Chapter 30

Keelan

I had to get Sadie back into the hotel room. She was exposed, and being around a chaotic casino and drunk assholes was the last thing she needed. As soon as the elevator stopped to let out that intruding family, I pressed the button to take us back to our floor. Sadie hadn’t spoken since I confessed my heart to her. It was starting to scare the shit out of me.

When we reached the room, I led her inside first and shut the door behind us, giving her a moment to breathe before finally turning to face her. The weight of her silence filled my stomach with knots. When I did turn around, Sadie was already walking over to the bed and then sat down on the mattress, her expression still full of disbelief as she stared at the TV across from the bed.

Did I completely freak her out?

Fuck.

Carefully, I pulled the magazine from my waistband and lowered it into my opened bag. Seeing the blood on those pages scared Sadie so badly she had a panic attack. I was so fucking stupid; I should have burned the damned thing back at the shop.

She had been through more than most. Of course, some of it had been my fault, but I regretted nothing. I wanted her to fear me in that courtroom, so she would hide until I could escape and protect her myself. But even three thousand miles away, she wasn’t safe. Sadie would never be safe. Not until this fucking nightmare was over for good.

And my current admission in the elevator had likely been the last straw to the rest of her fears.

I approached her with a slow step. For once, I didn’t want to play cat and mouse or engage in this push-and-pull dance we had been doing the past week.

“Sadie,” I called gently, but she didn’t budge. She didn’t even bother to look over at me. Her chest moved up and down rapidly, like she was hyperventilating.

I slowly crouched in front of her, kneeling on the carpet before capturing her chin between my fingers. My other hand rested on her chest, feeling the crazy drumming of her heart. If this continued, I worried she’d end up passing out.

“Breathe,” I told her gently, her chest rising slowly against my palm. I lifted her head slightly with the tip of my finger from my other hand, forcing her to look at me. Her eyes finally met mine, but they were blank. She was emotionless—I had shattered something inside her. Sadie repeated the motion, breathing in deeply again. “Fuck, are you okay?”

Finally, she let out the smallest scoff, quickly followed by a sniffle, as I gently dropped my hand from her chest. “Keelan, I have literally never been less okay than I am right now. Except maybe when I saw you kill that guy.”

There’s my girl.

I fought the small smile threatening to curve my lips, trailing my thumb down her jaw. More tears welled in her eyes as she stared at me.

“You know you’re fucked up, right?” she told me. It was a truth as plain as day—one I desperately wanted to change but would never do. In a world like ours, I had to be fucked up to protect her. If that were the price that I needed to pay to keep her safe, I’d gladly do it again and again and again.

“I might be,” I responded, “but it doesn’t change the fact that I love you.”

She blinked once, as if she still didn’t believe the words that had just left my lips. They felt foreign on my tongue, even if—on some level—I had been aware of them for the longest time. I had loved her for as long as I could remember.

“I love you,” I repeated, wanting the words to sink in.

“Stop saying that. That’s not—that’s not what we have. That’s not what we do.” Sadie shook her head. “You’re incapable of love. You—” Her words cut off. I dragged my hand back from her face. Perhaps, on some level, she had been right. What I showed her this far had not been love in the way she needed to be loved. I had always been possessive, merciless, incapable of saying the words that felt so odd to say aloud. Yet, now that I had spoken them, I realized perhaps I was more capable of loving her differently than I had thought.

Without thinking, I leaned in, pressing my lips against hers. Carefully, I pushed on her shoulders so Sadie’s back was against the mattress. I climbed onto the bed, my knees on both sides of her thighs. My body curved over her, not as a cage, but as a shield. A shield from the fucking cruelty of the outside world.

The kiss was soft and gentle. For the first time, I didn’t ferociously claim her lips or battle her for dominance. Instead, all I wanted was to savor her taste. Enjoy the moment.

I expected her to pull back, but she didn’t. Instead, with a moment of hesitation, Sadie surrendered to the kiss. My hand found the side of her neck, lingering there but not applying any pressure. It didn’t take her long to break free from whatever chains had bound her mind in a haze of panic and resistance. Sadie’s hands grabbed the front of my shirt, pulling me closer.

Oh, thank fucking God.

The movement was urgent and rough, but my free hand lingered on top of hers, preventing her from rushing this.

I don’t want to rush it.

Finally, when I pulled back, that desire lingered in Sadie’s gaze, threatening to burn me alive. Her pink lips remained parted, her eyes locked on mine as if wondering what I’d do next. I needed to have her—I needed her more than air, but not in the usual way we fucked. I wanted her to know that I was capable of loving her—to know those words were true.

Leaning back, I grabbed the bottom of my shirt and pulled it over my head, tossing it on the floor beside us. Before I moved closer to her, I grabbed the hem of her top. My mouth met hers in yet another kiss, but it was brief before I pulled back to remove her shirt. I needed the heat of her skin against mine. My hands then drifted down her body, caressing her gently, before I reached her pants, tugging them down her legs. She lifted her hips, helping me take them off, along with her underwear, before she was bare for me, and my lips met the skin of her stomach. Slowly and gently drifting upward. Inch by inch. My eyes locked on hers, drinking in those beautiful green eyes that bewitched me years ago.

I watched her wince a little as she shifted further up on the mattress.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, pausing.

“Oh, um, my ass hurts a little from rubbing against the plastic you put over the tattoo,” she said. “I can handle that , though.”

