5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

Chase

This room was…wow. Like nothing I'd never seen but totally amazing.

"Hey, look," Henry ran over to the shelf and grabbed one of the containers. "You have a whole bucket of pretend food."

"Ooohhh, my Daddy is the bestest!" Jamie cheered. Their excitement was infectious though I remained somewhat reserved. What if I did something wrong or didn't play the right way? They obviously spent a lot of time together and were very in tune with one another.

Henry passed around the plastic food and Jamie filled our teacups. "Okay, pinkies out like this." Jamie showed us the proper way, well the way he thought it should be, for holding a teacup. "Nummy, nummy, nummy."

I played along but my eyes darted to the massive number of stuffies on the shelf. Outside of a toy store, which there weren't many anymore, I'd never seen this many before. Stuffies were one of my favorite things. Next to Spiderman, that was.

"Do you want to hold one of my new stuffies? You can if you want to," Jamie asked me. This guy was so kind, like all the way down to his bones nice.

I nodded and he ran over to them, grabbing a teddy bear. "What should we name them?" His eyes landed on my arms. "I like your tattoos."

"Thank you. This one is my band logo." I pointed to the Embrace logo David designed that the four of us proudly wore on our arms. Rhone had placed his next to his dad's band logo .

"Embrace the Fear. Oh, that sounds scary." Jamie shivered.

"It's not. It's fun but overwhelming sometimes. When I get off stage, I have all this nervous energy, and I don't know what to do with it." That was the short version of it. It was like I was electrified and needed to run laps or something.

"Do you have any toys?" Jamie asked. "Coloring or playing with my stuffies helps me after work sometimes. Now that I have a Daddy, it's a lot easier to unwind."

"I have some coloring books but there are usually a lot of people around, so I don't bring them out much. I live with my best friend, David, and his boyfriend, Jordan. Jordan is a boy but not a little. They're the ones who told me to go to the club. I'm glad I did because I made new friends."

"Friends forever!" Henry cheered and I smiled. A real, genuine smile. I liked these guys, and easily pictured the three of us becoming life-long friends like me and my band brothers.

"Yes, friends forever. I like you guys, you play with me," Jamie said, and I felt a kindred connection with him having felt the same way. I'm glad we got invited today. This reality break was just what my brain needed.

"You can come over and play with me anytime," Jamie offered, and I knew he meant it .

"Same. My Daddies let me and Jamie have sleepovers," Henry added, and I immediately envisioned us having overnight parties together.

"So, what are you going to name your new bear?" Jamie asked me.

"My new bear? He's yours, you should name him." I forgot I still had the silly bear.

"Nope, it's my birthday so I get to choose what to do and that prezzie is for you." Was he kidding? Jamie got all these prezzies, as he called them, and he offered one to me?

Who does that?

Good people, that's who. Those who never had much and appreciated everything like you, Chase.

"Thank you," I whispered, on the verge of tears. "It's my first stuffie." Not totally true but it was the first one anyone besides me ever gave me.

"Cheers to his first stuffie!" Henry held up his cup and we tapped ours to it.

"I'm going to name him Beary as in I love him Beary much." I cuddled him tight and let my little slip out. It was so freeing, and I was tired of holding him back.

"Let's play cars," Jamie suggested as he funneled through the bucket filled with them. "Look how shiny this one is."

We each grabbed a handful and raced them around then I took out the building blocks and made walls for us to crash through. Henry would giggle, drive through the blocks then clap his hands and shout, "Again!" This was so much fun, I never wanted it to end.

"All right, boys," Daddy Timothy came in. "Wow, I guess you tested all the toys today."

"We did," Jamie hopped up and ran over to him. "And I gave Chase a prezzie, too."

"You, my love, are the sweetest boy ever. Get cleaned up, tonight is make your own pizza night. I'll go start the pizza oven outside."

Ooohhh, pizza oven.

I wonder if Casey had one, too?

"Yay, pizza!" We cheered and cleaned up but when we got to the kitchen the Daddies weren't there.

