4. Max

CHAPTER 4

Max

I ’m in hell and heaven at the same damn time. She’s here around me every day and every night. I know she’s upstairs and lying in the new bed that I got to make sure that she’s comfortable. She’s sleeping in it and I can’t help but picture what she’s wearing.

It’s been two weeks since she started here and Christmas is coming in another week. I know my girl wanted a new job for Christmas and my angel got exactly what she wanted.

My Christmas wish is harder to get. Harder to find.

I want my angel. I’ve tried and tried to tell myself that she’s too young and I’m too scarred and old but it just isn’t working. No matter what I tell myself, I can’t stop thinking about her, wanting her.

“Max! Hey, Max!” I jerk my head around and glare at my best waitress, Melody. She grins at me. “Are you ever gonna get your head out of your ass and talk to that girl about your feelings?”

I shake my head and she groans and flops down on a barstool. She hands me a drink slip. “Here. Make yourself useful.” She leans a hand on the bar and glares at me. “You know that she likes you. Why are you putting yourself through this? You can’t eat, sleep or work and you’re rapidly becoming useless here! Talk to that girl and get this shit straightened out! Sleep with her until you get this shit out of your system for fuck’s sake!”

I glare at her as I make another damn Long Island Iced Tea and an Old Fashioned. “It’s not that damn simple, Mel! And I’m not gonna get her out of my system. I don’t just want her for one night.” I hand her her drinks and her big eyes stare at me.

“You love her? Oh my god! The big bad bar owner is afraid to tell a tiny little girl that he’s in love with her! Jesus! I never thought I’d see the day you were afraid of anything! You ran into burning buildings with my brother for god’s sake! She’s half your size! I don’t think she bites! What the hell are you afraid of?”

My mouth twists. “Gee, I don’t know, Mel! Maybe that she doesn’t think of me like that and then she’s gonna have to find another job in this town and she’s gonna avoid me like the fucking plague! At least if she’s here, I can watch out for her and keep her safe. I know if she’s alright. I know if there’s a problem. I know she’s eating alright, sleeping alright.”

Mel shakes her head sadly. “You’re a stalker, man.”

“I’m not a damn stalker. I just want to make sure my employees are alright,” I huff.

“What did I eat for dinner?” Mel asks me, her dark brow raised.

I huff out a harsh breath but she knows and she chuckles wryly. “Exactly. You like me. I know that. I’m a valued employee but you don’t know what I ate today. You don’t follow me with your eyes like a little lost puppy. You need to get this shit figured out. If you want her, tell her.”

Both of us break off the conversation when Lexi comes downstairs and stops at the end of the bar, smiling.

“Lexi? What are you doing down here? Is there something wrong?”

She’s shaking her head in seconds and I can’t help but watch the swish of her soft curls. In two weeks she’s starting to fill out, her cheeks rounding out instead of sunken. Her glorious lavender eyes sparkling with happiness instead of dull with pain and fear. It makes me so fucking happy that I did this for her.

“No. Not really. But the hot water isn’t working upstairs and I wanted to take a shower before I go to bed. I don’t usually have time in the morning before I come in to work.”

I cross my arms over my chest and I almost choke on my own tongue when her eyes follow the movement. Why is she watching me so closely? Surely, a pretty young thing like her wouldn’t want an old, scarred asshole like me?

“You know that you can come in late and I wouldn’t give a damn, baby girl.” My voice is scratchy and rough and she jumps like I’ve scared the living shit out of her.

But she’s not scared. She growls under her breath. “I work here, Max. I’m not gonna come in late unless I work late. So don’t suggest anything like that again. I pull my weight.”

“Stubborn woman,” I growl. The girl who came in here terrified disappeared recently. She’s happy and she glows with it. Having a good job and eating right agrees with her. I’m sure it has nothing to do with me.

