Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

“ N o, no, no, Lady Katherine. Like this… you see?”

The music tutor, a Mr. Errol, placed a graceful hand on the pianoforte keys and played a smooth, simple arpeggio.

Kitty stuck out her lower lip. “That’s what I was doing.”

Anna was sitting on the window seat of the music room, quietly watching Kitty take her first-ever pianoforte lesson. She had spent a whole hour listening to what appeared to be the worst pianoforte playing in the world. It seemed that poor Kitty had assumed that she would be able to play beautifully almost at once, and she was hugely disappointed that actual work was involved.

Mr. Errol, however, the young music tutor recommended by Octavia, was kind, patient, and soft-spoken.

“It can be remarkably difficult to learn how to place one’s hands on the keys,” he said encouragingly. “Especially when you have such small hands. The more you practice, however, the easier it will become.”

Kitty frowned. “I don’t think it will ever get easy.”

Mr. Errol thought for a moment. “Here. Let me show you.”

Placing his hands on the keys, he played a few bars of a beautiful, complicated piece of music that Anna did not recognize.

“I began learning the pianoforte when I was your age,” Mr. Errol said, smiling down at the girl. “I played a great many wrong notes and slammed the piano lid down in anger more times than I could count, but at the end of it, I practiced, I learned, and now I am able to play the pianoforte like this. Wouldn’t you like to learn that?”

“Yes, I would,” Kitty said, brightening. “Anna… my stepmother… says that I will enjoy learning to play.”

“She is right. Now, I believe our time is up. You will practice, won’t you, Lady Katherine?”

She nodded seriously. “I swear I shall.”

“Excellent.”

Anna rose to her feet, setting aside her book. The lesson, all in all, had been a success. Kitty’s enthusiasm for music wasn’t dampened at all, although she at least now realized that a bit of work was going to be necessary.

They were talking about future lesson plans and Kitty’s progress when Mrs. Haunt entered the room.

“Forgive the intrusion, Your Grace,” she said mildly, “but Mrs. Wickham is here—His Grace’s cousin,” she clarified when Anna blinked at her in confusion. “Mrs. Captain Wickham, I should say. I took the liberty of showing her into the parlor. I hope I haven’t overstepped, Your Grace.”

“No, no, of course not. I’ll be there in a moment. Kitty, go back to Martha in the nursery, won’t you? You can come down when your papa returns and show us what you’ve learned on the pianoforte today. Mrs. Haunt, show Mr. Errol out, won’t you? Give him something to eat and drink in the kitchen first.”

“Of course,” Mrs. Haunt said, smiling at the young man. “Follow me, Sir.”

All that was left was for Anna to make her way down the endless, winding corridors that spanned the house from the music room to the parlor at the front.

Really, who needed this many rooms? she thought as she walked, smothering a yawn.

Sleep had not come easily, of course. How could it, when all she could think about was Theo, what they had done in the library, and how he had rejected her at her bedroom door?

It was hard to think of it as anything other than a rejection. She had all but offered herself to him—she had even said please like he requested—and still he turned away.

Did he not feel the same way she did? Anna had never grappled with a desire like this, wanting something so badly that it almost burned. It was like an itch that she could not scratch, leaving her flustered and frustrated while he, the wretch that he was, was cool-eyed and almost bored.

Did he feel nothing?

He promised a marriage of convenience and duty, she reminded herself miserably. Perhaps that is all he is capable of. I’m the one overstepping the boundaries he drew, after all.

Anna wasn’t a fool. She knew that their interlude in the library could not possibly get her with child. But once she was with child, there would be no reason for them to do such a thing again. Not ever, if she gave birth to a boy. No kisses, no lingering touches, no fingertips skimming up her thigh.

She shivered at the memory, pausing outside the parlor to collect herself.

This is what you agreed to. You made your bed, and now you’ll lie in it. There’s nothing else to be said.

Drawing in a deep breath and plastering a smile on her face, Anna turned the door handle and walked in.

She vaguely recognized the tall, fair-haired woman who stood by the window, her velvet-black dress making her seem even thinner and paler than she already was.

“Mrs. Wickham, is it not?” Anna said, coming forward with a smile. “I remember you from the wedding. I am so sorry that I didn’t see more of you at Lady Tether’s ball. I left early because of a megrim,” she added.

Mrs. Wickham gave her a long, frank stare, and Anna had the feeling she was being sized up.

“You can call me Celine if you like,” Mrs. Wickham said after a pause. “Theo said you preferred informality.”

Anna smiled nervously. “I do. Call me Anna, then, please. I hate all this Your Grace nonsense. It still doesn’t feel like me.”

