Chapter 1

“I’m not…are you sure this is a good idea?” Smart people could talk people into stupid shit and I was afraid I’d ended up in one of those situations.

Nicholas snorted and rolled his eyes. “Yes.”

He was so helpful.

His partner on the other hand tried to be helpful and patted my head with one of his smaller tentacles, even though it made him feel weird to touch someone else because of the mating bond. “You are a submissive human with a preference for tentacles instead of arms. You will be highly sought after for conversation or pleasure.”

I’d worked with him long enough to know what that translated into…

Don’t worry. You like tentacles so at the very least someone is going to feel you up.

Sadly, that would’ve been the best date I’d experienced in a very long time. “Thanks, Larry.”

We should never have sent the Three Stooges into space.

“You’re hot. You’re so submissive you’re going to ask someone what you should pick for dinner. And you’re turned on by them, not creeped out. You have nothing to worry about.” Nicholas glared at me, looking a lot like he did when I saw him at work. “But you’re going to anyway.”

Yep.

How he was a submissive I’d never know, but his mate wasn’t human and was perfectly convinced of Nicholas’s submission, so I didn’t question it.

“Um, you said it was a steakhouse. I don’t go to those kinds of places on a regular basis so you’re going to have to help me pick out something good.” Even working for a big research university, janitors didn’t get paid shit.

Ha.

No. I had to focus.

Aliens wouldn’t want scattered-brained subs any more than the human kind of Doms did.

Evidently getting easily distracted during a scene was rude.

Nicholas glared at me before sighing and losing some of his frustration. “You’re so submissive, some lucky alien is just going to carry you off like ‘Me Tarzan,you Jane.’”

Was that supposed to be a bad thing?

“Yes, please.” Hiding that desire seemed counterproductive since I was going to a meet-and-greet for aliens and humans to mix.

Nicholas didn’t seem to know what to say to me but he didn’t have that problem with his mate. “What are you so happy about?”

Larry puffed up and looked like he’d just made a discovery in the lab. “Our human will be highly superior than the others that are brought. He is exceedingly submissive and eager to mate.”

It sounded like he thought they were bringing the best dessert at a potluck…but I was the dessert.

Me.

Nicholas threw his head back and laughed which just made Larry even more pleased about the whole situation. They were both so distracting I forgot to be embarrassed about the dessert comparison.

I was no peach cobbler, no matter how good my ass looked…but I appreciated the compliment.

Finally getting his laughter under control, Nicholas nodded. “You’re badass, baby. He’s going to be the best. You’re right.”

Evidently the highly competitive thing wasn’t just about scientific discoveries and Monopoly.

“I have also been told by several students and faculty that he is attractive by human beauty standards as well. That will place him on a higher social standing with other humans. They will see his physical shape as something to envy.” Larry had an excitable, humans are fascinating tone to his voice that was making his mate snicker again.

“Oh yeah.” Nicholas sent me a teasing leer that had me finally remembering how to blush and how insane the conversation had gotten. “He’s a hottie. We’re definitely bringing the best human.”

They were ridiculous.

There were going to be a ton of humans with better jobs, more money, more interesting lives, and countless other things. Hell, there were going to be humans in there who could pick their dinner and kneel quietly without starting to plan what they were going to clean first at work the next day.

Scientists were a mess.

“You guys have lost your minds, but I still appreciate being asked to come.” It wasn’t every day that I got asked to go to a humans and aliens mixer.

Nicholas rolled his eyes again, seeing right through me. “They won’t care what you do for a living, and if you get wiggly, they’ll just wrap you up in a tentacle. You’re worrying over nothing.”

Giving me a stern glare like he sometimes gave his boss, he was looking at me like I was a student who’d asked a stupid question. “I’m only going to say this one more time. They’re aliens. Duh.”

He was such a pain in the ass.

But he was a smart pain in the ass and he knew single aliens and was happy to share…so I was going to be polite.

“Alright.”

Lying was always acceptable when people were being ridiculous, but his groan said he’d seen right through it. “Inside, before I kill you and we lose out on bringing the best human because I have to bury your body.”

Larry sighed dramatically.

He didn’t approve of Nicholas’s habit of threatening to kill people on a daily basis but he’d stopped asking if his mate was seriously considering it. They’d definitely made progress as a couple.

“We shall be late if our conversation extends in duration.” Giving his mate a little push and me a nod, Larry started moving us toward the restaurant. “We will make the appropriate greetings to introduce our human friend Theo to others he may be interested in mating, and then we shall find a place to sit where he can visually inspect the perspective mates.”

He made it sound like I was picking out my favorite stripper at a club.

I managed not to groan but I was so red I was probably purple. “Thank you for explaining what will happen next.”

“You’re welcome.” Larry was so pleased at my good manners he patted my head making Nicholas giggle. “I will also be happy to provide assistance if your submission requires help in picking out the right meat to consume. Nicholas does not find that to be too intimate, so you need not worry about our relationship.”

Was it weird that I wanted my own awkward alien Dom to overexplain shit?

Probably.

And I’d clearly been hanging out with them too often if all of their insanity made sense.

“Thank you, Larry.” I wasn’t sure what my tone or hormones were saying but I tried not to look like I thought I was stupid. “I appreciate the help.”

Larry got confused when he thought I wasn’t appreciating myself enough and I didn’t want to have to live through that conversation again. Thankfully, whatever I was radiating was either confusing enough or mixed up enough that self-deprecation wasn’t the primary thing he noticed.

“You are welcome, our human friend Theo.” My worries hadn’t dimmed his excitement because he was still puffed up like he’d won a Nobel prize. “There is no need to worry. Your attraction to tentacles and eagerness to mate will be obvious, so you will not have to attempt to communicate those intentions.”