My lips curled while my hand drifted lower, fiddling with my pants to take them off. Before I could, she sat up and gripped the sheets.

“Butterfly, butterfly,” Sadie said quickly. It was as if a bucket of icy water had been tossed over me as I froze. Her safe word . One she had never used before, even when I took her for the first time behind the family cabin.

“What?” I questioned.

“Butterfly,” she repeated, swallowing a little.

Was she serious? Using it … now?

“Sadie, what’s going on? I’m not going to hurt you. Is it your tattoo? Is it me? We’ve literally just had sex hours ago.”

“We did,” she confirmed with a slight nod. “We fucked, Keelan. But this … whatever you’re doing now, it feels different. It’s not … fucking. We haven’t done this before.”

My pants pooled at my ankles as I moved on top of her. “You said I’m incapable of loving you. I want to show you I’m not,” I told her. The heat of her body was already radiating into mine, pleading for me to come closer, but I refrained. I wouldn’t force her if she didn’t want to do this. “Do you trust me? ”

A small, nervous laugh escaped her lips. “Don’t ask me that.”

I reached out and cupped her cheek. “Do you trust me enough to give me one chance to show you I meant what I said?”

Being rough with her was all I ever knew. It worked for us, but right now , I wanted it to just be her and me. I didn’t want her to hurt, even if it brought out those sexual fantasies and pleasures we both always needed and escaped to.

Sadie searched my eyes and then slowly nodded. My head dipped lower, my lips finding hers again. Our kiss lasted for a long time, drawing out small and muffled moans as I positioned myself against her pussy.

Then, in one slow movement, I slid myself inside.

Fuck.

I was a man of many weaknesses, but she was, so far, the best one. I’d easily sell my soul for one taste of her—to sacrifice everything to have Sadie by my side.

Her inner muscles clenched around me, welcoming me with throbbing and pulsing as I thrust my hips back and forth. Slowly. Deliberately. Her entire body was already shuddering beneath me, whimpers leaving her lips as I rocked myself into her.

At last, our kiss broke, and she tipped her head back. “Keelan. Oh, God!” she moaned. One of my hands grasped her thigh, holding it open further, while the other rested against the mattress, supporting my weight so I could watch her. Every time her lips parted, every moan, every heavy sigh ... I wanted to see all of it.

Her breasts bounced with each thrust, pressed up against my bare chest, the sound of her wetness accompanying my movements. Sadie’s hands ran up my sides until her fingers dug into my back muscles, holding me close. The slight sting of her long, elegant nails set my skin ablaze. I moaned as she truly held me.

“You feel so good, baby. A fucking goddess,” I told her, meaning every word. We were made to connect like this. Two fucked up souls that could only find peace by each other’s side. Her eyes fluttered shut with pleasure as she ran her tongue over her bottom lip. It was a glorious fucking sight to watch, enough to tip me over the edge as I made love to her.

Made love .

For once, I couldn’t call it fucking.

Nor did I want to.

“God, Keelan. Oh, God,” she cried out again as I moved at that angle she liked, hitting that spot deep inside her. Just seeing her bare for me like this was enough to make me come on the spot, but somehow, I refrained, wanting to make this last.

Gently, I guided one of her legs over my shoulder while the other remained open, my body now entirely pressed against her, feeling her everywhere at once.

“Keelan, I’m so—oh, God, I’m so close,” she moaned, each word dragging out with pleasure as her body shuddered against mine.

No games , I reminded myself.

“Come for me,” I urged her gently, wanting to feel her come all over my cock. I wanted to be drenched in her arousal, marked as hers, until the end of time. Then her orgasm hit. Hard and fast. Sadie’s hands gripped the sheets, and her back arched from the bed. Her eyes rolled back into her skull, lips parting as she gasped for air, and her body shook.

Her inner walls tightened around my cock to where I could no longer hold back either, and in a heartbeat, I joined her in that release. The ecstasy that washed over me consumed every inch of my being. All of it belonged to her—all of me. I came deep inside her with a heavy moan, buckling on top of her tiny frame as my lips desperately found hers. Telling her everything she needed to know with that kiss.

Sadie had to know that, at that moment, I deeply loved her. It wasn’t just an obsession that I couldn’t free myself from. Though I knew I could never let her go, could never breathe without knowing she was mine, my desire for her went so far above that fucking marriage agreement our parents made.

Fuck the contract. I wanted her to choose to be mine.

Because I chose her.

The pleasure seemed to drag on forever, leaving us both breathless and entangled in each other, and the bliss that followed was equally satisfying. Slowly, I forced myself to pull back, rolling onto the bed beside her. While we lay there silently, I reached out and drew her into my arms.

Her back pressed against my chest, my chin resting on top of her head. The heat of her felt like coming home after being lost in a snowstorm. A sense of peace fell over us. For once, there was no fighting, no lingering annoyance between us. It was another feeling entirely.

One that made me wonder if something like this could become an everyday routine for us. A future that I never thought would be possible. I made a mental promise that once all this bullshit was done, we would start our lives together. I would dedicate my life to making her happy.

Happy and safe .

I listened to Sadie’s quiet breaths, wondering if she had already fallen asleep before she gave me an answer to that question.

“Keelan?” her voice was soft, like the sweet taste of honey.

“Mm?” I tightened my grip around her, holding her close as the peaceful warmth of her body seeped into mine.

“I … I love you, too.”