Chapter 49 - Eleanor

Get used to not getting your way.

C allahan escorted me out of the junkyard, and I ran straight to the bathroom. I cried as I attempted to wash my face. I sat on the toilet and hid from the party until there was a light knock on the door.

"Eleanor," Riot called quietly.

"Go away!" I spat.

I wasn't sure what to say to him. He stole Callahan from me, but when we'd kissed before, it didn't feel fake. For that flash of a moment, I thought he liked me. I liked that feeling. But now I was aware of everything, and I determined that Riot was nothing but a dirty snake.

He was just one of the many people in my life that was content on keeping secrets from me.

"I'm just checking to see if you're okay. I have your room ready if you want to go lay down."

I stood and went to the door. I opened it and peered out.

"My room?" I looked up at Riot, studying him carefully. He didn't look malicious. He didn't appear amused at my heartbreak. He looked almost… regretful.

"Yeah, there's plenty of rooms at Heathen Heights. Cherry cleaned one up for you, the one right across from mine. You want me to take you up?"

I sniffled and nodded, opening the door completely and following him up the stairs, keeping my head down. My shoulders slumped, defeated. Callahan didn't love me, not like he loved Riot. He loved hurting me. My twice beaten body was proof. While tonight I had no outward bruises, my insides screamed from the abuse. He'd thrust so hard, he'd wanted to hurt me. He wanted to prove a point. I was defenseless and he could do whatever he wanted.

It hadn't felt like we were making love, despite me coming. It felt like…

I couldn't bring myself to say the word. Instead, I allowed Riot to take me to my room.

"You can decorate it however you want. It's not much. Probably less than what you're used to. I tried to make it slightly better."

"How?" I snapped. The room was completely bare, except a mattress pushed against the wall.

"I gave you a box spring." He pointed. I squinted in the dark. I could make out two different layers of the bed.

"Thanks," I muttered.

"Do you want a blanket? It's pretty warm, but you can have one of mine."

"No thanks," I muttered. "You can leave."

I couldn't even look at him. Callahan didn't want me to. He said I wasn't supposed to go near him, but here he was, and Callahan was nowhere in sight.

Where'd he go?

Riot stood in the doorway, hands in his pockets for a long moment. I laid down on the bed and glanced only once before I rolled toward the wall.

"Close the door please."

Eventually, he left and only then did I let myself cry.

I woke up, my cheeks crusty from hours of tears. My body was sore, inside and out. I tightened my core and cried. I wouldn't be surprised if I was bleeding. Callahan had been ruthless. I went downstairs, moving slowly, and quietly, not wanting to wake the rest of the house.

However, I was disappointed to find people already awake.

Callahan sat at the kitchen table with Boone and Bonnie, sipping coffee. They stopped talking the moment I came in, their happy faces turning dark in a flash.

"What?" I asked, taking a deep breath.

I wasn't going to let last night shake me. I was the highest ranked Young Lady in the bunker. Last night I shot a wasteland monster straight between the eyes. I knew my stuff. I was just… heartbroken. My chin trembled as my eyes set upon Callahan.

He'd betrayed me.

"Come sit," he ordered.

I was tempted to run, not wanting them to see me cry, but I forced the tears back and sat.

"Where's everyone else?" I asked.

"Riot is in the yard. He gets up early usually and often works until the sun goes down," Bonnie answered.

"Cherry and Soda are upstairs…" Boone's sentence drifted off as we looked up and heard the loud sounds of them making… I wasn't sure it was love, but they were sure enjoying it.

"I was telling Boone and Bonnie about the bunker. What happened there and what I'm trying to do. They offered to help me," Callahan announced.

I shook my head. "What does that mean? What are you trying to do?"

"I want to take down the people who built those bunkers." He slammed his fist on the table, causing the others to pick up their drinks.

"It's been hundreds of years, won't they all be dead?" I crossed my arms and leaned back. This wasn't the Callahan I knew. Or thought I knew. After yesterday's revelations, I wasn't sure I knew this man at all.

"The originals, yes. But not the ones still keeping them running. Boone says he's seen their headquarters. We could get there in seven days."

"Seven days?" I blinked, trying to take in everything. "When do we leave?"

The trio looked at me.

"What?"

"Eleanor, I can't risk your life by taking you." Callahan reached for my hand under the table but I flinched away. I shoved my seat back so fast the chair fell.

"You're going without me?"

"Yes, but it's only for?—"

"You forced me to leave the bunker, killed everyone, and are now abandoning me in less than 48 hours." I shook my head in disbelief.

What was happening?

"Was this your plan this whole time?"

He stood, and gave Boone and Bonnie a look. They exited the kitchen fast, leaving us. "What do you mean?"

"You spent ten years being my bully, and then suddenly, after murdering my first Daddy, you become my best friend. You seduced me, being nice to me, and saying things I wanted to hear so that I'd give— give—" I choked back a sob. I felt sick. "I gave you everything. My heart, my body, my comfort. And for what? For you to abuse me every chance you get and then abandon me completely?"

"That's not what this is. Eleanor, I only treated you like that because I was in love with you." Callahan's eyes were shiny and his expression showed pain. "Don't think it was anything else. I didn't know how to express my feelings in a place where it was bad to have them. I couldn't compete with the other men in your life and I was angry."

"That's why you killed them?" I shot back.

"No. I killed them to save you. To protect you. I told you that. And now, I have to do this to make sure you stay this way. We need to take them down at the core, once and for all. Bunker 237, our bunker, was one of many they are doing horrible things to. I can't sit back, knowing what I know, and not do anything."

He sighed and bent down, picking up my chair. "Eleanor, I know you're angry about last night. I don't know what came over me and we should talk about that before I leave, but that's a whole other conversation and I need you to focus."

My mouth fell open.

I. Needed. To. Focus?

"I hate you." I spun around. Instantly, his large arms wrapped around my middle. I kicked as he forced me to turn back around. "Yes, I am angry about last night! You told me that you wanted to sleep with someone else and I had to just be okay with it. How am I supposed to feel?"

Guilt covered his face. "I'm sorry, I was caught up, and I shouldn't have said the things I said. Please, Eleanor, can we put a pin in this? Why don't we take a break, give us both time to think, and when I return in three weeks?—"

"Three weeks! You said seven days." I couldn't believe this man.

"Seven days to get there. We'll need a week to take it down, and a week to return. Like I was saying, let's take this time, and when I return we can figure out where we sit?—"

I blinked, realizing what exactly he was doing. "You're breaking up with me." I laughed. This was unbelievable.

"No!" he exclaimed. "But we never officially declared that we were going steady or anything. And now, I don't know what to do. I screwed up, and I need time to think about what I want."

"What does that mean? Me or him?"

"No," Callahan came closer to me and put a hand on my cheek tenderly. "Whether I want to lose you or not. Give me time to figure out how to make this right. Fix what I broke. Please, Eleanor, do this for me."

I shook my head and looked up, trying to force the tears away.

"You're a bastard."

"I know." He looked down. "A bastard who loves you. A bastard who needs to figure out what's best for us both. I don't know if I'm the one for you. I want it to be, but— what I did yesterday? That's not something someone who loves someone does."

He was right. And I hated him for it.

"We're leaving tonight. The bunker is probably just finding the bodies we left for them. So they're bound to start trying to find soldiers to come for us."

"And you're going to leave me here. I'm not going to be able to fight off a battalion."

"No," he admitted. "But Riot can."