Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

TIMOTHY

The way Luke looks at me says a lot. He knows I'm not being completely honest with him. I just hope he can't figure out exactly what I'm thinking.

There's been so much confusion between us. It's like every time we get together, we both forget how to properly speak with another human being.

I'm exhausted by it. All I want to do is make us work.

At the same time, I'm terrified. What if we tried this thing out, and it goes horribly? We’d have to work together and see each other knowing we attempted more but failed.

I've never had to work with an ex. Honestly, I don't really have any exes. Luke would be my first. Admittedly, a massive part of me wants him to be my last too.

More than that, I want him to be my Daddy. It feels like too much to ask for right now.

“We need to get back out there. If anyone comes looking for us, I'm liable to bite their head off for interrupting my time with you. It's precious as it is.”

My heart goes soft at his words. I would love to spend more time with him too. It's just that he makes me so damn nervous.

How do I get past that? How do I overcome the intensity of his stare and the way my pulse jumps every time he's close?

Instead of answering, I nod. There's no point in attempting to form words when my heart is in my throat.

He opens the bathroom door, then motions for me to head out. Before I can move, Jake runs down the hall past us. I freeze, not knowing what to do.

My boss looks upset. Something must be wrong. I feel like I should follow him. At the same time, I'm not in the best headspace to really help him.

Luke reaches out to put his hand on my chest. It's then I hear the sound of footsteps coming down the hall after Jake. He tucks us back, closing the door most of the way, flicking the light off. Cast in darkness, we can see the hall clearly.

Leon and Maddox approach, scowls on their faces as they track Jake. What in the world is that about? Did they get into an argument? Have they decided to call it quits?

Or is something else going on?

I'm not sure.

I am sure I won't get answers by hiding out in the bathroom with Luke. Ducking under his arm, I pull the door open slowly. Then I take off as fast as my feet will carry me without looking like I'm sprinting towards the game room.

Luke’s footsteps sound behind me. Each one is slower, more sure than my frenzied state. He's not chasing me down. There's no need to. Not when I would stop the minute he calls for me to. He holds that much power over me.

Right before we step back into the room, Luke grabs my hand. The touch is gentle. More to get my attention than to halt my movements.

I look over my shoulder at him.

"Will you do something with me this weekend?" he asks.

I frown. "What kind of something?"

His lips quirk up to one side. "Let's call it a surprise. I would just like your help."

There he goes again, asking for my help. I don't know if I should be flattered he thinks I'm so capable or frustrated that all he ever wants is for me to assist with some project. Sure, we've done more intimate stuff too, but it feels like for every step forward there's two steps back.

“I can help,” I admit after a short pause.

He releases my hand, letting me go into the room before him. The team is locked in a heated round of games around the room. Between the video consoles and the ice hockey table, it’s an all-out brawl to prove who's the best.

I search for Finn and Atlas, knowing they'll be the two people I want to spend time with. I spot them coloring at a table and nearly squeal in delight.

Rushing over, I drop to their side. "Can I join you?"

They give excited nods, which makes me beyond happy. The night continues much that same way with me coloring and ignoring the outside world aside from my companions. We all slip in and out of Little space as needed. For the first time, I feel as if I've found somewhere I can truly belong outside of my Internet friends.

Thinking of them reminds me of Han269’s depressing message from earlier. I’m still worried about what will happen to them.

If only I could create a safer place for people involved in kink who might not have safe home lives. I'm sure if I spoke to Bellamy about it, he would find a way to help. Or maybe I could just mention it to Finn. I'm sure his Daddy would give him the world if he could. Plus, it’s easier to talk to my fellow Little than Bellamy Bellport, superstar athlete and golden child.

My heart races at the thought of having a Daddy of my own. Of course, that makes me want to seek out Luke. It's an unconscious decision, and it's the first time since we were in that bathroom together that I do so.

When I find his eyes already on me, I know I’m not the only one reliving the secret moment. His stare is penetrating, as if he can read my thoughts. He tilts his head to the side, then smiles softly. I interpret it to be a sort of acknowledgement. His way of telling me he won't overstep and that the ball is in my court.

I should be pleased with the notion, yet I'm more than a little bit terrified. How the hell am I supposed to know what to do? I'm no good at any of this.

Since Luke didn't make himself clear on what weekend he wanted to spend time together, I'm shocked when he knocks on my door one morning. I'm still in my pajamas, a bowl of cereal in hand, when I swing the door open.

"Good morning, honeybee," he says.

I cover my mouth to hide the mess of chocolate bits I’m chewing thanks to my Cocoa Puffs. "Morning," I mumble back.

"May I come in?"

I step to the side, allowing him to come into the tiny space. Thankfully, he doesn't scowl at anything like he did before. Instead, his gaze coasts around the room, taking in the various parts and pieces.

“It really is yours,” he says softly. "So much of you is reflected in this space."

I shove another bite of cereal in my mouth to prevent myself from swooning. The sugar hit is enough to stop me, thank goodness.