"Yummy pepperonis." Jamie started nibbling on the toppings they had set out. I was hungry but not enough to get into trouble.

"Where's your roller thingy? I want my crust thinner." Henry opened and closed the drawers until he found what he was looking for. "Aha."

They got to playing around and dough flew all over. I stood back, wanting no part of this and I'd already made up my mind I wasn't eating any of what they had touched. They were picking pieces up off the floor and rolling them back into the dough they'd messed with.

Jamie and Henry tried to peel the pieces they cut from the countertop. "It's sticking. "

"We need more flour." Jamie grabbed the bag and struggled to open it. Not two seconds later it exploded everywhere. "Ut oh."

This was not good.

"What the actual fuck?" Daddy Timothy yelled as he and Casey stepped back inside.

"Ooohhh, Daddy Casey, Daddy Timothy said a bad word," Henry tattled.

"Yes, he did, and I don't blame him." Casey shook his head. "This will not be an easy clean up."

"We were only outside for ten minutes. How did this happen?" Timothy said as he stared at Jamie who was on the verge of crying, as was I. "Try not to cry because it will make the flour stick to you even more."

"Well, since mine is the only one not covered in flour," Casey stared at me. I was afraid to move but before he could finish his sentence Henry's Daddies spoke.

"Oh, I've got our naughty boy," Jensen said as he and Mitchell walked in. "Henry, follow me." His Daddies were not happy.

"I didn't do it," I threw my hands up and hollered. "Please don't punish me."

"Sweet boy, I don't believe you did anything wrong," Casey took my hand, "but let's go outside and brush you off. "

"Henry," his Daddy Mitchell said and when he slid Henry's shirt off a white cloud filled the air, "why did you do this?"

"The-the," he stuttered, "the dough was sticking to the counter so we got the flour but couldn't open it. And-and it was so soft, so we played in it, but it tasted nasty." Henry stuck out his tongue and a white streak ran down the center. "Blech."

"Jamie, I don't even know what to say." Daddy Timothy shook his head. "The kitchen is a mess. The dough was already rolled out so there was nothing for you to do but decorate your pizza. Now, I don't even know if we can save any of it."

"Sorry, Daddies," Henry and Jamie said together as they cried.

"Jamie, how did it get in your ears?" Daddy Timothy asked as he tried to get it out.

"My ear itched."

"And up your nose?"

"The flour made me sneeze, so I rubbed it."

This was one of those funny-not funny situations. Had I been with the band it would've been funny, and we'd have relentlessly teased the one who did it. But here this was a bit more serious, and I'd read stories online of Daddies punishing their littles for naughty things and I didn't want that. Nor did I ever want Casey to be disappointed or upset with me.

Once Casey and I had me cleaned up, we went back inside to try and help with the mess. Daddy Mitchell came back inside and just as he stepped behind the island, splat , a chunk of dough Jamie had thrown in the air that had stuck to the ceiling landed on his head.

"I don't even know what to say," Daddy Mitchell growled.

"I'm at a loss, guys. I'm so sorry about this. I hope dinner isn't ruined." I felt bad for Daddy Timothy. He planned this party and now it was ruined.

Daddy Mitchell tossed the dough atop his head into the trash. "I think it'll be all right. I'll brush off the rest of the dough and do a quick rinse to the toppings. We should be good to go, though you'll likely find flour for the next millennia. They killed the entire bag."

"Jesus." Daddy Timothy shook his head.

"I'll go dress Henry and bring the boys in." Jensen went out while we kept cleaning.

"Thanks, guys, I appreciate the help." Daddy Timothy thanked us. I was helping Casey sweep and mop.

Once the kitchen was good to go and they'd thrown away the messed-up pizza dough, they divided the remaining doughs up. Casey and I shared one and decorated it together which was fun. He wasn't mad at me, so I no longer felt like throwing up.

After he finished eating, Timothy stood and began gathering the empty plates. "Why don't you boys go into the playroom while we get the kitchen cleaned up."

