Chapter 18

18

SUTTON

W innie and I were out shopping downtown when suddenly, she wasn’t at my side anymore. Since she’d been extra energetic today, I looked around the small store we’d popped into, but my blood froze over when I realized she wasn’t in here at all.

Panicked, I dropped everything I’d picked out and raced outside. My breath stalled in my lungs as my head whipped from one side to other. My heart was hammering so hard, I felt sick, but then I saw her, sitting just a few feet away on a bench with Hawk.

Dizzying relief swept over me and I raced to them, gaze locked on the tiny figure that was my daughter. “Win! What are you doing? This isn’t Stonehaven. It’s not some old, countryside town in Scotland. You can’t just run off on me.”

A little embarrassed by her behavior, I glanced at Hawk, about to thank him for looking out for her when she suddenly snapped back at me. “I didn’t ask to come here and you were taking forever.”

I winced, feeling another stab of guilt and uncertainty deep inside my heart. A fresh wave of embarrassment too.

Winnie always had a little bit of an attitude, but she wasn’t usually quite so rude. “Winifred Megill, is that any way to speak to your mother?”

She shrugged those narrow little shoulders at me. “I didn’t run off. I just went outside. That store smelled.”

Throughout our exchange, I felt Hawk’s eyes on me and I wondered what he thought of this. Of us.

Just last night, he and I had carried on as if we had been the only two people in the world, and I was suddenly deeply humiliated by the fact that he was getting a glimpse of my real life right now.

The life where I was the single mother of a little girl who hadn’t forgiven me for taking her away from everything she had known in life so far. I expected him to make his excuses and walk away. Heaven knew, that was what I would’ve done, but he did no such thing.

Instead, he turned to Winnie and stepped in on my behalf. “Your mom’s right, Win. You shouldn’t be skipping around on the sidewalk on a busy street, honey. It’s dangerous. Now I’ve never been to Stonehaven, and it sounds like a great place if you can just run out of stores there and be safe, but Portsmouth is pretty great too. Around here, it’s just better to stay with your mommy when you’re in town.”

Winnie stared into the middle distance instead of looking at him, but I could tell she’d listened closely. “What makes Portsmouth so great?”

Surprisingly, the question wasn’t snide or laced with that crappy attitude she’d shown me just a moment ago. Instead, it sounded like she was honestly curious.

Hawk gave her an indulgent smile. “Well, we’ve got some of the most beautiful beaches in the country, for starters. Once summer rolls around, you’re going to see exactly what I mean. You’re also in for lots of adventure on our waterways and we’ve got a bunch of pretty cool museums and other things to do around here. You never have to leave town and you’ll also never be bored.”

“I’m bored now,” she finally admitted, glancing at him as she relented. “Bored and starving.”

I held my hand out toward her. “Let’s go home, baby. We’ll get some food in your belly and watch a movie, okay?”

“Actually,” Hawk interjected. “Can I take you guys to dinner somewhere? Show Winnie this town isn’t all bad?”

I blinked rapidly, but Winnie accepted the invitation on our behalf. Grinning radiantly at him, she slid off the bench and nodded. “Do they serve burgers there?”

“They do,” he agreed easily, rising and offering her his hand. “Let’s go. It’s right over here. I think you’re going to like it. It’s right on the water at the beach, and there are always kids running around on the shore.”

“Are you talking about Porties?” I asked, referencing a restaurant I’d been to many times with my parents. “Gosh, I can’t believe I haven’t even thought about taking her there.”

Hawk smiled and my heart skipped several beats too many. “It was one of our favorites, remember?”

“I do,” I murmured.

He led Winnie down the street and around the corner and I followed. The restaurant was on a gentle beach, the view of the water completely unimpeded. As soon as we arrived, grabbing a table on the covered deck outside, Winnie turned to me, widening her eyes like a mournful, pleading puppy.

“Can I go play with the other kids?”

I nodded at her. “Just while we wait for our food, okay? I’ll order your burger.”

“And a milkshake?” she asked hopefully.

I chuckled. “A milkshake after your food. Water before.”

