Chapter 5

Brian glanced at Arianna, who was far too quiet. She had barely spoken a dozen words all morning. He could still taste the kiss they had shared. When the memory sent all the blood rushing straight to his groin, he quickly banished it. He set his mind back to puzzling out why she had fled his arms as if he was a threat to her instead of a man she desired. One thing he had never been to any woman was a threat. He never forced his attentions upon a woman or told lies to get what he wanted. And, he thought, a simple kiss should not have been so frightening to a woman who had been married for years.

Unless her husband had abused her. Brian frowned and glanced at her again, wondering if he had been wrong to think that it was simply a matter of Claud never having given her a taste of passion. He had seen what a man’s abuse could do to a woman and Arianna did not show any of the signs. The biggest proof of that was that she had allowed him to separate her from the boys, from all the others, and make her travel alone with him, yet revealed only a natural wariness to begin with despite the fact that she only knew him by name. That wariness was already easing.

He returned to the idea that the late, unlamented Claud might have been a very poor lover. If the man had never roused the passion Brian was certain was in Arianna, she could easily fear such unknown heat and need. Even in the morning’s harsh light, he remained confident that she had felt the same fire he had when she was in his arms. He might not have the wealth of experience some of his brothers had, but he did know when a woman responded to his kiss, and she had. That brought him back to what he had decided last night and that was that he was going to have to ease her fears because he had every intention of sharing another kiss with her and, if luck was on his side, a lot more than kisses. Brian just wished he knew how to do that. All the thought he had exerted on the problem before falling asleep had not given him any answers.

“We will stop soon, give the horses a wee rest, and take one ourselves,” he said, already planning exactly where he would shelter. “Mayhap have a wee bit to eat.”

“That would be lovely,” Arianna said as she briefly met his gaze.

She quickly looked away again, setting her attention firmly on the trail they followed as it passed by beneath her horse’s hooves. Just looking at Sir Brian was enough to make her blush. Her lingering embarrassment was born partly from how she had felt as they had kissed, all hot and aching with a need she was not sure she understood. Most of it, however, came from how she had reacted to the flood of feeling that had swept over her from the moment his lips had touched hers. She had leapt away from him as if he were some leper. Young maidens did that sort of thing, not mature widows of three and twenty. In truth, she suspected she had acted worse than even the shyest of maidens. She should have found a way to end the embrace with some dignity.

At least I did not swoon, she thought with a twinge of self-disgust. Although it had been a close thing, she admitted reluctantly. Claud had kissed her and made love to her, but she now considered there was the very good chance that Claud had simply been dutifully mating with her. Claud had never once caused her to experience such tumultuous feelings. Most of the time she had just wished Claud would hurry and get it over with, or stop. That had certainly not been what she had been wishing while she had been kissing Sir Brian.

And that was really what had terrified her, she thought, and finally accepted that harsh truth. She was a coward. It was quite possible that Sir Brian’s kiss had stirred that passion her married kinswomen all sighed over and she had always thought she wanted. And what had she done when finally given a taste of what she had craved? Run from it. Arianna was not sure what she could do about that or if she should do anything at all.

“I think this will be a good place to rest for a wee while.”

Brian’s deep voice shattered her thoughts and Arianna looked around. They were in a beautiful spot near a swiftly running burn. Wild violets covered the banks of the burn and she could see bluebells winding through the trees.

“Despite all the troubles I still face, it gladdens my heart beyond words to be back here,” she said as she dismounted.

“I have heard that France is beautiful,” Brian said as he also dismounted and moved to stand beside her. “I suspicion your husband’s lands were beautiful and probably verra fertile.”

“Aye, they were, but they were nay like Scotland.” She knelt down on the bank and inhaled the gentle scent of the violets. “I think I missed the land as much as I missed my family.”

He grabbed some oatcakes and cheese from his pack, handing her some as he sat down next to her. He looked over the land as he ate, thinking it a particularly pretty spot, and knew he would miss Scotland if he had to leave it. Harsh in as many places as it was soft and peaceful, the weather temperamental, and the living often hard, it was still home. It was in his blood. He suspected it was in Arianna’s as well.

“They didnae let ye come home at least once during the time ye were there?” he asked.

“Claud occasionally promised he would take me home to visit, but I soon saw that it was said mostly to quiet me,” she replied. “I dinnae think he e’er wanted to come here. He e’en called this land barbaric when he thought I couldnae hear him. So did his family. And thus I was the wee barbarian they were forced to endure for the sake of the family’s fortunes.”

