Chapter 32

Elizabeth was not sure whether going to Larch Lane with Bingley and Mr Darcy would be better or worse than remaining at Pemberley with Miss Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam. If Jane had wanted to accompany the gentlemen, Elizabeth would have gone, but Jane had made the decision to remain behind, clearly unaware how uncomfortable Elizabeth would be around the colonel. Elizabeth had not told her about her encounters with the gentleman in town, and Jane knew Viscount Bramwell was pleasant to her; thus she believed the same was true of his brother. The truth came out when the two ladies spoke before breakfast.

“I am glad not to spend so much time in the carriage today,” Jane confessed as the sisters took a slow stroll through the gardens. “Once we are done with our business in the neighbourhood, it will be a long journey still to Scarborough.”

“I am sure the day will pass agreeably. Miss Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam have each other for company. Likely we shall not see them all morning, and I need not worry about talking to them.”

“What do you mean?”

The confusion in Jane’s voice warned Elizabeth that she had said more than she meant to. She made light of the matter but admitted that, “When the colonel and I first met, we had many engaging conversations, but when we saw each other in town, it was the exact opposite. He treats me with suspicion, though what he thinks I shall do, I have no notion.”

Jane made a noise suggesting she found that disappointing. “I do not understand why your situation with Mr Darcy should influence how anyone acts. You and he are not engaged, and there is no question of it. You have done nothing to make any of that family believe you will attempt to persuade him—or his sister—that he should marry you.”

Elizabeth linked her arm with her sister’s. “You need not convince me that I do not deserve his present disdain. I am content to avoid him and Miss Darcy. I hope Bingley can make a decision about Larch Lane today. Once he has, I believe it would be best if we leave. Do you think we could devise an excuse to satisfy your husband? Our presence is evidently worrying Miss Darcy.”

And I do not know how much more of this oppressive atmosphere I can bear!

“Yes, of course, Lizzy. Is it very difficult to be here?”

“No, not at all.” It was a prevarication; it was increasingly painful to see Mr Darcy and not remember how much she cared for him, but no good was served by telling Jane how she really felt. “Shall we return indoors? What will you do after breakfast? I am considering taking a long walk across the park, but I do not think you will want to go that far.”

Jane said she would not and indicated a desire to rest. “I might sit with Mrs Annesley. You should take your walk. You have not had enough exercise to satisfy yourself of late, and you will regret it if you do not. Who knows when there will be another occasion once we leave Pemberley?”

Elizabeth was returning to the house from her walk when she came across Miss Darcy, who was sitting on a bench, ostensibly sketching. Elizabeth could not be certain, but from the glimpse she managed, the page looked empty. She was content to nod and continue into the house, but Miss Darcy virtually leapt to her feet and blocked her way.

“Will you marry Mr Grey?” She spoke quickly, as though she had been waiting to ask and was grasping at an opportunity that might not come again.

“I do not know. He has not asked me, and I would not like to assume he ever will.”

Miss Darcy lightly tapped her mouth, giving the impression she was contemplating Elizabeth’s answer. “If Mr and Mrs Bingley buy Larch Lane, you and my brother will see each other. How can you bear it?”

“What cannot be cured must be endured. It will become easier in time, and we shall both move on with our lives.” Elizabeth shrugged. She did not know why she was less inclined to hide her feelings from Miss Darcy than anyone else, even Jane. It was as though she understood the young woman would recognise the lie, or perhaps it was just that she thought Miss Darcy—who had been so cruelly deceived—should not be asked to tolerate similar behaviours again.

“I shall not allow them to bring your sister and him here or go to see them when they are in the neighbourhood.” She spoke bravely, lifting her chin an inch or two.

Elizabeth laughed without humour. “You need have no worries. Jane will not admit them to her home, especially when I am there. Do you think anyone in my family rejoices in their union or would choose to associate with them if it were possible to avoid it? My father allows them into his presence only to protect our family’s reputation, including Lydia’s, though I am afraid she is too stupid to understand why it is necessary. I pity my sister and dread the day she understands the sort of man she has married. Do you want to know whom I truly blame for my unhappiness, because as I said the other day, it is not you? I blame my parents for the ways they failed Lydia. And I blame him. I need not explain why. If you will excuse me, Miss Darcy, I have said too much and feel the need to…calm myself.”

She was just walking by her, when Miss Darcy spoke again, causing Elizabeth’s steps to falter.

“You could make him marry you. It would take nothing.”

Elizabeth did not know what to say, and after a brief pause, managed only, “I beg your pardon?”

“My brother. He loves you. I used to think he would forget you and find another lady, but now I am not certain that is true.”

“A lady more worthy of him?” A heaviness behind her eyes told Elizabeth she was in danger of crying. It was a weakness she did not wish to show in front of Miss Darcy.

With an impatient shake of her head, Miss Darcy said, “I care nothing for that sort of thing. I know that is what Lady Catherine said, and probably Lord and Lady Romsley think similarly, but I do not. I see now that I was mistaken. My brother cares for you very deeply, and I am sure he wants to marry you.”

Elizabeth happened to know that he had held that view not very long ago, and she had no reason to suppose his wishes had changed. She could not speak and said a silent plea that Miss Darcy would soon reach an end to whatever she wished to impart so that they could separate.

“You could, oh, I do not know.” Miss Darcy stepped a little closer to Elizabeth. “He agreed not to ask you last autumn, but now I understand it was only because I frightened him and asked him not to. I do not believe what my aunt said had any effect on him. He would marry you. Do you not love him?”

Elizabeth blinked several times in a last, futile attempt to stave off the evidence of just how much she felt. “It is because I love him that I shall not, as you say, make him marry me. It would tear him in half to be the cause of your unhappiness. How could I knowingly do that to him? Why would I act in a way that would make you miserable, when you have already suffered enough?”

Miss Darcy’s chin quivered, and blotches appeared on her face.

“What happened to you was horrible, and I cannot imagine what it has been like for you. Naturally, your brother—and the colonel and your entire family—are concerned for you. I will not do anything to make the situation worse for you and thus for them.” Elizabeth was conscious of their conversation traversing some of the same ground as their earlier one, but it was apparent the poor girl needed reassurance and to be told that she was not at fault for the violence and betrayal she had experienced. “I am only sorry I did not find a way to prevent my brother, sister, and I coming to Pemberley. I had hoped when Mr Darcy raised no objection, it meant you would not find it distressing.”

Fat tears fell down Miss Darcy’s cheeks, and Elizabeth felt several of her own falling too. She would embrace her young companion, but she did not believe Miss Darcy would allow it or receive the comfort she wanted to give. They stood, not two feet apart, for several long minutes, until Miss Darcy walked away.