"Okay, Daddy. Thank you for dinner." Jamie kissed his cheek and skipped off down the hall like nothing ever happened. I wondered if he'd get a spanking later.

Not long after, Casey came and got us for cake and ice cream. I was still full from the pizza, but I didn't want to disappoint Jamie by not having any.

"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Jamie. Happy birthday to you," we sang, and not well I might add.

Jamie's eyes were wide as saucers. He hopped and clapped when we were done. "Thank you!"

"Make a wish and blow out the candle," Daddy Timothy told him.

Jamie closed his eyes and scrunched his face then blew as hard as he could. As soon as it went out, we clapped along with him. "Okay, Jamie, open your presets."

Henry and I watched him while the Daddies served the cake. Jamie got a racetrack from Henry, and a gift card from me and Casey.

"Thank you, everyone. Ooohhh, cake with ice cream in it. I've never had that before." Jamie was so excited. "So nummy, nummy," before he got to his third nummy, he slapped his forehead. "Owie, owie, owie. Ice cream head rush."

"Slow it down, Jamie," Daddy Timothy warned .

I got that he was excited, but brain freezes were no fun. I should know, every time I got a slushie I did the same thing.

We were supposed to go swimming but after all those carbs we were on the verge of passing out, so we went to the playroom until it was time to leave.

I don't remember how long we played but I must've fallen asleep on the floor because I woke to Casey's soft voice beside me. "Chase, sweetie. Time to go home."

"M'kay. Seepy." Just a few more minutes was all I wanted.

"I know, sweet boy. Let's get you home so you can rest."

"Wanna go home with you." The thought of Casey holding me while I slept made me all warm and fuzzy.

Then it hit me what I'd said and where I was.

My eyes popped open, and I bolted upright, prepared to backtrack and apologize. Whatever it took so he wouldn't be upset with me. "Oh, um."

"I'd love to show you my place." Whew, I hadn't crossed an invisible barrier but me and my little were about to have a chat. Casey helped me up and held my hand as we thanked Timothy for all the fun. "Thank you for having us today. Outside of flour-geddon, we had a great time."

He-he, flour-geddon . I didn't dare laugh but now that it was over it was pretty freaking funny .

"Thank you," I said and cuddled Beary. I would've hugged Jamie and Henry, but they were curled up together on the paw bed asleep.

"You're very welcome," Daddy Timothy said to me.

"You're awfully quiet over there," Casey said as we merged into traffic.

How did I explain that I was embarrassed for the needy request I made?

"You, um, you don't have to take me to your house. Sorry about that." There, I used my words.

"Would you be more comfortable at your house?"

"I just," I sighed, might as well get it out. "I meant you could just drop me off if you didn't want to hang out anymore."

Casey didn't say a word. He put on the turn signal and pulled into a nearby lot and parked.

"Chase." I said nothing, just stared out the window waiting for the words I feared most. "Chase, look at me."

Reluctantly, I turned to face him.

"Chase, I want nothing more than to spend the evening and as much time as I can get with you. I only wish you'd verbalize these wants as well as your little does. When will Chase the man let me in?"

Until he said those words, I hadn't realized I had not only held myself back, but us as well .

"I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm doing." That was putting it mildly.

"Let's go back to your house, where you're more comfortable so we can talk. Will that work for you?" When I nodded, Casey took my hand and kissed the top of it then held it for the duration of the drive.

I could do this.

Correction, I wanted to do this.

Most of the cars were still there when we pulled up but knowing those guys they were across the street at Rhone and Ely's house eating. We were spoiled having fantastic chefs like Ely and Jordan in the family.

Casey grabbed a bag from the back of his SUV, and we thankfully stepped inside to a quiet house.

"You staying put?" Snipe's voice scared the hell out of me.

"Yeah, if I go anywhere it will just be to Rhone's later." Though likely not. I was emotionally drained after today.

"Cool. Sikes is over there so I'm gonna go grab a bite." Snipe turned and headed across the street.

