Chapter 20

20

SUTTON

A t home in our apartment, I was working on my computer to set up a book fair at Dad’s store. Winnie’s voice filtered out of her bedroom into the living area and I smiled as I listened to her practice for her play tryout, which was tomorrow after school.

For all my uncertainty about bringing her here, she was adapting fast at school. It was a silver lining I clung to every damn day, knowing that at least I hadn’t jeopardized either her education or her dreams by moving to Portsmouth.

As I scrolled through the list of authors I wanted to reach out to about the fair, a notification popped up at the corner of my screen that I’d received a new email and my stomach dropped when I saw the name of the sender.

Calen Megill.

Bile rose at the back of my throat and my breathing faltered. My heart immediately lurched into my throat. I felt sick, cornered like a wild animal who knew it was about to get darted.

I hadn’t spoken directly to him in months, and if he was contacting me now, it couldn’t be good news. Protective instincts roared to life within me and my eyes narrowed to slits. My fingers rolled into fists on the keyboard.

If he thinks he’s going to try to take Winnie from me, he’d better be ready to put up the fight of the century.

The thought flew through my head before I could stop it, but the breath left my lungs as it occurred to me that he might be trying to get around our settlement agreement. Breathe, Sutton. Just breathe. The lawyer said it was iron clad, remember?

I forced myself to pull in some air, then released it slowly and repeated the process until I felt the panic starting to recede. Once I had calmed down enough that I could think again, I realized I hadn’t even read the email yet and I gingerly moved my cursor to the envelope, clicking quickly before I lost my nerve.

The message he’d sent filled the screen a moment later, and I groaned when I realized the panic hadn’t been entirely for nothing. Calen hadn’t contacted me to say he wanted her to move back to Stonehaven with him but apparently he had decided to come to Portsmouth for Thanksgiving.

While I knew she would love a visit from him, I knew better than to believe he would actually show up. Part of me was still panicky about what would happen if he did, but he wasn’t particularly reliable these days. Just because he’d sent an email expressing his intention to visit did not mean he would actually be getting on a plane.

I sighed deeply as I stared at the text on the screen, debating whether to respond. Nothing I said would make a difference anyway. He was either going to follow through or he wouldn’t, despite my feelings about the matter.

Besides, the settlement agreement stated that he was allowed to see his daughter and I wasn’t the type to try to keep him from her. She adored her father and he was no danger to her—except that it would break her heart if I told her he was coming and he wound up bailing on her the way he bailed on our marriage.

That, however, I could control.

Instead of rushing into her bedroom and breaking the news, I decided to play it by ear. I wouldn’t tell her a thing unless he confirmed when he’d be getting in. Until then, I’d keep my mouth shut. I wasn’t going to help him hurt her by getting her excited for a visit that might or might not actually happen.

After clicking out of the email, I got up and checked on our dinner in the oven, turning off the heat when I realized it was ready. “Win! It’s time to take a break and come eat, baby. Food’s ready.”

“Coming!” she called from her room, but it took a few minutes before she actually appeared. Beaming, she joined me at the table. “I think I’m ready for the tryout. Did you hear me practice? Did I sound good?”

“So good, darling.” I smiled, dishing up for us. She told me all about her day and the play.

Later on, once she’d gone to bed, I drifted down to the main house, needing to talk to someone and knowing that my mom liked having a glass of wine on the back deck after dinner. That was where I found her.

Already bundled up in her pajamas and a dressing gown, she sat on an armchair with her legs tucked in underneath her and her graying hair pulled into a messy bun on top of her head. I smiled as her gaze slid to mine.

“Want some company?”

“I’d love that. Just grab your own glass.” She motioned at the blanket on her lap. “Maybe bring another one of these with you.”

I collected a glass and a blanket before I headed back outside, taking Dad’s usual seat and getting comfortable. She poured me some wine. As she handed it over, she peered into my eyes and pursed her lips.

“What did he do now?”

“Who?”

She chuckled. “Calen. You look like you’ve smelled something terrible. Every time you have that look on your face these days, it’s because of him, so what has he done now?”

“He’s planning to come see Winnie at Thanksgiving,” I admitted. “Am I really that transparent?”

“To me,” she said knowingly. “I am your mother, darling. You’ve always been transparent to me. What did you say to him?”

“Nothing.” I drew in a breath through my nostrils and stared out at the lights on the water. “There’s nothing to say. Either he’ll come or he won’t.”

“Fair enough,” she reasoned. “It won’t be easy on you either way. Have you told Winnie yet?”

“No, but please don’t say anything to her. She’ll be crushed if he ends up changing his mind and it’s Calen. His mind is constantly changing.”

The man had always been erratic in that way. He was a bundle of energy and laughs, but he couldn’t make a plan and stick to it to save his life.

Mom reached for my arm and gave me a reassuring squeeze. “Whatever happens, we’ll be here for you and don’t worry. We won’t tell Winnie.”

“Thank you,” I said softly. Sighing, I leaned back in the chair. “I just wish I could smack some sense into him so that he’ll remember that she might not be his shiny new baby, but she’s still his daughter and she misses the heck out of him. I’ll hate every minute that he’s here, but it would mean so much to Win if he comes to see her.”

“You’ve done everything you needed to do for her, honey. Calen’s actions are out of your control. As long as you don’t get her hopes up, let him do whatever he’s going to do. It’s the only thing you can do.”

“I know,” I said, but I was still hurt.

How easy all this has been for him.

