It Had To Be You

M y head is still spinning at all the things he's revealed.

All this time, people had thought of Dauphin Tueur as someone who used Calixte Romano as his alias. But in truth, it was actually the other way around. Calixte was his real name while Dauphin Tueur was the alias he used to infiltrate my world. His real "job" involved classified ties to the defense department while stories about Dauphin Tueur were nothing but strategically fabricated tales to instill fear at the mere sound of his name.

I feel sick to my stomach when I think about the complexities and intricacies that he was required to master when crossing and double-crossing the people he spoke to. One mistake alone could result in his death, and that was exactly what my father had planned for him.

"My father would kill you if he finds out you're the same man he lost that day."

"Your father is welcome to try, but he won't succeed. The only reason he was able to capture me that day was because I stopped giving a damn. I was a different man then. I was ready to die at that time...and I know would have if an angel hadn't decided to interfere."

Words like his are something I've only heard in my prayers and dreams. I can't recall any living human saying ever anything nice to me, and I just don't know what to do or say.

"You bought me time, and it was just enough for my team to locate me. I didn't want to leave you, but I also knew staying too long without a plan wouldn't solve anything. So I had to make a choice. I asked a couple of my men to stay behind on a neighboring island, undercover. I knew even then I'd come back for you."

My heart is racing like mad, and I wrap my arms around Pluto and bury my face in his fur to hide my confusion. Everyone on the island has either ignored or mistreated me. Am I truly allowed to believe that my husband means every word he's said?

Ghosts from my past start crawling into my mind. They're from that part of my life when I was still lost and in despair, and they're all whispering tauntingly into my ear.

He lied to you, and he could lie to you again.

Maybe he's still after something, and he thinks you're the key to it.

You are still the daughter of one of the world's most powerful and dangerous criminals.

Do you really think that wouldn't matter to a high-ranking agent like him?

Logic tells me it would be the height of insanity to trust anything he says.

Just look at your own father.

I was his Trojan horse when he signed the peace treaty.

But he had every intention of breaking his word from the start.

So who's to say your husband isn't the same?

"You don't have to be afraid of me, Eden."

His quietly spoken words startle me, and my heart and mind are immediately at war the moment I find myself gazing into his eyes.

All I can see is gentleness and tenderness.

Honor and truth.

Please help me, God.

My heart wants so badly to believe this is all real, but...

"I thought I understood everything," I say shakily, "when all I knew was that you were Dauphin Tueur ."

"I gave you my real name from the start," he reminds me.

"But only because you knew I wouldn't recognize it."

A glimmer of a smile curves over his lips. " Touché ."

"So why then?" I blurt out. "If you were just another mafioso, then the treaty you had signed with my father would make absolute sense. You spare his life. He gives you monthly tributes in return."

"That's what we supposedly agreed on, oui ."

My heart sinks.

Supposedly, he says.

Does that mean he also hadn't any intention of keeping his word from the start?

"But we both know that contract will never be enough to bind your father."

I bite my lip in frustration. I feel like something keeps getting lost in translation, but what?

"My men were extremely good at documenting your every move. I had them reporting to me several times a day. I wanted to know everything you were doing."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to understand why you chose to save me." A ghost of a smile twists over his lips. "I kept thinking there had to be a catch, but the more I watched you, the less I understood. They told me about the times you had to hide in order to cry without being seen, and I've never felt more murderous. But every time they told me these things, I also felt as if I was going crazy, and I found myself wondering if you've somehow realized you're being watched, and you were putting on a show. Nothing about you made sense."

Same here , I can't help thinking. Because nothing about him has made any sense, and so I've also been waiting for the penny to fall ever since he made me his wife.

"You were an enigma...and it made me angry."

He sees my eyes widen at his words, and his lips twist in another humorless smile.

"I convinced myself at first it was because I couldn't figure you out, which my pride balked at. I didn't like the idea of being hoodwinked by some island girl."

My heart shrivels a little at how he's described me. Does he still think of me that way?

"But then I got wind of your father's plans."

"What plans?"

His jaw clenches. "He wanted to marry you off to the highest bidder, and I knew then that I had to make plans of my own."

It's my first time to hear this, and even though I know my father's plans are a moot point by now, my body still shudders at the idea of being married off to someone else.

God, oh God.

Pluto tenses against me, and I quickly pull back and muster up a smile to let him know he has nothing to worry about. Dogs aren't called man's best friend for nothing, but more so for Pluto and his brothers.

I'm not sure if it's because of the violence they've been forced to witness and participate in, but I've noticed how they've become more and more attuned to the slightest change in my emotions. They know the difference between sadness and despair, and their devotion to me has only grown over the years. They'd die for me if they thought it would make me happy. I feel exactly the same way about them, and that's why...

"It's okay, boy. It's okay."

I bury my nails into the flesh of my palms, and I do it as hard as I can until a stream of endorphins rushes out to mask my pain---

"It's okay, it's okay."

But more importantly, this temporary feeling of lightheadedness is enough to deceive all the dogs into thinking that I really am okay.

My husband immediately reaches for me as I get to my feet. "Are you alright?"

Even when I'm not.

"I just need some air..."

"Of course."

