Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

Simon

" P lease, Master," I sobbed, my voice slightly strangled, as Victor ended his call and pushed me off his cock.

I didn't know what I was asking, what I wanted. My head and heart were a mess as I knelt on all fours between Victor's spread legs. The last several hours had been some of the best of my life. Victor had given me everything I'd ever craved and more.

And I felt wretched.

"Hey, hey," Victor said as I tried to hide my burning face against his thigh. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

He was already stressed, I knew. Whatever he'd been discussing with his cousin, it had to do with the problems at Victory Holdings. I knew enough about the situation now, though my information was vague, to guess there were serious problems and he was the point person who had to deal with them. He absolutely did not need an omega having an existential crisis snotting all over his leg.

"Simon. Hey. Look at me."

Victor's voice was different, and I guessed he'd popped out of our scene for a second. That made me feel even worse. It meant I'd have to leave the submissive place that felt so good and so right to face what we were doing as the mature, proud omega I was supposed to be.

With a supreme effort of will, tears streaming down my cheeks, I dragged myself straighter and knelt up a bit, sucking in a breath at the feeling of the massive, knotted dildo in my ass, and forced myself to look Victor square in the eyes.

"You've obviously got a lot going on here that isn't about the scene," Victor said, stroking the side of my face and brushing his fingers through my hair.

It hurt. More than the sadistic shower jet. Victor's kind, soft touch hurt so much, because it was tender and caring, like he really was responsible for me and took that responsibility seriously.

Like I was actually his slave.

"Talk to me," he said, leaning in a bit and settling his elbows on his knees, even though both hands still cupped my face. "I figured out earlier that something is up in that beautiful head of yours. I shouldn't have kept playing when I sensed you're in some kind of mental turmoil."

"No, I wanted you to keep playing," I said in a gust of breath, having the hardest time holding his gaze. I didn't feel like I deserved it. "I…this is the best day of my life."

There. I said it.

Victor frowned in confusion.

I burst into tears again, slumping.

Victor sucked in a breath and sat back a bit. "Okay, we really need to talk about this."

He shifted to lift me under my shoulders and to sit me on the bed next to him. As he did, he noticed the handle end of the dildo protruding from my hole.

"Lie over the bed for a second so I can take this out," he ordered me, maybe without even realizing it was an order. "Then we'll talk man to man."

I did exactly as he told me without hesitation, spreading myself over the cool cotton of his duvet and keeping my legs apart so he could deflate the fake knot, then slowly slide the dildo out. It felt so good to feel that friction that I moaned and my cock twitched. Not that it wasn't already hard.

Victor got up to take the dildo to the bathroom, but returned right away and sat on the bed beside me. I hadn't moved from my spread position, and he stroked a hand down my back to the curve of my ass, as if making certain his possession was in good order.

Outside of play.

My heart sang, and I couldn't stop my tears.

"Simon, sweetheart," he appealed to me, nudging me to sit. "We have to talk about this before we move on. I can't, in good conscience, continue to the fantasy if I know you're suffering in some way."

That thought horrified me. I didn't want to stop this fantasy. A handful of hours into it, I didn't ever want to stop this fantasy.

I dragged myself to sit up and face him. Victor had fetched the robe he'd taken out for me when he'd come back from the bathroom, and he wrapped that around my shoulders, closing it in front, then rubbing my arms.

Then he waited.

I didn't know where to even begin. And I was back to not being able to look at him, my head bowed.

Victor let out a breath through his nose that I desperately hoped wasn't frustration, then asked, "Is it the scene? Is being a slave more than you anticipated?"

I swallowed, then looked up at him. I shook my head.

It took me several more, painful seconds to whisper, "No, it's wonderful."

Victor breathed in, nodding like he was starting to understand.

Actually, I had this visceral sense that he really was starting to understand. It wasn't just a guess either. It was a sixth sense, an almost tangible feeling…like the beginnings of a bond.

My heart sped up.

"You know I've played like this before," he said.

I nodded and lowered my head. Those words were like an arrow in my heart. Victor was my master. It felt wrong to think of him with anyone else.

Worse than that, it made me feel like shit to think I was just another generic, subby omega that he didn't care about.

He cupped my cheek and lifted my face to look at him again.

"I'm only saying that so you don't think I'm talking out my ass about this," he said. "Because I'll tell you right now, you're different, Simon. You're special. I've played with a dozen omegas and more, and even though it's not even the end of day one for us, I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that you're so different from any of them."

