Chapter 1

Lucy

T he evening is thankfully ending when the strangest feeling hits me. I glance across the restaurant, my breath stalling spotting the last person alive I expected to see here—well, the second to last. My feet carry me straight into the back, quickly putting away my things and I slip out the back door rather than risk running into him.

The entire walk home my eyes dart over my shoulders, hoping to not find him there. I'm only mildly relieved when I stop outside my building without incident. It's a relief that he apparently didn't see me in return but knowing he was here fills me with dread.

It's the middle of the week. There's no way he's here just hanging out with friends—especially since we're about a thousand miles away from home here.

He has to be going to school somewhere in town. Shelly and Michael Craig wouldn't begin to let him skip going to college even if they could provide a pretty comfortable life for their kids without them working. Jessa always complained about it, that she had to go to college and get a job instead of being able to do whatever she wanted once we were finished with high school. No way would their parents allow Jayden to get by with it, even if he is the youngest of the three Craig siblings.

Why he chose somewhere here though…that keeps me from relaxing as I move down the hallway to get to Mrs. Holmes' apartment.

The woman is a lifesaver. She watches Liam for me whenever I have to work, doesn't begin to charge me nearly enough for it. During the summer, she's his primary sitter. During school, she watches him for me in the evenings or weekends when I'm working. The daycare center at the campus takes him while I'm in class. The center and Mrs. Holmes are the only reasons why I'm on track to graduate on schedule still.

"Here's Mama," she says, giving Liam a smile as he lets out a happy shout reaching for me. I can't deny that it makes my heart warm when he does it. Or how much he really looks like his father. I tried to ignore it, but after tonight, seeing Jayden again…it's all I can think of now.

From his blondish-brown wavy hair to that dimple in one cheek to his light green eyes. It's all Jayden.

The few minutes it takes to get his bag and walk the two flights up to our apartment has me shaking. Why is Jayden here? He couldn't possibly know, could he? No…no that's not possible.

I haven't talked to anyone from home since I left. Haven't seen a single soul from town since then either. I didn't even go to the doctor there when I realized I was pregnant. So there's no way he could know that our reckless mistake resulted in the sweet little boy in my arms.

I do my best to push it aside as I settle Liam in for bed. I still have schoolwork to finish tonight, the last thing I need is to remember that dumb party, having one too many drinks, and ending up in bed with my best friend's younger brother.

I graduated a year early—the reason Jessa and I went to the party to start, or more aptly, the reason she drug me to the party. Jayden had just finished his freshman year, a year and a half younger than me, but that didn't matter later that night. He definitely didn't seem like a kid when we were kissing, when he touched me.

It should have stayed at just that single night, a single mistake, but less than a week later I added onto the mess by letting him into my place ‘to talk'. One of the two nights resulted in Liam. He's my world, my heart and soul. The thing I didn't realize I needed so desperately. But I wasn't about to tell Jayden the truth, ruin his high school experience, let alone his life, by making him be a dad.

I also didn't want to worry that he'd suggest an abortion. I already knew I couldn't do that, but I also couldn't put the knowledge that they weren't wanted onto my child. Even if it turned out not to be true. I was all too well aware of feeling like that and I'd never risk it.

It takes me almost twice as long to finish my coursework as questions and worries continue to pop up in my mind. They invade my sleep as well, making me almost late for my class the next morning. Liam is thankfully a morning person, at least for now, making it easier to get him to daycare and me slipping into my seat right as our professor begins the lecture.

I've worked my schedule this year so that I only have one class on Tuesdays and Thursdays, letting me get to the restaurant by ten, and out by four to get Liam from the center. It gives us the entire evening together as well as most of Saturday. I usually drop him off at Mrs. Holmes' at four-thirty to get to the restaurant by five, work until midnight and then get home by one. Liam doesn't begin to wake when I take him up to our place and unlike him, Mrs. Holmes is a night owl, so it doesn't bother her.

There's no sign of Jayden the next two days and I begin to relax, thinking I made it up somehow. It might not have even been him, just someone that looked similar enough surely. It's been three years since I've seen him, he likely doesn't look exactly like I remember.

With that in mind, I load Liam into his stroller, heading down to the park Sunday morning while it's still quiet. It's one of the best times to watch him play, the park is usually pretty much empty other than the avid joggers who are out while everyone else seems to be sleeping in or at church. Liam can run around without fear of being run over by bigger kids and it gets enough energy out that he easily goes down for a nap in the afternoon, letting me either nap with him or get some housework done.

Today, a nap sounds like a good option. Worrying about Jayden kept me up later than normal, unable to sit still, so the apartment is now spotless. I even cleaned out the fridge—freezer included. So much so that I really need to go to the store to stock back up.

That isn't going to happen right now though. I hate grocery shopping as it is, and unless I have a meal plan prepped, I end up with random things that don't create anything resembling a meal. Instead, I order pickup from my restaurant as Liam winds down.

The walk there is pleasant, I love hearing Liam's little laughs as he amuses himself with his toys. Him being happy is everything to me. The little screams when we're playing don't bother me at all. I'd far rather hear that than him have to be silent. Thanks to my baby boy I've stopped being silent, stopped being scared to speak and have opinions. It's amazing what you can learn from a child when you never had the chance to be one.

Katie is at the front when I push open the door and I let out a soft groan. Of all my co-workers she's the one that I can't stand most. She always has something snide to say about me being a mom or my appearance.

I don't want to deal with that today and move past her to the bar area to pick up our food. Gary's there and he stops me as I turn to leave. "Did your friend find you?"

"Friend?" I state unsure what he means.

"Yeah, he stopped in after you left Thursday night asking for you. Said he'd stop by to catch up later when I told him I couldn't give out your schedule," Gary says and I shake my head no, unable to breathe suddenly. "He seemed like an old friend," he adds with a glance at Liam. "If you want me to keep an eye out for him to keep him away just let me know."

"Thanks," I managed to get out before hurrying out the door to get home. There's no way that he didn't mean Jayden, not after seeing him here myself already and the way Gary looked at Liam.

My appetite is completely gone now. I just want to get home and hide away. Forget all of this and go back to my normal life where I didn't have to worry that Liam's father would walk back into my world.

The light at the corner of the block changes, stopping my quick escape. I wait impatiently for an opening, but the traffic is now in its normal Sunday fury, keeping me stuck right where I am. My heart races as I finally make it across the street, hurrying down the next block to try to get through the next set easier. Usually I'd just take my time but not today, not when it feels like an impending doom is hovering just beyond my reach.

I make it to the end of the block in time to catch the light turning to walk and hurry through once more. Two more blocks and I should be home, safe inside with Liam. That is what I want right now, to make sure Liam is safe. If I have to see Jayden, I'd much prefer it to happen when our son isn't present.

I have to stop at the door to the apartment building to unlock it and my back tenses hearing my name. My entire body shakes knowing that voice. This isn't happening, not like this, not now. It can't be happening like this.

I do my best to pretend I didn't hear it and finish opening the door. Thankfully Liam's stroller isn't visible from the street, and I push it inside to get away, not have this happen. I move faster than normal, nearly tripping over my own feet in my hurry—and it's all for nothing.

A gentle hand wraps around my arm as Jayden says my name again, this time in absolute shock. I drag in a deep breath before turning to face him, finding Liam's green eyes staring at me from his father's face.

He's definitely changed, even taller now, with just a hint of the boyishness he still had last time we saw each other. There's a maturity in his eyes that wasn't there, and it makes me curious to know more about it, and him, which is insane.