It made me so mad I could hurl, and yet, in protecting my daughter from being hurt by him again, I was basically protecting him as well. If he disappointed her this time, she wouldn’t even know about it, so she wouldn’t be able to hold it against him.

Fucking asshole.

“You’ve been seeing a lot of Hawk lately,” Mom said a moment later and my heart skipped a couple beats at the mere mention of his name.

Thinking about him did things to my body, with my brain being the sole holdout at this point. Despite my best intentions, I definitely felt something for him again. Or maybe it was more that I’d never stopped.

Heaven knew, feelings as strong as I was having now didn’t just come out of nowhere. It honestly felt like I’d simply buried them all those years ago and now seeing him was like taking an excavator to all the dirt I’d shoved on top of them.

All those feelings were being unearthed too fast for me to keep up, and I debated telling my mom about them, but once again, my brain was my saving grace. I’d been trying real hard not to make a big deal out of what could very well be nothing, and talking to my mom about it would only make it real.

Finally, I settled on giving her a nonchalant shrug and took another sip. “Yeah, he’s been around. Don’t go getting too excited, though. We’re just friends and he’s leaving soon.”

“Uh huh.” She chuckled as she sipped her drink, her gaze sparkling with that knowing gleam moms got when they thought they knew something about you that you didn’t. “Just friends. Right. Have you spoken to him about what happened before?”

“With me and him, or with Calen?” I asked, then gave my head a quick shake. “Actually, it doesn’t matter. We’ve spoken a bit about both of those things. Why?”

She shrugged, but that gleam was still in her eyes. “I’m just curious. You two were so close. Now you’re back and he’s back, and who knows?”

“I do,” I said firmly. “I’m back. He’s visiting. There’s a difference.”

“Hmm.” She turned to watch the lights and blew out a soft exhale through her nostrils. “Did he explain himself?”

“For taking Hailey to prom?” I asked, looking out at the glittering water and the ships and remembering how often I’d sat right here with him, cuddled up on his lap and in his arms after my parents had gone to sleep. “He claims he was never ashamed of being with me and that he just wanted to keep what we had to himself.”

“Well, you might not want to hear this, but it does make a little bit of sense, honey,” she said. “For the longest time, you were his anchor. His stability. His mom was gone by the time they moved here and Henry worked pretty hard. Emery was younger and she needed more of their dad’s attention when he was around. Hawk had you.”

“And that means he couldn’t walk into a decorated gym with me?” I shot back at her. “I don’t know, Mom. It seems a little far-fetched.”

“Maybe, but teenage boys are not exactly known for their logical reasoning processes, Sutton. I know how much he hurt you when he asked her to go with him instead, but I think he was hurt as well when you cut all ties with him so abruptly. Both of you could’ve handled it better, but you were children. Just don’t let that stand in your way now, okay?”

“Dad wouldn’t like to hear you say that,” I teased rather than to question her more about her thoughts about the past. I got the general direction she was going in, and that gave me enough to think about as it was. “He doesn’t like Hawk anymore.”

Mom chuckled. “He doesn’t like that Hawk has spent all these years chasing money instead of being there for his family. Emery and Henry were okay on their own for years. By the time they needed him, he had more than enough money to come home and help, but he didn’t. Your father has always put his family first and so did his father before him. He doesn’t understand men who don’t.”

“Neither do I.” I finished my wine and got up. “Thanks for the chat. I should probably get to bed.”

“Good night, honey,” she murmured, a soft smile on her lips as her gaze met mine. “Remember what I said about Hawk. Don’t judge the man he’s become by the mistakes he made as a boy.”

I nodded, but I didn’t know the man he’d become well enough not to judge him by the boy I’d once known better than the back of my own hand. All I really knew was that he still seemed to have a good heart somewhere deep down inside, but he’d also turned his back on his family when they’d needed him and he now used phrases like “pure awesome.”

Still thinking about him as I climbed into bed, I was lost in thought. I jerked when my phone vibrated on the nightstand. I glanced at it, frowning when I saw Hawk’s name on the screen.

Picking it up, I half-expected him to ask if I wanted to hook up again. It was about that time of night and this might just be who he was now. “Hello?”

“Hey, you,” he said softly, and my heart melted just a little bit again. “I’m sorry for calling so late. I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“Nope. I was actually only just getting in bed. What’s up?”

To my surprise, he didn’t take the bait about me being in bed, which meant this obviously wasn’t a booty call. He didn’t ask what I was wearing or if I was planning on doing anything fun now that I was alone.

Instead, his tone remained quiet and gentle. “I just wanted to know if you’d like to do something with the kids after school tomorrow. Winnie’s tryout is in the afternoon, right? I figured we could celebrate together if she gets it and commiserate together if she doesn’t.”

I smiled to myself, genuinely surprised not only that he’d remembered, but that he wanted to be part of whatever happened after. “Sure, we’d love that.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” he said, and I heard the smile in his voice. “Good night, Sutt. Sleep well.”

“Yeah, you too,” I responded, cradling the phone to my chest after hanging up.

While several parts of my anatomy had been reawakened by hearing his voice while being in bed, mostly, I just felt happy and at peace now that we’d spoken. We were going to be seeing him and the boys tomorrow, and despite knowing that I should probably manage my own expectations, I was really excited to spend time with him again.

And even more so that doing it had been his idea.

I still didn’t know for sure if I was imagining the way he was looking at me again—or if it meant anything even if I wasn’t—but Hawk Brunson was definitely back in my life, and right now, I really didn’t mind having him there.