Chapter 21

Lily

Fourteen agonizing days passed in a blur of machines and humans. I hated every second it. Combine that with the worries and fears of watching my baby struggle all while juggling the demands of his twin sister and life with a newborn, and I was a complete and total mess.

I'd been cleared to return home within twenty-four hours of delivering, but that meant leaving one of my babies behind. Terra was perfect. She was born without any issues at all. The humans couldn't believe it, but she was okay to go home with me.

I refused.

There was no way I was going to leave one of my babies there. I just couldn't. So despite the complaints and the enormous cost, I simply refused to leave as long as he needed to be there.

"When you do think he'll be stable enough to go home?" Thomas asked Sam.

"With the proper equipment we could probably get away with moving him home. Lily's already capable of handling his needs on her own. She's practically doing it all at this point anyway because she there's only two nurses here she trusts to even get near the boy."

"Then do it. I don't care what it costs."

Twenty-four hours later Sam had everything in place and James made arrangements for a special human transport by ambulance that was equipped to handle Tommy's special needs.

He was so tiny, especially next to Terra who was already easily twice his size.

I'd discovered early on that his heartrate and oxygen both sustained better with his sister by his side. There were mixed feelings about co-sleeping them in the hospital, but as far as I was concerned, I was their mother and that decision was mine alone to make, and I made sure everyone in that hospital knew it.

Yes, I was grateful for their help and their equipment, but besides that, I needed to handle things myself. It wasn't just a control issue. But Sam had sat Thomas and I down and let us know that Tommy was still in critical condition. He had a long way to go and a tough battle ahead of him. His lungs hadn't developed fully. He was severely underweight and we'd had to put a tube into his stomach to pump milk into, so I was having to nurse Terra and then pump above that to feed Tommy. It was a round the clock job and I was exhausted. Yet, I knew this was the best possible start I could give both of my kids.

There had been talk that because of his prematurity, he may never walk. Maybe he wouldn't talk. And possibly he would be blind or partially blind.

I didn't believe a word of any of it. In truth, I hadn't allowed them to run any of the tests necessary to confirm those things. They were just spouting off worst-case scenarios trying to scare me into letting them run more tests.

My poor baby already looked like a pin cushion. I'd agreed to let them intubate him. He needed that oxygen to help his lungs mature. And I agreed to the feeding tube. But beyond that we were going to just wait and see.

Thomas and I would love him unconditionally regardless of what the future would hold, but it wasn't easy.

I'd prayed for a son for so long, wanting to give the Pack a proper heir. And then we had girl after girl, and I love them each so much that I couldn't imagine myself ever being anything but a girl mom. Now here we were. I couldn't help but feel a little guilty like somehow this was all my fault.

By the time they picked us up to go home, I was emotionally numb. I'd been walking through the motions for so long now that I felt like a robot. I just wanted to snuggle my son and hold him without all the tubes. I wanted to nurse him. The bond between mother and child was so important in these first few weeks that it felt like we were missing out on valuable time. But despite my complaints, the humans refused to let me really hold him for more than a few minutes twice a day. It wasn't enough.

I needed more and I knew he did too.

Worrying about Tommy made me feel bad, like I was somehow ignoring Terra. I didn't know how to juggle two babies at once.

So how the hell had Kate managed four?

When the ambulance arrived that took him in his little plastic box and put him on a battery backup to get him home, I followed and climbed into the back with him while carrying Terra in my arms. Not one person bothered to argue with me.

I was pretty sure that there wasn't a person in that hospital sorry to see me leave. I also suspected there were more than a few that felt like I was taking my son home to die but they didn't know me or my family line.

Tommy was a wolf shifter and even though he was little at the moment, he would grow into a strong young man and live a very long life. To even consider anything else would have destroyed me. So, I held onto that one future for him, one where he would be healthy and strong. He'd run with his friends and talk so much that I'd sometimes wish he couldn't.

As we pulled up to the house, our Pack was waiting.

"Wow! It looks like the whole town came out to welcome you home," the very human driver said.

