10. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Casey

"Did you see your boy off this morning?" Richard asked over lunch. These meals had become a weekly deal since I started dating Chase. It was hard to be mad if he was pressing for updates, though I couldn't deny that I enjoyed seeing my friend.

"Yes, went by this morning before they got picked up. He's sharing a bus with David and Jordan which makes me feel a bit better." David was aware of his little side and I more than trusted him to treat Chase properly if it peeked out. Did I want him to replace me? Absolutely not, but given how much more at ease Chase had become, David was the best backup Daddy and the only one I trusted until I could get there. I had made sure Chase packed his Spidey backpack, toys, and his bears so he had as many creature comforts as possible.

"How's it going? With Chase, that is."

From anyone else that question wouldn't have been met with a warm reception, but I knew Richard genuinely cared.

"Well, we exchanged I love yous and now they're free flowing." And I soaked them up like a sponge. I swear, every time Chase told me he loved me I heard angels sing. Coming from me that was saying something, but those words elevated me to an unfathomable level.

"That's great. You're meeting them on tour after your summer class is over I assume?"

"You assume correctly, my friend. He knows I'm coming but not when. David helped me set it up with their management team so I could surprise him. Let me ask you something." I tossed my napkin aside. "Do you ever see or hear from Chase's dad, Johnny?"

"We see each other in passing and wave as we drive past. He still lives in the old house, alone. Never remarried and as far as I can tell has never so much as dated."

"Never acknowledged his son, either, and it really hurt Chase. Do you feel it would be a bad move for me to have a chat with Johnny? I'm hoping they can repair the bond they once had." I understood Johnny hurt, but hiding from a child who was also in pain was a cowardice move in my eyes.

"This won't turn physical, will it?"

"Have you ever known me to throw more than words?" I possessed an uncanny knack, a gift if you would, for making those at fault feel about two inches high. But the conversation to be had with Johnny was neither the time nor the place for that. Two people were deeply hurt and the only way to make it stop or at least ease the pain would be for them to finally talk it out.

"True. Sorry, had to ask. I mean, if you think you can get through to him, I say go for it. But if at any time you feel his speaking to Chase would cause Chase further pain, abort the mission. If you catch my drift." Richard side-eyed me.

"I caught it and there is no way in hell anyone will hurt Chase. Not on my watch." I would move heaven and earth to assure that .

"Spoken like a man in love. I wish you both well, my friend." Richard stood and patted my shoulder. "Let me know how it goes."

The rest of the day was uneventful. Thankfully the Chase and Mr. Robinson nosey Nellies moved on to another celebrity sighting. I'd barely walked in the door when I got home when my phone rang and Chase's handsome face filled the screen.

"My little songbird, it's wonderful to see your smiling face." He'd only been gone eight hours, and my heart already ached.

"Daddy! I wanted to show you our bus. Have you got a few minutes?"

"Always for the love of my life." Chase grinned wide and I felt like I won the lottery. "Give me the grand tour."

Chase flipped the camera around and began.

"This is the front glass that separates us from the drivers. Here is one of the TVs," he pointed to a large screen mounted on the same divider with two loveseat style recliners below it. "Each bunk and the bedroom to the back have TVs as well. David and Jordan got that room, but I got a really big bunk with drawers under it this time. This is our new bus and it's super comfy." Ah, a peek at my excited little.

"Hey, Casey," David said as he and Jordan waved as Chase passed them by .

"Hey, guys. Take good care of my," shoot, almost said boy but I wasn't sure how Chase would feel about that. "Man," I quickly corrected.

"Don't worry, Daddy, I'll watch over your boy," David winked. "I promise."

Whew. "Thank you."

"Okay, my Daddy to show around." Wow, my sweet little got a bit huffy.

"Be nice, Songbird. David means well."

"Sorry, Daddy. Here is our kitchen and dining area. Where we have our meetings, too."

They had a full-size fridge, oven, stove, microwave and more countertops than I'd seen in any RV.

"This is the front bath which is mine. David and Jordan have their own in their room. Here is my bunk. Easton had new buses designed with everyone pairing up so it left more room for bigger bunks for the rest of us," Chase sighed. "I can't wait for you to get here."

"I'll be there before you know it, my love. Show me your stuffies."

He flipped the curtain back and nearly dropped the phone.

"Oops, sorry."

"No worries. I see Lucky and Beary but where's Miles?"

Chase dug around and pulled him from underneath the pillow .

"He got stuck. Look, I have a TV and these cool shelves with charging stations and outlets and more headroom than I've ever had. I can actually sit up in it. But the bunk above is where Sikes and Snipe sleep." He hopped inside his bunk and got comfy before he flipped the phone screen back around so I could see his handsome face.

"There is my boy. Did you already eat dinner?"

"No, we are about to stop so Jordan and Ely can feed us. Jordan does some food prep on our bus and Ely does the rest on his and Rhone's, then we all stop and eat together. It's kind of nice."

"Sounds like it. How long until your first show?"

