Chapter 14

“I don’t think that’s how it works.” Maybe it should’ve…but it didn’t.

Jerker cocked his head and shifted the bag on its side like that would clear up the problem. “Should not food provided to young humans have higher nutritional values?”

“Um, I don’t know?” Taking him to the grocery store was so hard. “I think that would be reasonable but most stuff marketed towards kids is really unhealthy.”

Or at least it seemed that way.

Studying the bag of dino nuggets like it was going to give him the answers to the universe, it was clear he wasn’t going anywhere until we made some headway on the problem. “That is not reasonable.”

I had to agree.

Humans weren’t logical.

“Maybe it’s psychological?” Were kids wired to like fun stuff? “Maybe kids are just designed to like certain things?”

Jerker’s head cocked to the other side. “I do not think a species would be designed that way. Even humans.”

That would’ve been offensive if it wasn’t so correct.

“You’re probably right.” He’d been right about a lot of things about the grocery store. It seemed like he’d recently switched from reading about humans and sex to humans and shopping.

Why were kids’ foods so unhealthy?

Why was toilet paper math so weird?

Why did they try to sell vegetables that were clearly going bad at the same price as healthy ones?

Somehow, sex was an easier topic, but I still wasn’t sure how that was possible.

“I am right.” Reading over the ingredient list on the back of the bag one more time, he seemed distracted enough that I let myself smile.

He caught me.

One limb came up and caressed my head. “I am not adorable, my Theo.”

Oh, we were going to agree to disagree on that topic, and the quiet chuckle coming from behind us said someone else agreed with me too.

“I think it’s more about fun than nutrition.” A woman who seemed to be nearing forty pushed her cart closer to the man who’d laughed behind us and nodded toward the dino nuggets. “We seem to think kids need food to be fun for them to eat it. Other cultures don’t do that so it’s probably an American thing.”

Probably, but I wasn’t going to point out that it was my smart-ass comment about dino nuggets being better than regular ones that’d gotten me into the ridiculous conversation. So I simply nodded and just tried to get past the situation that seemed like it was going to get awkward.

Jerker didn’t see the situation the same way.

“Adding enjoyment to activities is not a negative characteristic in itself.” Turning the package around to look at the front again, he finally shrugged and added it to our cart. “I am more inclined to think that adult humans have designed the food for themselves and not for children.”

I had no idea what to say to his comment or her confusion, but I knew my desire to laugh was completely inappropriate.

“I have observed statistically more human adults desiring foods in nontraditional shapes than human children.” Jerker said that so confidently, it made me wonder how often he’d been going to the grocery store lately.

Over the past week, he’d mentioned running errands to make sure he had everything he needed to take care of me, but I was starting to think I should’ve asked more questions instead of letting him distract me.

Fuck.

He’d been deliberately distracting me.

“In this situation, your male human partner would prefer these over the package you have chosen. Does he need to have fun-shaped food to encourage eating?” Jerker waited, clearly expecting an answer to his question but they were both just gaping at him.

So he turned to me.

“Is questioning human nutritional preferences taboo?” Looking confused and back to being adorable, he sighed. “It is not related to sexuality, finances, or domination-based relationships.”

He was so cute it was impossible to be embarrassed.

“You’re right. It’s not on the taboo list of human discussion topics, but I think they were just surprised.” I shrugged. “Our brains kind of stop when we encounter something unexpected.”

“Ah.” Jerker’s studious expression turned to examine the humans in front of us who’d suddenly gotten even more interesting. “Is it a before…no, an evolutionary adaptation? From before fight or flight? Like the large animals who stand in front of vehicles when they are startled?”

Good question.

“Probably.” Yep, we were deer in the headlights in a lot of situations. “You weren’t rude, though.”

He was just unexpected in a lot of ways.

“Mike wants dino nuggets?” The woman whose brain had started to come back online turned and frowned at her wide-eyed husband or boyfriend, maybe. I couldn’t see a ring but that didn’t mean anything lately. “I thought we bought these for your sister’s kids.”

Oh.

Blink.

Blink.

“We do?”

Oh, classic mistake.

It’d come out as a question and he hadn’t caught it in time.

He tried to stand straighter and look bored, but it didn’t work. “I mean, we do.”

She didn’t believe it for a second, but instead of arguing with him, which was what I thought she’d do, she turned back to Jerker. “He wants the dino ones?”

Somehow, the situation just kept getting more and more interesting.

“Yes.” There was no doubt in his voice and the fact that he opened the freezer case to give her a package of the fun ones showed how confident he was. “He desires these. His physical reactions were unmistakable.”

Trading her for the organic ones she’d grabbed, Jerker put the healthy ones back.

“From what I have learned of human eating habits, if a human desires special-shaped nuggets, they must come with sauces for dipping.” Jerker’s gaze bounced between the two humans. “Do you have sauce?”

She blinked.

He shook his head.

“Human preferences vary between the one titled ranch and sweet-based sauces such as barbecue. What is your desire?” Jerker didn’t get stressed when they both started blinking at him. “Your physical reactions suggest a preference for barbecue. That is not unexpected, given the statistics.”

I wasn’t even going to look at the bottle of barbecue sauce that was in our cart, but I did start mentally planning what vegetables we should get. Clearly I had the eating habits of a little and we were going to fix that.

“Do you need help picking out a variation? Decisions can be hard for humans.” Jerker did great and didn’t mention anything about submission. “I do not find decision-making to be difficult.”

