Chapter 8

8

SUTTON

A fter putting Winnie to bed, I slid open my bedroom window. Hoisting myself up, I climbed out and onto the roof, sitting down under the stars like I used to when I was a teenager.

The garage roof overlooked the port and it was a beautiful, clear night, although a little slippery after the rain we’d had earlier. I wasn’t deterred by the damp tiles as I sat down though, perfectly okay with having a slightly wet ass if it meant I could just sit here, watching the lights of the boats going by. It soothed the soul.

Bundled against the fall chill in a fleece-lined hoodie, I hugged it tight around me and smiled as I let the peace of this moment wash over me. I rarely had moments like this anymore, but I missed them.

More than simply missing them, I needed them to try and figure out who I was now that I was no longer a wife and a mother in the Scottish countryside. Sure, I was still a mother, but I was no longer the wife of my daughter’s father, and sometimes, it crushed my soul when I considered the long-term implications of that.

I also just felt foolish for ever loving that man in the first place.

Drawing in a deep, shuddering breath, I started wondering if I would ever let Winnie visit over there all by herself, but my thoughts were interrupted by a weird buzzing noise coming from inside my room. Frowning, I crawled back to the window and my heart raced at the possibility that it was what I thought it was.

As I climbed back through the window, I followed the sound all the way to a box piled in the corner of my bedroom and I pulled it open, accidentally letting out a shrill, surprised giggle when I realized that the sound was , in fact, what I’d thought it was.

Buried in a box of my things, which my mom had brought in here after I’d called to let her know we were coming home, was a walkie-talkie. Somehow, the thing still had battery life, and as I lifted it out of the box, I couldn’t freaking believe it.

“Sutton? Do you read me?” Hawk’s voice crackled over the old speaker and I laughed again, shaking my head at the thought that the walkie-talkie not only still worked, but that it was possible that Hawk and I were about to communicate like this again. “How’s the air up there, Sutton? Seriously, do you read me? Have you fallen off the roof?”

I chuckled, taking the radio with me back out to the roof. “Are you stalking me?”

“Hey, you’re there!” He sounded genuinely excited about it. “God, I can’t believe that worked. What batteries did we get for these? Can you remember? Because I’m putting them in everything I own from now on.”

“I don’t remember, actually, but we can check.”

“Yeah, I will.” He was silent for a moment. “Is it just me, or does it feel like we’ve fallen back in time?”

“It’s definitely not just you,” I said. “I can’t believe we’re actually talking this way again.”

It was how we’d communicated back when we’d been sneaking around. I couldn’t even count the hours I’d spent talking to him like this, lying in bed night after night or sitting on the roof just like I was now, chatting to him about every hope and dream and any other thought that had ever crossed my mind.

“Yeah, I know,” he said, his voice gentler than I’d heard it since we’d both been back in town. “I, uh, I hope I didn’t scratch open any wounds asking you to talk about Scotland this afternoon.”

“You didn’t,” I assured him, not even knowing why I cared if he felt bad about it. “The only way to heal is talk about it, right?”

“I don’t know,” he said honestly. “I’ve never had to heal from something like that, but talking about it doesn’t sound like me.”

I laughed. “True.”

We lapsed into silence for a moment before his voice crackled again. “I’m sorry you went through all that, Sutton. Nobody deserves for that to happen to them, but especially not you. You’re a good person. I’m sorry you got hurt.”

I almost asked if he was also sorry that he’d hurt me too, but at the very last moment, I decided not to broach the subject. Honestly, I just didn’t have the energy to dig up all those old skeletons right now.

“Thanks,” I said. “You live and you learn, I guess. What are you still doing up? I would’ve thought those boys had exhausted you.”

He chuckled, and the sound made warmth bloom in my tummy. “They did, but I’m here to help Emery, so I figured I’d better get through some of the other stuff I’m supposed to be helping her with.”

“I’m sorry about what your dad’s going through,” I said before repeating his words from this afternoon back to him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Of course, the walkie-talkie chose that moment to die and I sighed, setting it down beside me and looking over at his house in the distance. As I stared at the few lights still on inside, I wondered why this felt so right .

Like I’d missed talking to him.

I knew I needed to get over it. Hawk was bad news for me. He’d hurt me and he knew it, but even as I went back inside and got ready for bed, I still couldn’t shake the knowledge that things with Hawk had just always been so natural.

Even now, so many years later, it was just coming back as if it had never been gone.

With him, everything had always felt right. Which was why it destroyed my soul when he took another girl to prom, essentially cheating on me even if I still didn’t know if he even touched her that night.

Tears stung the backs of my eyes as I thought about the night he’d come over to tell me he was taking Hailey to the prom instead of me. We’d kept our relationship secret because we’d stopped running in the same circles once we’d hit high school.

