Chapter 7

Caleb

I wake up to find that I'm not dreaming this time. I'm really in bed with Shana, her arm resting across my chest with her face next to mine on the pillow. For about thirty seconds, I'm in heaven.

Our surroundings and what led us to this place brings me back down to earth. Though I wouldn't change a thing, I still can't quite believe how badly I've screwed up my life. The moment she wakes up and remembers it all, she'll start worrying again, making crazy plans, or worse, crying because she thinks I'm going to be killed.

I grab my phone, trying not to focus too hard on the messages from Leo. I've already dodged too many of his calls and the longer I leave it, the worse things will get. I'm already in deep shit, but I honestly don't think he'll murder me. At least I hope not.

With a quiet sigh, I turn so I can watch Shana sleep. Her long dark lashes rest on her cheeks, and her blonde hair is in a wild tangle behind her. Her full lips are slack and slightly swollen from all my kisses. If I'm not mistaken, there's a bit of a smile on her face, even though she is in a deep sleep.

God, I'd love to stay in bed with her all day and keep pretending that nothing's wrong. Listen to her outlandish plans of running away to foreign lands together and hiding out like we're in some kind of mafia movie. I want a lot more of what we did together last night until we fell into an exhausted and sated sleep. I love that I've awakened her inner beast and that she so freely gave herself to me.

But I also know why she did it, and that reality hits even harder than the fact I have to call Leo. I want to pretend she's here in bed with me because she loves me, but I worry she was only thankful I saved her. And the longer I pretend that she's madly in love with me, the worse my heart is going to get smashed in the end.

I've been in love with Shana ever since she pushed Tommy Wilber for running away with her unicorn backpack in second grade. Maybe longer than that. There's not a moment of my life I don't remember her being a part of it, and I've always known she was mine. Just not like this. Not because she thinks she owes me.

I should have exercised self-control, kept being patient and working on her until she threw herself at me solely because she was wildly in love with me—not because I committed a major crime for her.

But how could I resist? It was asking way too much.

With another long look at her beautiful sleeping face, I ease myself out from under her arm. I pull my clothes on and take my phone out into the hall. With the resolve of a condemned man about to take his last walk on death row, I make the call to Leo.

"What the fuck?" he shouts.

I hold the phone away, waiting for his tirade to calm down a bit. He's every bit as furious as I imagined, maybe more. It takes a long time before I can try to explain.

"It was an emergency," I say. The weak excuse only starts up a fresh avalanche of swearing and shouting. I try to interject whenever I can, promising I'll repay him. "You know I'm good for it," I say. "However long it takes."

Then he goes quiet for a long time. "You better not show your face until you can pay back every cent," he finally says with a cold calm that's much more intimidating than the screaming. "And that better be soon, Caleb."

I end the call, knowing that no amount of reasoning will sway him, and without cash in my hands, my promises are empty. Slipping back into the room, I find Shana sitting up with the sheet wrapped tightly around her far too inviting curves, an anxious look on her face.

I shake my head and hold up my hand, not wanting to be bombarded with questions. My heart breaks thinking about how this all ends. I don't want it to end yet.

"We may as well go get something to eat," I say.

She keeps making worried noises, like she's dying to ask me what Leo said, but what I did was my own decision. I wouldn't change it and I won't have her feeling guilty on top of feeling beholden to me.

We take a taxi to Central Park because that's where she wants to go. After she checks her bank account at an ATM, she swallows hard, a blush rising up her neck. I peer over her shoulder. It's a huge amount, but only forty percent of what I bid. Not enough.

"We can have some fun today, can't we, Caleb?" she asks. Seeming to read my mind, she adds, "We can spare a little for that, right?"

It's both of our first times in New York City and I'm as intrigued as she is by the hustle and bustle, all the different shops, and the buildings almost as tall as the sky. I don't want to think about my ruined future. I just want to have a good time with my girl while she's still mine. Before things get too weird between us and our friendship collapses under the weight of it all.

"Sure we can," I say, pointing to an Italian bakery with a long line. "That place looks popular. You hungry?"

Her smile is worth everything. She rubs her stomach and leans close to me. "Starving," she says. "I feel like I ran ten miles and did a week's worth of workouts in one night." Her cheeks go bright red.

I can't help but lean over and give her a quick peck on the lips. That's it. The last one. "I could eat a whole roast pig," I say, pulling her into the bakery and getting in line.

We take our espressos and bag of cookies with us as we continue walking to the park, only stopping at a street vendor who is selling delicious smelling sausages. We find a bench and munch on our breakfast while we watch the people go by. Soon we're laughing as we make up stories about everyone. A young mother or nanny is probably really a Russian spy. The couple out jogging is on their way to a swinger's party.

"In the morning?" I ask.

"It's the city that never sleeps," she says with a shrug. "What do they think about us?"

"Newlyweds," I answer instantly. "You've got that glow of someone who's just had an amazing fuck."

She playfully swats my arm. "I knew you'd be smug about it."

"So, you admit it was amazing?" I can't help teasing her.

She gets up, ignoring the question, but her smile gives the answer away. "Let's go find a bridge to walk over, and then see about one of those boats to the Statue of Liberty."

Just like I couldn't resist her last night, I follow her all day, going along with every whim. It's the best day of my life, and we're worn out and slightly sunburned by the time we get back to the hotel room.

She takes a shower and I stretch out on the bed, trying not to let reality intrude. But without the distraction of running from one place to another, it does. It's time for the fantasy to come to an end. I close my eyes and let the sound of the shower relax me until it's my turn, using all my willpower not to join Shana in there.

She comes out wrapped in a towel and kneels beside me, reaching for my shirt. The feel of her palms on my belly makes my cock jerk and she blinks down at it, then gives me a shy, searching look. Her hands falter at my waistband, and I roll away and sit up.

She's only doing this out of misplaced obligation and I won't take advantage of her again. She's paid what she owed, and I already feel bad enough for collecting.

"What's wrong, Caleb?" she asks, wrapping her arms around her chest.

Her hair is wet and dripping down her arms. The towel barely covers the tops of her thighs. Every fiber of my being is straining toward her. Suppressing a groan, I get up and head to the door.

"I'm going down to the bar," I say. Needing to get away, to get out before I grab her and devour her lush body.

With a frown, she holds her hand out. "Well, wait for me," she says, then sticks out her lip. "Or just stay."

"I'm not in the mood," I lie. "Just hang out here. I'll be up later."

I turn away from the confusion in her eyes and storm out. If I stay even one second longer, I'll be no better than those sleazy old guys at the auction.