I looked out and sure enough everyone was lined up and waiting to welcome the new Alpha heir.

James was already there and had his deputies plus the Six Pack keeping control of the situation. And Luke was waiting to move Tommy.

The girls were lined up on our front porch, ready to meet their new siblings for the first time. I started crying at the sight of them. I'd missed them so much.

"Welcome home Terra and Tommy," I whispered.

"Welcome home, Lily," Thomas said.

As soon as the vehicle stopped, Luke opened the backdoors and had us out and on the move before the driver could even get out of the ambulance. Thomas thanked him but assured him we had it from here. Without even realizing what was happening to him, my mate had commanded him to leave and that's just what he did. As he pulled away, cheers went up all around us, but a silence fell over the crowd at the sight of the little enclosed bassinet covered in tubes and cords that housed their future Alpha.

I held Terra in my arms and followed Luke and the team he'd put together into the house, stopping only to give a slight wave at the last second. My sole focus was on my babies. The girls followed us inside and I took a minute to hug each of them and fuss over them while Luke secured my son.

"Girls, this is your new little sister, Terra."

"Can I hold her?" Cammie asked.

"Of course."

I had them all sit down on the couch before passing her to Cammie's waiting arms.

"I'm so sorry you couldn't come to the hospital to meet them. Tommy is still very sick and has a long way to go until he's strong enough for much company or to really be held."

"A girl and a boy," Lilah said.

"That's right sweet girl. You have another sister and now a brother."

They all cooed over Terra and the weight in my chest lifted just a bit as I saw all five of my girls together for the first time.

"She's so pretty," Audrey said.

"Hi, I'm your big sister Willow."

Lilah held out her hand and Terra grabbed her finger.

"Aw, she's so cute. I think she likes you, Lilah. I bet you two are going to be best friends," Cammie told her.

"And Terra has a twin brother just like you, Mama," Audrey said.

"That's right, sweetie. Just like me and Uncle Liam."

There was still an ache in my chest from the way we'd left things.

Thomas came back out and I asked him to keep an eye on the baby with the girls. Of course, he readily agreed.

Is everything okay? he asked.

No. Nothing's okay.

I wanted to hide in my room and cry. I was exhausted and still overly emotional.

Cora and Zach came in to coo over their newest granddaughter, freeing Thomas up for a moment to check on me.

He walked into our bedroom and pulled me into his arms.

I had been so strong and determined to keep it together since delivering the twins, but alone in our bedroom just me and mate, I knew it was okay to be weak, because he would rise up and be strong. So, I cried in the safety of his arms.

I was upset, exhausted, angry, and afraid.

We didn't have to say the words aloud because we were fully in synch. Thomas knew exactly what I was feeling and why, and I knew he felt the same way.

We'd waited so long for an Alpha heir, and I'd finally given him a son. But Tommy's future was uncertain and that was terrifying. We were going to have to be strong for our son, our family, and our Pack.

After a few minutes of giving into the grief, I pulled myself together.

"I really want to call Liam before checking on Tommy."

He smiled and nodded. "I think that's a great idea. And take a few minutes to clean up, maybe a shower? I'll hold down the fort and let you know if there's anything to be concerned with."

I nodded, and then kissed him.

He went to check on Tommy while I climbed into bed and dialed my own twin's number.

"Lily?" he asked, sounding surprised to hear from me.

"Hi."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes. You have a new niece and nephew. Twins, Liam."

"I heard. Congratulations. How are they? And how are you?"

I broke at his words and sobbed, the kind of sobs that wracked my whole body, but I knew would also cleanse my soul.

He patiently waited for me to be able to talk again.

"Aw, Lil. It's going to be okay."

"I don't know if it's going to okay or not. He's so tiny and weak, Liam. Meanwhile Terra is growing and thriving. She's more than double his size now. The humans spouted off all these nightmarish scenarios and I'm so scared. I can't lose my baby."

"That kid is half you, which means he's probably the most stubborn baby on the planet with high levels of determination. He's a fighter, Lil, because I don't think you and Thomas could produce anything less."

