Chapter 14

Sophia tossed and turned in bed, a sense of restlessness overtaking her body. The bed itself was soft with sheets made of the purest silk and more pillows than she could ever need.

And yet, Sophia White could not get herself to fall asleep as hard as she tried.

Feeling annoyed at herself, she sat up straight in the bed, rubbing the sides of her arms with an irked expression upon her features.

“What is the matter…” she cursed under her breath. “Why can I not sleep?”

Her first night at the Duke’s estate was turning out to be a restless one. Resting her bonnet covered head against the pillow once again, she tried to give it one last attempt to sleep.

Sophia was not in her new room anymore. The clopping of the horses’ hooves alerted her to her surroundings, and she looked out the window of the carriage. The sky was dark and unwelcoming, and it left a lasting impression on Sophia.

She looked at her own reflection in the carriage window. Her features were younger, and she had aged in reverse by at least ten years.

“No, no, this is not right, driver,” she said, but her voice was not loud enough to reach him. “We are going in the wrong direction.”

But her protests were in vain as the carriage only picked up speed.

“No, stop, please…”

They were on top of a bridge now, and the rainstorm had only gotten worse. Thunder boomed loudly, and the bridge began to shake as though there was a massive earthquake.

“Stop, I must get out…”

Her protests grew weaker and weaker before the chain of the bridge collapsed, and the river underneath engulfed her inside of it.

“Stop…”

Sophia woke up startled. She wiped off the beads of sweat that had formed on her forehead and exhaled a deep sigh.

“I suppose there is no running away from my nightmares, no matter where I go,” she muttered to herself, stepping out of the bed and throwing on her robe.

It was clear to Sophia that staying in this room was futile. She felt restless when she lay awake, and her nightmares haunted her the moment she fell asleep…

It was time to distract her mind.

Sophia fastened the belt of her robe tightly as she began to descend down the hallway with measured steps, careful not to make any noise.

But then she realized that she had no reason to be so surreptitious. After all, this was her estate now, too, and a duchess should be allowed to wander the halls at whatever time she pleased.

She remembered the first few months after the accident had happened. She would wake up crying in her bed, and her aunt would rush to her side. Aunt Rose had a book ready for moments like that as often as they occurred. She would read to Sophia until she went back to sleep.

Sophia decided to do the same. Perhaps burying her nose in a good book would help distract her mind.

As Sophia approached the library, she noticed that the light was on inside. She almost retreated, but since she had already opened the door halfway, she decided that it would be too rude to turn away now.

“Who goes there?”

“Your Grace, it’s just me.” Sophia came out of the shadows and revealed herself to the Duke, who had a look of confusion on his face.

His eyes darted over to the clock which indicated that it was well past midnight and then back to her. Sophia noticed that he was reclining comfortably with a book in his hands.

“Have you seen the time, Madam?” The Duke raised an eyebrow. “I did not take you to be nocturnal like this.”

“I try not to be,” she replied and took a seat in front of him. She figured that now that she was here, she might as well make herself comfortable.

“I can imagine that it must be quite the change of setting, having to move away from your home and settle into a new one entirely. I do not blame you for taking your time to adjust; it is only your first night here,” he observed in that same measured, perfectly rational tone that she had grown to associate with him.

“That is true, Your Grace. But it is not your first night here. You seem to be quite nocturnal yourself.” She pointed at the book that lay on the table between them. “Is this a common occurrence?”

The Duke simply shrugged his shoulders.

“I find the nighttime perfectly suited to relaxing. It is free from all the noise that usually informs my day,” he said and then looked at the window. “Almost everyone is asleep, and there are only a few who are awake at this hour.”

“Like you and me,” Sophia replied. Her intention was not to flirt with the Duke, but she realized too late that her words sounded quite flirtatious.

The Duke met her gaze for a moment, holding it for just a second before she looked away, blushing.

“Indeed,” he replied, “like you and me.”

Sophia cleared her throat loudly and hastily picked up the book that the Duke had been reading just moments ago.

“I am looking to read a book myself,” she said. “Would you happen to have any sort of recommendations for me?”

“That highly depends on what sort of literature you prefer.”

“Oh, well…” Sophia racked her brain for an acceptable answer. She did not want the Duke to think less of her if she told him that she loved to read only romance novels. “I… love books about war.”

“War?” The Duke’s tone was surprised. “I must say that is quite a surprising area of interest.”

