15. Haven

15

HAVEN

I'm a nervous wreck by the time I walk into his office a few days later.

I've thought about it, and I've done the thing where you write all the pros and cons, and I even told myself that I'm going to tell him no. That was the plan. But as I walk into his office building, doubt creeps in.

There are so many things that scare me, but one of the biggest things is that I'll never feel the way I feel when I'm with King.

And that right there is enough for me to say yes to his crazy idea.

I walk to the front desk, and the woman smiles at me. "Hello. How can I help you? "

"Hi. I'm here to see King… I mean, Ridge Beckett if he's not busy."

The smile on her face freezes. "I'm sorry. Mr. Beckett is in a meeting. Can I give him a message?"

I hesitate before giving her my name, but I figure I might as well do it. "Yeah, uh, can you just let him know I stopped by? I'm Haven Weston."

The woman jumps up. "Haven, it's so nice to meet you. I'm Rachel Raymond, and I'm Ridge's assistant. Hold on and I'll grab him."

I hold my hands up and start to back away from her desk. "Oh no, I don't want to disturb him. I can call him later."

She comes around the desk. "No, please don't go. Ridge said if you came by to make sure I interrupt whatever he's doing and not to let you leave. Come on, I'll take you to his office and then I'll let him know you're here."

I follow behind her in shock. I'm not sure what I expected, but it wasn't this. As soon as she leaves me in his office, I look around the big room with the dark mahogany desk and bookshelves. It's definitely a step up from the barren office at the cuddler offices. I walk over to the window and look out at downtown Jasper.

When the door opens, I turn on my heel, and King is standing in the doorway, smiling at me. "You came."

My mouth drops seeing him in a suit. The man I've seen has been in dress shirts and khakis or T-shirts and jeans. He's built like a man that works with his hands, but this side of him is just as sexy, and I can't help but stare back at him.

"Haven? Are you okay?"

I finally pull myself together and gesture to the door behind him. "It seems to me you expected me since you told your assistant to make sure I stayed."

He walks into the room with his hands in his pockets. "It was wishful thinking on my part."

He walks over to me, and my heart stutters as he approaches. "You know what I've been thinking about?"

I wonder if it's the same thing I've been thinking about. "What?"

He holds his hands out, palms up. "That hug."

I look at his outstretched hands, and there's no denying him. I put my hands in his, and just as soon as I do, he pulls me into him, wrapping his arms around me. I melt into him, wrapping my arms around his waist and resting my head against his chest. "I've thought about this too. "

He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "Tell me your answer… tell me yes, peaches."

I sigh, wanting him to have an out. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes," he answers without hesitation.

"And you know we can have a baby without getting married?"

"It's non-negotiable, Haven."

I thought about this all night and how I was going to approach the subject. He wants a kid, he's made that known, but he didn't really say how we were going to get there. I'm guessing artificial insemination, but I need to clarify that with him. It makes it easier that I'm leaning against him and he can't see my face. "So I'll be a pregnant virgin?"

He leans back, keeping his hands on me, but he searches my eyes. With a smirk, he asks, "Did you think you would get pregnant in a doctor's office or something?"

Heat rushes to my face. "I assumed that's what—"

He leans down until I can feel his hot breath on my cheek. "We'll be getting pregnant the old-fashioned way, Haven."

I swallow hard as my whole body reacts and gets hot. I feel like I need to fan myself, but I stand perfectly still. "I'm still going to work."

He doesn't seem fazed by my request. "I'm not going to try and control you. You can have the life you want."

I suck in a breath. "I want a small wedding. Just us."

Again, he doesn't hesitate. "Whatever you want."

"The contract needs to be changed. I don't want your money. If you want to provide for any child we may have, that's fine, but I want my name taken off of it."

"No, that's not part of the deal."

I pull back, out of his reach, to put some distance between us. "It's important to me, King. You will always think I agreed to this—hell, whatever this is—a fake marriage because I wanted your money, and that is not the case."

"Why are you doing it?"

I lift my head and look straight into his eyes. "Because I'm comfortable with you, well, more comfortable than I've ever been with anyone, and I want to have kids. This is my chance—hell, it could be my only chance."

He nods. "I'll have the contract reworded, but just so you know, peaches, I will always take care of you."

I figure it's best to change the subject. "Where will we live? Will we live together?"