"Like two days, I think. It is so boring on driving days. Quicker to fly but then the roadies still have to drive all our gear, so it only seems fair we travel together."

Such a sweet boy, always worrying about others.

"I suppose sometimes you all hop on the same bus and practice or write songs?" I'd slipped a note into the notebook he carried around and couldn't wait for him to find it.

"We do. It'll happen at some point over the next few weeks but for now everyone is still getting settled in and unpacked. I already got all my stuff set up ‘cause I wanted to call you."

"How'd you know I was home already?"

"Lucky guess," he shrugged. "I had to stop myself from calling like ten times already today. "

I threw my head back and laughed. "You did, huh?" No use mentioning how many times I checked my phone for messages. "Feel free to text me whenever you want, and I'll check my phone as time allows."

"Okay. Will you read to me tonight, Daddy?" he whispered.

"I would love to."

"We're slowing down and I'm starving. I'll call you later but not too late. Love you, Daddy."

"Love you, too, my little songbird."

I stared at the black screen the once held the face of my sweet boy.

How in the hell would I survive these next six weeks?

This boy made me feel so alive, invincible, even like a great protector. His happiness was the driving force that propelled me forward. I'd always been a nice, attentive Daddy but now it was to the extreme. Not a fan of punishments or naughty boys but with Chase I strived for perfection in myself. Chase made me want to be the best possible man and Daddy I could be.

I busied myself with dinner and grading finals until my boy was tucked in and ready for me to read to him. My life had become so mundane and generally at the end of the school year I rolled right into summer classes. With no boy to tend to, I buried myself in work. Now I had future tours and more time with my boy to look forward to.

This would likely be the last summer class I taught, and I couldn't be happier. Don't get me wrong, I loved teaching, broadening minds and drawing out creative gifts was a joy. But now I was at the point in my life where I was ready to settle down and in my heart I knew that would be with Chase.

Ten-thirty had come and gone, and I'd resigned myself to the fact I'd not hear from my boy tonight and pushed through my nighttime ritual—shutting down the computer, locking the doors and turning off the lights—when the phone rang and there he was, his head on a pillow as he stared into the phone screen.

"Hi, Daddy."

"Hello, my love. Busy night?"

"Yes. We tend to lose track of time when we have jam sessions. The four of us ended up on Seltzer's bus and made the drivers pull over when it was time to get back on our own. Now I'm all tucked in and ready to hear Daddy's sexy voice."

"Sexy, huh?" Hearing that was akin to getting a second wind. Puffed up peacock and all that. "Tell me about your night while I get ready for bed."

"We ate and worked on lyrics then decided to get some music down. It wasn't until Jeremiah said he was ready to crash that we noticed the time. I hope I didn't keep you up too late, I know you have to work tomorrow."

Such a thoughtful boy. "For you, my little songbird, I'd lose endless amounts of sleep." Just neglected to add until my old ass passed out. Stamina of the young, what I wouldn't give to get some of that back.

"Can you read the puppies, Daddy? Please?"

"Absolutely." I picked up Dash & Vi before I slid into bed. "From the beginning?"

"Yes, please. I missed it all last time." Chase yawned. "Your voice makes me nice and comfy. Just wish your arms were wrapped around me, too."

"Me, too, sweet boy and they will be soon. Then I'll never let you go."

"I hope so ‘cause I'd be sad without you."

And I'd be completely lost.

I didn't get halfway through the story before his eyes closed.

"Goodnight, Little Songbird. Daddy loves you."

"Love you, Daddy," he mumbled, and I disconnected the call.

Yeah, this was going to be harder than I thought. There was no way after being with him on the tour I'd be able to let him return to his own bed. Changes and compromises were in our future, though I knew without a doubt I'd make anything work for Chase, however his life required, even if that meant selling my house and moving in with him.

The rest of the week was a series of hits and misses between Chase and me. I had class while he was free and by the time he got back to the bus after a show it was the middle of the night here. We survived off texts and quick calls, no more reading my boy to sleep until they had a break which appeared to be Sunday night. They played four to five nights a week according to their schedule. No wonder so many musicians retired at a young age. Social Sinners and Maiden Voyage had the right idea—just stick to the occasional appearance at festivals such as Rocktoberfest.

I'd chosen today to finally have that talk with Johnny, Chase's stepfather. Richard planned to stay home in the off-chance things went south, though I hoped it wouldn't. There was no reason we couldn't converse like the adults we claimed to be.

Except for the whole I was in love with his son portion.

The drive over was spent second guessing not only doing this but my motive for doing so. Chase had no idea, and this was likely one of those times where Daddy shouldn't have stepped in, but I couldn't help myself. Not after hearing how sad Chase was and how much his father figure should've been there for him when he lost the only constant he'd had in his short life. In essence when his mother died, so had Johnny.

I knocked on the door and waited a few seconds before he answered.

"Can I help you?" Johnny had aged quite a bit, completely greyed and the bags under his eyes spoke of the tough time he continued to have.

Tread lightly, Casey.

