Chapter 25

Aaron has never before been invited to the condo that Holly rented after their separation. And when he received her text asking him to come, he assumed Walter must have interceded on his behalf. Aaron even rushed out after work to catch his favorite flower shop before closing, where the florist assembled a colorful bouquet of Holly’s favorites, including peonies, roses, calla lilies, and hydrangeas. The sweet floral scent filled his car on the drive over and only heightened his anticipation and excitement.

But the moment Holly opens the door, Aaron sees that she is not right. Her face is pale, her eyes forlorn. He reflexively drops the hand that holds the bouquet, wishing he could tuck it behind his leg.

Holly glances down at them. “They’re beautiful,” she mumbles. “Thank you.”

He hands her the flowers and follows her inside. The condo is bright and modern, with high-end cabinetry, granite countertops, and top-of-the-line appliances, but it’s also smaller than he expected.

“What’s going on, Holl?” he asks.

Without answering, she pulls down a vase from a cabinet, fills it with water, and arranges the flowers inside. “Glass of wine?” she asks.

“For both of us, from the looks of it.”

After pouring two generous glasses of a Spanish Syrah, Holly leads him to the couch and sits down beside him but far enough away to leave a gap between their legs.

“I fucked up, Aaron,” she says, blank-faced.

Much as he wishes she were talking about her distancing herself from him since the night they slept together, he knows better. “What happened?”

“I…” Her cheeks redden. “I vaped DMT.”

“That’s the active compound in ayahuasca, right?”

She nods.

“What’s the big deal? As long as I’ve known you, you’ve used psychedelics intermittently. Self-care. Isn’t that how you describe it?”

“But never in my office.”

His head twitches involuntarily. “Holly, please don’t tell me you indulged in psychedelics with your patients?”

She waves her hand. “No! Nothing like that. It was a couple of days ago. After the office closed. I thought I was alone.”

“But you weren’t?”

“One of my clients came back for her jacket, and the cleaners let her in. But she only told me today.” She hangs her head. “She saw me, Aaron. JJ saw me vaping.”

Her angst makes sudden sense. “But you didn’t see her?”

“I had a blindfold on. I heard the door open, but I assumed it was the cleaners.” She sighs. “DMT has this very pungent stench. JJ figured out exactly what I was vaping.”

He squeezes his temples between his thumb and forefinger. “Why did she wait to tell you?”

“She blurted it out under ketamine therapy.”

“Jesus! Your practice is like Woodstock or something. Nonstop psychedelics.”

Holly’s shoulders sag and her chin drops lower as she reaches for her wineglass.

“I’m sorry,” he says and gently lays a hand on her other wrist. “That wasn’t fair. You caught me by surprise.”

“I can relate,” she murmurs.

“Are you worried your patient is going to report you?”

“Or tell others.”

“Who?”

“Members of the group? Friends?” She shrugs. “JJ seems to know everyone.”

“It would be her word against yours,” Aaron says, struggling to find a kernel of reassurance to offer.

Holly flashes him a look that tells him just how little she thinks of that defense.

“She shouldn’t mention it to anyone else,” he says, stating the obvious. “I hope you made that clear to her.”

Holly looks away. “I didn’t have the chance. She had a dysphoric reaction to the ketamine. Totally flipped out. I had to sedate her with midazolam. I doubt she even remembers telling me.”

“But she won’t have forgotten seeing you with the vape pen.”

“No. She definitely will not.”

Aaron squeezes Holly’s wrist and is pleased that she doesn’t pull away from his grip.

She closes her eyes for a moment. “That wasn’t even the only bombshell JJ dropped on me during our session.”

He frowns. “What else?”

“She told me she spoke to Elaine. The night of her overdose. After the group had already gone to confront her.”

“What did they talk about?”

“I don’t know. All JJ would say is that she ‘should’ve told her.’?”

“Told Elaine what?”

“That’s the thing, Aaron! JJ kept digressing. Focusing on my DMT use. And then she had a massive panic attack. I couldn’t get the rest of it out of her.”

“Does it really matter now?”

“Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows?” Holly’s voice cracks. “I can’t believe this is happening again.”

“After Elaine?”

“Yes. With Elaine, I was terrified of what her allegations could do to me and my practice. But at least they were unfounded. But this? Vaping an illicit substance in my own office? That’s indefensible. If the Medical Board were to get wind of that…”

It might be career-ending, Aaron thinks. But rather than state the obvious, he says, “JJ only spoke of it under the influence. Do you really think she intends to pursue it?”

“I have no idea. None at all.” Holly looks back up at him, and her misty eyes fill with raw vulnerability. “What should I do?”

“You really want my advice?” Aaron pauses, wanting Holly to be aware of how much she needs him. “Even after the last time? When I was the one who told you to talk to your patient?”

She nods. “It wouldn’t have made a difference with Elaine whether I spoke to her or not. She was so single-minded.”

“Then my advice is going to be the same this time.”

“Speak to JJ?”

“You have a good therapeutic relationship with her, right?”

“I think she trusts me, yes.”

“Then make her understand what she saw occurred in a private moment. It just happened to have been at your office but had nothing to do with your practice. No different than if she had run into you at a bar after you’d had a few cocktails.”

Holly nods. “I like that. Yes. It’s almost an accurate analogy.”

Aaron winks. “Accurate enough.”

Holly shuffles nearer to him, closing the gap between their legs and nestling her head in the crook of his neck. He slides a hand over her far shoulder and pulls her in tighter, drinking in the lavender scent of her shampoo.

“Don’t know if I could do this without you,” she says.