“I took the liberty of ringing for tea. I hope you don’t mind. I did spend a great deal of time in this house growing up,” Celine said, plopping down on an armchair.

“I don’t mind,” Anna said, sinking down onto a sofa opposite.

Celine arched an eyebrow. “My, you are as green as Theo said. You ought to mind. Guests don’t ring for tea unless you tell them they may.”

Ah, so this was all a test.

Anna bit back a smile. “But you aren’t a guest, are you? You’re family.”

Celine smiled back. “An excellent point. I came to ask if you would like to attend the opera with us tomorrow. A good number of us are going. I don’t know if you like opera or not, but of course that’s not really the point of the opera at all. It’s all about socializing.”

“If you say so,” Anna said, smiling wryly. “I rather like the opera.”

“Ah, then you’ll have a better time than most of us.”

The tea tray arrived, carried by Mrs. Haunt.

Celine talked easily. She had an open, friendly air about her that put Anna at ease almost immediately.

“I have to say,” Celine said in one of the rare breaks of conversation, “you’re fitting into your role very well. Life as a duchess is difficult, of course, and you’ll have a great many responsibilities. The servants seem to like you, and Kitty adores you already. It’s like you were born for this.”

Anna smiled at the praise. “Thank you. It… it hasn’t been easy.”

Theo hasn’t been easy, at least.

Celine nodded, smiling wryly as if she knew what Anna was thinking. “My cousin can be a rather difficult man. He doesn’t mean to be, and heaven knows he hasn’t had an easy life. Fatherhood baffles him, I think. It’s a deal more complicated than bills and papers and running an estate.”

“Yes, I rather thought so, too. He’s doing his best, though, and now I’m here to help.”

“Indeed, indeed. You’re already making quite a splash in Society, by the way. Lady Tether and her cronies are quite smitten with you. I dare say you’ll be quite the rage by the end of the Season.”

Anna snorted. “I have no desire for that.”

“Well, we seldom get what we want in life,” Celine remarked, sipping her tea. “I think Lady Tether was as shocked as we were to hear that Theo remarried. We all knew, of course, that another wife was what he needed, but after Isabella, I never thought it would happen.”

Anna’s fingers tightened around her teacup. “Oh? She died in childbirth, didn’t she? He must have been absolutely heartbroken.”

Of course. Of course . It all made sense now. He held her at arm’s length because he was still madly in love with his late wife. She conjured up an image of a breathtakingly beautiful young woman, tall and slim and fashionable, hanging off Theo’s arm while they stared adoringly into each other’s eyes.

A tight feeling spread across her chest, and a lump formed in her throat.

How could I ever compete with her?

She glanced up at Celine and, to her surprise, saw that her guest had gone quiet.

Celine set down the teacup with a clatter. “I… not exactly,” she stammered out, looking ill at ease. “I was never close with Isabella. She did not like me, and the feeling was mutual. I can assure you, though, that Theo is not in love with Isabella. Absolutely not.”

There was something simmering behind her words, but Anna couldn’t make it out. She bit her lip, feeling as though she’d misstepped somewhere. Although she couldn’t for the life of her work out what she’d done wrong.

Abruptly, Celine rose to her feet. “I should leave. I only came to invite you to the opera, and frankly I… I think I’ve said a bit too much.”

Anna leaped up. “Can’t you say a bit more? What’s going on?”

Celine winced. “Nothing, nothing. Forget I said anything.”

“Did… Did I say something wrong?”

Celine paused, reaching out to lay a hand on Anna’s shoulder. “You have done nothing wrong. Nothing. I mean it, alright? Now, I’ll get going, but I shall see you at the opera. Yes?”

“Yes,” Anna echoed, feeling as though she were being run over by a steamroller.

“Excellent. Good day to you, and give my love to Theo and Kitty.”

And just like that, Celine swept away, leaving Anna alone in the parlor with a half-finished tea tray and a feeling that she was missing something very important.

She sank down slowly. So, Theo was not in love with his dead wife. She’d seen the truth on Celine’s face, for sure, but not the whole truth. There was something else, something that made Celine uncomfortable.

Something she was not willing to share with her cousin’s new wife.

Something that, no doubt, Theo was not going to tell her.

Frustration washed over Anna. Why did the man have to be so guarded, so mistrustful? What on earth could have happened to him to make him so cold? People were not born that way. They were made , always.

She wasn’t entirely sure how long she sat in the parlor, lost in her thoughts, going round and round in circles in her head. Half an hour, perhaps? An hour? Either way, she flinched when running footsteps broke into her musings, and Kitty came bursting into the room, her little face alight with excitement.

