Chapter 46

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SKYLAR

SKYLAR DIDN'T take a full breath the whole time Ward was gone.

He stood by the front door for several, long minutes after Ward and Charlie left, wishing they would turn right around and come back. The heavy silence of the apartment felt paralyzing. He should have been used to it, considering all the long years he'd lived alone, staying inside, going nowhere and doing nothing unless he was working, all for the sake of saving money. But for the past two weeks, he'd gotten a beautiful taste of what it would be like to have something like a normal life.

It had ended far too soon.

The rational voice in his head told him it wasn't truly over. Charlie simply needed a break. He could come back. And Ward had to come back. This was his home, after all. It wasn't like the man was going to run off and leave Skylar there for good, all alone.

Yet, as the moment stretched into minutes, and then into hours, Skylar's heart began to race with panic.

What if Ward didn't come back? What if Ward and Charlie had abandoned him? Cast him out of their lives the way his parents had so callously done?

Skylar cursed and shook his head. Of course, Ward and Charlie hadn't abandoned him. He knew that. But the feeling persisted all day, growing stronger with every passing hour.

This, Skylar realized, would be his life once he eventually left. He'd be all alone with nothing but beautiful memories to sustain him. And he would have to leave. Despite his test results, Skylar still felt dirty. Stained by all his years of giving his body to complete strangers.

Ward and Charlie deserved better than that. Better than him.

Maybe he should just leave now and get it over with. There was plenty of time. Ward wouldn't be back for hours. Skylar could easily pack his things, look up some sort of ride service, and get to the nearest airport. He could be in another state before Ward got home.

But every time he picked up his phone to get started, his stomach revolted at the idea. He didn't want to leave. He'd have to, eventually. At some point, he'd have to leave this perfect dream behind.

Because that was all it was. A dream. This couldn't be his real life. He didn't deserve it. Wasn't worth it.

Skylar paced the apartment, shivering despite the comfortable temperature. He ran to the bedroom and whipped off his shirt, then snatched one of Ward's out of the closet. The thing was huge on him, slipping off one shoulder and hanging down to mid-thigh. Skylar grabbed Charlie's old hoodie next and pulled that on as well. He hugged himself and began pacing again.

It seemed like all the clocks had stopped. Skylar checked them over and over, trying to guess what time Ward might return, but the minutes only crept by. He curled up on the couch and tried to watch TV, but nothing held his interest. He tried to read, but found himself repeatedly scanning the same lines, the words nothing but a jumbled blur.

Lunchtime came and went, but Skylar couldn't eat. He'd be sure to throw it all right back up if he did.

When he heard heavy footsteps right outside the front door, the first thing he felt was bone-melting relief.

Until he realized it was far too soon for Ward to have returned. Even if the man had simply let Charlie out of the truck and turned right around without stopping, it was physically impossible for him to be back already. Besides, he hadn't heard Ward's truck pull up first.

Skylar froze, panting, staring at the door and straining to listen. There was nowhere for him to run. The living room window could open, but it was right beside the door. The kitchen window was too small, and the bedroom window faced the street behind the complex, so it was prevented from opening all the way as a matter of security. He'd never fit through.

The security door rattled, followed by a curse and a chuckle. After a moment of silence passed, Skylar heard a deep voice.

“ Hey, I'm at your place…Oh, okay. The hubs sent me over with cookies, but I can come back later…Ah. He's the skittish one, right?…Okay. Yeah, sure. I'll leave them right here by the door. You want me to check on him?…Okay. I'll wait to make sure he gets them, then I'll take off…Sounds good. Love you, bro. ”

Silence fell, then footsteps retreated. Skylar was just about to creep over to the window to look out when his phone rang.

He ran and snatched it up, seeing Ward's name on the screen.

“Hello?”

“ Hey, kitten. Everything okay? ”

“Yeah. Fine.” Skylar paused. “Where are you?”

“ Just a couple hours out. I'm pulled over, I promise. Listen, my brother just called me. He said he brought by some cookies and left them outside the door. Would you mind grabbing them? ”

Skylar hesitated. It sounded like this brother was going to be watching for him.

“ Sky? It's okay. You're safe, kitten. Vaughn would never hurt you, I promise. ”

Skylar let out a shuddering breath.

“ Easy, sweetheart. I'll stay on the phone with you, okay? ”

“Okay.” Skylar strode up to the door, then hesitated. He slipped over to the window instead and peeked outside. There was no sign of anyone. Taking a deep breath, Skylar unlocked and opened the door, then did the same with the security door. He spotted a container on the ground. Skylar snatched it up, ducked back inside, and quickly locked both doors before letting out the breath he was holding.

“ Sky? ”

“I'm okay.”

“ That's my good boy. Try to relax, okay? I'll be home soon. ”

Skylar nodded to himself. “Okay. Drive safe.”

“ Will do .”

The call ended, and Skylar went back to pacing.

It was another two hours before he heard the rumble of an engine right outside the door.

Skylar stilled, listening. It could have been one of Ward's neighbors, but he'd been hearing Ward's truck come and go almost every day for the past two weeks. He might not have Charlie's sensitivity to the subtleties of such things, but he was fairly certain about this.

The engine cut off, then a door opened and shut again. Skylar waited. Heavy footsteps moved away from the apartment. Skylar frowned. Maybe it wasn't Ward. He was just about to run to the kitchen window and peek out when the footsteps returned.

The security door rattled and opened. A key slid into the lock on the main door. Skylar braced himself, watching the knob turn.

He almost collapsed with relief when Ward walked inside.

“Hey, kitten.” Ward paused there, studying his eyes. His glance flicked down to Skylar's fist, still clutching his phone. Skylar hadn't been able to let it go. Ward opened his arms. “Come here.”

