11. Sutton

ELEVEN

SUTTON

“Don’t look. It’ll do nothing but make you more upset, then you’ll cry, and I’ll cry. We’ll be a weeping mess together,” Ms. Catherine tells me just outside the door. She’s holding the back of my elbow. My strength is absolute crap, but I’d rather deal with this than be catheterized. There was a reason while I was lying in bed that I wiggled my toes; it was also to feel if the tubing was where I was more than positive it would be. When Mom was at the end, she couldn’t walk, could barely talk, and it was up to me to take care of her when Ms. Catherine couldn’t. We had around-the-clock care with nurses in and out of the house. Still, there were times they took a break and Mom needed me. There was no other place I’d rather be regardless of the circumstances.

“It’s that bad?” There’s going to be no avoiding the mirror. I’ll eventually have to suck it up.

“It’s not pretty.” A shiver rolls over my body.

“Why do hospitals have to be so damn cold?” I change the subject. The hospital gown I’m wearing is paper thin, and the gaping hole is doing nothing to keep me warm, either. Thank goodness I at least have grippy socks on.

“No idea. Maybe to keep everyone uncomfortable in order to get them to leave as soon as possible,” she replies.

“Well, it’s working. I’m ready to get out of here myself. Too many bad memories,” I mutter, and now look at me, adding another one to the memory bank. When she hits the lights, I take a quick glance at myself, and try as I might, staring at the person in the reflection happens.

“Oh, honey, all of this will heal. It’s the inside I’m worried about most. I hate like hell you didn’t tell me how bad life really was. I’d have gotten my boys to take care of everything.” Ms. Catherine looks at me looking at myself. There’re tears in her eyes, and my own waterworks start.

“Well, crap, look what I started.” I can’t even wipe my cheeks with one hand in a splint and the other holding the pole.

“You’re allowed to cry, honey. You’ll have good days and bad days. We’ll get you through this and on the other side.” She doesn’t finish the statement she and Mom repeated religiously throughout the years before cancer took my best friend away. You’re allowed to be down at times. What matters is that you don’t stay down.

“Yeah, I guess I better get this show on the road. I’d like to be back in bed before Ryland and Sheriff Dane walk in.” She nods and helps me walk to the toilet, then gives me enough privacy while still remaining helpful. Once I finish, she’s there to help guide me back to the hospital bed. The wind in my sails has officially left me.

“Maybe we should have the sheriff come out to the ranch once you’ve rested,” Ms. Catherine offers.

“No, I don’t want that. Not for me and not for Case. I’d rather get this over and done with. There are so many lose ends as it is, which I can’t even handle right away. Gosh, this sucks.” I sit down gingerly on the side of the bed, trying not to jar my ribs too much. This is going to be a long road to recovery. It may even push back my graduation date.

“Honey, I know you’re not selfish by nature, but in this instance, you’re allowed to be.” She helps me slide my legs beneath the warm blankets. My head meets the pillow, and I close my eyes and attempt to take a deep breath. My body fights me, and pain hits my nervous system like a freight train. Whatever medicine they gave me is wearing off.

“I’d rather push through to put this behind me. I’d rather not have it hanging over my head for the foreseeable future.” I wonder if the sheriff can tell me how to go about getting Shane and his things out of my house.

“Alright, I’ll go get them. Please don’t overdo it, okay? The sheriff can wait a few hours. It won’t kill him, and if he pushes, you let my boy know. He’ll handle him.” She winks then skirts around the room, picking up her cardigan and placing it over her shoulders, then takes a deep breath and walks through the door. There’s a reason why she and my mom were so close to one another—both ballsy as hell, won’t take anyone’s shit, beautiful on the inside and out, and then there’s their courage. No problem, big or small, can stand in their way.

“You good, Sutton?” Ryland comes tearing in the second his mom stepped over the threshold, phone still in his hand and a look of concern written on his face.

“I am. A little tired, but I’d rather do this here than around Case and his little ears. Are you sure it’s a good idea for me to go back to the ranch with you?” I’m not sure where else I would go besides home, and even I know that would be dumb with everything I have going wrong with me.

“Babe, I’ll reassure you till you know it down to the marrow of your bones. I want you with me, Case will want you with us, and I get that while you were with that piece of shit, I gave you hell and stayed away. The temptation to wrap my hands in your hair and kiss you until we were breathless was too strong. Found out the truth of everything today with that little bombshell you dropped on me last night. That’s on me. I could have asked, should have asked, and I damn sure shouldn’t have been an asshole.” His hand slides beneath my neck to lightly massage the muscles, and the tenseness starts to dissipate with each touch of his fingers.

