Chapter 13

13

I f the weather is fit after the wedding, I thought we could journey to my property in Yorkshire ,” Lord Coleville said the next afternoon as he and Emily strolled arm in arm around the wintery grounds of Beaumont .

After another day of sunshine, the large snowdrifts had taken a hit, and the footmen and her cousins alike had created a path in the melting snow that led all the way to the other side of the lake.

Hence why she’d slipped away early from helping her parents distribute St . Stephen’s Day boxes to the household staff and had suggested to the earl that they take a walk. After a Christmas Day filled with an abundance of food and excitement, her family had become more subdued today, scattering to various parts of the house to engage in tranquil pastimes. Nonetheless , she preferred the idea of an outdoor rendezvous with Lord Coleville , where there was no risk of anyone listening at the door or barreling in unannounced. The lakeside trail would offer the seclusion she desired, granted that no one came along in the sledge. It would be the perfect place to hold a private and difficult conversation. If she felt so inclined.

“ I realize it’s not ideal,” he continued as they languidly followed the curve in the path, “but I’ve received word that the manor requires repairs, and there are a few things I’d like to see to myself, if possible.”

He’s so good , she reflected as he briefly relayed some difficulties with the estate. So responsible and dedicated, even though he’s merely a cousin of the former earl and never expected to inherit .

He was trying to do his best, and she admired him for it. Except then, for perhaps the thousandth time that day, her thoughts flashed to Nate .

Nate , whose St . Stephen’s Day party would commence shortly, after all the hours he’d spent attempting to make every detail just right.

Upon learning of the difficulties Nate experienced with both his ill kitchen maid and his injured hand, her father had sent three kitchen maids, along with four able-bodied footmen, over to Rosemead to assist with the party. As none of them had yet returned, Nate must have gotten over his reluctance and accepted their aid. Regardless , Emily couldn’t help wondering how he fared. Were the decorations all in place? Was the food all prepared? Did he survey the great hall and recognize his accomplishments, his worthiness?

And … when he looked upon the kissing bough above the door, did he think of her?

“ I understand, of course, if you’d prefer to go on honeymoon somewhere warmer first,” Lord Coleville said, his breath creating a puff of white in the frosty air. “ Perhaps we could voyage to the south of France , or Italy? —”

No . What he suggested sounded lovely—for another woman. A wife who yearned to travel and could give him the affection he deserved.

However , everything she desired was here in Kent . Next door . Perhaps Lord Coleville was a safer choice, but that wasn’t where her heart lay. She’d known all along, deep down, that it never would, and it was so unfair to him that she kept pretending. He warranted better than her dishonesty, and she had to tell the truth, as difficult as it would be to find the words to explain how dreadfully she’d erred?—

“ But I don’t believe you wish for any of those things,” he concluded, catching her off guard. “ Or for a wedding. Not with me.”

Her feet abruptly halted on the path, and she spun to face him, the air rushing from her lungs. She blinked several times, taking him in, trying to be certain she’d correctly interpreted his words. There was no anger on his face or malice in his tone. Only a mild look of comprehension that left no doubt regarding his abilities to sense her secret thoughts.

She forced herself to take a breath, her chest tightening with regret. “ I’m so sorry. I’ve gone about everything all wrong. I? —”

“ May I make a confession, Lady Emily ?” His sudden words made her freeze again, and she continued to peer at him a moment before finding the wherewithal to nod.

“ My inheriting the earldom in the spring came as a shock,” he said. “ There’s been a great deal to learn, and I want nothing more than to fulfill the responsibilities cast upon me and to prove myself deserving of the title. I took to familiarizing myself with estate management and parliamentary happenings well enough. But then, there was the matter of society. Specifically , of an earl’s responsibility to find a suitable wife.”

She felt her eyes widen a touch as the meaning of what he implied began to unfold.