He takes my hand while speaking, but as much as I want to draw comfort from the firmness of his grip---

I'm already lost in the past, my mind consumed by all the times I was forced by my father to join him and his men when they were in a mood to drink and celebrate.

I can feel my husband leading me out to the garden, but I don't see or hear what's going on around me.

It's as if I'm back on the island, and my father and his men are swapping stories about the women they've raped, and...

God, oh God.

I just knew I could've been one of those stories, too---

If not for God---

My husband's gaze narrows at my face. "Eden?"

And the man He's chosen for me.

"Thank you," I choke out. "Thank you for saving me---"

"There was no way I'd simply stand by and do nothing when I realized what your father intended," he rejects flatly. "The moment I found out about your father's plans...that was it. That was the turning point for me."

"But you really don't owe me anything---"

"You risked everything to save me. Do you think I don't know that?"

"But it was his fault you were there in the first place."

" Esattamente." Exactly. "It was his fault, not yours---" My husband raises his hand when he sees me about to speak again. "In any case...saving you is not the only reason I married you."

My heart grows numb as I read between the lines.

He thinks I've another purpose to serve because he still believes I'm his father's daughter.

But what will he do if he realizes he's been lied to?

"Why are you crying?"

He's already wiping my tears away with his thumb when I become aware of what's happening.

"Nothing we've talked about changes anything," he says quietly. "I am and will always be on your side. There is nothing I won't do to keep you safe."

I can see now that he means it.

But for how long will those words be true?

Will he still be on my side even when he realizes how worthless I am?

"I can feel you trembling," he bites out. "But I won't know how to help you if you don't tell me what's wrong. What are you still afraid of?"

You.

Because it's true.

And I'm not just afraid.

But terrified.

Of him throwing me away.

"Talk to me, Eden," he urges.

I want to, oh, how I want to.

But there are no words to change my reality.

"Is it because you still don't trust me?"

I shake my head.

"Then talk to me. Please."

It breaks my heart to hear him say this, but it's also when I hear this that I realize...

What's true yesterday and today doesn't have to stay true.

And that's when I hear myself say, "I'm just not used to having...rules."

Tomorrow can still change.

His forehead creases. "Explain."

All I have to figure out is how to make myself useful.

"This marriage...and me...as a wife..."

His expression turns grim again, and I feel sick to my stomach.

Oh no.

Have I already pushed things too far without even meaning to?

Have my words made him realize that our marriage means I'm to be a permanent part of his life, and he's starting to think he's made a mistake?

"You are neither my captive nor my slave, Eden. There are no rules---"

"But don't I have things to do as your wife?" I interrupt helplessly. "Surely, there are things you expect me to do..."

And maybe, if I do them well enough---

"I can't believe you're asking me what I think you're asking."

"Yes, I really am."

He won't mind keeping me as his wife even after finding out I'm not who he thinks he is.

"In case I haven't made it clear to you," he says heavily, "you are under no obligation---"

"I know." And the fact that he has no expectations of me at all is what worries me the most. "But I'm asking this because I want...to." My voice trails off in uncertainty with the way he suddenly stiffens at my words. Did I say something wrong again?

"If you are only saying that because you think it's what I want to hear---"

"I swear it's the truth. It has nothing to do with being obliged. I want--- mmph. "

My whole world stops spinning as my husband suddenly cups my face and covers my mouth with his.

Is this...really...happening?

He pulls me even closer as his kiss deepens, and I have my answer the moment his tongue strokes gently against mine.

Oh...wow.

Something hot and beautiful and so, so wonderfully precious comes into life inside of me, and I can no longer think.

Oh.

Oh.

Ooooooooh.

Time also seems to stand still as my emotions overflow, and with every second that passes, it gets harder and harder to remember who he was or who I was.

As my arms wrap around his, my body melts against his hard, powerful form, and his tongue mates with mine---it gets harder and harder to tell where he begins and where I end.

All I can do is feel.

All I know is that we're one.

And when he lifts his head, all I hear is our pants.

I look dazedly into his eyes, and the heat of his gaze burns me alive.

"I didn't want you to feel forced or coerced into doing anything," he rasps out. "And that's why I never planned to tell you the truth..."

"I d-don't understand..."

"I want you, too, Eden."

Déjà vü, I can't help thinking as his words leave me confused, and all I can do is stare at him again.

What does he mean when he says he wants me, too?

I have never---

OH.

I feel like dying when I realize how he's completely misinterpreted the words I gave him earlier.

Oh. My. Gosh.

When I told him I wanted to do the things one would expect from a wife, all I was thinking about at that time was making myself indispensable by serving him in any way he needed me to.

"You're embarrassed."

Well, of course I am.

"Don't be."

Easier said than done , I think miserably. In fact, I think it's quite impossible not to be embarrassed, considering how my earlier actions made it seem like I was practically begging him to take me to bed.

"Do you want to hear another truth?"

Since his first truth just about killed me---

"Not really?"

His eyes gleam with amusement. "It's not as bad as you think."

"Then..." I take a deep breath. "Okay. What---"

"I wanted you from the moment I saw you."

Oh.

"I wanted you even when I didn't yet trust you."

God, oh God.

"And because I'm not a good man---"

I don't think I deserve the way my husband is looking at me.

"I wanted you even more when I realized you're the kind of woman I would never deserve."