

“We’ve been a couple, like, five minutes,” I muttered. “And obviously, we’re having growing pains.”

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing. I don’t know.” I leaned back in the seat. This wasn’t Jensen’s fault, but I wouldn’t have been here tonight at all if not for him.

“Are you mad at me?” he asked after a brief silence.

“No. I just… maybe we need to rethink what we’re doing. You live a life that puts you in the spotlight, even if it’s not on a grand scale. And frankly, I’m not sure I’m ready to go back to that. Even if I’m not the main focus.”

“You can’t just hide away at home forever. It’s not normal and it’s definitely not healthy.”

“It’s not healthy for you,” I countered. “It seems to be working just fine for me.”

“I don’t think it is. I think you hate being stuck at home, with nothing but your gaming friends to keep you company. You looked radiant tonight, no one noticed anything but a beautiful woman out with her boyfriend, and you were having a great time until Dirk showed up.”

“I was, but that’s the problem—there will always be a Dirk. A Tim Barrowman. Some ambitious member of the paparazzi who makes it his mission in life to catch photos of me doing whatever it is they think they can make money off of.”

“But you’re not doing anything wrong! What’s the big deal?” He sounded as frustrated as I felt, but I couldn’t seem to make him understand.

Maybe the problem was that I didn’t understand either.

All I knew was I suddenly felt trapped, like I wouldn’t be able to take a deep breath until I was alone.

Away from him.

Away from everyone.

Because no one knew what I’d been through.

No one could truly fathom the horror of that night.

The accident.

Losing so much of myself it had taken nearly three years for me to even acknowledge that I was still living.

And if he couldn’t understand that, then maybe we couldn’t be together.

“The big deal is going from the top to the bottom. From having it all to having nothing, and not wanting the whole world to watch your fall.”

“Are you saying that I’m nothing? And having me in your life means nothing?”

Shit.

I was doing a piss-poor job of trying to explain my brokenness.

He wasn’t the nothing in this scenario—I was.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then tell me what you meant. Because you just said you went from having it all to having nothing. And since you’ve had me in your life for the last year or so, that means you consider me nothing.”

Was he purposely being obtuse or was I the one being difficult?

“I don’t want to fight.”

“Fine with me.”

We were quiet the rest of the way to my house, and he still didn’t say anything when he pulled inside the gate.

“I’m sorry about…everything,” I said as I reached for the door handle.

“Just wait for me, dammit.” He got out and came around to my side of the SUV, opening the door and holding out a hand to help me down.

“Thank you,” I murmured, sliding unsteadily to my feet.

He walked me to the door, waiting as I unlocked it and punched in the code to turn off the alarm.

“I need a little time,” I whispered, unable to meet his eyes.

“For what?”

“To think.”

“About?”

“Us.”

“I don’t understand, Bailey. I’m sorry Tim and Eddie brought Dirk tonight. That was shitty and I plan to say something to them next time I see them, but they’re on the way out. This was probably their last hurrah. They don’t own the team anymore and we won’t be obligated to go to their events or anything else. The timing is shitty, but this was a one-off.”

“It’s not about them, specifically,” I said. “Because this is how it is, how it’s always going to be. It’s taken me so long to get to a place where I feel good again, where I don’t feel like rocking in the corner every time I open my eyes. I don’t want to go back to that. I was in such a dark place after the accident. I finally feel like I can breathe again. And seeing Dirk and those photographers took me right back to the aftermath of the accident.”

Once again, there was a long, uncomfortable silence as he just stood there, watching me with those gorgeous blue eyes I loved so much. Eyes that were now filled with regret.

Dammit.

I’d never wanted to hurt him.

I’d been so sure it would be him hurting me, I’d never considered the alternative outcome.

“I never want to be the reason you feel that way,” he said after the silence stretched out longer than it should have. He reached for one of my hands and slowly brought it to his lips, just like he had the first night we’d met in person. “If you feel better—calmer or safer or whatever it is—without me in your life, it’s okay. I told you the other day that I only care about your happiness, and that was the truth. If you’re better off without me, then I’ll go.”

Neither of us spoke for an eternity.

Maybe longer.

He kissed the back of my hand and then gently let it fall. “Take care of yourself, Bailey.”

He turned and walked out of my house and my life without looking back.

And instead of relief, all I felt was pain.