“Why, yes… I am quite fascinated with it. The Napoleonic wars, the…” She fumbled her words for a moment, and the Duke’s expression changed from surprised to amused.

“Pray tell, Madam. What are some of your favorite books in the genre? I am sure that I must have a copy of them as my collection is quite impressive.”

“We should move on from the topic,” Sophia said hurriedly. “I am sure that we will have ample time to discuss our favorite books in the future, now that we are married.”

The Duke gave her a confused look but then decided to not push her on the subject further.

“As you wish, Madam.” He crossed his arms out in front of his chest. “Would you like to return to your chambers and perhaps give sleep a chance again?”

Sophia shook her head immediately, filled with horror at the prospect of returning to her room alone.

“Is there something wrong?”

“No, of course not. It’s just that I am getting used to a new place; that is all,” Sophia assured him, but the latent fear in her voice betrayed her. The Duke did not seem to buy her explanation either, and he decided to press her further.

“Are you sure that is the extent of it?” He raised his eyebrow. “I do not mean to probe, but you appear visibly shaken, and while this environment is new to you, it is certainly not hostile. There must be something else going on.”

“You are quite the perceptive man, are you not, Your Grace?” Sophia replied with a sigh. Perhaps she was not such a great actress after all.

“I would believe so, yes, but you are dodging my question,” he pressed.

“If you really must know, then I had a small nightmare,” Sophia replied with a forced shrug. She did not want to make it appear as though it was a big deal, and she felt that it was far too early for her to admit this.

“Small enough that it made you run away from the room entirely and seek shelter in the library instead?” he questioned.

Sophia was surprised by his flair for drama. She had not expected him to embellish her words like that.

“That is one way to put it, correct,” she replied. “I just thought that it would be good to have a change of scenery. Surely you can relate if you have ever had nightmares.”

“I must say that my dreams are sparse, and I rarely remember them,” the Duke replied. “I prefer to live in reality.”

“Lucky you. Some of us are not as lucky,” she muttered under her breath, finding herself growing envious of the Duke.

What would she give to stop having these nightmares? As if it was not bad enough that she had witnessed the traumatic death of her family in front of her eyes, she had to now relive it in her dreams for the rest of her life.

“Would you say that the nightmares are a recurring event?”

Sophia had not expected the Duke to ask so many questions. If anything, she had expected him to be annoyed at being disturbed at this hour. It was a welcome surprise, however, as Sophia cherished the fact that she had someone to talk to at least.

“Well, sleep is a recurring event,” she tried to answer as diplomatically as possible, “so logically, nightmares must be too.”

“Is it too blunt to ask you what it was that you were having a nightmare about?” The Duke was staring at her directly now.

Under his intense gaze, she could not bring herself to hide any longer. Getting it off her chest would do her good.

“All my nightmares are about the same thing, Your Grace. They are quite predictable in a way,” she admitted with a frown. “I am always drowning in them.”

The Duke’s expression softened immediately.

“I am sorry to hear that, Madam.”

For a moment, Sophia wondered if he was going to reach out and touch her hand gently as a way of comforting her. She swore that she even saw his hand twitch, trying to move forward in her direction. But ultimately, he must have decided not to, and instead, a heavy silence hung in the air between them, punctuated only by the sound of their breathing.

“I know that there is something that we have not discussed, yet.” The Duke finally broke the silence, and Sophia’s heartrate began to climb. “I do not want to want to pressure you into telling me anything, but I believe it would be better if you did. I have only heard about the… accident… secondhand.”

“There are no shortage of rumors surrounding the incident,” Sophia admitted bitterly. “I will have you know that I have heard variations of it that I did not even think were possible. Fantastical ones. I remember one rumor where it was alleged that I pushed the driver out of the way and steered the carriage off the bridge.”

“I am sorry to hear that, Madam. That sounds overwhelmingly cruel.” His fist tightened. “I used to believe that the rumors about my family were harsh, but now that I have met you, I see that you seem to have it infinitely worse.”

“Lucky me,” Sophia remarked wryly.

“Since the topic has come up, would you mind telling me what happened that night?” he asked.

Sophia had expected to grow annoyed at his insistence. She usually did whenever someone pressed her too much to tell them the story. That was one of the reasons why she avoided social contact so much as she was sick of people asking her what had happened.

But for some reason, she did not feel that with the Duke. Perhaps it was the late hours of the night that had lowered her guard, or perhaps, deep down, she wished to share it with someone who would understand.

