13. Heartsick

Heartsick

Dalton

F ollowing the cancellation of the testing process, I tried to fight the depression which fell over me. It just felt too pointless. Nothing felt right when I should be transitioning, transforming into who I was meant to be.

Every time I looked into the mirror and saw my golden brown skin, a gift from my mother's Mexican parents, and the hazel eyes I inherited from my father, I wondered why I hadn't just been born an omega in the first place. I had the slender body and shorter stature so many omegas possessed. More often than not, I was mistaken for an omega, until they caught my scent and realized their error. None of them knew how cutting it was to constantly be told you are something you really wish you were.

Axel, Chase, Larken, even Kade and Deke, all tried to keep my spirits up. I just felt so stuck.

"Morning, Dalton. "

"Good morning, Alpha. I wondered—"

"Before you ask," Blake interrupted. "I can't reinstate the testing. As much as I'd love to get you one step closer to being an omega, the pack is in too fragile of a position."

"Okay, Alpha. Thank you for your time." I turned to walk away, just as I had done almost daily since Blake had made the decision. Sense told me to stop pestering the Alpha. He would choose what was best for the entire pack, since he was responsible for more than just me or his family. He had hundreds of members to think of. So many of them were betas with the gene. Blake knew how hard it was for us to wait.

"Dalton, wait, please."

Unable to resist an order from my Alpha, I took a seat. The phone on the desk rang, pulling his attention from me. I took one of the open seats, ready to wait until he was ready.

"Sorry, better answer. Dakota says it's urgent." Blake's assistant must have used the pack link and managed to keep it from the rest of us. "Hello?" The Alpha sat up straighter. "Are they able to have visitors?" There was a brief pause as the person on the other side of the line replied. Blake's face lit up with joy. "Great, see you soon."

Blake put down the phone and stood. "Sorry, Dalton, I really wanted to talk to you about the things we need to put in place before I feel ready to restart the testing. I think you would feel better about it if you had a plan in place."

"Meaning you wanted to placate me so I'll quit coming to your office every day, you mean?"

He raised an eyebrow at my huffy tone. "No. Regardless of what you might think, I enjoy your visits and I know Axel appreciates five minutes without you fussing over him."

I couldn't help the quirk of my lips, which escaped as I tried not to grin at my Alpha. Blake was a great leader. So kind and caring for every member of his pack, even the ones who were constantly asking the same question, like me.

"So I'll see you tomorrow?" I asked, letting the smile out.

"Yes. Let's sit and make a plan of action with everyone involved. Dakota, Kade, Roan, okay, probably not Roan since he's on paternity leave. Deke, Axel and Chase."

"I'll set that up!" Dakota called through the doorway where his desk stood.

"Does that make you any happier?" Blake asked, real concern on his face. He stepped closer to me and cupped my neck.

"It does, thank you, Alpha."

"Alright then. I have to go. Hiroshi's babies have been born, Tate's egg has hatched, so we have new babies for the pack to welcome! Kade?"

"Did you say babies? Dad! Get the presents! Cryabell, can you—thank you!"

The office erupted into chaos just as my heart broke once more.

I didn't return to my office. Axel and Chase would have to cope without me for the rest of the day. If I had to deal with other people, I would scream.

Instead, I shifted and took to the forest surrounding the mansion, for the serenity being one with nature would give me. No, really, I was sulking and wanted to pout and scream in my raccoon form because my alter really got what I was feeling. When he wanted something, he hated being denied.

In fur, I ran and climbed, scavenged through bushes, stole fruit from trees, and generally made a nuisance of myself. My alter wanted to eat the eggs in the nests we found, but I knew better, and urged him to leave them alone .

The raccoon side of me knew why I was so sad, though they didn't really understand. I spent some of the day explaining to him just why I wanted to carry a baby, to create life. By the time I was exhausted and a bit peckish for real food, I thought he got the idea.

"There you are!" Larken's familiar voice broke through my musings.

Hey.

"Want me to shift with you, or are you done?"

Shift. I've not seen your alter up close.

Larken stripped out of his clothes, unveiling all that lovely taupe colored skin. His muscles stretched and bunched as he made quick work of getting naked. His time in the Sweetwater pack had improved on his already glorious body. Shifter biology made it easy for alphas to gain muscle, but they still had to work to maintain peak condition. Larken was bigger than he used to be. His muscles were far larger and covered more of his body after Deke's training.

Hmm. You're gorgeous, you know that, right?

Larken smirked as he let the shift come over him. Not compared to you , he said in his lizard form, the pack link making it simple for us to communicate.