“Ry, you can’t take all the blame. I kept a lot to myself, putting my wellbeing in this situation when I should have kicked his ass to the curb a long time ago. My stupid bleeding heart and being nice is what landed me where I am.”

“Abso-fucking-lutely not. Shane is the reason you’re in a hospital bed. You’re a damn good person with a heart as big as the fucking sky. He took advantage of you. Everyone knew it, but no one knew how to approach the subject, not me, not Mom, not my brothers, not the sisters, and not Dad. Now we know, let us help you the way we’ve wanted and didn’t know how to.” I nod, already allowing them so deep into my heart and soul. I’ll never recover if something were to happen between us. Then Ryland goes and puts the icing on the cake and whispers in my ear, “Let me love you, Sutton.”

“Ryland. I’ll let you love me as long as you let me love you and Case.” Is it terrible that only a few months ago, I was married to Shane, yet I had feelings for this man? Arguably yes, but I never, not once, acted on them. I gave Case my undivided attention for selfish reasons; it wasn’t to gain his father’s attention. It’s because Case healed a hole in my heart. When the divorce papers were signed, I allowed my guard down, thought about the could-haves, should-haves, and would-haves. Only yesterday did it finally resonate that the only way I’d ever have this man in front of me was by putting my past to rest.

“Fuck, yeah.” Ryland licks his lips.

“Knock, knock. Special delivery. I have water, lemon-lime soda, soup, crackers, and a sandwich for our girl,” Ms. Catherine announces, carrying in a tray. I shake my head while Ryland laughs and mouths ballbuster of a woman. I’d laugh, but that would hurt, and right now, the last thing I want is to add more pain. Plus, I am starving. I haven’t eaten since the dessert I shared with Case and Ryland.

“Finally,” Ryland states, moving out of the way as his mother uses the rolling table to set my tray on. She opens everything, pours both drinks into the cups, and even unwraps my silverware.

“Also, the sheriff is going to have to wait a few more minutes. Our girl is going to eat, then we can wrap this up, and hopefully by then, her discharge papers will be ready.” When she goes to stir my soup for me, Ryland cuts in.

“Mom, you gonna spoon feed Sutton or let her eat on her own?” She lets out a sigh of breath.

“Sorry about that. I was in my own head.” I can tell she’s a bit frazzled. She promised my mom that she’d watch over me, and I know Ms. Catherine is feeling like she let her down in some way.

“Ms. Catherine, this wasn’t your fault. Much like Ryland told me it wasn’t mine, you couldn’t have realized. Thank you for taking care of me. You’ve done more than you’ll ever know.” I squeeze her hand, wishing I could do or say more, but this will have to do, for now.

“Alright.” She sits down, finds the remote, and flips the television on. Ryland’s watching me eat one small bite at a time. I’m sucking back water in between, then soda, both tasting and feeling good.

“Wow, I haven’t seen this in forever,” I say when she lands on the old television show Designing Women. I’d come home from school, and on the rare days Mom wasn’t working, this would be on, and Ms. Catherine would be sitting on the couch with her.

“Me either.” I finish working my way through my food, not stopping until I’m stuffed. Ryland sits next to me, watchful eyes glancing between me and his phone.

“Babe,” he gets my attention.

“Everything okay?” I take one last bite of my sandwich, eating faster than I thought I would.

“Yeah, that was Liam texting me. He needs your statement in the next few minutes. Shane is requesting a lawyer and has first appearance later this evening.” My food sits like a lead weight. Maybe eating before giving my statement wasn’t such a good idea after all.

“Alright, let’s get this over and done with.” I’m fooling myself thinking my story will have to be told only once. For now, I’ll just bury my head in the sand and deal with the rest when it happens.

“Remember what I said, it gets to be too much, you squeeze my hand, and I’ll take care of the rest.” I respond with a nod. Ryland is up and out of his chair, probably needing a breather of his own before I have to retell my version of hell on earth.

“Sutton, honey, look at me,” Ms. Catherine speaks. My head turns to her, the pillow making more noise than necessary. “Let Ryland take care of you. It won’t be easy; we all know that. Growing pains and all that, plus you’ve done so much on your own. Having a partner, though, to help shoulder the burden, that’s something you both can lean into.” I don’t respond, not that I don’t want to, more likely I can’t. The sheriff is walking in, and the look on his face isn’t boding well for good news.