Chapter 43

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SKYLAR

SKYLAR COULDN'T sleep. Rather, he didn't want to sleep. He was exhausted, but he kept forcing his eyes open, watching Ward and Charlie in the dark.

Charlie had been insanely clingy after sex that evening. Having Ward inside him had strained his tolerance for sensation, yet left him desperate for comfort. And his joy at giving Skylar a real orgasm for the first time? That had damned near pushed him over the edge. It had taken almost an hour before Charlie allowed them to let go so they could get cleaned up, and then he stuck close to their sides for the rest of the night. Like way close. As they made dinner and took showers, even while brushing their teeth before bed, Charlie barely allowed a break in physical contact, even if it was just a finger hooked into the waistband of their pants.

And Ward had been amazing about it. Cuddling Charlie. Rubbing his back. Brushing a hand through his hair or across his cheek or down his arm. Nor had Ward let Skylar feel left out in the least. Every caress Ward gave to Charlie, he matched in some way with him.

The problem was, while Charlie soaked it all up and relaxed, the contact made Skylar feel jittery and anxious.

Because it all felt too good.

Jeebus . Was this kind of what it was like, being Charlie? Where even the good things sometimes felt like too much? Skylar shook his head. More than ten years, he'd been craving exactly what he had now, and all he wanted to do was run away from it.

He didn't deserve this kind of perfection. This kind of comfort and security. Besides, it couldn't last. Nothing ever did. Sooner or later, Charlie would move on from Skylar—as he did with all his phases and obsessions—and Ward would come to his senses or grow tired of housing a dirty whore.

Hell, even Uncle Zeke had ultimately kicked him out after breaking him in, forcing Skylar to get his own place. The man had enjoyed his bachelor lifestyle too much to have a teenager underfoot. It had been Skylar's parents all over again. Casting him aside.

The same would happen here.

But Skylar couldn't make himself leave. Not quite yet. He lay there, watching Ward and Charlie in the faint light of the streetlamps filtering through the blinds.

The two men slept so peacefully. Despite being the middle of the night, there was a constant hiss of tires on the road, with Ward's apartment being so near a freeway on-ramp. Charlie hated that, but exhaustion and overwhelm from intense sex—not to mention habit and routine—had helped him fall asleep. Skylar, on the other hand, could usually sleep through anything. Hell, this level of noise was nothing compared to what he'd left behind in San Francisco. And, there, he'd slept like the dead.

But he didn't want to drift off. Not yet. Not while he could lie there and try to memorize the way Ward and Charlie looked in that moment. Comfortable. At peace. Safe and warm.

Charlie was in the middle, stretched out on his front, his head turned in Ward's direction. Ward lay on his side, facing both of them. Charlie had insisted that Ward put a hand on his ass, though he'd been too shy to explain why he wanted that. Still, Ward had complied. And his hand was still there, holding onto Charlie in his sleep. Skylar had also put an arm across Charlie, resting it on Charlie's waist and gripping Ward's forearm, connecting all of them. He never wanted to let go.

Eventually, he couldn't keep his eyes open any longer. When he woke the next morning, the bed was empty. The apartment, silent. Skylar shivered, and not just from the cool touch of the sheets. He fled the bedroom and went to relieve his bladder, then looked for the others.

He found Charlie on the couch, a book in one hand and his phone in the other. An empty coffee mug rested on the table. Charlie quickly marked his page and set the book aside, then got up, still clutching his phone as he ran to the kitchen, gesturing at the coffee machine. From a series of rapid signs, Skylar gathered that Ward had already left for work, and Charlie had been sitting quietly, waiting for Skylar to get up. Charlie had wanted Skylar to wake up earlier, but Ward had made him promise to let Skylar sleep in. So Charlie had waited. And he'd made more coffee so that it would be ready for him.

Charlie kept eyeing his phone as he poured Skylar a cup.

“What's that?” Skylar asked, pointing at the screen.

Charlie carefully replaced the carafe, then pushed the phone towards Skylar while he doctored his coffee.

Skylar frowned as he checked the screen. It displayed the tracking app that both he and Charlie had on their phones, allowing them to see where one another was at any given time. “Is that… Ward ?” he asked, eyes wide as he looked at Charlie for an answer.

Charlie gave a little chirp and pushed the mug into Skylar's hands, freeing up his own. He signed, I make sure , followed by a sign Skylar didn't recognize. Get to work safe , Charlie finished.

Skylar paused with his mug halfway to his mouth. Charlie had made the sign for Dad , but with the letter W instead of an open hand. Holy shit . “Did you just call him Daddy ?”

Charlie blushed and rolled his head, his gaze wandering away.

It was just what Skylar needed as a wave of emotion crashed through him. He held his breath, stopping whatever was trying to get out. A gasp or a sob, he wasn't really sure which. Maybe both. His hands shook as he brought the mug to his mouth and forced himself to take a sip, buying time while he got himself under control.

This was exactly what he'd wanted. And it hurt like hell.

Eventually, Charlie's focus turned back in his direction. Skylar forced on a smile and thanked him for the coffee, then stood there in silence while Charlie stared at his phone. Charlie didn't relax until the app showed Ward arriving at Vista Robles.

The boy pushed his phone aside, then signed, You sit. Breakfast time! I make!

Skylar almost protested. He wasn't sure he could eat a bite. Not with the way his stomach was churning. But he put on another smile and did as he was told. He shuffled over to the couch and sank onto it, idly watching Charlie in the kitchen as he mechanically sipped his coffee.

