Chapter 59

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WARD

WARD STOOD at the front counter at his brother's shop, waiting for his keys. He'd been such a distracted mess over the past week and a half that John had told him to take the day off. There hadn't been much to do there anyway, being the day before Thanksgiving. But that meant Ward had been sitting around at home, dwelling on how empty the place felt.

So he'd spent the morning doing laundry, realizing just how much it had piled up. Then he'd seen how bare his refrigerator was. He hadn't relished the idea of grocery shopping in the holiday madness, but it had to be done. But as soon as he'd gotten into his truck, he'd noticed the service light on.

He'd been so distracted by everything, he hadn't noticed it was overdue for an oil change.

So he'd called Vaughn, and they'd squeezed him into the schedule. Ward had spent an hour sitting in the waiting room, having nothing better to do. His shopping would have to wait until the truck was done. The phones never seemed to stop ringing the whole time he was there, people clamoring for service before they left town for the holiday. And the front door kept opening and shutting, people coming and going, dropping off their cars or picking them up, all of them in a rush to get somewhere or meet someone.

Ward envied them.

He was going to dinner at his folks' house tomorrow, but he wasn't looking forward to it. There would be no hiding his broken heart. It was too fresh.

Maybe he should skip the holiday. Claim he was sick or something.

“Here you go,” Vaughn said, handing over his keys. “See you tomorrow!” He started to head back out of the office.

“You don't want me to pay?” Ward asked.

“We can deal with that later. You should go.”

Ward frowned. “What–”

“Shit. Too late.”

The door opened behind Ward.

“Hey, Kelly,” Vaughn said. “Be right with you.”

Ward tensed. Kelly? Shit. That was just what he needed. He slowly turned, and Kelly looked up at him in surprise.

“Well,” she began, fussing with her purse. “I guess this was bound to happen someday.”

“Yeah.” Ward stepped aside. “Excuse me.” He moved around her and was just reaching for the door handle when she stopped him.

“Wait.” She put a hand on his arm, then quickly snatched it back. “Are you okay?”

Ward didn't move.

“It's just…Ward, you look like someone died.”

Ward grimaced. He almost felt like someone had died. It certainly hurt that much.

“Look, I know it's none of my business, whatever it is,” Kelly went on. “But if you need someone to talk to…” She trailed off with a shrug. “I'm sure I'm the last person you'd want for that, but if you need it? I do still care about you, you know. I'd be happy to listen.”

Ward considered it. The office was otherwise empty at the moment, and he had so much pain built up inside, he was dying to get it out. It was either talk or go punch a wall. The latter honestly sounded better, but he'd never been a violent or aggressive man and he wasn't about to start now.

He took his hand away from the door and turned around.

“Jesus,” Kelly gasped, studying his eyes. “You look worse than when I–”

Ward nodded, knowing what she meant without her having to say it. He felt worse than when she'd abandoned him at the altar. Much worse. As painful as that had been, it was nothing compared to what he felt now.

Kelly reached out, stopping just short of touching him. “Come sit down.”

Ward followed her over to the waiting area and sank heavily into a chair. “I've been seeing someone,” he blurted out. Shit . He hadn't ever outright admitted to anyone that he'd been with one boy, let alone two. John and Adam knew, but that was because they'd been there to witness that first moment when Charlie had dropped into his lap, to say nothing of Adam encouraging Ward to call that escort service in the first place. And Dakota and his men knew, of course. Vaughn had found out by accident, barging into Ward's apartment the way he always did. But in none of those cases had it been Ward initiating the conversation or voluntarily coming out about it all. “Two someones,” he admitted.

“Oh. Well, that's–”

“Two men,” he blurted out.

Kelly's eyebrows went up. She was silent for an eerily long moment, then gave him a single, slow nod. “Okay. Go on.”