For a long time after they’d moved here from Alabama, I’d been Hawk’s only friend. He’d often joked that he didn’t want any more and that I was all he needed, but as we got older, he got hotter and his natural talent for sports combined with his looks made him more and more popular with both boys and girls.

Meanwhile, I was the quiet, bookish tomboy who spent my afternoons in my dad’s store reading about the wonders of the ancient world. That night, he’d told me he’d asked Hailey to the prom because he was a hockey all-star and she had been a cheerleader.

When I’d failed to understand why that meant they had to go together, he’d made it clear that he didn’t understand what I didn’t understand. I exhaled heavily into the darkness of my room after climbing into my bed.

After tossing and turning for a long time with thoughts of both Calen and Hawk keeping me awake, I finally fell asleep, but the next morning, I still hadn’t stopped thinking about the boy down the street. The man on the other side of the world could go suck an egg, but things were finished between us.

With Hawk, everything felt un finished all of a sudden. There was so much I didn’t know about him these days and it felt like I needed to find out if I ever wanted to get closure. I still felt something when he looked at me, but I had to get over it.

If satisfying this curiosity would help me get there, then I had to do it.

The bookstore was closed on Sundays but I went over there anyway to help my dad with inventory—and to pump him for a little bit of information about Hawk. Dad and Henry, Emery and Hawk’s dad, were still friends and I knew my dad would have some of the answers I didn’t.

Since I’d left town right after my graduation and Hawk had still been here then, I’d never gotten to know how he’d landed in California in the first place. “Hey, Dad. Do you know how Hawk ended up being some rich guy in Los Angeles?”

My father’s eyebrows tugged together as he glanced at me. “Eloquently put, but alright. I’ll bite. I’m assuming you’ve run into him in town?”

I nodded. “Something like that. He filled in for Emery at the festival yesterday because she had to take Henry to the doctor. We talked a little bit and I found out he owns some big shipping company now?”

Dad scoffed. “That’s one way of putting it. He owns Gold Star Shipping, honey. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. It’s only one of the biggest shipping companies in the world right now.”

My features contorted. “But how? I mean, when I left, he was still working on Henry’s boats right here in the port.”

“Sure, but you already know he pursued the trades instead of going to college.”

“Of course.” I nodded. “To become a tugboat pilot just like Henry. I remember. They were going to run the family business together.”

“Yeah, well, that didn’t last long. I think Hawk was somewhere in his early twenties when he got a job offer from a big company out in California. He was a second pilot by then and Henry wanted him to get the experience, so he took the job.”

“Okay,” I said slowly. “Still, though. How did he go from taking a job to this?”

Dad shrugged as he glanced out the bay windows in the front of the shop toward the port. “The way I heard it from Henry, Hawk did really well as a second pilot. Anyway, apparently, it wasn’t just that he was good at either. He excelled in a few other areas, realized he liked the business side of things, and started his own company.”

While I was sure it hadn’t been quite that simple, I nodded. “Right. Well, he always was good at everything. I suppose it’s not that big of a surprise that he turned out to be a heck of a businessman as well.”

Dad chuckled. “Just don’t get too comfortable around him, okay? That boy has only ever looked out for himself and himself only. As a kid, he was alright, but I don’t have much time for the man he grew into.”

I didn’t comment. Dad had always been protective of me, but from a distance. He also didn’t know that Hawk and I had ever been in a romantic relationship, but he obviously didn’t like the guy. If he thought I had any feelings for him, he would like him even less.

Before the conversation could continue, the bell above the door jingled and Emery came into the store. She was a beautiful woman, with all that long dark hair and the Brunson blue eyes, but she looked desperately rundown today, with dark smudges under her eyes and her cheeks a little pale.

“Hey, Mr. Ashbury,” she said with a slight smile, giving my dad a wave. “I know you’re not open for business. Don’t worry. I just came to talk to Sutton.”

Dad waved a hand in my direction and picked up a stack of books. “I’ll leave you ladies to it. I need to go box these up. Have a good day, Emery. How’s your daddy, by the way?”

“Oh, he’s alright,” she said, but the worry in her eyes told a whole different story. She turned to me. “Do you want to come to the festival with me tonight? I need some alone time to decompress after this weekend. It was pretty rough, so I’ve called my babysitter and I’m going out. But I’d love some company.”

I nodded immediately. “That sounds amazing. Let me just make sure that my parents can watch Winnie, but it shouldn’t be a problem.”

A relieved smile appeared on Emery’s lips. “I’m glad you’re home, Sutton. I missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” I replied, surprised to find that I really meant it.

The Brunsons had been a big part of my life once upon a time, and even though her brother had done a number on my heart, that wasn’t Emery’s fault. She was one of my oldest friends, and ultimately, I needed girl friends right now.

God knew, I was definitely not planning on getting close to any men ever again. I’d had it with the danglies. Said dangly bits affected their heads and led them to do things I would never understand, so nope.

From here on out, I was remaining single until further notice—but very possibly forever.