Whatever it was, Sophia decided to bite the bullet. She was going to bare her soul out to him. Why not? He was her husband after all.

“Well, Your Grace, I suppose you will have to hang tight on your seat for this story,” she said sarcastically, “as it is not a pleasant one nor for the faint-hearted.”

“You do not need to worry; I can handle it,” he assured her, never taking her eyes off her even for a moment.

“Very well then,” she pursed her lips and scraped her nails alongside the upholstery of the sofa she was seated on. It left a trail of ruffled fabric in its wake. “We were a family of four: my parents, my sister, and I. From my childhood, I was made aware of the fact that I could never be my father’s heir because I was born a girl, but my father never let my sister and me feel less than valued. If anything, he treated us equal to a son.”

“Your father sounds like a respectable man,” the Duke noted.

“Indeed, he was. Together with my mother, he gave the two of us the best childhood.” Sophia smiled at the memory. It had been a while since she had spoken about her parents. “We were quite close to our Aunt Rose, too. Since she did not have children of her own, our parents would take us to her house every other week. It was a great tradition, and our lives were filled with happiness.”

Sophia exhaled a sharp sigh, now getting to the dark part of her story.

“It was another day when we were supposed to visit our aunt. I remember what I wore that day; in fact, I remember that day like it was yesterday. It has been forever burned into my memory, now until eternity,” she professed. “I had a baby blue dress on that my mother had picked out for me specially. I could hardly wait to show it off to my aunt. So perhaps, when the dark clouds appeared outside and my father said that the weather was not good to travel that day, I protested.”

The Duke was hanging onto her every word now. It was as though she was delivering a holy sermon and not a word was to be missed.

“I protested as children do.” Sophia’s voice was filled with pain now. “I puffed up my cheeks and demanded that we leave to visit our aunt, lest it get too late, and my father agreed.”

“You can take a break at any moment, Madam,” the Duke assured her, but Sophia shook her head. She had to get it out of her system now.

“When we set out on the journey, the weather conditions were not abnormal. In fact, I remember joking with my father that he had been worried for nothing. But I spoke too soon… because not long after, we found ourselves caught in the middle of a terrible storm. It was windy, and the rain made the horse neigh in protest, but we continued on.” She dug her nails into the side of the sofa now and tried to keep her voice from choking up.

“We were almost there, too. But when we embarked on the bridge…” She could not help it anymore, and her voice finally broke.

“Madam…” The Duke extended his hand out to touch hers. “You do not have to continue.”

“It is important to me that I do.” She mustered up all her remaining courage. “When we embarked on the bridge, the rainstorm only got worse, and the driver lost control of the carriage. We skidded off the side, and the carriage landed in the water. When I woke up the next morning, I had arrived at my aunt’s house, covered in wounds incurred when I had tried to escape the sinking carriage. I had immediately asked for my family, and they told me my parents and my sister had not been as lucky.”

She looked up at the Duke now, finally having finished her story. As hard as it had been to retell, she felt strangely lighter — as though a burden had just been taken off her chest, and she could finally be transparent about everything.

To her surprise, the Duke was silent. She began to grow worried that she had scared him with too many details. Another silence hung in the air between them, and she dug her nails even deeper into the sofa as she waited for him to say something.

Anything would do at this point.

“Madam,” he finally spoke, “do you… remember anything else from that night?”

She shook her head. “This is all that I remember.”

“Do you remember how you were retrieved from the water?” he pressed.

“I…” She racked her brain. She had never spent too much time thinking about the part where she was saved as she already felt so much guilt about being the only person to survive.

“Please try to remember,” he pressed again, observing her carefully.

“I do not remember, but in my nightmares, I always see a dark figure pulling me out of the water,” she admitted. “He always appears whenever the nightmare gets to the worst part.”

“Oh, does he terrify you?” the Duke asked, curiosity dripping from his tone.

Sophia shook her head.

“It is usually the water that terrifies me,” she admitted. “The figure is the one who saves me. Whether I deserved to be saved or not, well, that is something else entirely.”

“Madam…” The Duke looked up at her. “Your nightmares are a memory that you did not know you had. The figure who saved you, well that happened in real life.”

Sophia scrunched up her nose in confusion.

“And why would you say that?”

“Because…” the Duke braced himself, “it was I who you pulled you out of the water that night.”