31. Haven

31

HAVEN

I still can't believe that Chrissy told me that I was knocked down on purpose and why the pictures were taken. "So you know what happened?"

He winces. "I do now. I should have asked you instead of accusing you, Haven."

Yeah, he should have. But it's too late now. "Actually, it's probably a good thing this happened." I've thought about it all night, and I realize that I'd set myself up for failure. I was in a marriage that was over before it even began. I don't know why I thought I could do it. Of course, I would fall in love with him. So it's better this way… better now before there's a kid involved.

He leans toward me. I've kept my eyes off him, but now that I look at him, I realize he looks like he didn't get any sleep last night. His eyes are bloodshot. I point to his face. "Are you all right?"

He runs his hand across his face. "Am I all right? God, don't ask me that. I don't know if I'll ever be all right again. I hate myself for how I treated you, peaches. I drank until I blacked out last night."

I shift, putting more distance between us, but he moves closer. "Are you okay?" He reaches out to caress my knee, and I jerk away from his touch. I hold my hands up so he can see the scratches on them. "I'm fine. Your sister cleaned out my cuts and got me a brace for my ankle."

He looks devastated, and I hate that I'm worried about him. We've talked about it, and he's told me that he never drinks because he once had a foster parent that would drink and take out his anger on the kids. It kills me to know he resorted to drinking last night.

But even though I feel for him, I have to have some self-preservation. "Like I said, it's probably good this has happened, King. We are messed up. We're two people that are messed up. This isn't going to work, and it doesn't matter since it's all fake anyway. You don't trust me… "

I let my voice trail off as emotion overcomes me. I shudder a breath to try and pull myself together. "We need to end this now before it gets out of hand and someone gets hurt."

"Haven, listen to me. I don't know how to explain it. I saw you with another man's arms around you. I went crazy."

I interrupt him. I can't look at him, so I'm picking at the thread on the bed cover. "And you thought I slept with you one night and then went to another man. I would never do that. You thought I was after your money, and that's not who I am. I don't care about your money."

"I know that. I know that's not who you are. I'm sorry, Haven."

"You said that."

He reaches for me, putting his hand on my knee again and tracing his thumb back and forth on my skin. I'm weak because even now I crave his touch. I watch his hand, and after a minute, I pull my leg away. "Listen, so I talked to Chrissy. I'm going to stay here—"

"No, you're going to stay at our home, with me."

"I can't, King. I can't stay there."

He reaches for me, grabbing my hands and pulling them to his chest. "Please, I'm begging you, Haven. Stay at our house."

I pull from his hold and stand up on the opposite side of the bed. He stands up, and we face off against each other. I cross my arms over my chest. "I will stay at your house until I know I'm not pregnant. In the meantime, I'll be looking for an apartment. I called this morning, and mine had already been rented. I'll hire someone to finish the community center."

"The community center is yours, Haven."

I smile wistfully. "At one time, I believed that. But it's not any more mine than you are, King."

He's shaking his head. "But I am yours. I'm your husband, Haven."

I shake my head. "And we'll start proceedings for the divorce." I raise my hand up, knowing what he's about to say. "I don't want any money… I just want this to be over. I need to get on with my life."

"We're not getting a divorce."

God, this hurts. "I can't stay with you, King. Not now."

He looks lost. I wait for him to argue with me or tell me no, but he surprises me. "So you're coming home?"

"I'll stay there—in the guest room—until I get everything settled. As soon as I find a place to live, I'm leaving."

He doesn't answer me. He goes over to the corner of the room where my suitcase is lying open, and he closes it and zips it up. He picks it up and then rolls it to the door. "I'm going to take this out to your car. I'll be back to help you."

He disappears, and I go over to where my shoes are and slide them on. I hobble to the front door where Chrissy is waiting for me. "You okay?"

Instead of answering her, I blow out a breath. Overwhelmed doesn't cover it, so I say nothing.

She opens her arms, and I step into them, letting her hug me. If nothing else, my time with King has opened me up to touch… at least with his family. "Thank you for everything."

She whispers into my ear, "You'll always be my sister, Haven."

I shudder a breath, and she continues. "I know it's a lot to ask. I know he hurt you, but I also know that it's because he's spent all his life being hurt, Haven. It's not right… he didn't handle it right… but I hope you let him make it up to you."

I don't know what to say to her, so I just nod my head. She hugs me one more time, and I meet King on the front porch .

He tries to help me, but I shake my head. "I got it. I'm good."

He sighs but doesn't argue with me. He opens the passenger side of my car and then gets in the driver's seat. He doesn't talk the whole way there, and I can't help but wonder if I'm making the worst decision by going home with him.

I glance over at him and take in his disheveled look. I've never seen King look like he does right now.

As we pull into the driveway and park, I'm out of the car before King can come around and open my door. I let him grab my suitcase as I walk up the porch to the house. I'm about to disappear up the stairs to my room when he stops me. "Haven, wait. Please."

I stop with one hand on the railing. "What is it, King?"

"I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry that I looked at those pictures and thought what I did instead of asking you about them. I'm sorry that those men got to you and I didn't protect you. I'm sorry for how I acted and how I made you feel. I was wrong, and I know I don't deserve it, but I'm asking you—I'm begging you—to give me a chance to make this up to you. "

My hand tightens on the banister. Right now, I feel like I can't even function, and all I want to do is go to bed and stay there for a week. Without turning around and looking at him, I tell him the truth. "I don't know if I can do that… I'm going to lie down."

I continue up the steps, and he doesn't try to stop me. As I lie down on the bed, I try to ignore the part of me that wants to run to King and make it all okay.