Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Dean Aavik

After washing my hands, I left the little bathroom and found Gael missing from the living room. I didn’t see him in the kitchenette either.

“Where did the boy go?”

“Downstairs to get us more coffee.” Joshua stood by the window and peered down on the cobblestone street. “I should’ve gone down there with him.”

I sat down on the couch again and released a breath. I hadn’t been this full in ages—but I hadn’t been able to stop eating until I’d tried everything. Christ, those waffles had been amazing.

“Did you take your insulin?” he asked.

“Joshua.” I raised a brow at him. “Is there something you should tell me?” He’d done a complete 180 since we’d arrived.

He’d been so flirty at Macklin’s restaurant that I’d half anticipated, half dreaded a collision once we came here. I wasn’t sure I could resist Gael in the heat of the moment, but I was doing my best.

“Don’t tell me I’m fussing too much,” Joshua huffed.

“You’re fussing too much,” I told him. “I took my insulin before we ate, and Gael will be right back. What’s going on?”

He hadn’t spoken much while we’d eaten. Gael and I had dominated the conversation with naval history; he’d asked a million questions, and I hadn’t had the heart—or the desire—to slow him down.

Joshua sighed and dug something out from the back pocket of his jeans. A folded envelope. “This was in his mailbox.”

I furrowed my brow and accepted the letter. “You opened it?”

“Just read it.”

What on earth—why would he go through Gael’s mail?

I pulled out the piece of paper and unfolded it.

Do you miss me? I know you can’t stop thinking about me. I’m the best thing that ever happened to you.

That was all. No signature, just plenty of red flags. Who would write this garbage?

“There’s no stamp on the envelope,” Joshua said. “It was delivered to the mailbox downstairs.”

I was at a loss. What the fuck was happening?

“Tell me what I’m missing,” I demanded. “Who’s this from?” I held up the letter.

“Gael’s ex-boyfriend who’s stalked and harassed him for three years,” he answered. “It’s a long story, and I’ll tell you all about it. But first, do you have any plans for the night?”

I shook my head.

“Okay. I’ll go downstairs and propose a movie night at my place,” he said, walking toward the entryway. “I want him out of here—and I don’t want him alone for another second.”

“For chrissakes, is this a sick joke?” I rose from the couch.

“I wish it were, Dean.”

* * *

Half an hour later, my head was spinning to the point where I had a headache. Gael had returned upstairs, adorably excited about a movie night and sleepover at Joshua’s house, and while the boy had packed a bag and prepared food for his cat, I’d received a two-minute briefing downstairs from Joshua.

I was undoubtedly missing some details, but I knew the gist.

I ran a hand over my jaw and looked out the window as we crossed over to Arlington. Talk about change of plans. Not that I would’ve preferred an evening on my own, reading another book, watching another film, preparing for another class…but this was a bit much. Joshua’s attachment was clear as day, and I wasn’t sure that was wise, given the circumstances. This…Caleb guy, who’d turned Gael’s life upside down—the sweet boy had even felt forced to move across the country—belonged in prison.

I didn’t doubt Joshua’s capabilities for a second; he’d been a highly skilled detective working in homicide when we’d met, and I was glad he had retired because that field wore him down. I’d…kept track over the years, often inquiring about him—we did have many friends in common—but he didn’t have a police force behind him now. He was on his own. At most, he could make the same citizen’s arrest the rest of us could.

I’d heard through the grapevine that he occasionally accepted work from government agencies, and I was sure—as did many other private investigators in DC—he’d accumulated a network of connections in private security and the PMC field, all of which still lacked the support and authority from an actual police department.

Goddammit, I just didn’t enjoy worrying about people I cared for, and Joshua had essentially retired from one life-sucking career, only to dedicate the next chapter of his life to taking more risks.

“Oh—Sir, could you please stop at the gas station over there?” Gael asked. “I’d like to buy movie night snacks for us.”

I watched the boy in my sideview mirror, incredibly torn about the whole thing.

“Of course, little one.” Joshua took the next exit and dug out his wallet.

Little one.

Yes, Joshua was certainly attached. Actually, I wasn’t sure I’d seen him this way with a sub he barely knew. Despite the work he’d put in, observing Gael and such, they hadn’t spent much time together. You couldn’t get to know someone properly just by watching them interact online.

An annoying voice in the back of my mind wanted to call me out on my bullshit, but that was my own attraction speaking. And therein lay the difference. I was attracted. I was drawn to the boy I’d observed in class—and online. I sure wasn’t walking around calling him little one and sweetheart.

Once Joshua pulled into the gas station, and its 7-Eleven, he reached back and handed Gael a couple bills. “Get something for all of us.”

