Chapter 24

Bailey

With Jensen out of town, Stella back in Minnesota, and Sage traveling, I was suddenly a little lonely. Normally, I reveled in the peace and quiet, but now it was a stark reminder that I had a life. Or at least, I was beginning to have one.

I was also falling in love, which scared me.

I’d gotten used to not counting on anyone other than Manny and Lucia, so it was uncomfortable to me that I missed Jensen.

Then he’d gone and gifted me the Crusaders’ Sword and I was like a giddy teenager. In the grand scheme of life, it didn’t mean anything. It wasn’t a real sword and had no monetary value. But within the world of Realm Crusaders, which was important to me, it was everything. And the fact that he’d won something so rare and then immediately given it to me told me a lot about who he was.

This wasn’t something you could just buy.

There were only three a year and that was the end of it.

And now it was mine.

For a whole year, I could play non-stop without worrying about my character losing strength or health, which sometimes took eight to twelve hours to refill.

I had something very special planned for Jensen when he got home tomorrow night as a thank you.

Today, however, I had work to do.

Joan had sent the contract to my attorney and after some negotiating, it was ready to go. Well, mostly.

I still had to decide about appearances.

Zero was a deal-breaker.

One was the bare minimum and even that made me uncomfortable.

And they were still pushing for a cameo.

Not even a cameo, a small part.

Just a few lines, they’d promised.

Part of me was so excited I could cry.

The rest of me was mortified because there would be no way to hide my limp on a movie set. People would see it. Even if they put me on a couch or behind a bar or under the covers of a bed, the crew would see me limping to get there. There would be cameras and photographers and who knew what else. Photos and video would get out and the whole world would know.

That made me want to cry more than anything else.

Reluctantly, I called Joan, because she’d been waiting to hear from me.

“Did you sign?” she asked by way of greeting.

“Not yet.”

She sighed. “Bailey, what is the holdup?” She emphasized that word dramatically.

“You know what it is.”

“They said they’ll work with you on the limp. They’re fine with giving you a role that masks it.”

“It’s more than that. People on the set will talk and they’re not going to do a closed set or make people sign NDAs for someone with two lines.”

“They might. You want me to bring it up?

“Yes. No. I don’t know.”

“Bailey, talk to me. What’s the big deal? Michael J. Fox has Parkinson’s and he’s done lots of appearances. No one says anything. He can’t help having a disease any more than you can help having had an accident.”

“It’s different. He was never a sex symbol. He was an actor appreciated for his talents. Plus, you know, he’s a guy. They don’t care if he’s old or wrinkled or if his hands shake.”

“Well, maybe it’s time to change some of those ideals. Make it more acceptable for a woman to be twenty-nine and have a limp.”

“I’m still twenty-eight,” I muttered.

“Look, I can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do. But there’s a lot of money on the table, and this is a chance for you to get back out there. You can say no to most of it, and give up the chance to cash in on both your name and your brand, but?—”

“I don’t have a brand anymore!” I snapped.

“You do. It’s not as relevant as it once was, but it’s not like people have forgotten you. You can do this. You should do this.”

I nearly groaned because she was right.

But it was still scary.

“There has to be a clause that says I have final approval on any part I take. And I have to have a way out. I don’t care how it’s worded or what you have to do, but I need an out in case I just can’t.”

“All right, hon. I’m on it. I’ll call you back.”

I disconnected and sank onto the couch.

Why was everything so complicated?

Fucking Dirk.

He was the reason my life had become a shit show.

But it’s not.

The little voice in my head—probably my therapist’s voice—was becoming louder. Reminding me that I was still here, fighting to keep living. Dreaming. Loving.

It was jarring to hear it, this somewhat new piece of my subconscious, nagging me to stop being a big baby and get back out in the world. Sometimes it gave me hope. Other times, it was too terrifying to even consider.

But now I had Jensen.

He wasn’t the kind of guy who would live in the shadows.

I didn’t need him to tell me that for me to understand it instinctively.

If I wanted him, and I did, I was going to have to find some kind of balance.

Go to his games.

Meet his friends.

Immerse myself in his life the way he was trying to be in mine.

