17. Juniper

SEVENTEEN

"I think we should go to your parents before we head to either of our places." In a perfect world, I'd come up with a cute idea to tell Catherine and Russell. As it is now, Lawson would never be able to keep it quiet. He's constantly touching my lower stomach, and Catherine can sniff out a pregnancy very easily.

"Are you sure you're up for that?" Lawson has his wrist hanging over the wheel, navigating the dirt roads with ease while his other hand is wedged between my legs. A few times I've felt the tips of his fingers slide closer and closer to the apex of my thighs. It's been all too easy to sit back and relax, allowing him to take the wheel. My whole life, I've been go, go, go, staying in control, never letting my hair down. The one time I did, well, I can't say there's any regret now. The past month and half might have been rough, mainly because I wouldn't pull my big girl panties up and talk to Lawson. Had I, things would have been a whole lot different, though the world works in mysterious ways. I may have hated being sick, worried to death our baby would keep me from eating the whole pregnancy, and I'd be on bed rest the entire time.

"I am. No more secrets. Remember?" He takes his eyes off the road to look at me. His eyes tell a story, one that's full of happiness. He deserves this, I deserve this, we deserve this.

"It's early. There's a damn good chance everyone is still at the house." I shrug my shoulders. Better to rip the Band-Aid off with one swift pull than to have to repeat the story over and over again.

"I'm not worried about your family knowing. My own isn't around, and I'd never have them around either. They don't deserve the goodness of our child." I guess it's time to tell Lawson the reason behind me being on my own and never really leaving the ranch on any major holidays.

"Juni, babe. My family is your family. I hope you know that. Let it settle deep in your soul, and never let it go. I think you realize I'm not going anywhere, and I won't let you leave either. I'm not above tying you to me, driving back to the cabin, and locking us inside." He glances back and forth periodically between the road and me. I'd complain, except he's a damn good driver.

"Lawson, how can you be sure of everything?" Doubt is creeping in. It shouldn't, and I know it shouldn't, yet it still lingers. My past likes to dabble in my present. I want to be so secure in the relationship we"re building, but except for his parents and the short time with my grandparents, I didn't witness a very loving family. Having two selfish parents who love themselves and their penchant for material things makes it kind of hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

"Juniper Cartwright, you own me as much as I own you. And as God as my witness, I'll prove it to you until my dying breath."

These damn hormones of mine, they either have me sick, crying, or ready to climb Lawson and have my way with him. Right now, it's the last two, except all at the same time. It's then I notice he's pulled over on the side of the road. The sun is shining through the tree line, the leaves slightly swaying with a breeze, and you can smell the warmth in the air. Lawson never did turn on the air conditioner, instead choosing to roll the windows down, a request I didn't make, yet he seemed to know it was exactly what I needed.

"Lawson." My hand covers my mouth, lashes blinking what feels like a million times a second while I try to hold it together. Lawson being Lawson knows what I need. The truck is in Park, he's reaching for my seatbelt as he unbuckles himself, and then he's lifting me until I'm straddling his lap.

"I can't tell if these tears are good tears or bad tears. All I know is I'm going to wipe them away and hold you close until you've settled, alright?" He is cupping my cheeks. I nod in response, trying to suck back the tears. A pretty crier I am not, and honestly, I'm so tired of crying as it is. I don't want to anymore, or I'd like to at least hide my feelings.

"They're good," I blubber and bury myself in the crook of his neck, hiding from all the emotions I'm feeling.

"Then I'll hold you for a bit, let you have your time. If you wanna talk, I'm all ears." Things have changed so much between us. I'm no longer filled with anger toward him, and he's no longer being an overbearing asshole. Lawson cares. He might get a little protective at times, but now I can see he's coming from a good place.

"I've never had the loving family. My parents never cared if I was loved, fed, going to school, had good grades. My grandparents tried —god, did they try— but once one went, the other went shortly after. They were the only good in my life, and I knew I'd always strive for better when I was older. Except instead of keeping an open heart, I closed myself off. I built a wall so high it's a wonder you were able to break it down. And if I'm being completely honest with you, I'd have kept the brick wall around my heart for as long as possible. It's a lot. I'm not used to feeling all these feelings. Now, I'm pregnant, we're together, and you've given me the world on a silver platter, and I don't know what to do with it," I cry this into his neck, tears soaking his shirt. I"m not sure if he can even understand my garbled mess. He doesn't speak for a minute while his hands are rubbing up and down my back, soothing me like I've never been soothed before.

"You hold on to it, you talk to me when you need to, you let our family rally around you. What you don't do is hold it in. I'll do whatever I can in my power to make sure you know how much love I've got for you, Juniper. One day, that's going to mean my ring on your finger, and you've already got a piece of me growing inside of you. As for the rest, we take it day by day, hour by hour, and minute by minute." I take what feels like my first deep breath, letting out the heaviness and soaking up Lawson's words. It seems my love isn't one-sided. A part of me knew that. He wouldn't have gone to these extremes had he not.

"Thank you, God, thank you for bringing me Lawson." I lift away from his body while saying the words he needed to hear in order for him to know I want this, more than anything.

"I want to kiss you, Juni. That happens, we won't be getting to my parents, and I've got not one damn problem keeping you to myself. Except I think we both need to have this out in the open." Our eyes connect. Nothing else needs to be said. Lawson gets me, and when he lightly grazes my lips with his, I'm the one begging for more.