A soft moan escaped him. Damn it . The coffee was good. Too good. So was the setting. Ward's apartment was clean and spacious. It wasn't huge, but definitely bigger than Skylar's old studio had been. He felt like he could actually breathe in here, let alone turn around without running into a wall.

Then there was the company. Skylar had been missing Charlie like crazy over the past several months, having to work as much as he had. But now they were together. It had been so nice, spending all of yesterday in companionable silence, reading on the couch. And, all the while, knowing Ward would be coming home to them. Skylar had to choke back a sob at that thought. He never imagined he'd get to enjoy that simple anticipation.

Even the time of day felt amazing. Skylar was used to violent swings in his sleep schedule, but now he had nothing but a normal routine to look forward to. His body was really liking it. And not just for the physical needs, but the emotional ones, too. He'd no longer have to claw and scrape for every tiny moment where his free, waking hours overlapped with theirs. Wouldn't have to sneak in a quick text message while he was heading to work at the same time Ward was coming home. Hell, he wouldn't have to resort to infrequent text messages at all. Charlie was right there, and Ward would return to them that evening.

It was all so fucking perfect, and Skylar didn't deserve it.

Maybe he shouldn't even wait for his car to get fixed. He should just call a car service, get a ride to the nearest airport, buy a ticket on the next flight out, no matter where it might be headed, and start over. Leave his phone behind and hide away in a new life.

But all of that would cost money, too. And as much as he knew he needed to leave, he couldn't bring himself to walk away yet. It would tear him up inside, more and more every day, but he wasn't ready to let this go. To turn his back on this kind of idyllic perfection.

He'd have to draw on all his acting skills—all the tricks that Uncle Zeke had taught him—to pretend that everything was fine, even while he felt himself dying a little more inside with every passing moment.

Skylar managed to force down the breakfast that Charlie made for him, and then they did the dishes together before sitting back down on the couch to read. It was all Skylar could do to focus on the book he chose. He found himself constantly glancing up at Charlie, soaking up his presence.

They sat facing one another, their legs tangled together. Charlie was completely absorbed in his book. At one point, Charlie started to fidget a little, but after a few minutes, the boy shook his head, let out a huff, and returned his focus to the page.

Skylar checked the time on his phone. Oh, weird . Normally, Charlie would be putting down his book, grabbing Skylar's hand, and leading him to the bedroom.

“Charlie?” Skylar asked. He waited while Charlie put a finger to the page, marking his place. “No sex time?”

Charlie blushed and ducked his head. After a moment, he signed, Ward .

Using the new name sign. The one that represented Daddy .

Skylar's heart clenched. “You want Ward instead?”

Charlie scowled. No instead , he signed emphatically. With . He went back to his book, effectively dropping the subject.

Skylar held his breath, fighting the urge to cry.

The day passed quietly. Charlie spent most of it reading, while Skylar merely pretended to do the same. They only stopped to eat or use the bathroom, but otherwise spent the entire day like that. It was a kind of freedom Skylar had seldom known. He and Charlie had enjoyed many days like this in the past, of course, but there was far more to it now. Something that was going to make it harder to let go.

As the afternoon gave way to evening, Charlie started checking his phone. Finally, he set his book aside completely and stared at the screen instead, hardly blinking and barely moving for almost half an hour straight. Suddenly, he let out a little squeak and jumped up, running to the door. Charlie stopped there, rocking on his feet.

Skylar's heart clenched all over again as he heard a truck come to a stop just outside. Ward must be home.

He heard a key in the lock, and then Charlie had to jump back as the door swung open, standing too close as he was. Ward saw him and got a big smile on his face.

“Hey, sweet boy.” Ward glanced past him and looked at Skylar. “Hey, Sky.”

Charlie bounced in place and squeaked ceaselessly until Ward locked the door and took off his boots. Then Charlie threw his arms around the man.

Skylar had to turn away, blinking rapidly. He wrestled the emotion under control, then turned back, unable to resist. Seeing Charlie so comfortable with Ward was so beautiful and so achingly painful at the same time. And Ward? The smile on the man's face was breathtaking.

Charlie didn't let up squeaking for even a second. Jeebus . He was so happy!

Ward chuckled. “Hey, little mouse,” he murmured, rubbing Charlie's back. “I missed you, too.”

Charlie went silent and still for a second, then pulled back and rolled his head, looking up in Ward's direction but without making eye-contact. Little mouse? he signed.

Ward tensed. “Oh. Sorry. That just slipped out.”

Me little mouse? Charlie asked.

“Yeah,” Ward said. He glanced from Charlie to Skylar and back. “Is that–”

Before Ward could finish his question, Charlie gasped. Special name? he signed. Like my Sky kitten?

Ward's expression softened, all the tension giving way to a smile. “Yeah. Just like that.”

Charlie bounced excitedly again, his squeaks rapid and completely lacking any cohesive beat or pattern. Special name! Charlie signed emphatically, a huge smile on his face. Special name!

Skylar had to turn away again, his eyes stinging with the threat of tears. Charlie was so excited that he was definitely going to need some quiet time to decompress in the next few minutes, and Skylar would have to see to that, but all he could think about at the moment was his own pain.

Because Ward and Charlie were going to be okay once he was gone, and the bittersweet ache of that simply tore him up inside.