"I know," I whispered, lowering my head again, which meant pressing my face into his palm.

"I mean that as a good thing," Victor said, adjusting his thumb to run it over my lips. "Not to be crass, but you heard what my friend Artemis said in the office. And by the way, in case you were wondering, yes, the office is all staged, no one has access to it, I own this entire building, and Artemis is not only a trusted friend, he's my second. At no point were you in any danger or made more vulnerable than you should be."

I sucked in a breath and glanced up at him. Come to think of it, I did remember seeing Artemis's name and face in the information Victor and I swapped about seconds. I was somewhere else entirely during the scene, though, so I didn't even think of it.

That also made me wonder if I should be calling Ari right about now to report on a glitch in the scene.

I didn't want that, though. Ari might have been my second, but he wasn't part of this.

"You're so good at this that I'm amazed this is your first time," Victor went on, twisting to face me more fully. I had the sense that he wanted to take me into his arms, but he didn't. "I agree with Artemis. If I didn't know better, I would say you actually are a slave that has been trained for the position. Omegas who play like this definitely feel like they're playing. With you, I don't feel that barrier at all."

"I know," I said, another geyser of emotion welling up in me. "That's the problem."

I sobbed, unable to continue for a moment.

Victor hummed softly, like he understood a bit more. "It isn't a game for you," he said, summing it up nicely.

Feeling his understanding broke the last barrier inside of me.

"I want it like I've never wanted anything before," I gasped out, staring straight into his eyes, like I wanted to force him to understand, and like I was appealing for help. "I crave to feel this way. I only thought so before, but having you as my master, working hard to please you and be used by you is like breathing freely for the first time in my life. It's like a glass of cool water after running a mile, like…like knowing everything is going to be okay."

Victor smiled, but he was still puzzled. "That's a wonderful thing, isn't it?"

"No!" I shouted, my shame too loud within me to keep quiet on the outside. "No, it's a terrible thing!"

Victor's brow knit even more, and he adjusted his posture again, leaning in like he would pick the problem apart and find a solution.

"There's no shame in embracing what you want," he said.

"Yes, there is!" I argued, gesturing wildly. "Because I want to be wretched. I want to be owned and used. I love the way you've fucked me, like I don't matter, like I'm just a hole to you. I love wearing a collar that you put on me and being led through what could have been public on a leash. I love being painted with your cum and having someone else see me that way. And when you complimented me in front of your friend and called me good and beautiful?"

I gave a little shiver, and my cock jerked with excitement at the remembered feelings of humiliation.

Then I sagged and let out a deep sigh.

"It's wrong," I said, lowering my head and letting the tears flow again. "It's so wrong. It's an insult to everything omegas have fought for all these years. It's disgusting and depraved. I'm betraying every omega who came before me by wanting to be servile and objectified. My brother would laugh at me, and then he'd be nauseated by the things I want. I'm supposed to be a strong, proud omega who wants a career and prestige, not a sub who is content to kneel naked at my alpha's feet with his cock in my mouth as he ignores me and carries on with business."

Victor said nothing at first, but the feelings I had from him were loud and roiling. It was weird, but I could feel him thinking, like he was having a conversation with someone in a room down the hall and I could hear the sound of his voice, but I couldn't make out the words.

Finally, after so, so long, he moved on the bed again, throwing one leg around me so that I sat between his legs as he caressed my face and neck.

"Simon, look at me," he said, so much dominance in his voice, whether he knew it or not.

Of course, I had to look at him then.

He cupped my face again and said, "There is no shame at all in submission. None."

I kept silent, but gave him a look like he was wrong and like it would do no good for him to placate me like that.

"I am absolutely serious," he said as if my look had been words. "You are who you are. That isn't an insult to omegas everywhere or a betrayal of omegas who have struggled for a place at the table in the past. That was their struggle, and we all honor it, but that doesn't mean you have an obligation to fit yourself into a role in society that you don't want."

I had my doubts about that, too, and I let him know with a look.

"Hey, I'm no expert," he went on, holding my head with both hands, "but I feel like I read an article at some point that talked about omega DNA and how some people just have all those genetic switches flicked for instinctive submission. Thousands of years ago, apparently, omegas were more subservient than alphas or betas, way more than most are today. It's entirely possible that you've got that going on genetically, on a cellular level."