Skylar dove into his embrace, inwardly cursing himself. He needed to be stronger than this. Otherwise, he'd never be able to walk away when the time came, let alone survive somewhere new.

But all he wanted in that moment was the safety of Ward's arms. It would have been even better if Charlie were still there with them, but this was enough for now. He wasn't alone.

“It's okay, Sky,” Ward murmured, rubbing his back. “You're safe.” He paused. “I'm sorry if Vaughn startled you.”

Skylar made himself shrug, hoping it came off nonchalant. “It's fine.”

Ward seemed hesitant before he nodded towards the door and asked, “Would you like to meet him?”

Skylar blinked. “He's still here?”

“Yeah. He's been waiting out in his truck to make sure I got home.”

“Why?”

Ward hesitated again. “Because he knows that I–” The man broke off and shook his head. “Because that's what family does. We take care of each other.”

Skylar held his breath as a wave of emotion threatened to drown him.

Ward bent down, putting them at eye level as he cupped Skylar's jaw with both hands. “He's safe, baby. I'd trust him with my life.” Ward paused again before he straightened. “I'll just go tell him that he can go. Then how about we take a shower and unwind with a movie and those cookies, yeah? Sound good?” Ward got a wry smile on his face. “We won't tell Charlie about the cookies.”

Skylar laughed at that. “He's got one hell of a sweet tooth, actually. But he's picky about ingredients.”

“ Hmmm . Maybe we'll have to see if Vaughn's husband can make something he'll eat.” Ward grinned and gave him a kiss, then opened the door again. “I'll be right back.”

Skylar peeked out, watching Ward head for the front of the complex, where a few visitor parking spaces were located. The man turned a corner, vanishing from sight. Skylar held his breath and didn't relax again until Ward reappeared two minutes later.

Ward stepped back inside the apartment, locked the doors, and took off his shoes. He headed for the kitchen, grinning as he reached for the container his brother had left outside. “Let's see what we've got here.” Ward considered the options—there looked to be a variety in there—and bit into one. “ Mmmm, that's good. Here. Try one.”

Skylar's stomach growled. He snatched up a cookie and stuffed half of it into his mouth, only to stop and moan. “Holy mother of pearly white marbles,” Skylar blurted out. “That's amazing.”

Ward chuckled. “There's my boy.” He reached out and brushed his fingers down Skylar's cheek after Skylar took another bite. “It's funny. I get nervous when you don't talk like that. Where do you come up with all these, anyway?”

Skylar had to try another cookie before he answered. They were so good! Better than the ones from the store. Not that he could afford those, though he never argued when Charlie bought them.

He chewed and swallowed, then said, “Charlie used to hate swearing. His brother, Quinn, had a hell of a mouth on him when he was a teenager, and Charlie couldn't stand it. Once he got the idea of 'bad words' stuck in his head, it took a really long time for him to let go of that context. He uses curse words himself now, but back then, he hated them. So I used to make up new swears to entertain him. It's kinda become a habit.”

Ward laughed. “I like it. Oh! Speaking of Charlie.” He pulled out his phone. “I almost forgot.” He turned on the camera, then held out his other arm. “I promised to show him that I'd gotten home safe.”

Skylar burrowed into his side, even giving a genuine smile as Ward took a picture of the two of them. Ward sent the picture to Charlie and got almost an immediate response.

Charlie replied with a picture of his own. A selfie taken in his bedroom, though his smile was bittersweet. Skylar imagined the boy must be utterly relieved to be back in his familiar space, yet also missing him and Ward.

Just as he would miss the two of them desperately when the time came for him to go.

“Feels wrong not having Charlie here with us, doesn't it?” Ward murmured as he set his phone aside.

Skylar's heart clenched. “Yeah?”

“I've loved having you boys here,” Ward said with a nod. “I just wish I knew how to make Charlie feel more comfortable.” Ward headed for the bedroom, so Skylar followed. “You know John? My boss?”

“Oh yeah. Adam's husband.”

“He's got a rental house on his property. I've never seen it, but it's out in the country. He was looking for a new tenant recently and asked if I might be interested.” Ward yanked off his shirt and shrugged. “It's probably taken now, but it got me thinking. Something like that might be good for Charlie. Away from town. Nice and quiet.”

Skylar blinked, feeling the sting of tears in his eyes. “You'd do that? You'd move, just to make him more comfortable?”

“Why not?” Ward paused. “But you probably prefer being in town, huh? Used to living in the big city and all.” Before Skylar could answer, Ward shrugged and went on. “Anyway, we can always talk about it after your surgery. You excited?”

Excited? That was an understatement. Skylar was counting down the days. The kitchen calendar had a big, red circle around the date, and Skylar found himself staring at it, watching the date slowly but surely draw nearer.

It couldn't come soon enough. Everything he'd been working toward over the past ten years—everything he'd had to endure—all so he could afford this procedure? It might all finally be worth it. It was finally going to happen.

But he was also scared. Skylar didn't want to go anywhere near San Francisco again, and San Jose felt dangerously close. But Ward would be there, a big, strong shield against his former life.

That, more than anything, was what had stopped him from simply running off that afternoon while Ward had been away. Skylar's plan had always been to move first and then find a new surgeon later, wanting to be as far away from the city—from his life—as possible before he went under the knife and started over.

But now? He couldn't imagine not having Ward there. And Charlie. Besides, the truth was that moving first would mean having to wait even longer. To find another doctor. Go through all the hoops all over again. Going to San Jose would feel like taking two steps back, but it would really be a giant leap forward. And with Ward and Charlie there to protect him? Even better. Then they could come back here afterwards, and it would all be nearly over. He'd be free of his unwanted parts. Almost free of his old life.

He couldn't wait.