Ward blinked. That was it? No comment? No criticism or shock? “I thought everything was going well,” he continued, unable to stop now that he'd started. “Really well. But then one of them just up and left. No warning. No goodbye other than a note on the counter, which didn't even give an explanation.” Ward sighed and shook his head, resting his elbows on his knees. “I don't know. Maybe I did what I always do. With you and everyone else. Held on too tight. Maybe it was all too much.”

“What are you talking about?”

Ward looked up at her with a frown. “What do you mean?”

Kelly leaned closer. “Ward. You never held on too tight. If anything, you didn't hold on tight enough.”

“What?”

She gave him a sad smile. “You always had one foot out the door. Like you were ready to leave at a moment's notice.” She paused. “No, not so much leave as…let me go. There were times when it felt like you were indifferent to whether we stayed together or not. Like it wouldn't bother you much at all if I simply walked away.” She paused, shaking her head. “Maybe that's why I did it. Why I didn't show up to our wedding. I guess I wanted to see if you would come after me. If you'd fight for us. Fight for me. But you didn't. You let me go.”

Ward blinked. “I thought that's what you wanted.”

“No. I wanted to be with you. And, looking back, I know how stupid it was to do it the way I did. But I needed to know. I needed to see if you'd follow me. Instead, you let me walk away. You let me run off with an old boyfriend without a fight, like it didn't matter.”

“It did matter,” Ward insisted. “You broke my heart.”

Kelly blinked rapidly and pressed her fingertips into the corners of her eyes. She sniffed and shook her head. “I'm so sorry about that. I've regretted what I did every day since then. But what we had wasn't enough for me, Ward. You were so determined to let me live my own life and be my own person, I was starting to think there was no way for us to live a life together . I mean, yeah, it was flattering at first, knowing you supported me in being an independent woman, but that was only great up to a point. I wanted you to take charge more than you did. I wanted to know that you needed me. That I mattered to you.”

“You did,” Ward whispered, feeling completely stunned. Had he really had it all wrong all these years? “I loved you.”

Kelly nodded. “You said it enough, but it felt like you never really showed it.”

Ward stilled, his heart sinking with another realization. “I never said it.”

“What?”

Ward ran his hands through his hair as he slumped back in the seat. “I never said it. To them, I mean.” He slowly shook his head. “With everyone else I've dated, it was always right after I said, 'I love you,' that I got dumped. With you, it was different, of course, but then it was also worse,” he added with a grimace. “But I never told either one of them that I loved them. I didn't want it to happen again. I didn't want to jinx it.”

Kelly winced.

Fuck . Had he been so afraid of getting his heart broken that he'd broken Skylar's instead? What if Skylar thought Ward didn't love him? Didn't need him? What if, instead of holding on too tight, Ward hadn't been holding on tight enough, just as Kelly said? Had he been so afraid of being another controlling force in Skylar's life—and Charlie's, for that matter—that he never truly showed them what they meant to him?

Before he could say anything more, Ward's phone rang in his pocket. He'd turned the ringer back up a few days ago after missing too many calls, but the sound grated on him.

Charlie would hate it.

Ward ignored the call. Whatever it was, it would simply have to wait.

The phone stopped ringing, then started right back up again.

“Are you going to get that?” Kelly asked.

Ward pulled out the phone. It showed a missed call from Dakota, and another one coming in. Ward sighed. If Charlie needed him right now, he wasn't sure he was strong enough for it. But if Dakota had called twice in a row, he'd probably just keep calling until Ward answered.

He muttered an apology to Kelly and answered the call. “Hello?”

Harsh breathing came over the line. “ W-Ward? ”

Ward tensed, hearing the panic in Dakota's voice. “What's wrong?”

“ Please tell me Charlie's with you somehow .”

Ward blinked. “No. Why?”

Dakota choked out a cry of despair. “ I can't find him. He's gone. I've looked all over the house and even outside and I can't find him anywhere. Some of his clothes are still here but his bag is gone and my parents are going to be getting into town any minute now. I can't tell them that he's missing and– ”

Ward stood up. “Dakota? Are Beau or Mav at home?”

“ Um, I don't know .” Dakota sucked in a shuddering breath. “ Shit. Yeah. I think so .”