She pouted for a second but then shrugged and ran off to join the other children playing on the beach. Hawk turned to me. All of his dark hair was wind-swept today, making it look like he’d spent a bit of time outside, but those blues were as vibrant and alive as they had been this morning.

“Winnie doesn’t seem bothered by the cold,” he said, casting a glance to where she was sitting on the beach, pulling off her shoes. “She didn’t seem bothered by the rainy weather at the festival the other day either.”

“It always rains in Scotland,” I said. “She’s used to it. I’m not sure what she’ll do when the weather changes.”

“Love it?” he suggested playfully. His eyes only left mine occasionally to check on Winnie and then to glance at the server when he placed his order, but outside of that, he was completely focused on me. “How was your day?”

My cheeks heated a little as I found myself staring deeply into his eyes in turn. My heart started thrumming all over again, my body reacting to his intense stare in a way that made me want to climb into his lap.

I swallowed hard, trying to ignore the lust and hoping that my voice wasn’t filled with it. “It was great, yours?”

“I’ve been walking on air all day,” he said. “Then I met a representative of Meecham Maritime. The guy was a real piece of work.”

I exhaled a deep breath. Well, at least that dumped a bucket of ice over my overheating libido.

“My dad isn’t very impressed either. I’ve never had a run-in with them, but from the sounds of things, they’re like the damn mafia around here.” She shook her head. “So you’re not alone in your opinion of them.”

Hawk chuckled, but there was no humor to the sound. “The mafia thing might be an apt analogy.”

“Sometimes, I wonder if I did the right thing bringing Winnie here,” I admitted, surprising myself by bringing it up now, but I’d been meaning to talk it through with him anyway and what he’d said opened the door to the topic. I glanced at my daughter, that same guilt and uncertainty from before churning through me. “Things are changing around Portsmouth. I just didn’t realize how much until we got back. Dad says Meecham has a monopoly on the port. He’s afraid they’re going to eventually change the whole landscape of the town because of it. Drive away the old-timers and the locals.”

Hawk grimaced. “Yeah, he mentioned something like that to me. You didn’t make a mistake bringing her here, though. We’re not going to let any outsiders take over, are we?”

I laughed softly. “What do you suggest we do about it? It’s not like we can stage a coup.”

His head cocked slightly, something like determination flashing in his eyes before he shook his head. “No, of course not.”

As he stared at me, I knew a change in subject was coming, but I wasn’t quite prepared for what he changed it to.

“How did you end up bringing her here? Did Calen just let you take her?”

His voice was cautious and gentle, and I supposed I had been the one who’d brought it up. I just hadn’t been expecting Calen to enter the conversation, but again, I found myself wanting to answer.

“All it cost me to bring her was everything I would’ve been entitled to out of our marriage, but she’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. I gave it all up with a smile since it meant he’d sign off on her coming home with me.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, and I saw real hurt tightening his features for a beat. “May I ask what happened? I’ve heard bits and pieces, obviously, but I’d prefer to hear the full story from you. If you’re up to it, that is.”

“I’m up to it.” For some reason, talking about this with Hawk wasn’t as painful as it usually was. I kept waiting for a pang, or a smart, or an ache, but it just never came. Encouraged that I was finally getting desensitized enough to talking openly about my past, I drew in a breath and just jumped in.

“Shortly after I moved to Stonehaven to be with Calen, he introduced me to Maeve. They’re both from there and they’ve known each other most of their lives. She used to joke with me that she had the biggest crush on him when they were kids.”

Hawk frowned. “Don’t tell me. She wasn’t joking?”

“We’ll get there.” I laughed bitterly and shook my head. “She seemed nice and she accepted me immediately. She pulled me into her circle of friends and invited me everywhere with them. It didn’t take long before she was my best friend. She was my maid of honor and I was the same for her.”

“Wait, she’s married?” he asked.

I nodded. “Sadly, yes. To a nice guy, too, but last I heard, they were getting divorced as well. Obviously. Anyway, by the time I found out about their affair, it’d been going on for years. A lot of our mutual friends had even known about it but none of them bothered saying a word to me, the dicks.”