I didn’t have to talk about being horny and liking tentacles because they’d already know that.

Great.

Nicholas was back to snickering as we finally got up to the door and he gave his mate a kiss as Larry opened it for us. “Thank you, baby.”

“You are welcome, my mate.” Larry gave Nicholas a multi-limbed caress as his human mate walked in the door.

I got a smile because you just didn’t wander around caressing other humans once you had a mate, but I appreciated it. “Thank you.”

I had every intention of shifting to small talk and trying to look functional at the very least but my brain skidded to a halt once I took everything in.

There were so many people and so many tentacles.

Logically, I knew Nicholas had said that a large group had gotten together and rented out the restaurant because it was a local favorite, but I just hadn’t realized how many people would be there. The mix of humans and non-humans said everyone had done their best to bring their favorite human sub to show off.

The wide-eyed stares around the room indicated I wasn’t the only human who was feeling out of their depth at the moment.

But man.

“So many tentacles, so little time.” Nicholas’s whispered teasing made me groan.

“I’m not… I can see the person. It’s not.”

Shit.

Larry didn’t see the issue even though my rambling made enough sense that I knew Nicholas had tried to explain my worry. “Our limbs are much better than a human’s. Understanding that and admiring them is not shameful. They are exceedingly useful and come in a variety of colors that humans do not. We are highly attractive.”

And not modest at all.

“You’re right.” He liked hearing that so much it never made me frustrated to have to admit it. “They’re very practical too.”

And hot as fuck.

“Yes.” Larry was very Larry as he responded. “We are designed for ultimate caretaking of human submissives. We can spank, restrain, and pleasure all at the same time.”

Several humans around us started to blush but the aliens were nodding like it was completely factual information.

We’d definitely been too loud.

Part of me was hoping to have a heart attack and just die quietly, but I knew there were too many doctors around and someone would be helpful and resuscitate me.

Smart people could be very dense about stuff like that.

They’d think they were being supportive and then I’d have to say thank you, and they’d feel good about themselves and then they’d ask questions and want to talk about my feelings. God help me if it was an alien that brought me back to life because that’d just get even weirder.

“Oxygen is a requirement for human life.” The way Larry patted me on the head and frowned at me as Nicholas started snickering again made me realize I was holding my breath. When I was functioning again, Larry nodded. “Good human.”

Not good enough, evidently, because he turned to Nicholas and frowned. “We must find a Dominant partner who will keep our human friend Theo healthy.”

Because I couldn’t be trusted to breathe on my own.

Great.

“I agree.” Nicholas took one of Larry’s smaller limbs in his hand and smiled at his Dom. “Let’s start mingling and find someone he likes.”

“Yes.” Nodding, Larry studied the room. “We have attracted attention and appreciative reactions to our human, but I do not sense any potential mate bonds forming yet.”

Huh?

I really should’ve asked more questions.

Oh, more tentacles.

“Let us walk.” Keeping a tight hold on Nicholas and a light touch on my back, Larry moved us toward the back of the restaurant where more people were mingling.

When they’d said they’d rented out the restaurant, I’d assumed they’d been talking about renting out a back room or something. No. They’d taken over the place and that was probably a good idea because there had to be at least a hundred people of both species milling around.

A lot of them were clearly mates based on the amount of touching and hand-holding going on, but there were a startling number of single people. Thankfully, the wide-eyed humans and the clearly curious aliens were easy to spot and made it obvious who was unattached.

It wasn’t until I had a second to think that I realized knowing who was single and who was taken made the whole situation a lot less stressful than I was expecting. I wouldn’t have to guess who was single. I wouldn’t have to guess what someone thought of me because everyone like Larry would just flat out tell me.

“Our human friend Theo is highly…confused?” Larry was obviously addressing Nicholas like I was their kid and he needed his mate to explain what their confused teenager was up to.

Hmm.

It might’ve been how he saw me.

Great.

“I think he’s just going to need a moment to take it all in.” Nicholas looked like he squeezed his mate’s limb. “There are a lot of Doms here and a lot of people that are his type. So, yeah, he’s slightly overwhelmed and thinking about a lot of different topics at the moment.”

Understatement of the year…on all counts.

“I don’t just like tentacles. I want to know the person they’re attached to as well.” I knew the moment the words came out they’d been too loud because about a quarter of the room smiled and waved a tentacle in my direction.

As I hoped to just die right there, several subs around me giggled and moved to hide behind who’d ever brought them…probably to prevent them from saying something equally as stupid.

Nicholas gave a wicked grin. “At least now we know we don’t have to explain that tentacles won’t be a turn-off.”

Someone just needed to shoot me and put me out of my misery.

I was too impulsive to be in a restaurant full of Doms.

Shit.

Nicholas was my ride.

Clamping my lips shut, I tried to take a subtle deep breath and stop radiating so much ridiculousness.

I was calm.

I was relaxed.

I was peaceful.

I could be a functional human in public.

I just had to focus and not say whatever came to my mind. It would be hard but I could do it because I did it at work on an almost daily basis. I’d be polite and professional and then I’d go home and take a nap.

Repeating the words over and over…especially about being polite and professional…I followed Nicholas and Larry through the restaurant, smiling when they pointed out people that they knew.

I was polite.

I was relaxed.

I was quiet and didn’t say anything stupid.

Somehow that was a challenge to the universe, though, and it decided to test me.

A younger-looking alien came up and gave a polite nod toward Nicholas and Larry before turning his gaze to me. “I must ask if you are above the legal age for physical pleasures.”

Shit.

I didn’t have enough self-restraint for this.