There was the hint of bitterness behind her words but he was surprised there was not more. Everything she told him about Claud and his family revealed that she had never been accepted, and she had endured that for years. She was due a hearty bout of bitterness. She had not only lost her family when she had been sent to France, but had been given nothing to take the place of them.

“I also think,” she continued, “that, once I had learned of his mistress, they all feared that, if I went home, I wouldnae return.” She shrugged. “I probably wouldnae have and they would have been humiliated by that.”

Brian cursed under his breath. “They ne’er gave a thought to what that fool did to ye, did they? Ne’er once cared how ye suffered.”

Arianna looked at him with surprise, his anger clear to hear in his voice. “Nay, I was but the wife and wives must endure, must they not?”

“The wives my kinsmen have taken would do the fools a sore injury if they did to them as Claud did to ye. Aye, and the family would have been sent running to the hills if they tried to make either of those lasses take all the blame for their son’s betrayal of them.”

She grinned. “Aye, that is how most of my kinswomen would behave.” She suddenly frowned. “’Tis verra odd that none of my family came for me as I did write to them of what I was suffering. What Claud did should have enraged my kin.” It was hard to understand that, to find a reason that would ease the pain she felt at their apparent desertion of her.

“Oh? And tell me, did ye hand that missive to one of your husband’s people to have it sent on to your family?” He nodded when her eyes grew wide and she paled. “I suspicion those letters ye wrote were read ere they were sent on and any that spoke of the wrongs done to you were probably tossed straight into the fire.” Brian clenched his hands into fists as he fought the urge to take her into his arms to soothe the grief and pain he could read on her face. “Ye had a large dowry, did ye?”

“’Twas rich enough and they were in sore need of it for they lived too weel.”

It should not have been such a painful shock, she thought, as tears stung her eyes. She had certainly not been welcomed into the family. The man she had married had obviously never cared for her. Arianna now knew that, if she had had a child, that child would not have been completely accepted, either. She could not believe she had been so naive as to trust any of them. People who treated a person as they had treated her were not ones that should be trusted. Worse, she had accepted the possibility that no one in her family cared how she was treated, and for stirring that mistrust of her own kin in her heart, she would never forgive Claud’s family.

“Weel, this shall anger my family,” she murmured. “Ach, what am I saying? They will all be furious o’er how I was deceived, over how they were deceived as weel. Kenning that I was treated poorly by that whole cursed family and robbed of my dower, too, will send them into a killing rage.”

“Do ye think they will want to fight the Lucettes?”

“They will wish to, but I think in the end they will only fight with words and demands for restitution. There is a connection through blood and marriage with the family, ye see. An old one. I was to be a renewal of that connection. There are some verra good people within the Lucette family. I wrote to them, as weel.” She sighed. “I suspicion those letters also went into the fire and that is why I ne’er saw the ones I have met before, ones more closely tied to my clan.”

Brian was just about to give her his opinion on the way the Lucettes had treated her when he heard the sound of approaching horses. “We must leave now,” he said even as he grabbed her by the arm and tugged her to her feet.

“Do ye think it is them?” she asked, hurrying to mount her horse.

“Aye, I suspect it is. Move into the trees where the shadows will hide us. I wish to see to be certain. E’en if it isnae them, I think it best if we keep out of sight. We dinnae want them to be able to gain any information on where we have been.”

“But if they pass so close to us, will they nay see us?”

“They are on the other side of the burn.”

Once within the shadows, her gaze fixed upon the other side of the burn, Arianna leaned forward to lightly stroke her mount’s neck. She closed her eyes to listen carefully and finally heard what Brian had. There were definitely horsemen approaching on the other side of the burn. She was astonished at the keenness of his hearing. She would have sat there in full view, probably not hearing the approach of anyone until they were right there staring at her.

Opening her eyes, she stared at the opposite bank and tensed as the riders came into view. She easily recognized Amiel. The man sat a horse with all the stiff arrogance he showed in his every dealing with people. Arianna would feel badly for the people who served the Lucettes if they had not, almost to a man, scorned her and the boys as completely as Claud’s family had. They were certainly not blessed in the people who ruled them, but that did not fully excuse their unkindnesses. Claud had been neglectful, his parents the same, and Amiel would be cruel. She had seen that in him from the beginning.

It troubled her that Amiel remained on their trail no matter what Brian did. It was possible that the few people who caught sight of them as they traveled told Amiel and his men, but it was still a wonder that she and Brian had not shaken free of the man yet. It was almost as if Amiel knew where they might go, that he was not so much following their trail as forging along one he felt sure they would use.