His Komodo dragon was terrifying up close. I would have hated to be on his bad side. He had to be nearly eight feet long from head to tail. I felt tiny next to him, yet I was bigger than the average raccoon .

You just want into my pants.

What pants?

I laughed, my little raccoon body making a chittering sound. We walked around the lake together for a while. Just being in our animal forms side by side gave me a sense of comfort. A couple of times, I dropped back so I could clamber up his tail and leap off his head. He would snap playfully at me, missing me by a mile. Being with him was just so easy.

It was a long time before Larken talked.

If I was a big bad alpha, I would use my power to pin you down and force you to change back. Brat.

The threat was only a tease. He knew I was into it. We'd already covered likes and dislikes in the bedroom. Our soft and hard limits.

Then what would you do?

I'd make you beg for my knot before I gave it to you.

So sexy.

That right?

Yeah.

Well, you're going to have to catch me first.

With a bark of challenge, I ran for the trees. Being smaller, I knew I could gain the advantage. Only if I could get there before he caught me.

Larken let me get to safety and stayed behind me as I led him around the woods until I tired and led him to my house.

If he was going to play the rest of our game, we were going to need lube.

Something I'd rigged up was a handle for my raccoon to open the door to my house so I could remain shifted until I got inside. Some packs were more open than others about nudity. I went through stages where I didn't care who saw my bare ass as I went home. Other times, I just wanted to be in my room before becoming a man again.

Very clever, Dimples, Larken said as he closed the distance between us. He leapt forward, pinning me under his massive feet, though safe from those wicked claws.

Shift. I felt the order, charged with alpha power, rush over me, stronger than I would have thought, but still easy enough for me to resist.

I didn't want to fight it, so I didn't.

Together, we returned to our human forms. We lay there for a moment, feeling the heat build between us. Larken bit teasingly at my neck, the sharp brush of his teeth exhilarating.

"Shower, then I'm going to make you beg for my knot." Larken got to his feet and held out a hand to help me up. He led me to my bathroom and switched on the water, letting it run until the bathroom filled with steam, as he kissed me until my breath ran out.

"Get in," he ordered. I liked this bossy side of him .

The water was the perfect temperature. I picked up the body wash and started to get clean. He took the bottle off me. "I'll do it."

Larken soaped me up, from neck to toes, paying careful attention to my ass crack and balls. He swapped the soap out for shampoo and washed my hair with a divine massage on my scalp. I moaned into the sensation.

Next, he got the conditioner. He squeezed out far too much and quirked a brow at me. Half he smoothed into my hair, then the rest he coated his fingers with.

The slickened fingers toyed with my hole before pressing inside. Conditioner wasn't the best lube, and I felt the burn.

I pushed away. "I'm going to wash you. Then you're taking this into the bedroom."

"So that's a no for shower sex?" Larken grinned.

"Do you want to feel what conditioner feels like inside you?"

"Alright, Dimples. Proper lube for my princess."

"I thought Priscilla was your princess?"

We traded silly banter as I washed him, each perfectly at ease. Larken was exactly what I needed after the day I'd had.

He wrapped a towel around me once we were done, before drying himself off quickly and stalking to the bedroom, confident in his nudity. His muscular ass was a work of art. I wanted to bite it. I would later.

Larken spun and tossed me onto the bed, then yanked on my ankle so my ass was at the edge. He sank to his knees and licked over my cock, then down, sucking each ball into his mouth before running his tongue over my taint.

The first swipe of his tongue over my hole made me whimper. "Oh!" I cried as he sucked and nipped at the furled skin.

"One day," he said between licks, "I'm going to find slick here. I won't need to use lube anymore. You're going to get all wet for me all on your own. I'm going to feast on your slick."

My moan was loud in the quiet room. I wanted that so badly! "Yes!"

As sweet a dream as it was, I still needed lube. I tossed a strawberry-flavored kind towards him as he sank a finger inside me.

"Hey, Princess," Larken sing-songed as he worked me open on his fingers.

"Hmm?" I answered as Priscilla miaowed. "Oh, that princess." Larken chuckled. "Kick her out, please. I don't want her to watch us fucking."

"Sure." He pulled out of my body, leaving me feeling empty. The slick fingers returned within a minute, the bedroom door now closed. "Where were we? "

"You were supposed to be making me beg for your cock."

"Right." Larken pressed another finger inside and ducked down to suck my dick. I gasped as I hit the back of his throat and nearly came as he swallowed around me, at the same time as massaging my prostate.

Then I begged. A lot.

At least he made it worth it.