23. Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Three

Quinn

Lachlan was sleeping soundly beside me, his face showing the exhaustion the night before had caused him. The sun was shining high in the sky outside, natural light streaming into the bedroom. I was exhausted, but strangely wide awake. His declarations a few hours ago were playing in my mind, on an endless loop I couldn't seem to stop.

I made my way quietly down the stairs, extra careful and holding onto the banister. I knew I wasn't supposed to be out of bed, except for bathroom breaks, but I needed a minute just to myself.

I cautiously, and oh so slowly, made my way to the library. Sliding across the sofa, I arranged some throw pillows under my legs, to elevate my feet. I loved this room, more than any room in the house, even the kitchen.

I loved this room the best because it was pure Lachlan. The real, unedited version of him. Where he felt most comfortable. I knew he portrayed himself as a very traditional alpha, but I was beginning to question if that's who he really was. I felt like there were layers to Lachlan that I was just beginning to peel back, and I kept finding lovely surprises underneath .

I stared up at the ceiling, overcome by all that had happened, not just in the last twenty-four hours, but the last several months. My mind was clouded with images of Lachlan, feelings, smells, sounds, and tastes.

I loved when he laughed, when I made him laugh, his voice deep and sexy. It had an almost unused quality to it, that laughter of his. I was starting to become addicted to his laughter, I admitted to myself. Sometimes I said the most outrageous things to him, in the most serious voice I could manage, just to see the look on his face. The shock, and then the smile when he realized I was messing with him, followed by his laughter. He was starting to be on to me now, and he'd snark right back at me, or say something just as off the wall.

I couldn't deny I was starting to have feelings for him. Okay, I'd had feelings for him since our first meeting, but I was starting to have deep feelings for him. It scared me, but it was also a little thrilling on top of my fear.

None of this was in my plans. Not Lachlan, not a baby – babies, holy fuck we were having two babies – not any of it. I'd been doing my best to roll with it. I'd be damned if I let him know I was starting to feel anything close to love for him.

Not just yet.

There was a part of me that still felt like, at any minute, he would become that alpha that stood in my bakery that very first day. Become the one who was convinced of what he wanted in a mate, and it wasn't anywhere close to me. He was right, I'd been holding myself back, despite saying we'd give this a go, despite saying I was all in. I hadn't been all in. I'd had one foot out the door, even after deciding to go through with the pregnancy.

It hadn't been fair to him, and he certainly didn't deserve it. He'd been nothing but the absolute best man, best alpha, I could have ever dreamed of. I realized harshly that I'd been self-sabotaging myself, and our relationship.

I looked around this room that I'd fallen so much in love with. We spent most of our time in here when I was over. Well, here and the bedroom. The dark wood, the endless wall to ceiling bookcases. Every shelf was filled with books, movies, and music.

The one wall of floor-to-ceiling windows, which looked out on the woods that surrounded us for acres and acres.

The fireplace that was warm and inviting.

I wondered if I'd be moved to couch rest, and if so, if I could just hang out in here, every day?

Honestly, the minute he'd said the word ‘library' all my senses had perked up. I loved books. Always had. All kinds of books, but okay, I was a secret romance junkaholic. ‘ Beauty and the Beast' was one of my favorite fairy tales. Ever. I mean if some prince wanted to give me full rein of his awesome library, and my own wing in his castle, sign me the fuck up. No questions asked.

I laid there thinking for another hour, in this room I was already in love with. Like I was falling in love with its owner, and thought over everything that had happened the last few months of my life.

I needed to get my shit together. I needed to concentrate on this relationship, these babies, and my mate.

I needed to start making him feel the same way he made me feel.

I heard his quiet footsteps in the hall before he entered the room. He was naked, a habit he'd developed, and I wasn't about to complain. Lachlan was a beautiful man with a stunning body.

And he's all ours, you idiot . My cat whispered smugly.

"This isn't where you are supposed to be." He stood over me, and I looked up at him .

"I know. I just needed a minute."

He seemed to understand, as he always seemed to understand me lately, no matter what I tossed his way. "It's been a lot."

I nodded. "It has."

"You ready to go back to bed?"

"Yeah, I'm still tired. Not like I can't take a nap." I knew the bakery was fine today and would be for the next week. After Finn evaluated me when this week was up, we'd make further arrangements, as necessary. I knew that may mean hiring another baker and letting Lachlan pay their salary until I got my trust, and could afford to take on the added expenses. The thought no longer scared me. My one job right now was keeping my babies inside me, where they needed to be. Nothing else mattered to me as much anymore. It was a surprising realization, but it was the truth.

I had no clue what to do with my house. Rent it? Sell it? I was sure Lachlan, or Wade, or any member of our families, would make sure it was taken care of. I was planning to move in with him, I just thought I'd have more time to plan and arrange things.

Fate had been messing with all my plans since November, so nothing should surprise me.

I just needed to come to terms with the fact that I really wasn't in control of a damn thing, no matter how much I liked to act like I was.

I squealed when Lachlan lifted me, bridal style, and carried me up the stairs. It seemed like I'd hardly walked on my own two feet, since waking up to the nightmare that had been our bed the night before. I snuggled into his warmth, breathing in his scent.

"Lachlan," I whispered, as he cleared the last step, and headed down the hallway.

"Hmmm? "

"I…" I took a deep breath. "I'm not there yet. Where you are, with things. I'm scared, and I need you to be patient with me. I'm getting there, but I'm not there yet. I'll say the words to you. Someday, I promise. I'm just not there yet."

His gaze was so loving, when he looked down at me, that it warmed me from the inside out. It made me feel a little bad, for not being on the same page as him yet.

"I know, Quinn." He kissed the tip of my nose. "I know, and it's okay. I can wait."