Chapter 33

“You should eat something,” Arthur said softly, touching Isabella’s shoulder. “You’ve been sitting here watching your sister all day. I don’t think she’s likely to wake up any time soon.”

“I’m so worried about her,” Isabella fretted.

“You remember what the physician said, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Isabella agreed. “It doesn’t seem as though she hit her head very hard, and the fact that she woke up a little bit last night and spoke to us is a very good sign.”

“That’s right,” Arthur agreed. “And that means it’s all right for you to take a break. Felicity would want you to care for yourself, wouldn’t she?”

He had arranged for lunch to be set out on the table, and he’d hoped that Isabella would come and join him—she needed a break from her worries, and he longed to see her starting to return to the person she had been before all this had started. The fact that she and Felicity had both escaped their ordeal relatively unharmed was such a blessing, and he had never felt more eager to turn away from the path of revenge that he had been on for so long. He wanted to focus on Isabella—nothing more.

But she hadn’t come to eat, and it occurred to him now that perhaps she didn’t feel up to the formality of sitting at a table. He took her hands. “I’ve had some food sent to my room,” he said.

“Can’t we eat here?” Isabella put a hand on Felicity’s arm. “I don’t want to leave her.”

“She’s all right, Isabella. She needs to sleep, that’s all. And you need some rest as well. Please, come with me. Caroline will stay with your sister, and she’ll summon us if anything changes, I promise.”

Isabella nodded. “All right,” she agreed. “I suppose you’re right. I’m not doing her any good sitting here. I might as well go and get something to eat.”

“That’s the spirit,” Arthur said, helping her to her feet. He took her by the arm and led her out into the hall and toward his own room.

The two of them had kept very close to one another since the events of last night. Arthur hadn’t wanted to let her out of his sight, but more than that, he didn’t want to take his hands off of her. It was reassuring to be able to feel her and to know that, for the moment, she couldn’t be taken away from him. He knew perfectly well how close he had come to losing her forever. He couldn’t let that happen ever again.

The two of them sat in comfortable chairs on either side of a small table in Arthur’s bedchamber. She looked around as she sat down. “I still feel it’s something of a special treat to be allowed into this room at all,” she confessed.

“You were never barred from this room.”

“Maybe not, but I had no business in here,” Isabella said. “Think how strange it would have been, me coming in when you had made it clear that you wanted nothing to do with me.”

Arthur sighed. “I owe you an explanation.”

“I know that you don’t want to owe me things,” she said. “I understand that about you.”

“It’s not that simple. Not anymore. Maybe it never was.” He rubbed a hand across his face. “I know it’s not very responsible of me to have this conversation right now while we’re both so tired and drained.”

“Maybe it’s the best time for it,” Isabella said gently. “We’ve been so cautious with one another. We’ve had our defenses up. I think you’ve hesitated to tell me things every bit as much as I’ve been hesitating with you.”

“Well, perhaps that’s true,” Arthur agreed.

“I know it is. Tell me the real reason you left,” she suggested. “Let’s start there. I know it isn’t just because you wanted to visit your other estate. You could have taken me with you for that.”

“No, you’re right,” he agreed. “The truth is that I was becoming unfocused. The more time I spend with you, the more difficult it’s been to keep my attention on the things that I’ve always held as most important in my life.”

“And what are those things?”

“You know that I lost my parents,” he said. “The truth is that they were murdered, both of them, right in front of me, and I’ve never been able to forget it.”

“Murdered right in front of you?” She gasped. “What do you mean?”

“Well, they were poisoned,” he explained. “I was at the dinner table with them when they drank from the poisoned cups. I watched them die. It happened instantly. And the investigation ruled beyond a doubt that it was poison though it was impossible to tell at the time who was responsible for what had happened. I’ve spent every moment of my life since then trying to discover who killed my parents. Trying to get my revenge and justice for what happened to them.”

“I see,” she murmured.

“It was never the case that I didn’t care for you, Isabella. I cared too much. Far too much. I couldn’t keep my attention on my mission of revenge because all I could think about was you. All I could think about was what you might be thinking of me, or when I might have the chance to steal another kiss…and when my thoughts did return to my mission, I was constantly afraid, Isabella. I never had any fear before, but with you in my life, it was nothing but worry. I didn’t know whether I might be putting you in danger by doing all this. I hadn’t thought it all the way through, but the truth is that I know now that I couldn’t bear it if I lost you too. I should have abandoned the whole affair on the day you and I were married.”