Arianna looked at Brian, about to ask him what he thought, but he signaled her to follow him. As she did so, certain her every move thundered through the trees, she fought the feeling that Brian knew a great deal more than he was telling her. She then recalled that he had slipped away last night to spy upon Amiel but had not told her what, if anything, he had discovered. As soon as they were safely out of the hearing of her enemy, she intended to demand he tell her all he knew.

It was almost sunset by the time Brian signaled for them to halt. Very few words had been passed between them, speed and silence being more important. Arianna no longer believed they had shaken free of Amiel; they had only put a safe distance between them.

“Brian,” she said as she dismounted, “I think Amiel kens what he is looking for.”

“Aye, ye and the laddies.”

He glanced at her and grimaced as he tended to the horses. She stood there staring at him, a frown on her pretty face and her hands fisted on her gently rounded hips. Arianna did not have to openly accuse him of lying with harsh words; her stance said it quite clearly.

“I think ye learned something whilst ye were creeping about last eve,” she said.

“I ne’er creep.”

She ignored him and continued, “And ye failed to tell me what it was. Amiel is too much the spoiled courtier to be able to keep so close on our heels through skill alone. Aye, and too vain to think anyone else might ken what to do better than he, so I doubt he heeds the wisdom of a good tracker.”

“Arianna, let us tend to the horses and ready our meal,” he said. “Then I will tell ye what I have learned.”

She hesitated a moment before nodding in agreement. Her stomach slowly tied itself in knots as she worked, however. He had found out something that he did not want her to know. That stirred up all her fears for the safety of Michel and Adelar. By the time they sat side by side near a low, banked fire, sharing cold meat, bread, and cheese, she was so tense with fear that every bite she took sat like a stone in her stomach.

“The good news is that Amiel and his men are nay as skilled at tracking us as it may appear,” began Brian. “The DeVeaux and Amiel did divide their men into three groups as we thought they would, but they have some way to keep each other informed of whatever is going on or what they have learned.”

“They ken who is helping us.” Arianna was not surprised to hear the fear in her voice.

“One of the groups following one of my brothers apparently did discover that, aye. A certain Lord Ignace. A DeVeau, I suppose.”

“Aye. Youngest brother to the head of the family. Kenned to be clever and vicious, but that appears to be a common trait amongst the DeVeaux. Although”—she frowned in thought—“I think there is another called Ignace. A distant cousin. The name is verra popular amongst the DeVeaux. I rather hope it is that Ignace.”

“Why?”

“Because I think he is just a winemaker, nay a warrior. Nay like the other one, the clever, vicious one.”

“I cannae think they would send a winemaker after us. So it is probably the more weel-kenned one. And, he may be clever and he may be vicious but he is riding o’er land he doesnae ken, trying to gain information from a stubborn people, many of whom have no wish to aid any stranger.”

“The weel-kenned Lord Ignace is rumored to be verra good at getting people to tell him what he wants to learn. Even the king has asked his assistance on occasion. I find it a little frightening that the king, who has dungeons and torturers of his own, would think Lord Ignace more skilled at forcing people to talk. One has to wonder just what he can do that will make people bend to his will when they wouldnae bend to the king’s or his torturers’.”

“True, but he still doesnae ken this land.” Brian ran a hand through his hair. “I but pray that most people who are in his path ken enough to hide when they see him coming. He sent word to Amiel and I find their ability to do that of more concern. We dinnae e’en ken what the others are doing, nor they us, and our only plan is to get behind some sturdy walls as soon as we can.”

“A verra good plan.”

He reached over and took her hand in his. “Your lads will be safe, Arianna. Ye must trust me in this. No one, nay matter how clever or vicious, can catch a MacFingal who doesnae wish to be caught. Aye, we prefer to fight but we learned quickly that ’tis often best to flee a fight, at least until ye can choose the ground ye want to fight it on.”

Arianna took a deep breath and let it out slowly as she struggled to push aside her fear. “Do ye think Michel and Adelar are already behind the walls of Scarglas?”

“Adelar most certainly. Michel may be, but it all depends on how twisted a route Nat had to take. I would not be surprised to learn that the DeVeaux have lost a few men, either.”

“But, if they ken we dinnae have the boys, why are they still following us?”

“For ye.” He sighed and put his arm around her shoulders when she paled. “They still believe that capturing one of ye will pull the others into their hands.”

“I would ne’er hand them my boys,” she said as she leaned against him, attempting to take some of the strength and confidence he showed into her heart and blood.