"I…I've read those articles," I said, guilt and hope warring within me. "I'm not sure about the science."

"Sweetheart, you're living the science," he said. "Didn't you just tell me today has been the best day of your life and that you've loved every sadistic, dominant thing I've done to you?"

I nodded, my face hot with embarrassment. I would have bowed my head, except he wouldn't let me.

"Simon, there's absolutely zero shame in embracing the way you were made," he said, completely certain and with authority that made my heart zing. "You don't have to feel guilty or embarrassed about finally being able to make peace with yourself and be who you are destined to be."

"But people will think I'm horrible," I whispered, tears starting again. "Society looks down on omegas like that. They're considered gross and offensive."

"By who?" Victor asked, like he would fight anyone who dared to say that about me.

"By everyone," I said. "My brother makes fun of them all the time."

Victor hummed and nodded. "So really, you're concerned about what your brother thinks of you."

I sucked in a breath. I desperately cared what Hayden thought of me. Hayden was so much better than me in every way, and I loved him. I didn't think I could bear it if I confessed who I truly was to him and he turned his back on me.

"It's everyone," I said, closing my eyes and going heavy with misery.

"I don't think you're weak or gross," Victor said, his voice so tender that I opened my eyes again. "I think you're incredibly brave for embracing this part of yourself. I think you're beautiful and desirable. You're not the only one loving this fantasy. Everything about you makes me hot and hard. You bring out parts of me that I've tried to squash and that have made me do some questionable thing in the past."

I blinked and looked at him with more focus.

"Yeah, I haven't always been a saint," he confessed with a sigh. "Just because I've played this fantasy before doesn't mean I've always done it right or felt good about what I've done."

For a moment, something dark and bitter fell over him. It was strange, but it felt like the negative image of the same guilt and shame I'd always felt for the pulsing knot of subservience in my soul. I just sort of knew that he had stronger dominant tendencies than maybe he'd been letting on, and they'd hurt him in the past.

"I like that about you," I whispered, caught between feeling like it wasn't my place to tell my master how to be with me, but sensing he needed to know I was open to him. "That's what feels so wrong to me. I like that you could be cruel to me."

Victor huffed out of his spiraling thoughts and gave me a weak smile. "So really, what we're both saying here is that we bring out the primal things in each other."

"I…I think so," I said.

Actually, I knew it. And as wild as it was, I felt better. I still had a long, long way to go before I could even start to make peace with the darkness within me, but I had a light at the end of the tunnel now in the form of Victor. I felt like I could be myself, or at least try to find who that was, with Victor and he wouldn't judge me. He would help me.

I slipped off the bed and knelt on the floor beside him, resting my forehead on his leg.

"You are my master," I told him. "All I want to do is obey you and please you." I glanced up and met his eyes. "For this week, this fantasy," I said, feeling a quiver of excitement and rightness in my gut. "I think I can block the guilt and fear out for this week, as long as I'm with you. But I don't want you to hold back on me because you feel sorry for me or anything."

"I don't feel sorry for you at all," Victor said, his brow going up. He shifted again so that his legs framed me and stroked my hair and face. "I feel proud of you. I meant it when I said you're beautiful and perfect. You're a perfect slave, and I'm so proud to be your master."

That did it. I burst into tears yet again, but for an entirely different reason this time. There were no words for how good and fulfilling it felt to hear him praise me just for being me. It was like the core of my being was finally being fed everything it had ever wanted, like I could finally, for the first time in my life, truly be happy.

"Command me, Master," I said, gazing up at him with adoring eyes. "I am yours for whatever you want."

Victor smiled, his look full of joy and lust. He took a deep breath, like he, too had let something go and felt lighter.

He pushed me back a bit from the bed, then grabbed my head and forced me to lower all the way until my cheek was pressed against the floor with my hips and ass in the air. Then he put his foot on my head to hold me there and stroked my lifted ass with one hand.

"Such a perfect, hot slave," he said, sliding his fingers between my cheeks to rub my sore but hungry hole. "You think you're ready to sate all of my lusts? Even the ones I keep hidden?"

"Yes, Master," I said, relaxing as he thrust his fingers into me and pushed down harder with his foot. It felt so good and right that I closed my eyes, and for the first time in my life, I let absolutely everything go and just accepted who I knew I was and had always wanted to be.