“ Not that I don’t admire you or value the time we spent in each other’s company,” he rushed to add. “ Because I do, most ardently. But ever since issuing the proposal, I haven’t been able to stop wondering if my desire to do things right as the earl has perhaps made me a touch hasty. And as for marriage between us … maybe I recognize the hesitance in you because it exists in me, too.”

She waited a moment, letting everything he’d said finish sinking in. And then, her entire body loosened, as if she’d been struck by another clarifying wave.

“ I apologize—” he began, but she waved it away with a flick of her wrist, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

“ I admit, I’m relieved,” she said, and when his brows rose, her smile became an airy laugh. “ It feels somewhat nice to know I’m not the only one who blundered.”

“ Oh , Lady Emily .” He let out a lengthy sigh, although it ended in a small smile of his own. “ If only we’d been wise enough to reach this conclusion before I proposed in front of an audience. I don’t want our parting to cause any trouble for you.”

She shook her head, feeling lighter than she had in a long time. “ You needn’t worry. It was only my family, and the Prescotts have been the subject of so much ton gossip that they would never purposefully bring another scandal to our door. No one will utter a word about our short-lived betrothal, I’m certain. Indeed , they only want what’s best for me. For us . For they—and I —admire you as well, and I hope we may all continue calling you a family friend.”

“ I’d like that,” he said. “ I could use all the friends I can get as I navigate the labyrinth that is high society.”

“ It will become easier, I assure you.” She set a hand upon his coat sleeve. “ You’ll adjust to all the intricacies of the ton given time. And somewhere along the way, I imagine you’ll find a future countess who doesn’t make you hesitate and who, in turn, is deserving of your love.”

“ I thank you, Lady Emily . I hope you’re correct.” He gave the hand upon his sleeve a fond pat—the parting handshake of friends—and in a silent agreement, they turned, starting back toward the house. “ And I hope that you, too, find the love of which you speak.”

She trudged along the path, her boots crunching lightly against the thin layer of snow. “ Yes , I hope so.” The faint warmth of the winter sunrays shone down on her, and she took a breath of the crisp, bracing air. Then released an exhale, followed by the truth. “ I rather wonder if I already have.”

Her voice was only a murmur, but enough to turn Lord Coleville’s head and elicit a wry grin. “ Ah . I suspected as much.”

The steady rhythm of her footsteps faltered for a beat. “ You did?”

“ Not all along. Certainly not in any of the London ballrooms,” he assured her, putting to rest her sudden fear that she’d made her affections as awkwardly obvious as when she’d been a girl of thirteen. “ But yesterday morning, the way Pembrook stared at you as he bid you farewell. I told myself I’d imagined it, but looking back, I’m not certain why I believed my own falsehood. For I could have cut the pining in that room with a knife.”

Her lips parted, allowing a gasp to fly out. A gasp, followed by a burst of laughter at how ridiculous that sounded. At how wonderful it sounded.

A tingle grabbed hold of her belly, fluttering like the wings of a butterfly. Did Nate truly long for her the way Lord Coleville claimed? She supposed she had reason to believe he did. She hoped he did.

But that didn’t stop the little trickle of doubt from creeping in. Because what if she’d been wrong yet again? What if, in the end, he could never view her as a wife but only as the immature girl next door?

She forced her feet to keep going, drawing her closer and closer to the back doors of Beaumont Manor . The doors that would lead her through familiar corridors and straight up to her bedchamber, where she could safely remain until morning with some feigned illness, just like on so many Christmases past. Long enough that the party at Rosemead —and its implicit promise for second chances—would be over.

She could do that. Or , she could take a chance. She could remain in her bedchamber just long enough to change her dress and put a ribbon in her hair, after which she would get in the sleigh and have it take her back to Rosemead .

Because while the prospect of rejection was terrifying, a risk could yield the greatest reward.

Prescotts do not cower .

She made her footsteps a little quicker, keeping her shoulders held high and her gaze focused straight ahead. On the future.

Off to Rosemead it was.