“But…it was your whole life,” Isabella protested. “You may think I don’t understand that, Arthur, but I do. I’ve seen how hard it is for you to face your past. You couldn’t even go into the attic for the longest time. You couldn’t be expected to change the way you looked at the world just because of the fact that you and I were married. That’s too much to ask.”

“Of course, it isn’t. I was your husband. I am your husband. You can’t honestly believe that it’s too much to ask that I should make choices that keep you safe.”

“You didn’t know that I would be in danger if you left,” Isabella said. She held up a hand “I know you were worried about it. I know you wondered if your quest for revenge might bring danger into my life. But you believed the safest thing you could do for me would be to keep me distant from it. Isn’t that right?”

“If I’m being honest,” Arthur replied, “I would have to confess that I knew the safest thing would be to abandon my quest altogether.”

“It’s all right,” Isabella assured. “I understand why you didn’t. If I thought someone had been responsible for my mother’s death, I don’t think I would ever be able to let go of my anger about that. I would spend the rest of my life trying to make it right.”

“But allowing harm to come to the lady I love will never make the past right,” Arthur said.

She looked up at him, and he felt her hands tremble slightly in his. “Did you say—love?”

“I should have confessed it from the moment I felt it rather than trying to run from it,” Arthur said. “I should have told you that I loved you as soon as I knew it was true, Isabella. I’m so sorry for the way I’ve handled all of this. I can only hope that you’ll be willing to forgive me in due time.”

She shook her head. “There isn’t anything to forgive, Arthur,” she said softly. “I’ve loved you for a very long time, but I never thought you could return my love.”

“It’s my own fault you felt that way. It’s my fault that you didn’t know.”

“We shouldn’t worry about who is to blame,” Isabella suggested. “We should worry about what we’re going to do moving forward instead. I still want us to have a proper marriage, Arthur. If you truly love me as you say you do?—”

“I do,” he said earnestly. “It crushed me when I thought I might have lost you.”

“Then let us devote ourselves to one another, and never mind the past,” Isabella decided. “Let us forget everything else. Is that possible? Can you do it?”

“I can do it,” he said. “You’re the only thing that matters to me, Isabella—the only thing in my world. I’m only sorry that it took such dire events to make me realize that.”

“Do you really mean it?” Isabella asked, tears springing to her eyes. He could feel her trembling, and all he could think was that he hated the fact that he had made her suffer this much. She should never have had to feel any doubt about the fact that she was important to him, and although she had been clear about the fact that she didn’t want them to concern themselves with blame, it was a hard thing to set aside. He knew it would be a long time before he stopped feeling responsible for what had almost happened to her tonight.

But just as he had allowed his quest for vengeance to get in the way of his relationship with his wife, he knew that he now ran the risk of allowing his guilt to get in the way of their bonding, and that was the last thing he wanted to happen. More than anything, he wanted to do as she had suggested—to leave the past behind them and to move into the future together.

It just seemed like too much to believe that he could have this now. That all he had to give up was the desire for revenge that had sustained him all his life. He could see now how little it had mattered. He had leaned into that longing because he’d had nothing else. He had been afraid to allow himself to feel anything for anyone. Only anger was safe.

But love had found its way in.

He took Isabella in his arms, pulling her up from the chair she was sitting in. She came willingly to him. “I mean it,” he told her. “I love you, Isabella. You mean more to me than anything else ever has.”

“I can’t believe I’m finally hearing you say this,” Isabella admitted. “I’ve dreamed of it for what feels like the longest time, Arthur. I stopped believing that this was something that could ever happen, and now, it is happening. It’s almost too good to be true.”

“I feel the same way about that,” Arthur agreed. “I’ve spent so much of my life focusing on this one thing—revenge for my parents’ deaths. I’ve been so single-minded about it. It was important, but it never felt good. And now, you’ve come along, and I can actually imagine a future in which my attention is reserved for things that make me happy. I can imagine feeling excited to get out of bed each morning because I know I’ll be spending the day with you. It’s something I never thought I would find. Even when I married you, I never dreamed it would be like this.”

He pulled her close, and the only thing on his mind was to finally kiss her for the second time.

But they were interrupted by a knock on the door.

Arthur frowned, wanting to send whoever it was away, but he knew it might be important. “Come in,” he said.

It was one of his footmen. “Begging your pardon, Your Graces,” he said. “Miss Felicity is awake. She’s asking to see you both.”