“I ken it but that doesnae mean they do. Amiel also believes that they need but capture one of us, wave a full purse beneath our noses, and we will give him ye and the lads.”

“Nay, ye would ne’er do that.”

The firmness of the belief behind her words warmed him. Brian knew the reputation of his clan was slowly improving but he also knew that many still scorned them as being no more than a pack of rutting fools. Arianna had faith in his strengths, in his ability to keep her and the boys safe, and he reveled in that faith. Too few offered it to one of his family.

“Nay. Never. Nor would any of my kinsmen.” Deciding she needed to know it all, that it would help if she fully understood the danger she was in, he continued. “They also want you but nay just to bargain for the laddies.”

“The DeVeaux want a Murray in their grasp?”

“Aye, ye were right to wonder on that. Your kin obviously left them with a fierce need for revenge.”

“I ken it but that doesnae matter. Only Michel and Adelar matter.”

He did not agree with that but said nothing. “What we need to remember is that that idiot Amiel isnae tracking us, he is riding to where he believes we are going. I willnae say that he doesnae get a wee piece of help along the way, but he isnae skilled at the chore he has been given. And, as with the DeVeaux, he does nay like this land nor ken it as I do, as my brothers do. I wish I could shake him off our tail, but I dinnae think I will be able to. Howbeit, I am fair certain that he willnae creep up on us and get you.”

“And the DeVeaux will nay be able to creep up on your brothers and grab one of the boys. Aye?”

“Aye.”

“All this for two boys who will soon be marked as bastards anyway. I just cannae understand why.”

“And may nay ever do so unless we can catch one of them and make him tell us. I would wager, though, that nay all the men riding with Amiel and this Lord Ignace neither ken what they are doing anyway, nor give it much thought. They just do as they are told.”

She nodded. “And men who ride with the DeVeaux ken weel the cost of nay doing as they are told. I am thinking that Amiel is much the same.”

Brian slipped his hand beneath her chin and tilted her face up to his. “The lads are safe, Arianna, and I intend to keep ye safe as weel.”

She knew even before he began to lower his mouth to hers that he was going to kiss her again. Arianna also knew that she should pull away from him now but she did not, could not. Despite her fear and confusion, she had not been able to stop thinking about that kiss they had shared, about how he had tasted and how good it had felt to be held in his arms. At least until her fear had reared its ugly head. This time she was determined to enjoy the kiss and then withdraw with grace and dignity.

Brian brushed his mouth over hers and, when she did not immediately pull away, he quickly deepened the kiss. His desire rose up with a force he had never known before, but he fought to keep it under control. Arianna was not some skilled courtesan or flirtatious, willing widow. He was beginning to realize that, despite her marriage, she was nearly as innocent of what could occur between a man and a woman as any sheltered, well-born maid.

It was not easy to go slowly, however. He wanted her as he had never wanted a woman before. His whole body tautened with the need to be flesh to flesh with her, to be inside her. Brian could sense her desire stirring to match his and that made it even more difficult to tread softly with her.

Arianna shivered as he caressed her waist and hips while holding her close. His kiss grew more passionate, more devouring, and she was soon welcoming that fire. When he slid a hand up from her waist to stroke her breast, she gasped into his mouth as pure delight streaked through her veins. That delight turned to need until she was crawling into his lap, and that was when the fear began to stir within her.

Try as she would, Arianna could not keep her heart and mind fixed only on the pleasure of his kiss, of his touch. She began to think of how thin she was, how small her breasts were, and how lacking she was in the curves a man craved. It was Claud again, whispering in her mind, reminding her of all that she lacked as a woman. And then she began to fear what she felt in Brian’s arms, that it was too much, too soon, and destined to turn to scorn when he realized she was unable to satisfy him as a man needed to be satisfied.

She was not surprised when he cursed as she yanked herself free of him and leapt to her feet. Her hand on her mouth, she stared at him as he looked at her, frowning and dragging a hand through his thick hair. Her hands itched to do the same and she could not understand why that was. She was rapidly beginning to want to do all manner of things to him that she had never once considered doing with the man she had thought was her husband. Or any other man, either.

“I willnae hurt ye, lass,” he said. “Ye but need to say nay and I would release ye without question.”

“I ken it.”

And she did. Her fear was not born of any thought that he might force himself on her. She knew in her heart that he never would. Her fear was born of the fact that she would give in to this desire he stirred within her, one he appeared to share at the moment, only to see that look of disgust Claud had worn every time he had left her bed. Arianna knew that if she saw that look upon Brian’s face, it would tear the heart right out of her.

