Chapter Twelve

Aiden

He knew he couldn't stall very long so he didn't see much point in trying. Therefore, it hadn't taken Aiden long to gather his stuff and the drive to Rocky's home was quick. Aiden expected that they would get into the conversation as soon as they entered the door but instead, Rocky took his backpack and set it on one of the couches in the living room before taking Aiden's hand and leading him into the kitchen and helping him onto a stool at the counter. Rocky went to the fridge and started gathering ingredients. Not a word was said until Rocky began chopping vegetables. When he finally spoke, what he said was not what Aiden had expected.

"I was married before." Rocky didn't face Aiden, but he didn't need to. Aiden could hear the choked quality of his voice and began to understand why he wasn't able to talk about it without being busy. Something about his marriage still caused Rocky pain. Aiden wanted to stop Rocky. He didn't want to hear any more about this person that Rocky clearly still loved. Aiden didn't want to know how he didn't measure up. But it seemed Rocky needed to tell him, and Aiden wanted what was best for Rocky, so he kept quiet and prepared to hate the person Rocky had married. "He was a sweet Little boy and a beautiful man. We met at a coffee shop. I couldn't have stopped myself from approaching him if I'd tried. We were together for a decade."

As much as Aiden wasn't sure he wanted to know, he couldn't stop himself from asking, "What happened?"

Rocky took a deep breath and let it out slowly before responding, "He died, four years ago."

Aiden sucked in his own breath, immediately feeling guilty for hating a dead man, even a tiny bit. It flooded him, making him ashamed but he pushed it down as Rocky continued, "When he was first diagnosed, we had a lot of hope. Don't get me wrong, we were terrified but there were plenty of ways to treat, and beat, Aplastic Anemia, so we just knew it would be fine. Time went on, however, and treatment after treatment failed. His body rejected the bone marrow and finally, after two and a half years, it was down to him having regular blood transfusions and us hoping against hope that we might find a blood relative. If we could find a relative, then his body might accept the bone marrow better. Seth didn't have anyone left, though, so in the end, the disease took him."

Aiden wasn't sure what to say. So many people said I'm sorry for your loss but half the time, they weren't really sorry for it, and even when they were, the words rang false. It was an empty platitude, and Aiden thought Rocky deserved so much better, so he settled with the truth, "I can't imagine going through that."

Rocky finally turned to him and smiled, not a full smile, but one filled with pain and grief, "I'm not telling you this so you'll feel sorry for me, but if we're going to have the kind of relationship I hope we will, you need to know. I thought I'd never love again. Hell, I thought I'd never lust again, for that matter. But then you came into my life.

I want you to know that part of me is always going to love Seth, but he isn't someone you need to compare yourself to. He isn't some invisible yardstick to stand next to and see if you measure up. You aren't some shadow image that I want because you remind me of him. The two of you are so different and yet, both so special.

What you do need to be aware of is the fact that losing him the way I did means I'll be overbearing about health; it means I'll be paranoid about safety, and I'll probably hover. This is because I don't think I can handle losing you like I did him. I'll also be extra demonstrative, extra concerned with spending time together and enjoying the moment. I'll make sure each day, with my words and actions, that you are reminded of how much you mean to me. I have loved, lost and regretted. I don't want to regret anything in our relationship.

You need to be aware of all this now, because I didn't have time to explain it this morning. I didn't have time to lay out what you can expect from me with you. I am telling you before dinner, because you need time to think before we have our talk. When we talk, I'll give you a chance, while you're armed with all the information, to back out if you want. If you don't, then that's it, you belong to me. And, baby, I don't plan to let you go."

Okay, well, wow. That was more than he was expecting, and Rocky was more intense than he'd thought, but damn if that didn't turn Aiden on in ways he'd never felt before. Rocky's words probably should have set off red flags in Aiden's mind but instead, they'd been like an aphrodisiac. Rocky had said he didn't plan to ever let Aiden go like that might be a bad thing, but what Rocky didn't know was that Aiden had been searching his whole life for someone who would hold on to him tightly and never let go.