Chapter 21

Graham’s office is in the opposite direction from the hospital where Aaron is headed to do his weekend rounds, but relieved that his son is gainfully employed, he doesn’t mind giving him a ride to work. This morning, however, Aaron is slightly alarmed by his son’s tone.

“Because he’s a complete asshole, Dad!” Graham says of Hassan, the colleague whom he has been griping about for the entire drive.

Aaron keeps his eyes on the road, focusing on the passing oaks and sycamores planted along the median. “Then don’t engage with him.”

“He sits in the cubicle right beside mine! What am I supposed to do?”

“The higher road, Graham. How many times have we discussed this?”

“I never start it! But Hassan is so fucking passive-aggressive. Like yesterday, he says to me: ‘Oh, because you left early, I had to present the proposal on my own.’?”

“Did you leave early?”

“I’m a grown-ass man, Dad! I don’t clock in and clock out like some tollbooth attendant.”

Aaron suppresses a sigh. It’s as if his son goes out of his way to be self-defeating. But unlike Holly, Aaron doesn’t believe it’s because Graham has a personality disorder. He has had to live his whole life in his twin brother’s shadow. And what a shadow Nate casts. His teachers and coaches have always reached the same conclusion: Nate is exceptional. Consequently, Aaron has had to be more protective of Graham, who struggles with life as much as his twin brother breezes through it. How could it not affect Graham’s mood and temperament? Or contribute to his oppositional nature?

“So, Elaine Golding, huh?” Graham says out of the blue.

Aaron turns to him. “What about her?”

“She’s the one you two were talking about, right? On the speaker phone with you-know-who?”

Aaron tightens his grip on the steering wheel. “What does any of that have to do with Hassan?”

“Nothing. But I’m guessing she has a lot to do with Holly. I did a little online search. Elaine Golding—noted opioid activist—OD’d in Laguna on the same day as that patient you two were discussing. She had to be the one who was threatening to expose Holly, right?”

“This is none of your concern.”

“What are the chances they weren’t the same person?”

“What’s the matter with you?” Aaron snaps. “Don’t you understand that I can’t talk about this even if I wanted to? And trust me, I don’t.”

“God, you’re as touchy as she is about this.”

Aaron can feel his cheeks burning. “Don’t…”

“I didn’t ask to be pulled in on that phone call, did I, Dad? But now I’m pretty freakin’ curious.”

“Let it go, Graham.”

“You got to admit, Dad. It’s kind of convenient. This woman is threatening to destroy Holly’s career with some bombshell… and then poof.” He snaps his fingers. “She ODs before she can reveal anything?”

“Leave it the fuck alone!” Aaron yells.

The shout startles Graham into silence. Aaron rarely raises his voice, and he can’t remember the last time he dropped an F-bomb, let alone in front of his son. But it’s a nerve Graham should have known better than to touch.

After dropping Graham off without so much as a look or a word exchanged between them, Aaron has to focus on his breathing to settle his raging emotions. Even before his son decided to meddle in Holly’s business, Aaron had been obsessing over his wife’s recent lack of responsiveness. After she slept over, he had begun to think they might be back on the path toward reconciliation. But since then, she has avoided his calls and his texts, and he can feel his optimism seeping away.

The last thing Holly needs is Graham poking around Elaine’s death and escalating her distress. But Aaron is also painfully aware that Holly connects best to him when she’s at her most vulnerable. The more he calms, the more opportunity he recognizes in her predicament.

Rather than turn north along the Coastal Highway toward his office, Aaron instead heads south. Twenty minutes later, he pulls up to the familiar old rancher in Dana Point.

Aaron hasn’t shown up alone at Walter’s house in years, if ever. As soon as the old man sees him at the door, he demands, “Did something happen to Holly?”

“No, no.” Aaron waves off the idea. “I was just in the neighborhood. Thought I’d drop in.”

“Ah.” Walter eyes him skeptically. “Well, I was just brewing tea. Care for a cuppa, as the Brits say?”

“I’d love one, thanks.”

Aaron can’t help but notice the new hobble in Walter’s step, but the old man still moves at a good clip as he leads Aaron into the kitchen.

“In the neighborhood, were you?” Walter asks as he fills a second teacup from the kettle.

Aaron considers making up a cover story, but he suspects Walter would see straight through it. “I’m worried about your granddaughter,” he admits.

Walter passes him the cup with the teabag still in it and then sits down across from him at the table. “Worried about what, specifically?”

“After her client died…” Aaron holds up a hand. “She must’ve told you about that, right?”

Walter nods.

“It devastated her.”

“Wouldn’t any psychiatrist be devastated to lose a patient that way?”

“Of course. The guilt and self-recrimination, that’s to be expected. But there’s more to it.”

“Oh? What else?”

“It’s rocked her confidence, Walter. In a way that I’ve never seen in her before. Frankly, I think she’s a little lost.”

Walter sips his tea without commenting. Even at ninety, his silence is still intimidating. And few people intimidate Aaron.

Finally, the old man lowers his cup. “How does you coming here to see me help Holly?”

“Who’s more influential in your granddaughter’s life than you?”

“Not you?”

“Not at the moment, no.”

Walter nods. “Do you think that’s possibly related to how skeptical… how unsupportive… you’ve been of her work?”

Her work or yours?Aaron wants to ask. He has always believed that Holly’s relentless focus on psychedelics was driven by the legacy of her grandfather’s lifelong, and failed, ambition to establish them as a mental health cure-all. But Aaron also appreciates that it would be a mistake to antagonize the one person he needs as an ally. “You’re right,” he says. “I was blinded by my own bias. I should have been more supportive.”

“I’m sorry. My eyesight’s really failing me these days. For a while there, I mistook you for Aaron.”

Aaron laughs politely at the dig. “No, Walter, even I have to admit that Holly’s work has been groundbreaking. Particularly, in this group. Apparently, the remaining six members have shown a remarkable response. All of them sober. Like that rock star said: Holly’s method has worked where everything else failed.”

“That man should have kept his mouth shut.”

“I want to support her, Walter.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Is that all you want?”

Aaron hesitates. “Maybe not all. But right now, it’s my priority. It’s what Holly needs.”

“Hmm.”

“Help me help her, Walter.”

“And how do I do that?”

“Well, for the past two days, she hasn’t been taking my calls.”

“And you think I can change her mind?” Walter chuckles. “How well do you know my granddaughter?”

“Fair point.” Aaron smiles. “But if anyone could convince her to, it’s you.”

“I’ve always stayed out of your relationship. Even when I’ve had strong feelings on the matter.” Walter glances at him sidelong. “It’s not my place to intervene.”

Aaron realizes he has to play his trump card. “It’s not only about her feelings.”

Walter frowns. “It’s not?”

“Like it or not, that rock star has put Holly’s work in the limelight. If she loses faith and gives up now with so many people watching? Think how far that could set back the whole psychedelic movement.”

Walter’s blue eyes give away little, but Aaron senses that he has planted enough of a seed. He doesn’t try to expand on it. To do so would just be cruel. Besides, Walter can’t last forever. And once he is gone, Holly will need her husband more than ever.