That part was the hardest to talk about, how so many people had known and yet I’d been an ignorant fool for so damn long. I wasn’t sure I would ever live down the humiliation. The hurt of having been lied to and kept in the dark was still the hardest part for me to process.

I could accept that Calen had moved on. That we’d grown apart and he’d fallen in love with someone else. I hadn’t liked it at the time, but I could accept it. The lying and the humiliation, though?

It made tears burn the backs of my eyes even now, but I blinked them away, a soft sigh coming out of me. Hawk’s hand slid across the table toward mine, covering it for just a moment and giving it a squeeze. Then he glanced at Winnie again and withdrew even though she was still playing. I managed to give him a small smile, grateful for his support.

“Maeve and Calen have a baby boy now, a son. He’s Winnie’s half-brother, but we haven’t met him. I’m not sure I ever want to, but Winnie seems curious about him. I just don’t know if Calen will ever let her.”

“Why not?”

I snorted softly. “Making the arrangements would involve him remembering that we even exist, which I just don’t think he does.”

Hawk frowned deeply. “He doesn’t speak to her?”

I averted my gaze to study the checkered tablecloth instead of looking at him. “We’ve tried calling. It breaks her heart that he almost never answers, but I’m not surprised. He doesn’t want much to do with us anymore. It’s like he just forgot. Or he doesn’t want to be reminded what a fuck-up he is.”

That deep humiliation rose up again, making my cheeks glow. I wondered what Hawk was thinking about all this. The man I’d been with for eight years, whom I’d been married to almost all of that time and who had fathered my child, had moved on so completely that he’d basically wiped our entire history from his mind.

“Idiot,” Hawk muttered before shaking his head. “Do you ever regret staying in Scotland with him way back instead of coming home?”

“No, not at all,” I said honestly. “I have Winnie because I stayed there. She’s what matters. Just her. I’m starting to think he loved Maeve all along. I’m not sure why he even married me to begin with, but he gave me Winnie, and I could never regret anything I did that ended with me having her.”

Seeing Hawk handle Winnie today when she was being naughty had made me wonder—again—if I should’ve taken her so far away from Calen. Even though Hawk had said I hadn’t made a mistake bringing her here, he didn’t know what I was really worried about.

The fact was that Winnie needed a man in her life and I wasn’t able to fill those shoes. Thankfully, I was given a reprieve to consider how to say that when our food arrived.

I rose to call Win, striding to the edge of the deck and waving her over. “Your burger is here, lass! Come on and eat.”

Instead of coming, however, she scowled at me from the edge of the water and stomped her feet. “I’m still playing!”

The next thing I knew, Hawk was next to me, his little finger wrapping around mine and squeezing before he released it. “Go on and eat something. I’ll go down to the water to play with her for a bit.”

A little confused about why he was suddenly so invested in us, I went back to our table and sat down. Watching them together, I ate my burger and reminded myself that nothing could come of this.

He was heading back to California soon and it wasn’t like last night had meant anything to him. Right?

No, it was more likely just some unfinished business between us. The feelings we’d had as kids had never gone away, but now that we had scratched that itch, we could both move on with our lives. I sighed, then started when I saw him toss Winnie over his shoulder and carry her back up the restaurant deck.

She was squealing with laughter, but she finally sat down to eat, digging in with gusto and chuckling when he sat down beside her. My eyes nearly bugged out of my head. What hoodoo magic did he work on her?

As he picked up his cutlery to slice into the steak he’d ordered, he gave me a look and a smile that settled deep in my heart, threatening to undo everything I’d told myself about my reignited feelings for him.

It was a look and a smile that made me wonder if his feelings for me had been reignited too. A look so intense and a smile so real that it even made me wonder if perhaps I had been wrong just a minute ago.

Perhaps something could come of this after all.

Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking and the only thing I’m doing right now is setting myself up for even more heartbreak. Yeah, that’s probably it. Get a grip, Sutton. This is not what you’re starting to think it is, and that is absolutely final.