She plants her little fists on her wide hips and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. “I’m no charity case, Max! Don’t treat me like I am one or I’ll be out of here like a fucking shot. I work and pull my weight or I walk. Don’t ask me for any less than you’d ask from anyone else.”

I lean across the counter, getting right in her face but she doesn’t flinch. “Ask anyone here. I’m happy to pay for anyone else to get something done as well.” I point at Mel. “Ask Mel. I paid for her daughter’s braces and she’s insisting on paying me over time for them. I didn’t ask her to. I would have considered it part of helping her out because she’s family to me. Every fucking person who works here is family to me.” I point at another waitress. Or server. Hell, I always mess that shit up.

“Anyway, that girl over there…Sasha? She’s having trouble with her car. She was late three times last week. You think I docked her? Nope! I talked to Micah at the garage and he’s worked out a deal where she’s paying it off over time and she thinks she’s getting a special discount, but I paid for part of it,” I hiss. “She needs this job. She’s paying her way through school and she’s got an aging grandma that’s in a nursing home. I can’t pay everything for her or anybody else because we all have our pride. But if there’s a way to help my family out, I’ll fucking do it and not even think twice about it. So come in late if you need to but don’t act like I treat you any different than anybody else. You’re family too.”

Shame coats her face and she sighs. “I’m sorry, Max. I’m really touchy about not paying my way.”

I shake my head and smile at her. “You’re a pit bull with shit like that. But I’m always happy to help anyone out. This is my hometown and they helped me when I was hurt. They brought me food after I came home and they all did their best to help me out. Got me through those damn days when I thought I’d rather kill myself than accept anyone’s help. When I thought that this ugly face was gonna drive all my friends away.”

She gasps. “Your face is not ugly. Who said that.” She bristles with anger.

I chuckle. “Take it down a notch, killer. You don’t need to hunt anybody down. That’s me talking.”

Her arms cross again and she sighs. “You need to find a better mirror. You’re a handsome man, Max. I think you’re not seeing things well. Maybe you need glasses.”

“I accepted my lot, angel. I’m not blind so I know what the hell I look like.”

“I bet the ladies don’t give a damn about that,” she huffs, her pretty pink lips turned down like something’s not agreeing with her. I like to think that she’s jealous but I doubt it.

“I have not dated anyone in years.”

Her brows lift and she smiles. “I’m not talking about dating and you know it.”

I lean across the bar again, my fingers brushing her jaw, holding her steady. She gasps.

“You asking if I’ve fucked anybody lately, angel?”

“N-no,” she whimpers. But her pale cheeks flush and I see her pupils dilate.

“You offering, angel?”

“Max? The water?” She whispers. I’m pushing her and I know it but my fucking dick is hard as a rock right now thinking that she might have been wondering about my sex life.

I drop my hand from her soft, silky skin. I can still feel her under my fingers though. Warm and so damn tempting.

“Gimme a sec and I’ll come up and take a look at it, angel.”

She nods and steps back, her breasts rising and falling quickly under her soft sweater. Those jeans she’s wearing are painted on her gently-rounded thighs. “Thank you, Max. I appreciate it.”

“Don’t thank me for taking care of you, angel. It’s my pleasure.”

She flushes and darts out the back door and up the back stairs. There’s a separate entrance out the back door. My heart races when I think about her out there in the dark. I hate it.

But I also hate the thought of her going upstairs from the bar. Neither is safe enough for something as precious as her.

The only place I’d feel right would be if she was with me and I had my hands on her, watching, protecting.

Is that something that can happen? I don’t know.

But if I get my Christmas wish? My angel will by lying under my Christmas tree, naked, and I’ll be taking care of all her needs.

I just wish that my mind and heart would stop fighting with me. Because the confusion I feel just won’t go away.

I know that she’s all that I want and need. But am I good enough for her? Does she really want me? Was that desire I saw in her eyes, darkening them to deep purple pools?

Am I what she’s wishing for too? Fuck, I wish I knew.