3. Haven

3

HAVEN

I told myself all week that I couldn't back out, and this is my last resort. I need to give it my all. I'm tired of having my guard up with everyone I meet. I've had my mind set with determination, but the day of my appointment, I start to talk myself out of it.

As I walk into the hotel, dread comes over me. I don't want to do this. I mean, yeah, of course, I'd love to cure my intimacy issues, but I can't see this helping me. The whole thing the other day with Victor was awkward, and it's not something I want to have to deal with again. I'm already convinced this is not going to work without even giving it a good try.

I know that canceling this late will probably incur a cancellation fee, but I don't care. I'd rather pay the hundred dollars and just go home to deal with things on my own.

As I'm walking into the hotel, I see Victor pacing back and forth. As soon as he sees me, he stops. "Hello, Haven—"

Before he gets into it, I interrupt him. "I'm sorry, I should have called yesterday. I don't think this is going to work out, and I know you need to charge me a cancellation fee or whatever and that's fine, I completely understand."

"You can't quit… I mean, look, I'm actually out here because I had—I mean—have an emergency, and I had to call in another cuddler for your case. He's waiting for you now."

"But…" I start, and Victor is walking backward away from me. "So if you can go talk to him… if you need to cancel, just let him know."

"But…" I call after him, but he doesn't stop, and he's walking out the door without turning back.

I look down the hallway, and dread settles like a heavy ball in my stomach. Okay, so I guess I'll go in there and cancel my appointment. Easy peasy.

I slowly walk down the hallway, and when I get to the office door, I pull my shoulders back, take a deep breath, force a smile that I'm not feeling to my face, and knock.

The door opens instantly, and I take a step back as I lean my head back to look at the huge man standing in front of me.

He's tall with wide shoulders, and I take another step back. He looks to be in his late thirties or early forties, and he has muscles on top of muscles.

He's watching me closely. "Hello, Haven. My name is Ridge, but my family calls me King. Won't you come in?"

He takes a step back and gestures inside the room.

I know I should answer him or acknowledge him in some way, but I'm too busy looking at him. I've never seen a man as rugged yet handsome and put together as him. His jaw is strong and covered with a thin stubble. His hair is short on the sides, but the top hangs a little over his brow. His eyes, which are trained on me so hard that I feel like he can read my mind, are brown with gold speckles, making me want to stand on my tiptoes to get a closer look.

The thought freaks me out a little, and I take another step back so that I'm standing in the middle of the hallway. King still hasn't moved. It's like he's frozen in place, looking at me with patience.

"Haven," he says softly.

I wait for him to reach for me, and I know I'll freak out, but he surprises me when his hands fist at his sides and he continues to talk to me in a soothing voice. "I'm standing in for Victor today. If you're more comfortable out there, we can meet in the lobby if you prefer."

"Uh," I start, looking everywhere but at him.

My heart is racing, and my palms are getting sweaty. I try to say something, but I'm frozen in place, overwhelmed by everything I'm feeling right now. Why am I like this? Why am I reacting to him this way?

"Uh," I finally stutter. "Cancel. I need to cancel."

He shifts his weight from one foot to the other, and besides the way his shoulders tense a little, that's the only tell that he doesn't like what I'm saying. He leans against the open door. "Why would you cancel, Haven?"

I swear his tone drops an octave every time he says my name. "Because last time…"

I let my voice trail off, and King waits patiently for me to continue. "Because I don't think this is going to help me, that's all."

He lifts his hand and runs it through his hair. "Yeah, but your appointment the other day was with Victor. Today your appointment is with me. Don't you think you should give me a chance?"

He pauses and looks at me with hope in his eyes. "I hope you'll give me a chance, Haven."

My hand goes to my stomach because it feels like butterflies are churning around in there. I don't know what this reaction is. I mean, yeah, the man is gorgeous, but he's my cuddler, someone hired to be here… it's not like a date or anything.

I'm quiet for so long, but King's voice is still calm and patient. "What about it, Haven? Give me an hour to change your mind?"

There's a part of me that wants to say no and run out of here, but something is stopping me. I stand fully erect, teetering on my high heels, and I know I need to make a decision. Hopefully, it's one I don't regret.

"Okay," I murmur.

He smiles, and it lights up his whole face. "Okay, you'll stay?"

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I try to get my nerve up as I take one step toward him. I move slowly, and he does nothing to pressure me; he just stands there smiling. I take another step, and he nods his head encouragingly, and then I take another one. I'm right at the door, and he moves farther back, giving me a wide berth to enter the room.

I feel ridiculous. I don't usually react this way to people, not to this extent, but with him, it's like I can't seem to catch my breath.

He moves out of the way, using his foot to hold the door open. I walk past him, and I think I'm going to be okay until the door shuts behind me. I gasp at the slam, and then it's like an automatic reaction, and my thoughts start to spiral. The panic hits me in an instant, and I'm not sure what to do. I take a deep breath, trying to will away the way my heart starts to race, my body starts to tremble, and the shortness of breath takes over. In through my nose, out through my mouth. I repeat the mantra in my head, but it's no use.

I look at King in a panic. It's been years since I've had a panic attack, but here I am, having a breakdown in front of a man whose only offense is being too handsome.

He starts to reach for me, but he must see my eyes widen because he stops and holds his hands up. He points to the chair. "Sit down, Haven."

I almost deny him until his voice comes at me with more sterness to it. "Sit down before you fall down."

I reach for the chair and sit down.

He sits across from me and leans forward. He's nowhere near touching me, but I swear I can feel the heat from his body even from here. "Look at me," he demands.

I am concentrating on breathing, and I lift my eyes to his as I take a deep breath. "Good girl," he says, and my body reacts in the strangest way.

My nipples pebble, and he nods his head. "Keep breathing and keep looking at me, sweetie."

I do as he says, mimicking the way he takes a deep breath in and lets it out slowly. I continue breathing as he talks to me. "You're doing so well, Haven. I'm so proud of you. Keep breathing, sweetie. In, out, in, out."

My breathing slows, and I start to pull myself together. I feel clammy and shaky, but I can tell that I am starting to calm.

"Keep it up. I'm going to get you something cool to drink."

He pulls out his phone and types into it. I wait for him to get up, but he doesn't. He pockets his phone and continues to look at me with concern.

"I'm okay," I assure him.

He nods. "I know you are."

I put my hand to my head and hide behind it. "I'm so embarrassed. I haven't had a panic attack in a long time."

I have my eyes clenched closed, and I'm shaking my head. Never have I wished for the floor to open up and swallow me whole more than I do right now.