Chapter 3

3

HAWK

A few days after I’d gotten that call from Emery, I couldn’t help wondering just why the fuck I had come back to Portsmouth.

Since it had been her idea for me to come, I would have thought my sister would be pleased to have me home, but I’d dropped in on her with no notice and now she was yelling at me while trying to throw dinner together in the crockpot so she could move on with her day.

“If you have a problem bunking with the twins tonight, get a hotel room,” she said as she angrily tore a knife through some carrots and tossed them in the pot. “You can afford it. No one is forcing you to stay with us.”

“Uh, yeah, but it’s my home too,” I reminded her. “Plus, all I asked was why I had to bunk with them. I didn’t say I wouldn’t do it.”

“No, but you did complain about having to share a room with your nephews for the night,” she said sharply. “Unless, and I quote, ‘I’m not going to get any sleep tonight’ means something else in Los Angeles than it does here.”

I put my hands up, watching as she obliterated some potatoes before adding them to the pot as well. “Okay, jeez, but what do you want me to do? I’m here to spend time with my family over Thanksgiving, right? I can’t do that if I’m in a hotel.”

“Well, in that case, I have an idea.” I saw the evil smile as she abandoned the crockpot and headed over to the scullery instead.

She emerged a minute later with a bucket, mop, and fresh linens, dumping them in my arms. “There you go. Get the attic ready and you can stay there instead.”

“I’m fine with that,” I said easily, and I meant it too, until I got up there and saw the state it was in.

The attic had been my bedroom all through my teenage years and it was untouched, save for a few new piles of boxes, crates full of Christmas decorations, and a whole lot of dust. I coughed a little where I stood in the doorway, surveying the little space that used to be my own.

My family’s house still looked and smelled exactly the same. I’d been struck by it as soon as I’d walked in the door, realizing that they hadn’t even changed the positioning of Dad’s old pictures on the mantel since I’d last been here.

Emery and her boys lived here now, and yet, outside of the influx of toys, sporting equipment, and a swing set on the front lawn, the place might’ve been a time capsule of the day I’d left here after I’d gotten my first job offer in California.

I shook my head as I looked at all my old stuff, the posters of ships on the wall with their corners curling and the hockey trophies I’d once been so proud of. Finally stepping into the room, I glanced at the mop and bucket I was carrying and got to work, scoffing a little as I thought about how long it’d been since I’d cleaned up like this.

I’d never forgotten how to do it though, and once I hit my stride in a space where I’d done this exact thing thousands of times, it actually became pretty cathartic. As I passed the dresser with my old CD player still sitting on it, I took a chance and hit the power button, and to my complete surprise, the damn thing went on.

A moment later, the opening strands of my favorite punk song from the oughts started playing and I laughed, stoked that it was still working—and that the CD seemed just fine.

Losing myself in the memories of the last time I’d listened to this, the cleaning up part of my day flew by and when I was done, I put fresh sheets on the rickety twin bed, then pressed stop on the CD player and headed back downstairs.

There would be plenty of time to relive what I’d thought had been my glory days later. For now, I needed to get back to my family. And not a moment too soon, it seems.

“I reminded you about this appointment yesterday, Daddy.” Emery’s emphatic voice drifted up the stairs as I descended. I paused to listen. “This is that specialist I told you about, remember? He’s really good and this is the earliest I could get you in to see him. It’s a town over, so we’re probably going to be late picking up the boys from school, but we really do need to get going.”

“Can’t do it today,” Dad said gruffly. “I have to get down to the docks.”

That’s my cue.

I took the last few steps down two at a time, grinning and pressing my palms together. I strode around the corner, joining them in the kitchen. “What’s this I heard about a specialist?”

“Oh, good.” Emery turned to me, her hands on her hips and her cheeks glowing with frustration. “Tell Dad he needs to get in my car, or we’re going to be late for an appointment it took me four months to even get.”