“I can pay—”

“Don’t argue with me on this one, querido. You’ve paid enough.” He was right about that one.

“Okay. Thank you, Sir. I’ll be right back!” Gael jumped out and hurried into the store.

I turned to Joshua.

He sighed. “All right, lemme have it.”

“You have to tell him,” I said. “I understand you want to protect him, but you don’t have the right to hide something like this from him, Joshua.”

He clenched his jaw and looked out the windshield, and he rested an arm across the wheel.

“Furthermore, I don’t think it’s wise you start something intimate with him during this,” I added.

“I know that much,” he muttered. “I’m not gonna instigate anything else. But I don’t want him to feel rejected either.”

“He won’t feel rejected if you sit him down and tell him exactly what’s going on,” I replied. “Just tell him you’re very much interested, but that kink and dates can wait till his piece-of-shit ex-boyfriend is back on the West Coast.”

I was all for Joshua securing evidence that Caleb was violating the restraining order—after which the rotten son of a bitch could be detained and taken back to the Bay Area. What I didn’t feel like witnessing was Joshua getting too attached to Gael all while he was trying to play superhero. It reeked of disaster in the making.

Joshua side-eyed me. “I shouldn’t have listened to you.”

“I don’t know that you actually are.”

He snorted softly and scrubbed a hand over his face.

I felt for him in that moment. He seemed…out of sorts.

“What is it with this boy?” I reached over and gave his neck a gentle squeeze. “Trust me when I say I see the appeal—he’s…incredibly sweet and beautiful—but this is unlike you.”

The Joshua I knew was… I didn’t want to use the word aloof, because he always had his heart on display. At the same time, he could be a tough nut to crack. He’d shared several kink dynamics with Littles and subs in which he’d been caring and loving without growing particularly attached to them. It’d been the same thing for both of us. Hell, it was why we’d used each other as a wailing wall so many times. There’d always been something missing in our partners, and after a few drinks, our late-night conversations had shifted. To the idea that, perhaps, we were the ones who lacked something.

“I don’t know what it is.” He shook his head and leaned back in his seat with another sigh, and I withdrew my hand. “I can’t explain it.” He tilted his head my way, visibly tired. “I reckon I was seeing the possibilities before I even met him properly, and then… I don’t know. We stood outside his work—I was telling him about Caleb, and he kept shivering from the cold, and I just—it tugged at something in me. I wanted to march him up the stairs and bury him in blankets.”

I smiled faintly.

I’ll be damned.

“You remind me of when Walker met Macklin,” I murmured. “He couldn’t describe it either.”

He chuckled under his breath and reached out, resting his hand on my leg. “I take it I can’t convince you to join us for playtime?”

Then there was that. Joshua had always gravitated toward group dynamics, triads and foursomes.

“I don’t think I’m delusional when I say he’s interested in both of us,” he said.

I’d only noticed Gael’s interest in Santiago.

“In other words, you weren’t listening to me at all earlier,” I responded dryly.

He grinned. “I mean later. I’ll talk to him tomorrow. I’ll tell him about the letter.”

Tomorrow and not tonight?

“Why are you stalling?” I had to know.

“Because I selfishly want one fucking night, okay? Us three, at my house—I wanna cook. He can choose the movie. We can talk and listen to music. I don’t know.”

Joshua was just as adorable as Gael, only in his own way.

“If we agree not to start anything tonight,” I said. “I would like to hold off till the end of the semester before I consider playing with Gael. What you two do in the meantime is your business.”

I assumed they would start a relationship. They could invite me as a play partner when Gael was no longer my student. I’d be happy to go to town on both of them. I’d been drawn to Joshua for as long as I’d known him, and Gael ticked too many boxes for me to count. And by admitting that, I was already backing down on my statement about me being too old for him. Which was still true, but if the boy wanted to play with me, I wasn’t going to be able to resist. I could only imagine how mouthwateringly sexy he was naked, all little and soft and needy and…fuck.

“I agree not to start anything tonight,” Joshua said with a firm nod.

“And the rest?”

“I don’t agree to that. I thought an esteemed professor like you could draw your own conclusions without my spelling shit out.”

I gave him the same look I offered to students when they brought terrible excuses instead of papers.

* * *

“You still crossed a line, pet,” I told Macklin. A harsh wind swept through the porch, and I zipped up my jacket some more. “What happened out in Mclean—I understand I worried you, and I’m very sorry, but it’s not a common occurrence. You’ve certainly never seen it before. I promise I’m careful. All right?”