After I swallow, I ask the question burning through my mind. "What are you doing here?"

"You said you would spend some time with me."

I make an exaggerated movement to look at the clock on the wall. “It's 6:30 in the morning on a weekend.”

He smiles. "Yes, and I would like to use as much of your time as possible today."

After last night's game, I can definitely say we need the distraction. While the Bears did win, it was a tough one. I watched from the sidelines as the guys pulled out a single point lead in the last few seconds.

Brutal Bishop wasn't as brutal, though he did work hard to make sure Chavez didn't have to block as much. Our goalie was on top of his game last night, despite the help. He's the main reason we didn’t lose. He blocked more pucks than he ever has—I think. Luke even mentioned offhandedly about getting him a trophy for most saves.

I'll have to see about ordering one if he doesn't. Chavez never forgets anything even when said in jest.

Luke interrupts my thoughts. “I can wait while you get dressed. It's no problem. You have me for the day.”

I nod while finishing the last bite of cereal. Taking the time to rinse my bowl and put it away, I think of what I can possibly say to this man.

Do I want to spend time with him? Absolutely.

I think it's pretty obvious at this point that anything involving Luke Swift is a bonus in my book. At the same time, I can't imagine spending an entire day with him and keeping my feelings in check. He's already dropped the D-word, and we've had sex. Still, there’s no clear definition of what we are.

Since I work best with structure, it's hard for me to process everything going on.

You'll never know if you don't go, a voice inside me whispers.

I want to punch that stupid voice. It's always there to remind me of things I don't want to be reminded of.

Spinning, I lean back against the counter. Luke waits patiently in the middle of my apartment with his hands in his pockets. He's still looking around, though the smile on his face tells me he's genuinely pleased at whatever he's seeing.

“What do I need to wear?” I ask him.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean is it casual or formal? Should I wear boots or tennis shoes?”

He looks me up and down. “If you really wanted to wear pajamas, you could, but I think it best for you to wear your normal, everyday clothes. Nothing too formal.”

“Ohhhh-kay,” I drag out as I shuffle over to my stacks of clothes. I grab everything I need, then move into the bedroom to get dressed.

There's a curtain that I hung from the ceiling to create a makeshift privacy screen. While I could go into the bathroom to change, the space is kind of small. I’d rather not be banging around while he waits.

“Just a minute!” I call out to Luke as I strip out of my pajamas.

He clears his throat. “That's fine. Take your time.”

I frown at his tone, unsure if he's mocking me or if it's just my imagination. Regardless, I get ready at my own pace, then push the curtain back. Luke is standing there, eyes positioned on me. There's heat in his gaze, an intensity I fight to jump at.

To distract myself, I close the curtain behind me. My bedroom is a bit of a mess after changing. There's no reason he should see that. Granted, I know he's already seen the mess on my bed, but still, it's the principle.

As I close the fabric, I notice the morning sun's rays pouring through window, making the sheet almost see-through. I swallow as I realize Luke probably caught the shadow of me changing. When my eyes meet his, there’s no hiding my panic. There's an understanding in his earnest expression and damn it if he's not just sexy beyond reason.

I focus on getting my shoes on so I don't have to look him in the eye. We’re two seconds away from stripping naked from the tension pouring between us.

No need to add further complications to whatever we’re doing.

It's not until we're in the car and driving that I ask him again what the plan is for the day. He shrugs one shoulder, his hands on the steering wheel focused on the road ahead.

“We're going shopping. My new house is still very bare. I need your help.”

I gape at his profile, unsure of what the hell to say to that. Finally, I go with, “You don't want to hire a designer?”

He scoffs. “Not in the slightest. I have no need for someone to give me what they think is the latest on-trend design. I liked what you said when we walked through the house. Now I just need you to help me purchase it all.”

As he speaks, we pull into one of the giant box stores at the edge of town. It's one of those places that has pretty much everything you need to furnish a home.

Inside, we're greeted by a man wearing a bow tie that's ruby red and covered in sequins. My mood brightens at the sight.

“I love your bow tie,” I tell him.

He grins, patting the fabric. “Thank you so much. It was a gift from my wife. I like yours as well.”

He peers down at the orange checker print I'm wearing. It's a bold color choice. One I made simply on autopilot.

“Thank you,” I reply.

“We're happy to help you, Mr. Swift. Here is what you requested. Everything will be packaged and shipped to you. If there's anything you'd like to take home today, please let us know, and we'll get it handled.”

My jaw drops as the kind store manager hands over a giant scanner. Luke doesn't take it. Instead, he nods for me to. I grab the device, then let my arm drop. The manager leaves before I can ask him what comes next.

Luke turns to me. “That scanner is going to tell them everything I need for my house. Now we get to play a game. You're going to tell me what you think would work well, and you're going to pick out some things that you like for yourself.”

“For myself,” I repeat numbly.