“You should really get in the car, Dad,” I said, once again surprised by how much older he looked in person than he did on the occasional video calls Emery bullied him into doing with me.

The lines etched into his face were deep and rough, his cheeks gaunt, and his frame leaner than it’d ever been. Thanks to spending the better part of his life out on the water, his skin had always been tanned, but it seemed leathery now, peppered with blooming bluish and brownish smudges, and his once-dark hair had turned almost completely silver.

He slid his blue gaze to my own, his brow furrowed as he shook his head at me. “Don’t tell me what to do, boy. You don’t even live here anymore.”

“Sure, I don’t, but I can carry you,” I said, about to threaten to pick him up when Emery shot me a wide-eyed warning of a look and gave her head a single, but very firm shake.

Silently admitting defeat, I arched an eyebrow at her. “Okay, well, how about this? I’ll go fetch the boys from school so you don’t have to worry about it. Bayshore is within walking distance anyway and I haven’t been out to explore yet since I got to town.”

“Your flight got in a few hours ago,” she said, but before she could either agree or disagree with my plan, Dad got up.

“I’m going down to the docks to check in with my guys,” he mumbled. “We have two tugs out in the bay right now waiting on cargo ships. I should be there.”

With that, he strode out of the room, but just before he did, I noticed for the first time how badly his hands were shaking. He’d kept them out of sight or tucked into his lap since I’d been here, but he lifted them to slide them into his pockets as he walked past me and there was no hiding that it’d become a lot more than just the slight tremor I’d been expecting.

I glanced at my sister, who shot me a pointed look back as she grabbed her stuff. “Fine. Pick up the boys at three. Sharp. Bring them straight home. No pit stops for toys, no ice cream, and no bribing them to like Uncle Hawk in any way. They need to clean their rooms before they get a treat. I’ve only asked them a hundred times. Do you hear me?”

“Yes, drill sergeant,” I joked, but it fell completely flat.

She rolled her eyes at me, and though I searched for them, I couldn’t find the words to explain to her that I was here to help. That I could manage a simple pickup and that I would do anything I could to lighten her load, even if only for a few days.

“I mean it, Hawk. Straight home,” she said. “I may be younger than you, but this is my show and I run it with an iron fist.”

She said it without even a hint of a smile.

“You don’t say?” I asked lightly.

Rolling her eyes again, she followed Dad out so she could meet him either at the docks or at the office building near the port where she did all of his books. I glanced at my watch, wincing when I realized just how right she’d been.

I only had another hour left to kill before I had to collect her boys, and they weren’t even on their way to the appointment yet. How the hell does she do this?

I honestly didn’t know. Who would’ve fetched my nephews today if I wasn’t here? Who looks after them when she has to rush Dad to the hospital? How does she get to everything?

As I headed out to start a slow walk to school, I seriously considered the answers to those questions. Emery had been telling me for a while now that things were getting worse, but I hadn’t understood until right this moment how rough all this had to be for her.

Meandering along the pier at a slower pace than I’d walked in a decade, I cut through downtown to the trail that led to the school, taking it all in. I tried to fathom how long it’d been since I’d last been here—and how much things had simultaneously changed and stayed the same.

The old wreck was still down on the beach by the pier, and there was still only graffiti on a single wall downtown. Reddish dirt still crunched under my feet on the trail and I still knew exactly which branches hung just low enough to whack me on the head if I wasn’t careful.

At the exact same time, my nephews, who had been toddlers when I’d last seen them, were first-graders now, my sister was running our family business as well as doing the books and keeping everyone alive, and Sawyer, who had been barely been speaking when I last saw him, was apparently playing video games and riding a bicycle without training wheels.

I got distracted when an older couple approached me and it took me a while to recognize Mr. Hillary and his wife. My old high school history teacher had coached hockey for a few years too, and since I’d been on the team then, he and I had gotten to know each other a little bit back in the day.

They drew me into conversation. What felt like a minute later, I checked my watch and it was 3:05. I was late to get the boys. Shit .