I needed to be the best version of myself.

Not just for him but in general.

I deserved better than the life I’d lived the last three years.

The only thing holding me back was… me .

I was the problem.

And I didn’t like that at all.

The first step in the new, improved me had been to spend a day out and about. It had been a long time since I’d bought new lingerie, but I’d called Lucia and we spent an afternoon shopping. I’d come home with two big bags of items I couldn’t wait to show Jensen. Well, there was a new pajama set for summer and some regular cotton panties in the mix, but most of it had been bought with him in mind. Hell, all of it had been bought with him in mind.

He was a romantic at heart, so for the lingerie, I’d gone with feminine and elegant, all pinks and purples in silk and satin and lace.

The outfit I’d chosen for tonight would hopefully drive him wild.

It was a long, sheer nightie, in a pink so pale it was almost white.

You could see almost everything beneath, from my nipples to the hair between my legs, with a slit up the front of my left leg and tiny spaghetti straps that barely held it in place. It was pure sex kitten, most likely meant for one use, because I had high hopes Jensen would simply rip it off of me the moment he saw it.

I’d always enjoyed being manhandled by a big guy, but there had only been a handful that I was comfortable enough with to do something like that.

I trusted Jensen completely.

Not only that he wouldn’t hurt me, but that he’d satisfy me and fulfill my sexual fantasies the way no one else had ever been able to. We’d only been together a couple of times, but he knew my body better than all the other men I’d been with put together. He could get me off with his mouth, his fingers, his tongue.

I didn’t know any other men who were as intuitive about a woman’s body as he was. Or maybe it was just my body. I didn’t know and I didn’t care. I just wanted to be with him and take everything he had to offer, both physically and emotionally. And hopefully, I’d offer the same in return.

If I was going to step back into the land of the living, I wanted him to get the benefit of it in whatever way worked for us. He’d never asked me for anything specific, but I’d open up that metaphorical dialogue by getting literal. I would tell him what I wanted, and we could go from there.

It was a huge step for me, but he was worth it.

He texted me when he got to his SUV after the flight.

JENSEN: You up? Still want me to come over.

I called instead of texting back.

“Hey, beautiful.”

“Hi.” I might have sounded a little breathless, both because I was nervous to vocalize what I wanted but also excited because I was almost positive he’d be into it.

“Did you want me to come over or is it too late?”

“It’s never too late. Besides, I told you I’d have a surprise for you.”

“And I’m very much looking forward to it.”

“Jensen?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“I have a fantasy.”

“Oooooh. Tell me more.”

“I want you to…ravish me.” Was that word too old-fashioned?

“Okayyyy…” He seemed a bit hesitant. “You’re going to have to be a little more specific, though. That could mean a few different things and I want to be sure.”

“I want you to come in and just… take what you want.” I paused, then hurried to clarify. “I don’t mean like a rape fantasy! I mean more like in a ‘me Tarzan, you Jane’ way.”

“You want me to take control.”

“And be rough. Ish. I don’t want to be hit or anything like that. Just…”

“You want to fuck.” There was amusement in his voice.

“Yes. Hard. Gritty. Where you basically do anything you want to me. I want to be physically dominated, but not hurt. I want you to go all caveman, knowing that I’m yours. Within reason—am I making sense?”

“You are,” he said, his voice a little deeper than usual. “I have a pretty good idea what you want. And I’ll be there in thirty minutes. You should be naked when I get there.”

“Naked or… almost naked? Because I bought something special for this evening’s activities.”

“Then I guess almost naked works.” He paused for a beat. “You own any toys, babe?”

“Like vibrators and stuff?”

“Vibrator. Butt plug. A big bottle of lube.”

I chuckled. “Yes to all of that. Though they might be covered in cobwebs. It’s been a while since I broke out any of it.”

“Well, take a look and then make sure they’re somewhere I can find them easily once we get started.”

Well, that turned me on, and he hadn’t even touched me yet.

“Champagne or no?” I asked.

“I don’t need alcohol for what we’re going to do, but if it relaxes you, sure.”

“I don’t need to relax. I trust you.”