Chapter 28

Bailey

The last thing I wanted to do was put some charity event on my calendar. Especially one sponsored by the owners of the Phantoms—well, the ex-owners, if I understood what had happened in the lawsuit correctly. The late Edward Barrowman had let his sons run the team while he’d been ill, but he’d apparently had a change of heart and left the team to his wife in his will. They’d fought it, but the judge had ordered that the terms of the will be upheld and Harper Barrowman was taking over.

I didn’t understand the specifics of what that meant for Jensen, but apparently, neither did anyone else. Everyone had been talking about it when we’d gone to Pepe’s the other night, and despite being recognized by Tim and Eddie, I’d had a nice time. Everyone seemed to understand I wouldn’t want to talk about the accident or why I hadn’t been acting lately, so it had been a laid-back evening spending time with new friends. And my boyfriend .

Something I hadn’t done in a very long time.

Almost three years.

Actually, exactly three years.

Tonight was the three-year anniversary of the accident.

That was a big part of the reason I’d forced myself out of my comfort zone and gone to the game. It felt like it was time. I was still uncomfortable and frustrated by my physical limitations, but I was also in love with a professional hockey player. It would be incredibly selfish of me not to support him, especially when he was having such a rough season.

“Did you have fun?” Jensen asked me on the drive home.

“I did. Everyone was nice.”

“Do you want me to try to make an excuse why you can’t go to the charity thing?” he asked after a moment.

I hesitated.

I desperately wanted to say yes, but it felt unfair. He’d been working so hard to accommodate my limitations and anxiety, I couldn’t continue to keep our life on hold when it came to being seen in public.

“I do,” I said, “but I don’t know that we can come up with anything that makes sense. I could feign an illness the day of the event, but that screams spoiled-diva-who-doesn’t-support-her-boyfriend.”

“No, it doesn’t. It screams actress-is-allowed-to-be-sick-and-practice-self-care.”

“Well, it would scream that if it was true, but we go back to what I said if we’re lying about it.”

“So you want to go?”

“Want is a strong word. More like, I could probably tolerate an hour or two at an event like that if absolutely necessary.”

“Babe, you don’t have to do it for me.” He was holding my hand and he squeezed it tightly. “I wasn’t planning to go because Tim and Eddie Barrowman are assholes. I don’t want to support anything they do.”

“The kids who’ll benefit from that money going to the hospital aren’t to blame, though.”

“No, but you shouldn’t be manipulated into doing things you don’t want to do for me. I’ll be fine. We can say we have other plans, or you can wake up with the flu. Doesn’t matter to me either way. Hell, I’ll even go alone to play along with the Bailey-has-the-flu dialogue.”

“Have I told you what a good guy you are?” I asked softly.

“I think so, but you can tell me again.”

“You’re the best boyfriend ever, Jensen.”

“I don’t know about that, but thanks.”

“Do you really think the new owner is going to clean house?” I asked him, since that had been a topic of conversation at the restaurant.

“I have no way of knowing, but it would make sense. I’m almost positive she’ll hire a new coach and probably some of the executive staff like the General Manager and such, but we won’t know until she takes over.”

“What about players?” I asked quietly. “Will she trade all of you?”

“All of us? Probably not. That’s a huge undertaking. But I’m sure there will be guys who want to leave—there are a couple who’ve already admitted to reaching out to their agents to work on trades this summer. And then there are the guys who make a lot of money, and she could want to free up cap space.”

I hesitated.

We didn’t talk about money much, but maybe it was time.

“Are you one of them? Guys who make a lot of money?”

“Yes. About five million a year.”

That was more than I’d expected.

I honestly hadn’t had any idea how much money hockey players made. Those numbers weren’t as prevalent in the press as the salaries of football and baseball players.

“Is that a lot for hockey?” I asked after a moment.

“Yeah, it’s a good salary. It’s not superstar salary, but it’s up there. Most guys make low seven figures. The league minimum is around nine hundred k.”

“Do you have a contract?”

“Yes. Two more years.”

“Have you asked your agent to put out feelers?”

“No. I love my life here. My house, my small but solid group of friends, the weather, having access to the beach and a major airport, culture, food, shopping—Los Angeles is one of the greatest cities in the world. I love it here.”

Relief washed over me.

“So you don’t want to leave.”