“I’m so sorry, folks. I’m afraid I’m going to have to cut this short, but have a good one. It was great seeing you both.”

Mr. Hillary gave my hand a firm shake. “Good seeing you too, son.”

As I walked away from them, I broke into a jog and hauled ass to the school. Once there, I looked around until I saw three dark-haired boys on the playground. Breaking into a grin when I realized they were, in fact, my nephews, I jogged over, waving at them when I caught Logan’s eye.

The little boy perked up when he saw me, grinning and elbowing his brother before he waved back. Duncan glanced my way, shooting up from the platform he’d been on and jumping on a slide to zip down.

“Uncle Hawk!” he cried out, thankfully recognizing me. “Mommy didn’t tell us you were coming.”

As soon as his feet hit the ground, he took off running toward me. I dropped to my haunches, opening my arms and grinning so wide, my cheeks hurt. “Duncan! How are you, buddy? Mommy didn’t tell you I was coming because I wanted to surprise you.”

Logan was hot on his brother’s heels, smacking into my side just a moment after his brother hit my front. My arm shot out to wrap around him as well, pulling them both close and inhaling the vaguely bubblegum scent of their hair.

“How are you kids doing? Where’s Sawyer, huh?”

Duncan peeled away from me, the crisp blue eyes that ran in our family searching until they fell on something slightly to my left. “He’s right there.”

Sawyer, however, didn’t recognize me and I couldn’t blame him. I’d flown Emery and the twins out to visit me pretty often when they’d been little. Sawyer too once he’d been born, but he’d been a baby back then. Soon after that, Emery had started saying that she couldn’t leave Dad at home alone, and while the twins chatted to me on the phone and on video call, Sawyer had never really said more than just hello.

Releasing his brothers, I pushed to my feet, approaching him cautiously with my hand outstretched. Like everyone else in our family, he had a shock of thick, dark hair on his head and those trademark blue eyes, but his features were stockier than my own, more like his father’s than ours.

“Hey, buddy,” I said, trying my best to be friendly. “I’m your mommy’s brother. Uncle Hawk. She had to take Grandpa to the doctor, so I said I’d pick you guys up today.”

“I’m not going home with you,” the boy said, his thin arms crossing tightly against his chest as his chin came up. “My teacher and my mommy said never to get in the car with strangers.”

“That’s absolutely true, but Logan and Duncan know me, right? Plus, I didn’t bring a car. We’re walking home.”

A little girl with curly dark red hair appeared from nowhere, snapping at me as she came to stand shoulder to shoulder with my nephew. She was clearly a little bit older than him, but that didn’t seem to matter at all.

“You’re a kidnapper,” she said in accent that sounded distinctly Scottish. It was so out of place in New Hampshire that it made me blink. Hard. “Leave him be. He does nae want to go home with the likes of you.”

As I shifted my gaze to hers to explain that I was his uncle, I saw her eyes and did a double-take, speechless for the first time in years. I knew those eyes. I’d recognize them anywhere. They’re ? —

“Winnie!” Sutton called out from somewhere behind me. I would recognize her voice anywhere too. “Where are you?”

I spun around. My mouth dried up as I came face to face with her for the first time in over a decade. I didn’t expect to feel anything when I saw her, but my breath stalled in my lungs when I found myself looking into those unique, slate-gray eyes.

Sutton still had the dark blonde hair I used to love wrapping around my fists, and she was still on the shorter side, small enough that I could completely cover her body with my own. My cock swelled a little at the memories racing through my mind and my gaze wandered from her eyes to her body.

Fuck, she still has curves to die for.

As I slowly raked my eyes over her, I wondered if this was really happening. Part of me was sure I was dreaming. Even if I was, I just wasn’t sure if this was a dream or if it was about to become my worst nightmare.

By the end, Sutton Ashbury hadn’t been my greatest fan. Despite all the time that had passed since, I didn’t know if she’d ever gotten to the point of forgiveness.