He nods, his body moving closer. One arm wraps around my waist, dragging me to him. I feel his erection press into me.

“Yes, honeybee. I want you to have some comfort items while you're at my place. It should feel like home to you too.” He kisses me gently, a soft peck of his lips against mine.

It's not enough.

I reach up before he can get too far. My hand clasps the back of his head, forcing him back down. Our kiss deepens; the passion and joy I feel coming through our touch.

When we pull back some time later, his grin is downright filthy. “Come on. We’ve got time for kissing later. You need to shop.”

I lock away his words, knowing I cannot let myself get caught up in him any longer. He's right. We do have things to take care of. I focus on what would be best for his home as I start perusing the shelves.

We walk through the entire store aisle by aisle. I scan items, making sure to put in multiples when needed. A few things are small enough for us to bring along. Most of it is too big though.

I take it all in with a detached feeling. I can't decipher where my mind is, but it's somewhere else completely. It feels like when I slip so deep into Little space nothing else matters even as I'm still doing adult tasks.

It's confusing as hell.

Thankfully, Luke doesn’t seem bothered by it. He stays close to me for the hours it takes us to shop, his hand either on my back or my shoulder. Occasionally it's at the base of my neck or running through my hair. He even straightened my tie after I got caught up testing the hugability of a few different pillows.

By the time we leave, I have hundreds of items in his cart. Reality hits me like a truck.

“Oh god,” I say breathlessly. “This is too much, Luke. I went overboard, got caught up in all of it.”

He takes the scanner from me, handing it to the manager with a nod before pulling out a credit card. The man leaves us, making the panic rise even higher.

“Honeybee,” Luke calls, demanding my attention. His hands cup my face, effectively holding me in place. “There is no reason to be upset. I asked you to do this. Trust me. Whatever the total is, I would have paid four times as much had I hired a designer and had to pay their fee as well. You are not a burden in any way. All of this is something I asked you to do. Please remember that.”

I swallow thickly as I nod. “You're all good to go then.”

He tilts his head. I noticed he does it a lot when he's thinking, which makes me smile despite my panicked state. I love noticing the little things about him. It's only fair considering how much he's already picked up on from me.

“We have one more place I want to take you. This one is a bit different. I need you to continue to trust me.”

Oddly enough, I do trust him. Well, not oddly, I guess, because he's proven himself many times to be a man who is more than capable.

The manager returns with his card, then we're off to our next destination. I’m clueless as to where we're going as he drives, even though the streets are familiar. It could be any place given how crowded the stores are in the area. We could be getting lunch or going to see someone else on the team.

It's not until he pulls up to a nondescript building that I begin to question where we are. “I don't know this place,” I hedge.

He nods, turning in his seat to face me. My hands get tugged into his, which he then places on the center console.

“The other night when we were together, I called myself something. Something that I think you enjoyed.”

My heart rate speeds up. I know exactly what he means. There's no question about it. Still, I struggle to say the word.

“I would like to explore more of that with you if you want,” he says. “It's been a very long time since I've been anyone's Daddy. Even then, it was only during scenes at clubs or places that had NDAs to protect my career. I don't want any of that with you. I want what we have to be different. I want it to just be ours.”

My hands tighten around his. “Ours?” I repeat.

A soft smile blooms at my question. “Yes. I would like you and I to be together. To be partners. I would like to be your Daddy if you'll consent to it.”

Luke Swift is everything the world needs. He's talented in sports and handsome beyond compare. He's kind and gentle. On top of all that, the man understands consent.

It's a win all around.

Five out of five stars.

He waits patiently for my response. Nodding, I say, “I’ve never been someone's boy. With you, I want to try.”

“Then I want you to come show me all the things you like. This store has a special section with items that you might enjoy as part of your regression. I won't make you pick everything you like out since I know you might be overwhelmed by our last trip. However, I would like you to select a few things that can come home with us today. Soon, I would like to have a playdate as well where you can show me just how Little you like to go.”

I swallow, then ask the question I've been most curious about. “How little do you like your boys?”

His hands let go of mine. One reaches up to cup my cheek as the other presses right against my heart. “I like my boys to regress as much as they need to. It's less about the age and more about the personality. I don't do brats, though that shouldn't be a problem since you're not a brat, are you, honeybee?”

I shake my head quickly. “I don't know how to be a brat.”

That makes him laugh. “Well then, we shouldn't have any issues. Brats are typically inherent that way. You are much sweeter and softer. It calls to me. Has since the minute I met you, to be honest.”

I sigh. His words are a balm to my soul.

“You ready to go inside now?”

I eagerly nod, relief swimming through me that we've touched on at least where we're standing. Now I can say for certain that we're dating, and he's my Daddy, and we can have sex. The friend thing is out the window.

All I have to do is not screw anything up.

“Let's go inside,” I tell him.

He raises his brow at me without saying a word. I know what he wants. I force myself to take a deep breath, then look him in the eye as I say the words that seal our fate.

“Let's go inside, Daddy.”