Understatement of the year right there.

“No.” She blinked, something about his tone or comments finally snapping her back to reality. “We can handle that. I know what brand he likes. I just…I don’t think about buying it.”

Hmm.

She glanced over at her still wide-eyed partner and stood straighter. “I’ll make sure we have it on hand in the future.”

Asking what she was thinking would’ve definitely crossed us into rude territory—sailed into it probably—but I was so curious it was hard to hold the question back.

“That pleases your human male.” Jerker either wasn’t as nosy as I was or he’d already figured out what their issues were. “Communication is very important.”

She nodded, but it seemed automatic because her brain was obviously focused on something else entirely. “Thank you. Yes.”

“You are welcome.” Jerker seemed content with her vague head bob as they walked away.

He just looked pleased as punch and turned back to me. “Being helpful is polite. Is it not?”

Adorable.

“Yes.” Technically, he was right. “I think you just gave them a lot to think about.”

Nodding, he ran a tentacle over my head. “Communication. Humans struggle with it for a variety of reasons.”

Oh yeah.

“We’re doing pretty good, though.” Letting him start pushing the cart further down the frozen food aisle, I raised one eyebrow and gave him a side glance I knew he couldn’t miss. “But I think you might’ve forgotten to mention how often you’ve been at the grocery store lately.”

Yeah, communication worked both ways.

Ugh, that was probably the reason all the employees kept nodding at him like they were buds. They were.

Jerker made a thinking sound but couldn’t distract me with cuddles or an orgasm, so he actually answered. “There are many things about human food I do not understand. Education is best learned by doing.”

He’d needed a hands-on education about food and that meant lots of grocery trips?

“Okay.” It made sense, but as I grabbed some frozen broccoli, I still had some questions. “But why did you hide it?”

That was the part I was missing.

“I did not want to look like I was lacking in education in something as simple as food.” He tried to say it casually but something about it felt off.

“I think you’re very smart.” Stepping closer to the cart so he could wrap a tentacle around my waist, I leaned into him. “This is just new. That doesn’t make you uneducated. If one of us isn’t educated, it’s me. I barely passed high school.”

He’d been running a spaceship and was learning about a whole new species faster than I could learn Spanish.

“You are not lacking in education. You perform complex tasks of caretaking and management. Those are very important.” Jerker was either shocked or offended as his limbs twitched. “The human mate Nicholas made it clear you are the only one he trusts to help him. He defines you as meticulously careful. That is a very impressive word, my Theo.”

One that Nicholas probably had to define judging by how Jerker said it.

“Well, you aren’t lacking in education either. You’re just having to change the focus of your education and learn something new. That doesn’t mean you’re not smart.” He was brilliant. “And I like hearing about what you’re learning. You make me see things in a new way. Like the conversation about the nuggets. I hadn’t thought to question why we made some food fun and not others.”

I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer but it was a good conversation.

“And you made that lady think about what her husband wanted.” I was pretty sure I’d seen rings as they’d walked away, so I didn’t think assuming they were spouses was a reach. “When you learn things, you help everyone else to learn too.”

Because he was amazing.

Giving me a hug, Jerker used another tentacle to stroke my head. “You are a wonderful enthusiast for your mate, my Theo.”

I had a feeling he meant something like cheerleader, so I nodded and cuddled into him. “Because sometimes you forget how amazing you are.”

Starting over wasn’t easy and he forgot that sometimes.

“You seem to have the same memory flaw, my Theo.” Patting my head when I sighed, he kept me pressed close to him. “I will help you to fix it as well.”

I helped him and he’d help me.

Great.

“I don’t mind focusing on you.” That definitely sounded like more fun.

His thinking sound made me sigh which got me more snuggles but he didn’t agree with my suggestion. “Because you are a wonderful submissive human, that would be your preference. However, as your Master, I do not believe that would be the best course of action.”

Thankfully no one was close enough to hear the Master part, but it was easy to decide that this wasn’t the place to be a brat and try to get my way. “I understand.”

I could do my best to distract him later.

“We shall discuss what you are thinking so you can explain your emotional reactions when we have privacy.” Jerker made a laughing sound as I crashed my head into one of his larger tentacles that he was using as an arm to push the cart. “Drama. Yes, that is an indicator that I chose the correct course of action.”

What pain in the ass had told him that?

“Larry was very helpful and gave a detailed course on brats and the emotional variation called drama.” A tentacle stroked over my head as I sighed, showing another form of drama. “It was highly educational.”

Great.

Larry was a pain in the ass.

“I’m not nearly as dramatic as Nicholas is. So you don’t have to worry.” It seemed like a bad idea to make him think I was as insane as Nicholas. God only knew what Larry had said about his human mate.

“I’m just as curious as Nicholas is, though.” Yes, that was a much better topic. “What kind of research have you been doing at the grocery store? You seem like you’ve been people watching at the very least.”

Bingo.

“Humans are very interesting to watch.” I had a feeling that was an understatement, but I didn’t distract him and just let him keep going. “The issue with decision-making is not just limited to submissives, my Theo. At least once every visit, I must help a human pick between two objects. They are not always able to pick the item they like best. I do not know why.”

Oh, let me count the ways.

“Um, well, some people deliberately don’t pick the thing they like.” And we were off on another grocery adventure trying to explain why humans did the things they did.

I was starting to wish I knew a psychologist we could have dinner with once in a while.