"Yes, of course, we will. To anyone else this is real. We will live at my house… in Whiskey Run. If we ever need to stay in the city, I have an apartment in Jasper, too."

"Are you going to see other women?"

He reaches for me, putting his hands on my shoulders. I didn't realize how worried I was about it until he starts shaking his head. "No, I wouldn't do that to you. Plus, I haven't looked at another woman since I first saw you. I'm consumed by you."

My heart starts to race. This is embarrassing to talk about, but it's important to get it out there. "What if we do this… what if we get married… and I can't, you know, perform?"

He tilts his head and smiles. "I can wait."

"What if I have another panic attack?"

His forehead creases. "That scared the hell out of me the first time, but I'll stick by you, Haven. I'll talk you through it just like last time."

"Are we working on some kind of timeframe or anything like that?"

He shrugs, and it's killing me how easygoing he is about this. "I want us married soon. Everything else—there's no pressure."

I lift my head, searching his eyes. I'm still not sure about any of this or if I'm making the right decision, but I know if I told him no, I'd regret it for the rest of my life. "And how long do you plan for us to stay married?"

I hold my breath, trying not to let any disappointment show. I keep telling myself I can do this. It's a part I'm playing—it's not real, but I'm not sure if my heart is planning on playing along. He shakes his head. "Let's not put an end date on it."

Finally, when I feel like I've got all the answers I wanted, I nod my head. "Okay."

His hands tighten on my shoulders. "No more questions or requests?"

I lick my dry lips and nod. "Yeah, just one."

His hands cup up on each side of my neck, and he holds me there. It doesn't slide by me that he's touching me and I'm not freaking out. As a matter of fact, he's gone out of his way to touch me the whole time I've been here. It's almost like he's trying to get me accustomed to his touch.

"Anything," he says .

I look into his eyes and force the words out. "I think before we do this, we should kiss."

He leans in, and his voice is husky. "You want me to kiss you?"

I wet my dry lips and nod. "Yeah, I mean just to be sure the chemistry is there."

His hand tangles in my hair, and he holds the base of my neck. He's looking at me with a small smirk. "You don't know if we have chemistry?"

I put my hands on his chest and slide them up to his shoulders. "Well, I mean, I know how I feel just when you touch me, but I didn't know if you wanted to kiss me to make sure you were really attracted to me, that's all." I blow out a breath, a little embarrassed. "I just thought before we did this, you'd at least like to…"

I trail off because I've said too much. I sound like a desperate fiend, begging him to kiss me or something. I just thought before we did this we should at least kiss.

He lifts my chin so I have no choice but to look at him. "I don't have to kiss you to know I'm attracted to you. I've held back because I don't want to freak you out, but we should be upfront about this. I want you, peaches. I want you more than I've wanted anything in my life. When I hold you, I have to will my body not to react." He leans down, and I can feel his breath on my cheek. "The chemistry is there, and it's undeniable."

My breath is stilted, and I'm not sure what to do. I'm dying for him to kiss me, but I've already asked him for that, so now it's up to him.

"I'm going to kiss you now."

As soon as he says it, his lips are on mine. He starts slowly, with a soft kiss on my lips. It feels good, but it's not enough. My eyes close, and my fingers grip the material of his jacket, afraid he's going to stop. I'm not sure what I'm doing, but I know I want more.

He leans back and looks at me. "Are you okay?"

It comes out as a growl, and my eyes jerk to his. "Yeah, yeah, I'm okay."

"I want more."

I nod, and then he's on me, sealing his mouth to mine. He tilts my head to the side and possesses my mouth in a kiss that has my whole body reeling. His hands go to my back, pulling me flush against his body as he kisses me until I'm breathless.

My knees feel like jelly, my heart is racing, and there are goosebumps on my arms. The reaction is overwhelming, but all I can think is Don't stop. Please don't stop .

When his tongue sweeps along mine, there's no holding back the moan. He takes full advantage, deepening the kiss, and my tongue meets his.

His hands go down my back, and he cups my ass, pulling my lower body against his. There's no denying his arousal as it digs into my belly. I pull back, gasping, but he doesn't let me go. "Okay?"

I nod, and I'm sure my eyes are as round as saucers. "Yes… wow… I never…"

Before I can get the rest out, he rests his forehead against mine and whispers raggedly, "Me either… not like that."

I close my eyes and try to catch my breath, wondering what I've gotten myself into and if my heart is going to survive it.