“I don’t want to,” he said slowly, “but I may not have a choice. When I got here, I didn’t have enough clout for a no-trade clause, so I can’t stop Mrs. Barrowman if she wants to trade me.”

“Where would you go?”

“It could be anywhere. If it happens, it depends on who’ll pick up my contract. And there’s lots of teams who want an offensive defenseman.”

I didn’t know what I would do if that happened.

I didn’t even want to think about it.

But it looked like we had to.

“What are you thinking?” he asked when I didn’t say anything for a few minutes. “Does that freak you out?”

“A little. I grew up about an hour south of here, in a town called San Pedro. I was born and raised in Southern California. I can’t imagine living anywhere else.”

“Does that mean if I get traded in two years you wouldn’t go with me?”

I hesitated, because that was a loaded question, but I couldn’t let him think I didn’t care about him.

“No. It just means we have to talk about the logistics, because it’s never come up before. Would it just be for a few years, until the end of your career? Would we sell everything here and move or could we rent out my place until we come back? It’s hard to have a conversation because it would depend on where we are in the relationship. Are we married? Are there kids in the picture? Am I working in any capacity?”

He pulled up to a red light and stopped, and then looked at me. “Is that where we want to go with this? I mean, not right this minute, but assuming things continue to go well? Do we want rings and babies?”

“I want a ring, maybe a baby.” I chewed the inside of my cheek. “Do you?”

“I do.”

“So…?

“So, if I got traded, we could sell one of our houses and rent out the other? That way we have the option of coming back. Almost anywhere we move, except the Bay area and New York City, will have a much cheaper cost of living, which means we wouldn’t need the equity from both houses to buy something new.”

“I love my house,” I said. “I miss my old house, but this is the house I healed in. The house that provided warmth and comfort and safety after the worst time of my life. It’s perfect for my physical limitations and the kitchen is my dream for baking. I love the bay windows in the living room and the hot tub. I love the privacy from the circle of trees around the back. It’s older, but I put a new roof on it when I moved in, so it should hold up pretty well for a while.”

“I like my house too,” he said. “But I wouldn’t have a problem selling it if we had to move. Or so we could buy something together.”

Were we already talking about living together?

Buying a house together?

Mentally, I wasn’t there yet, but emotionally, it made sense. What else was there? What would be the point of continuing to have sleepovers? Of course, I hadn’t slept at his house yet.

“Maybe we should stay at your house tonight,” I said after a moment.

“How come?” He looked surprised.

“Because I never have.”

“You just want to see if we can break my bed too,” he teased.

“Dammit. You got me.”

“You need to pick up anything at your place?”

“If we stop at my place and go inside long enough for me to pack a bag, we’ll wind up naked and then we’re not going anywhere after that.”

“We can stay at my place next time. I’m all about the winding up naked thing.”

“Yes. Yes, you are.” I grinned at him.

“Hey, Bailey?”

“Yeah?”

“I really appreciate you coming tonight. And putting up with the Barrowman brothers.”

“It’s okay. I had fun. And we’ll figure out the charity event. We can go, make an appearance, and then duck out after thirty minutes. If it’s the big, busy event they made it out to be, maybe no one will even notice.”

“Babe, you know that’s not realistic, right? You’re Bailey Walker. People are going to notice your first public appearance in three years… it’s been three years, right?”

“Tonight,” I said quietly.

“Tonight what?”

“Tonight is the three-year anniversary of the accident.”

“Oh, shit, baby, why didn’t you say anything?”

“What would be the point? I don’t want pity or anything. Mostly, I think about Hans. He was my driver, but also my friend. I specifically asked for him whenever possible because he made me feel safe. And I knew he would watch out for me if things went south with Dirk. I think subconsciously I’d been planning to break up with him all along. I just hadn’t made the decision to pull the trigger until the moment I did it. And Hans paid the price.”

“It sounds like Hans cared about you, so he wouldn’t have wanted you to not call him just because something might happen. You know that.”

“I do. But I think about him a lot. And wish I could go back in time to change the outcome of that night. Both for him and for me.”

“I’m sorry, babe. I hate that this happened to you.”

“It’s okay. I’m getting better. And a lot of that is because of you. So thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me for anything. I’m falling in love with you, Bailey. You’re all I think about, and the most important thing in my life right now is making you happy.”

Sometimes Jensen didn’t even feel real, he was that incredible.

“I’m falling in love with you too,” I whispered.

Which was why I already knew I would go to that damn charity event.