"I wish you could see him. Just in case, you know."

"I will see him, because he's going to be fine. He just needs a little extra time is all."

"God, I hope you're right."

"I'm always right."

"Are things okay there?" I asked him. I didn't have to go into details, he knew I was talking about Oscar.

"No, but better. Oscar's heading to the ARC next week with a friend for orientation."

"You're not going with him?"

"No. Things are still a bit strained here and he asked us not to bring that with us. So he's riding up with his friend and then we're driving up at the end of the week with all his stuff to move him in."

"Liam, you have to fix things with him. Promise me you will fix this. Life is too precious and family is too important to let this drag on. Please promise me you'll at least try."

"I promise."

"And when you get some free time, you and the family will visit. I can't stand being angry at you. I see Terra and Tommy together and it just hurts knowing we left things the way we did."

"Aw, Lily, I'm so sorry. I hate things being off between us too. You're my twin, my best friend. I love you, and I'm so proud of you. You may not think you're strong enough to get through all of this, but I know you can and that you'll do it with grace as a shining example to everyone, because that's who you are."

"Thanks. I wish I had that much confidence in myself right now."

"You don't need it because I promise Thomas and I have enough confidence in you to see you through this. I'll talk to Maddie and check my schedule to see if we can squeeze a visit in soon."

"Thanks. I love you, Liam."

"Love you too. You sound tired. Why don't you try to get some sleep."

I snorted. "You forget what it's like having a newborn. Terra won't hold out much longer before she's ready to nurse again, and then after that I have to pump for Tommy. It's pretty non-stop fun around here."

I felt better than I had in days just talking to him. We hadn't exactly fixed anything. I still wasn't happy with him over Oscar, but he was there when I needed him most, just as he'd been every second of my life since the moment we were born.

Better? Thomas asked.

Yeah. I guess you heard all that.

I wasn't trying to, but you were projecting pretty hard.

Well, thanks for letting me have my pity party. Now, it's back to work.

I forced myself to get out of that bed, and I walked down the hall to the nursery to check on things.

"How's it going in here?"

"All good. Tommy's vitals look great and we have him all settled in. Before I go, we'll go over all of his care and the new machines, though I suspect you probably know all of this better than I do."

I walked over to his bed and stuck my hand in through one of the holes to touch him. His hair was starting to come in like thick peach fuzz. And when he grabbed my finger his grip around me was stronger than usual.

"He's going to be okay, right Sam?"

"Don't listen to those humans or let them inside your head. They don't understand the healing power and protection of a wolf shifter. If Tommy was full grown, he could shift and heal all of this in a matter of minutes."

"But he's not."

"No, he's not, and I can't guarantee he won't have some lasting concerns or issues to deal with, but he is growing, maybe a little slowly, but still. He's also a fighter, Lily. His lungs were so underdeveloped that he shouldn't have survived the first twenty-four hours. Now I don't know what the future is going to hold for him, but I'm telling you this kid has a chance."

I hugged Sam. "Thank you."

"Now that he's home and not under human scrutiny. We can start taking him out more often and do some skin to skin therapy. I think it will do you both some good. His temperature is holding well enough for it, I think. They kept thinking he was running a fever and therefore battling an infection somewhere, but we know that's normal for wolf shifters, even little pups."

"Thank you. I think I need that more than anything."

"I'm really sorry I let you down, Lily. I know there have been those who suspected twins, but I swear to you I looked with every ultrasound we ran and there were plenty of them."

"I know. This wasn't your fault. His twin seems very protective of him and was just hiding him. It happens."

"Someone in the room snapped this picture during delivery and I thought you'd want to see it."

I looked at his phone and my heart was so full seeing it.

"They held hands?"

"Yeah. I may not even have noticed Tommy right away had Terra not pulled him out with her."

I knew what he wasn't saying. If not for this moment I was staring at, he may not have realized there was a second in there until it was too late. Those minutes had been crucial to his successful delivery.

"She saved him. If my hoo-hah wasn't on full display, I'd blow this picture up and frame it."