"Hi, Johnny. I don't know if you remember me. I'm Casey Robinson, a friend of the Jordans." I pointed across the street to Richard's house.

"Yeah, I remember you. What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if you had a few minutes to talk. About Chase." His brows rose and he waved me inside.

"Is Chase in trouble? Is he okay?"

All right, the man still cared. Off to a good start.

"Chase is fine, Embrace is on the road right now and they're doing well." I glanced around the living room. Pictures of Chase's mom and Chase still adorned the walls. Signs of a better time, a happier time. Memories to reflect upon in times of sorrow and happiness, though the latter wasn't very apparent.

"Are you their manager or something? I thought you were a teacher?" Johnny crossed his arms and took a defensive stance. How quickly this had turned .

"Yes, I'm a professor at UNLV but I'm here on a personal visit."

"In what capacity?"

"As Chase's partner."

If his eyes opened any wider they'd likely have popped their sockets.

"You're dating my son? Aren't you my age?"

And there it was, the age issue.

"Yes and I'm in love with him. Johnny, I didn't come here to argue or have an age debate. I'm here because the disconnect between you and Chase has negatively impacted him and I'm hoping you can repair it."

"Fuck." Johnny ran a hand over his unshaven face and fell back into the well-worn recliner he likely slept in most nights given his current state of…well, it honestly looked like he could care less about his own wellbeing and hygiene.

"Johnny, Chase loves you and he did everything to get your attention after Hannah died. That day Chase not only lost his mother, but the only father he'd ever known." Tears welled in Johnny's eyes. "I'm not here to hurt you or drudge up the past, I'm here to help you build a future with your son. Chase has grown into a wonderful man with a strong head on his shoulders but the front he puts on when he goes on stage is just that—a facade. The boy behind the man is broken and you're the only one who can fix that. To this day Chase still loves you and has no idea what he did to push you away."

I was at a loss as I watched the poor man succumb to his sorrow and sadness overcame him. Had I made the right choice in coming here?

Johnny rose and left the room, returning a few moments later with a photo album which he handed to me. As I flipped through I watched the man I loved grow up right in front of me. Every award Chase won in school, every extracurricular activity Chase participated in was here. Numerous articles about Embrace the Fear were included along with pictures of the band.

Johnny was suffering just as much as Chase was, if not more.

"Johnny," I sighed and sat the book on the coffee table. "Why couldn't you share this with Chase? Clearly you love him. Why is it so hard to say those words to him and tell him how proud of him you are?"

"When I see Chase, I see Hannah. He's a mirror image of that wonderful woman who adored him. I just, I just couldn't bear it. To this day I miss her. The way she smiled and danced around with Chase as she made dinner. Many nights I'd be at the table helping him with his homework while she sang along with the radio. He got his talent from her. Hannah had the voice of an angel and now she lives amongst them. "

"From what I knew of her and how Chase speaks of her, she was. But Johnny, you were gifted not one angel, but two and the other one is still here waiting for you to acknowledge him. All he ever wanted was for you to hug him. Tell him how proud of him you are and what a great man he's become. Embrace is climbing the charts. Chase, Rhone, David, and Seltzer work hard and it's finally paid off for them. So why not come to a show? They'll be back in Vegas in a few weeks. I can leave a ticket and a backstage pass for you with security. No one needs to know you're there if you don't want them to, though I'm hoping you'll be strong enough to approach Chase. He needs this just as much as you do. He loves you, Johnny."

Johnny said nothing though the tears never stopped.

"But if you're only going to break his heart a second time, don't bother to come."

"You really love him, don't you?"

Ah, he speaks.

"I'll protect Chase with my life for as long as I live."

"You're a good man, Casey." Johnny scoffed, "Better than me it seems."

"You're in charge of your own destiny, Johnny, and you're the only one who can fix this. Here's my number," I tossed one of my cards on the table. "If you want to come to the Vegas show, let me know and I'll arrange it with their management team. If not, this is goodbye, though I hope you make the right decision for not only Chase but for yourself as well. You need to be in each other's lives." I nodded and left. As soon as I got in the car, I fired off a text to Richard.

Me: Went well, I think. Heading home.

Richard: Fingers crossed he comes to his senses.

Me: Amen, my friend. Give Cecilia and the girls a hug and have a good weekend.

Richard: Will do. See you next week.

Richard wouldn't push for details, nor would I share them if he had. He knew this wasn't my story to tell and that was one of many things I loved and respected about my best friend. He was one of the best men and best fathers I knew. His family came first and that's the way it should always be.

I walked in the door and two seconds later had fixed a very stiff drink. The outcome was as I'd hoped and clearly Johnny wasn't doing well. If a bond were formed I'd definitely recommend he and Chase seek therapy to help repair not only their relationship but to also help them deal with the loss of Hannah because neither appeared to have done so .

Love lost did not equal love forgotten nor should it, but there were healthier ways to work past the pain. We were all a work in progress. You never knew what demons another battled or what scars had been left in their wake.