“Yet ye flee me with a look of fear upon your bonnie face.”

“’Tis nay ye I fear.” This was not going to be easy to explain, perhaps even humiliating, but she knew she owed him some explanation for her strange behavior. “I dinnae wish to disappoint you.”

“How could ye disappoint me? I may nay be the randy fool many of my kin are, but I am nay without some experience. I ken ye feel desire when we kiss, the same desire I do.”

“Aye, but what about after ye try and satisfy that desire? I am nay good at that.”

“How can ye ken that? I am fair sure your husband wasnae verra much of a lover to you,” he began.

“Nay, because I was such a poor bed partner. He would rise from our bed and tell me often what I lacked in the art of pleasing a mon. I couldnae bear to see ye look at me like that, so I think it best if we cease with the kissing and the wanting of more.” She took a quick step back when he surged to his feet and glared at her.

“I am nay that bastard Claud,” he snapped.

“I ken it. But ...”

“Nay. Sit. We will eat and then rest and then continue on our journey.”

She cautiously sat down, watched him pace the little clearing for a moment, and tried not to tense when he sat down beside her. It was clear she had angered him and she was not certain how to soothe that anger. In fact, she wondered if she should. If he remained angry with her there would be no more kisses. The thought of that made her heart ache and she inwardly cursed.

“I am nay Claud,” he said again as he handed her his wineskin and began to unpack more oatcakes, cold meat, and cheese. “I see now that he wanted to make ye question everything about yourself, lass. I would have thought ye kenned that by now, that ye would see that whate’er he said was just more lies.”

Her mouth full of cider, she just nodded. It was hard to meet his gaze, but she forced herself to do so. Arianna just wished the conversation were not so embarrassing. Losing oneself in the heat of a kiss while held in the arms of a very handsome man was one thing, talking about it was quite another. It was only now that she realized she knew very little about what went on between a man and a woman as Claud had done only what was necessary to get her with child. She knew there was so much more but not what that more was, despite the talks she had heard from the married ladies in her clan.

“There are two ways for a mon to grind a woman down beneath his boot. He can beat her with his fists or he can pick away at her with cruel words until she has no pride left and no will to stand against him. Ye need to accept that Claud used words to crush ye and accept that whate’er he told ye was wrong, was just used to make certain ye caused him no trouble. Weel, that and as a way to make ye shoulder the blame for his own mistakes.”

“I do ken that,” she whispered, for she had begun to question Claud’s cruelty to her from the moment she had discovered he was not truly her husband.

“If he didnae find pleasure in the bedding of ye, it was all his own fault. I can feel the passion in ye, Arianna. ’Tis sweet and hot. He caged it because he didnae want it. Ye have to free it. Ye have to cease thinking ye have some lack that will leave a mon cold. Believe me, cold is the verra last thing I feel when I have ye in my arms.”

“Tell me, how would it make ye feel if, when a woman rose from your bed, she made sure ye kenned that ye had failed to satisfy her desires? What if that woman was your wife and she told ye that every night?”

Brian did not even want to think about it, knowing it would eat at his soul if something like that ever happened. “It would burn its way into my heart and mind as it has yours. Only ye can push it away, toss it on the midden heap where it belongs. I would tell ye what else I would probably do but fear it would sound too much like I was just trying to get ye to do as I want.”

“And what would that be? What would ye do?”

“I would eventually find myself a woman and find out if the wrong was in me or in the one who claimed I failed her. And if the wrong was in me, then I would do what I could to fix it because I would ken that I had the passion in me, that I just needed to learn a few skills to share it with another. Now, eat. We need to rest and, I think, ye need to wrestle with a few ghosts.”

Arianna ate and settled down in her blankets without saying another word. Her mind was too busy with thoughts about what he had said to try and converse. She was also disappointed with herself. She did know what Claud had been doing with his constant insults and quiet cruelties, but she was having a lot of trouble shaking free of the power they had held over her. It had held her in its tight grip for far too long.

She could all too easily recall the heat of Brian’s kiss and the way his hand upon her breast had made her blood run hot. A part of her was demanding she allow herself a full tasting of the pleasure he promised her, while another part cringed from the possibility that he, too, would find her lacking.

Courage was what she needed. Arianna was determined to find that courage, the strength to banish the fear Claud had bred in her, and accept what Brian offered. She was a widow and could indulge herself without fear of much censure. By the time they stopped for the night again, she wanted to be ready to find out the truth. She wanted to prove all Claud had made her believe of herself as a woman was no more than another one of his lies.