Chapter 31

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SKYLAR

SKYLAR STOPPED to stare at himself in the mirror as he got ready for work.

“Fuck.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Get a grip, Sky. It's just another job. You've done this for years.” He sighed heavily. “Three more months. You can do this.”

He checked his reflection, nearly expecting it to respond, then shook his head. Fuck! That trip down to Paso Robles had gotten him completely screwed up. Having both Ward and Charlie inside him at once—the three of them coming together in that perfect explosion—was like a dream.

And a nightmare.

Because every job he'd taken since then had nearly killed him.

“Fuck!”

Skylar grabbed the nearest thing to hand—his hairbrush—and flung it across his tiny bathroom. It clattered to the floor as he planted his elbows on the edge of the sink and hung his head in his hands. He'd never felt so wanted, so treasured—so clean— as he had that evening.

Which meant he'd never felt so dirty ever since.

Skylar sucked in a deep breath, bracing himself, feeling like he might be sick. He nearly had gotten sick, that first job back after that weekend. The next job, he hadn't been able to keep the disgust off his face. Uncle Zeke had gotten an angry call from the client over that, which meant Skylar had gotten a stern talking-to. Skylar had lied and said he simply hadn't been feeling well, then promised that he'd do better.

But the next job after that, Skylar had to hide his face against the pillows as he cried.

And the one after that, he'd barely gotten home from the appointment when his stomach brought back up everything he'd eaten that day.

How the hell was he going to survive three more months of this?

Skylar slowly shook his head. He didn't have a choice. Three more months would get him to his goal. If he could just make it through the next three months, he'd have enough money for his surgery, and it would all be over. Hell, he could go the rest of his life without ever having to have sex again.

Except even that didn't sound appealing. Not after that night with Ward and Charlie. He wanted more of that. Of just them. He wanted that forever.

But he knew he couldn't have it. Charlie deserved better than him. So did Ward. Besides, they both knew how dirty he was. Why would either of them possibly want to keep him?

At least the two men were growing closer. And now they'd broken through the hurdle of physical intimacy. Skylar hadn't been certain of that until it happened. Charlie had never wanted anyone but him, and Ward was still newly embracing his attraction to men. But Ward had taken to touching Charlie like he'd been doing it all his life, and Charlie had silently begged for everything Ward gave him. It had been clear as day on his face.

Skylar slowly nodded to himself. They'd have one another after he was gone. Knowing that would be enough.

But he still had to get to the point at which he could leave. Skylar took a deep breath, still waiting to see if he might be sick. When his stomach finally settled, he straightened up and checked his reflection again. He retrieved his hairbrush and finished getting ready.

There was a client to keep happy, after all.

And then, in a few days, he'd get to see Ward again. Thank goodness . Even as much as he was supposed to be pushing Ward and Charlie together, Skylar knew he couldn't resist another chance to be near the man. He was storing up these memories like a dragon hoarded treasure. As many as he could get, he would take.

Holding onto that anticipation, Skylar walked out the door and headed off to his appointment.

He barely made it through the night. When the client reached out to touch him, Skylar actually jerked back, then had to lie and laugh it off, claiming he'd gotten an electric shock. But it was all he could do to push through the rest of it. The touches on his bare skin. The penetration. The pain.

The sickening, dirty feeling that pervaded, even after an extra-long shower.

Skylar moved through the rest of the week like a robot, forcing himself through it all. Each day—each client—brought him closer to Ward.

But it all seemed to drag on. The seconds passed like hours. The days felt like years.

Three more months , he told himself over and over as he endured another client. Three more months. You're so fucking close. You can do this. You have to do this.

On the day of Ward's appointment, Skylar woke with a jolt. He jumped right up and got ready, not wanting to waste a second. The clock on his phone showed that he was almost an hour early when he arrived at Ward's hotel.

The moment Ward answered the door, Skylar nearly burst into tears.

“I'm sorry I'm early,” Skylar blurted out, “but I couldn't wait to see you and I can wait out here if you're not ready yet but I–”

Ward hauled him into his arms and silenced him with a kiss.

Skylar whimpered, melting against Ward's big, strong body. He let go of everything. The sickening sensation of filth. The anxiety. The anticipation. The premature grief. He let it all go and gave himself over to Ward, letting the man steady him, hold him up, take control.

Ward broke the kiss and looked down at him with concern. “You okay?”

“Yeah. I'm fine. Why?”

“It feels like you're holding back.”

Skylar blinked. Oh. Shit . Ward was right. He was holding back. Not begging or clawing or desperate, though he felt all those things. But there was something missing, and Skylar knew it.

A soft smile pulled at Ward's mouth. “It's not the same without Charlie anymore, is it?”

Skylar let out the breath he was holding, feeling his entire body sag with relief, realizing Ward felt the same way he did. It hadn't fully clarified in Skylar's mind until Ward said the words. “Yeah. It's–”

“Like something's missing.”

“Exactly.”

Ward's smile grew, and he gave Skylar another kiss. Just a sweet, lingering press of the lips. Nothing heated or demanding. “We can go get him, if you want.”

Skylar considered it. He wanted the three of them together more than he'd ever wanted anything else in his life. But he also knew he wouldn't want it to end. If they got Charlie there, Skylar didn't think he'd be strong enough to walk away and push on for the next three months once this night was over. It was already hard enough. Getting another taste of that perfection might destroy him.

“No?” Ward asked.

Skylar shook his head. “We'd have to take him back home afterwards, and that's assuming he'd even come in the first place. You know he doesn't like his routine upset without some seriously advanced notice.”