“Go find them,” Ward ordered, putting as much authority into his voice as he could muster. “Right now.”

“ O-Okay .”

Ward listened to the boy's harsh breaths and thudding footsteps.

“ Daddy ,” Dakota said.

“ Baby? ” a deep voice replied in the background, sounding like Mav. “ What's wrong? ” A moment later, Ward heard, “ Hello? ”

“Mav? It's Ward.”

“ What's going on? ”

Before Ward could answer, he heard Dakota say, “ Charlie's missing. But I have no idea where he went or why or how to even track him down– ”

Oh! “Hang on,” Ward blurted into the phone, then pulled it away from his ear. He struggled for a moment to switch apps without losing the call, but he managed to bring up the tracking app that Charlie had made him install. He selected Charlie's phone, then waited while the app located it. Oh thank goodness . Ward brought the phone back up to his ear and started for the door. “He's at the train station.”

“ What? How did he even get there? ” Dakota exclaimed. “ Oh. Shit. The southbound arrives any minute! ”

Sure enough, a train horn sounded in the near distance, indicating its arrival as it approached a series of downtown street crossings.

“ What if he gets on it? ” Dakota went on breathlessly. “ We'll never make it to him in time! ”

“I'm right around the corner,” Ward said, reaching for the door.

“ Please, Ward ,” Dakota begged.

“I'll call you right back.” He ended the call, then spotted Kelly, still sitting there, watching him. “I–”

“Go,” she insisted.

Ward nodded his thanks and ran outside, pulling out his keys as he went. He was about to jump into the driver's seat when a hand grabbed him, pulling him back. His keys vanished from his grip. Ward whirled around. “Vaughn–”

His brother pushed him aside. “I'm driving,” Vaughn insisted. “You're in no state.”

“But–”

“I heard. We'll get there, I promise. Now let's go.”

Ward rushed around the truck, jumped into the passenger seat, and held on tight as they tore out of the parking lot.

The train station was almost directly across the river from Vaughn's shop, but they had to go several blocks to reach a bridge that crossed over. Vaughn forced his way through traffic, nearly running a red light and even blocking an intersection.

Ward was grateful. He had to get to Charlie.

A train was in the station when they arrived. But that wasn't the worst of it. Two cop cars sat in the lot, parked askew. Shit! Ward flew out of the truck and ran past a row of small shops to reach the platform, his brother right on his heels.

He heard Charlie before he saw him.

Shit . Charlie was screaming. Ward ran faster. He pushed through a crowd gathered there, then lurched to a stop.

Charlie was on the ground, held down by an officer while another one stood nearby. Charlie's bag lay a few feet away. One of the train attendants stood over it, looking lost and helpless, clutching a wad of cash in her hand.

“Charlie!” Ward yelled, trying to get closer.

The officers looked up at him. The standing one approached him, holding out a hand. “Sir, I need you to step back–”

“I know him,” Ward panted. “Please. Don't hurt him.”

“Sir, let us handle this–”

“Please!” Ward begged. “He doesn't understand what's going on.” The other officer—the one holding Charlie down—looked up at Ward. They knew one another in passing. Ward was pretty sure they'd gone to high school together, though they hadn't really spoken in years. “Please,” he begged again. “I can get him to calm down. He's not violent. He won't hurt anyone.”

Of course, that wasn't strictly true. Ward well remembered Charlie's attempt to pummel him, that first time he'd caught Ward and Skylar kissing.

But he couldn't let them take Charlie away. The poor boy would be an absolute wreck, besides being confused. And what if one of the cops mistook his actions as violent and pulled a gun on him?

Ward would never be able to live with himself.

“Please,” he begged again. “Just let me try.”

“ Hhnn! ” Charlie whined.

“I'm right here, buddy,” Ward said, softening his voice, stretching up and to the side so he could see past the officer in front of him. “Just try to stay calm for me, okay? Everything's gonna be fine. I promise.”

He just hoped he was right.