“Papa is back, and I’m going to show him what I learned on the pianoforte today! Come, Anna, come and hear me play!”

Laughing, Anna allowed herself to be towed all the way back through the house to the music room.

Theo was already there, sitting on a padded chair near the pianoforte, one leg crossed over the other. He leaped to his feet when Anna entered.

“No need to get up,” Anna remarked, and he smiled.

“A gentleman always rises when ladies enter the room.”

“I’m a lady, too!” Kitty shouted.

“And that, my dear Kitty, is why I used the plural, ladies . Now, let’s hear your remarkable playing.”

Kitty hauled herself onto the piano stool and flexed her small fingers.

Theo crossed the room to stand beside Anna. She felt his proximity like a wave of heat, prickling her skin. Thoughts that she would rather not entertain at that moment bounced around in her head. She could remember the feel of his lips, the way his stubble grazed her neck, the feel of his fingers on her thighs, creeping ever higher.

If he was similarly affected, he showed no signs of it. It was almost infuriating.

“Is she any good?” he asked in a low voice.

Anna winced. “Not particularly, but this is only her first lesson. My mother recommended a tutor, and he seems patient.”

“I’m glad. Kitty requires a great deal of patience.”

Kitty began to play, slowly and laboriously tracing out the scales and simple tunes Mr. Errol had taught her. Her little tongue stuck out between her teeth, and her brow furrowed with effort.

However, it did seem that she had recalled a good deal of what she had been taught. For a first lesson, Anna reflected, it was impressive.

“Celine called on me today,” Anna remarked.

“Oh? My lanky cousin promised us a visit. I’m sorry I missed her.”

She talked about Isabella and then said she had said too much. What does that mean, Theo? As your wife, don’t you think I deserve to know what happened to the former Duchess of Langdon?

She didn’t say that, of course. Instead, Anna only smiled faintly. “She invited us to the opera.”

Theo sighed. “Oh, dear. I don’t particularly enjoy the opera. Do you?”

“I do.”

“Well, we’ll go, then.”

She glanced up at him. “There’s no need to go along with something just because I want to do it. We’re going to lead separate lives, remember? That was the arrangement. It’s in the terms.”

Theo did not look at her. He kept his eyes fixed on Kitty, who was carefully picking out a simple, well-known children’s song. A muscle ticked in his cheek, and Anna felt a sudden, powerful urge to reach up and trace her finger along the line of his jaw.

To distract herself from such unhelpful thoughts, she gripped the sides of her skirts instead.

Silence ensued, until she realized that Theo was not going to respond to what she had said. Disappointment sat heavy in her chest. Of course, he was not obliged to give her any answers, or even speak to her at all. Plenty of lords and ladies ignored each other entirely in their private lives, until one wondered how they managed to produce children at all.

“This was a good idea,” Theo said suddenly, cutting into her thoughts.

She blinked up at him. “Hm?”

He nodded at Kitty, who was intently hunched over the pianoforte.

“The music. She… she loves it. I can see how happy it makes her already. I think perhaps she has a knack for it. Do you think she’ll be a great proficient?”

Anna looked up at Theo and saw only a father keen to hear about his child’s talents. Parents always thought that their children were special, talented in a way that other children were not. She bit back a smile.

“I don’t know yet,” she said as honestly as she could manage. “Frankly, I only want to see Kitty grow and thrive, and learn to excel in things that make her happy. And I believe that music does make her happy.”

Theo glanced down at her, and Anna forced herself to meet his steady gaze.

“Thank you,” he said, his voice so soft and low that she thought she had imagined it for a moment.

The lump in Anna’s throat thickened. Before she could respond—she had no idea what she was going to say, if anything—the music ended.

“And that’s all of it!” Kitty announced, bouncing down from the stool and running towards them, beaming. “That’s everything I learned today. What did you think, Papa?”

“I thought it was excellent,” Theo said, swooping his daughter up into his arms with a grin.

Kitty twisted to look at Anna. “And what did you think, Anna? Was I very good?”

Anna reached up to tap Kitty’s chin. “You will be a great proficient in no time at all if you only listen to Mr. Errol and practice as much as you can.”

Kitty beamed with happiness.

When Anna tore her eyes away from the little girl, she found Theo staring at her, his eyebrows drawn together. He didn’t look angry, but… surprised .

Abruptly, Anna stepped away, giving a nervous little cough.

“I had better go and speak to Mrs. Haunt about tonight’s dinner. Do excuse me.”

She practically ran out of the room, but unfortunately, her feelings pursued her.