Ward chuckled. “We could ask. And then we could all stay here for the night. I could take him home in the morning.”

Skylar shook his head again as he glanced out the window, gauging the direction of the sun. “The bed doesn't point east.” When Ward gave him a curious look, Skylar chuckled. “He's seriously sensitive to circadian rhythms. His body will know, even if we don't tell him. Trust me. He won't be able to sleep, which means we won't be able to sleep, and then we'll all be super cranky.”

“Huh. Guess I've got more reading to do.”

Skylar grinned. “I love that you're learning about Charlie. Most people wouldn't bother.”

Ward shrugged. “I want him to be happy. And you, for that matter.” Ward paused and took a step back, pulling Skylar along with him. “Come here.”

Skylar automatically put on a flirtatious smile. It was like breathing. Something that just happened without any conscious decision. “So you do wanna fuck me, huh, Daddy?”

“Just come lie down with me,” Ward murmured, pulling him close. “That's all I want.”

Skylar's breath caught in his throat, and his eyes stung with the threat of tears. He climbed up onto the bed, his skin itching with the need to satisfy Ward, but as soon as he was in the man's arms, held tight and safe, he had no choice but to obey.

And it felt good. Too good.

They lay there in silence until they got hungry, then Ward got up and ordered room service. Skylar had to force himself to eat despite having an empty stomach. He'd been so excited to see Ward, he hadn't eaten breakfast before leaving his apartment. Granted, part of that had to do with not having much in the way of food. But knowing there was a clock on all this? It killed his appetite.

Still, he managed to eat enough not to make Ward suspicious, and they curled up together to watch a movie. Despite everything, Skylar drifted off in Ward's arms. He tried to keep himself awake, not wanting to miss a second of Ward's presence, but all the stress of the past couple weeks caught up with him, slamming his body with exhaustion.

He woke with a start to the sound of his phone beeping. Skylar groaned and sat up in the dark. Ward was fast asleep beside him, and the clock read almost four in the morning.

Skylar picked up his phone and checked the lockscreen. The text preview had him cursing.

Boss Man : I need to know you're okay.

“Shit,” Skylar whispered. He opened the text thread and found four other missed messages.

Boss Man : Come over when you're done. It's been a while since you checked in.

Boss Man : Are you still with the client?

Boss Man : Are you okay?

Boss Man : Tell me you're safe.

Skylar quickly sent a text.

Me : I'm fine. Sorry. Fell asleep.

Boss Man : Thank fuck. I was about to call the cops.

Skylar cringed, eyeing Ward. That would have been just what they needed. Uncle Zeke thinking Skylar had been beaten—or worse—and sending cops to bust down the door.

Boss Man : Come on by. I need to see you for myself.

“Damn it.”

“Sky?”

Skylar jumped. “Shit. Sorry.” He looked at Ward, who sat up, rubbing his eyes. “I didn't mean to wake you.”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Fine.” Skylar got up. “I missed my safety check-in. I need to go.”

“Hey–” Ward reached for him, but Skylar pulled away. If the man touched him, Skylar would crawl right back into that bed and never be able to make himself leave.

“Everything's fine,” he insisted, stuffing his phone into his pocket. “Go back to sleep.”

“Sky–”

“I've gotta go.” He found his shoes in the dark and yanked them on. “I–”

Skylar broke off just in time, realizing what he'd been about to say. Oh fuck . He couldn't say that. Not those three little words. Not if there were any chance of making himself ultimately walk away.

He flashed Ward a smile, forcing it on. “Say hi to Charlie for me.”

Then he flew out the door before Ward could stop him.

Skylar ran for the elevator, half-expecting the man to follow. On the ground floor, he raced outside and jumped into his car, firing it up and throwing it into gear. He flew through town, unable to stop. If he slowed down for even a second, he'd turn right back around and beg Ward to–

What? Skylar shook his head. He didn't even know.

No, he did know. He just couldn't make himself admit it.

Before he knew it, he was standing at Uncle Zeke's door with no clear memory of how he'd gotten there. He'd been operating as though possessed by some outside force. Like something else was guiding his body, completely beyond his control.

Uncle Zeke answered the door and heaved a sigh of relief. “Thank god. You seriously had me worried tonight, kid.”

Even with the genuine concern in Uncle Zeke's voice, Skylar had to force on a smile.

“Come on in.” Uncle Zeke stepped back. “Why don't you go get undressed, and then we can talk about it afterwards, okay?”

Skylar hesitated.

“Hey,” Uncle Zeke said with a frown. “You sure you're okay?”

“Yeah. Fine.”

Uncle Zeke studied his face, then shrugged. “If you're sure. Come inside.” He reached for Skylar's arm.

Skylar jumped back with a hiss as his stomach began to lurch. Oh fuck . He slapped a hand over his mouth. The thought of Uncle Zeke touching him—of anybody but Ward or Charlie touching him, even in the most innocent way—was enough to make him want to vomit. He still felt so renewed and whole after being in Ward's arms. Skylar wasn't ready to feel dirty again so soon.

He wasn't going to last three more months. Hell, he wasn't going to last three more minutes.

Skylar took a step back as tears clouded his vision.

“Skylar?”

“I can't,” he began, choking out the words as he shook his head. “I have to–” Fuck . “I can't–”

“Hey, it's okay.” Uncle Zeke reached for him again, his fingertips barely brushing Skylar's sleeve.

Skylar ran.