"How hard was it to get used to having bodyguards?"

"It's a complete and total life change. I mean, I get the necessity but sometimes it feels like overkill." I glanced down at Beary whom I still had a firm grip on. Snipe hadn't said a word about a grown man carrying around a toy. Maybe this would all be okay. Me being a little, that was.

"Want to watch a movie or sit outside?" Casey asked as he glanced around the living room.

"Yeah, but up in my room if that's cool?" We had a lot to talk about and getting interrupted or risking the brotherly insanity that was my everyday life…none of that was how I wanted this night to go down.

"Lead the way."

Casey silently followed me up the stairs and into my room. My guts were in my throat. While I knew there were things to clear up, I was reluctant to do so. What if the end result was him breaking up with me? He was the Daddy, couldn't he just magically fix everything and make it right?

Ugh, I hated making decisions.

"There's a mini fridge with drinks in it over there." I pointed to the area I considered my office area. Desk, computer, mini fridge. All the necessities. I should consider adding a Keurig, though.

"Well," Casey handed me the bag he had. "Here's your gift."

I sat Beary on the bed next to Miles and Spidey and pulled the box out and opened it. "It's my lucky bear day. I love him!"

"I'm glad you like him. I saw it online and I knew my boy had to have it."

His boy. Maybe we would be okay .

"How in the world did you find a metal bear? Complete with felt microphone and guitar?" This one was by far my favorite. It wasn't just a bear. It was a gift that Casey specifically searched for and purchased for me.

I sat him on the bed with the others and hugged Casey. It felt so good to be back in his arms. This day had been full of highs and lows and mentally I was all over the place. Casey calmed me, even when my errant thoughts and worries got the best of me like they had during the car ride home.

More than once lately I'd proven an idle mind was not good for me.

"What do you want to watch, or would you rather sit and talk?" Casey glanced around the room. I had a loveseat and table in the corner facing my collectibles. And then there was my…bed. "Remember, Chase, I said talk. Nothing will ever happen between us that you don't initiate and even then if I feel you're questioning it still will not happen. Relationships, at least for me, are about far more than sex and even if that never happened for us I'd be perfectly content."

"Really?" Was this guy for real?

"I promise. Is that what you're nervous about?"

"That, and a long list of other stuff." A never-ending list that would surely drive him away.

Ugh. I was a hopeless mess .

"Here," Casey sat on the sofa and patted the space beside him. "Let's decompress and when you're ready to talk we can, about anything you want."

I took a seat beside him, still holding the new bear.

"Have you named him yet?"

As soon as he asked I knew. "Lucky."

"Lucky?"

"Yeah. Lucky." That's how I felt right now. "So, what made you want to become a professor?"

"Believe it or not, I wanted to be a writer."

"That's awesome. I take it once you got to college that changed?" I loved writing and had kept journals of random musings and thoughts since I could write.

"Somewhat. I've had numerous articles published and started a memoir but was bit by the thirst for knowledge bug in college. When I ran out of classes to take I turned to teaching and never looked back. One day I'll hopefully publish a book but in the interim I'm more than happy with the direction my life went in."

"I love that. One dream led to another, and two perfect dreams merged." I could sit and listen to Casey talk for hours.

"I'm used to giving boys bedtimes and reading them stories beforehand but with your lifestyle I'm not sure that will be possible. "

Casey sounded disappointed. "Maybe we could make part of it work?"

"Oh yeah? What did you have in mind?"

"What if you read me bedtime stories each night, providing I'm not on stage, before you went to bed?" I loved his voice. The calming timbre kept the anxiety at bay.

He kissed my forehead. "Genius suggestion. I love it."

We talked for hours and when we tired of the couch we curled up on the bed together and picked right back up until we fell asleep.

I woke when my alarm went off, thankfully I'd set it so I wouldn't be late to practice but sadly the bed beside me was empty.

And I hated it.

Rather than lay around and pout about it, I got up and went to the bathroom and there it sat. The journal from my nightstand, opened to a particular page.