Sometimes, the worst part about having diabetes was managing other people’s expectations, concerns, and fears. It had been the first time my glucose levels had dropped so far in years—and it’d been a damn fluke. A perfect storm of stress, missing my brother after we’d had a fight, and forgetting to eat. The aftermath was ten times more severe than the actual incident.

Macklin huffed on the other end. “Fine. I’ll lift the ban, I guess.”

“That’s mighty kind of you,” I drawled. “Can you put Walker on, please?”

“All right. Later, Sir.”

“Bye, troublemaker.” I glanced through the kitchen window as Gael joined Joshua there, having just changed into pajamas.

Joshua had promised not to take things further, yet the first thing he’d done when we’d arrived at his house was to encourage Gael to “put on PJs.” If that didn’t scream Daddy behavior, I didn’t know what did.

The boy was awfully precious in those pajamas, though. And I wasn’t even a Daddy Dom. I could shoulder the role for playtime, and I did enjoy the extra nurturing aspects, though that wasn’t only reserved for Daddies.

I missed having someone to take care of. Someone to both push hard and spoil rotten.

I’d had a brief relationship in San Francisco I’d initially thought would lead somewhere… Alas. It was extremely hard for me to form close connections outside family.

“Hey, you.” Speak of the devil…

Walker’s voice always worked. I was fairly close to all my foster brothers—so was Walker—but the two of us had something extra as the two eldest. He was equal parts my best support, a friend to lean on, and my six-years-younger, antagonizing kid brother.

“Hey, hothead,” I replied. “Did you give that boy of yours the green light to pull his stunt at the restaurant?”

He chuckled. “Nope, but I knew he was gonna do it. I told him he’d suffer your consequences.”

I smirked to myself. “You threatened him with a good time?”

“Well…”

Fuck. We had to get together soon, the three of us.

Then I lifted my gaze and peered into Joshua’s kitchen again, and I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to have us all together for a group-play scene at the house in Mclean.

“Where are you?” Walker asked. “It sounds like you’re standin’ in the middle of a field during a storm.”

Close enough. Joshua didn’t have many neighbors nearby, and fields were exactly what we were surrounded by.

“I’m actually at Joshua’s house,” I admitted.

“Who?”

I suppressed a sigh. “Santiago.”

“Oh yeah? Macklin was wonderin’ if y’all were gonna get together,” my brother answered through a yawn. “Maybe you actually try to get close to someone this time.”

It wasn’t a matter of trying. I’d always tried.

I watched Joshua and Gael laugh at something; Gael was trying to chop carrots as quickly as Joshua was chopping bell peppers.

I smiled.

“You wanna do lunch tomorrow?” Walker wondered. “Macklin’s ditching me to put together a wine tasting for a friend.”

“I’ll let you know when I get up tomorrow,” I said.

Walker laughed lazily. “You do that. Tell Santiago I said hello.”

“Will do.” I’d gotten the answers I wanted. Walker hadn’t precisely green-lit Macklin’s operation; instead, he’d given me permission to punish his husband as I saw fit. And I was thinking it’d been a while since I’d exercised my favorite paddle. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” I said, just as the vision of my paddle meeting Gael’s round little ass smacked me in the face.

Fucking hell.

He was my student.

I pocketed my phone and headed back inside to a house that needed some work. I happened to know Joshua had moved several months ago, so why he still had moving boxes littered about was beyond me. The furniture seemed to be in place. It was the rest that was missing. No personal belongings like pictures or books or art.

I shrugged out of my jacket and stepped out of my shoes, then veered left into the kitchen.

Joshua had put on music, and Gael was bobbing his head to the beat of something that sounded like Santana.

The kitchen was, as far as I could see, the only room in the house that had Joshua’s personality painted on the walls. At least, he was getting there. A few paintings were stacked on the kitchen table, the island had several clay pots in rich colors that were filled with whisks, ladles, and spatulas, and it was clear he’d let his mother pick the tiles for the backsplash. They ranged from blues to turquoises and blended in with the rustic green cupboards.

At the risk of fetishizing an entire continent, Joshua was indescribably sexy when he brought out the side of him he’d inherited from his mother. When he spoke Spanish, when he talked about cooking, when he described the importance of family and how he liked to unite his loved ones around a dinner table… That was the Joshua I’d gotten hooked on. The side he sadly only revealed after a few drinks. But maybe that was changing.

“Okay, I’m done!” Gael declared. “Is this okay, Sir?”

Joshua joined him and inspected the chopped carrots, and he pressed a kiss to the boy’s hair. “They’re perfect. Kinda like you.”

Oh, for heaven’s sake.

If this was Joshua standing down, I didn’t want to experience him at full steam ahead.

Gael snickered and blushed, shaking his head. “I’m far from perfect. You, on the other hand…”

I cleared my throat to alert them to my approach—and to break up the foreplay. “Third wheel reporting for kitchen duty. What can I do to help?”

Gael gasped. “You’re not a third wheel, Sir! Unless you mean on a car because they are essential.”

Joshua and I chuckled.

The boy was coming out of his shell, wasn’t he? It wasn’t until now that I noticed his dark blue pajamas were covered in little books falling from a night sky.

While I sat down on a stool across from them, Gael started tossing handfuls of chopped carrots into a big pot on the island, and Joshua added spices—curry, turmeric, and black pepper.

“What are you making?” I wondered. The island top had plenty of ingredients, from ginger and lemon to white cabbage and broccoli, all fresh and flawless, making me think he shopped at farmers markets rather than a grocery store.

“My comfort soup.” He sent me a quick grin before measuring a teaspoon of chili powder. “Did you work things out with Macklin?”

“It’s in the making, I guess you could say,” I answered. “Walker said I was free to punish the boy.”

“Nice. He’s fun to play with.”

He was certainly something.

Gael scrunched his nose. “Has everyone in Mclean played with Macklin?”

I rumbled a laugh.

Joshua was just as amused. “Probably even more outside the community.”

No doubt.

“Macklin and Walker recently ended a four-year break from each other because they were fools,” I explained. “Walker buried himself in work and a few subs, and Macklin searched all over DC for someone who could never measure up.”

I’d watched their marriage fall apart from afar, and it’d been a horrible experience, especially when they’d refused to listen. But thankfully, it was over now. They were back together, where they belonged, as my next-door neighbors who were happily in love.

“Macklin was my first crush when I joined,” Gael confessed, nibbling on a piece of carrot. “When I heard about the orgies he used to host, it was like a whole new universe opening up to me.”

I grinned faintly. “Is that something you’re interested in?”

He flushed. “Yeah.”

Joshua was observing him and trying to be subtle about it. “What else are you interested in?”

Gael’s general discomfort and awkwardness returned slowly, causing him to fidget and bite his nails, and he struggled to fix his gaze somewhere.

“What most people want, I guess.” He shrugged slightly and busied himself by wiping down his cutting board. “I’d like to meet someone who doesn’t try to change me by being a bully.”

Hell. That one came straight from his past. In a quick second, he looked up and met my gaze, and his pale blue eyes were filled with so much trepidation that it felt like a kick to my stomach. That piece-of-shit ex had done this to him. Seeing all his insecurities and fears brought forth a razor-sharp bolt of rage within me, and in that very moment, I understood why Joshua was so invested.

Joshua picked up his phone and turned off the music, then closed the distance between himself and Gael and cupped the boy’s face in his hands.

“He’s never going to hurt you again—you hear me? And I know at least one man who’d love to remind you however many times it takes that you’re so fucking special.”

It suddenly felt like I was intruding on their slow dance of getting closer to each other, and I averted my gaze. A heavy unease settled in my gut, and it wasn’t the first time. It happened whenever I watched someone close to me finally find their way.

“I do feel better these days, I promise,” Gael mumbled. “I just struggle with—like, being unsure if I’m welcome and stuff. If I’m enough the way I am.”

“The way you are?” Joshua murmured. “You mean smart, funny, handsome, adorable as fuck, and sweeter than sugar?”

But despite the envy that tightened its fist around my chest, it was impossible not to smile to myself. Joshua and Gael deserved all the happiness, and I was sure they’d be good together.

Christ, I shouldn’t be here. If it weren’t for me, they’d be making out on the couch by now.

Gael let out a nervous snickering sound, and I’d had it. I truly was the third wheel here, so it was time for me to call a cab.

I cleared my throat and slid off the stool—

“You can sit right back down, Dean.”

My stare snapped to Joshua, only he was still watching Gael.

“Here’s the thing, pet.” He spoke to Gael now too, and he withdrew his hands. “Dean’s about to do something stupid, so I have no choice but to say this now. I want the three of us to have fun together—”

“Joshua,” I warned, getting heated in an instant. “This isn’t the time.”

“Don’t fucking Joshua me,” he told me, then turned back to a visibly bewildered Gael. “Is this something you’re interested in?”

“Y-yes, very much, but he’s protesting.” Gael pointed to me. “Maybe we should hear him out? I don’t want to m-make anyone uncomfortable.”

“It’s not about discomfort,” I had to say. “Or interest, for that matter. It’s my position as your professor. I won’t get involved in anything while you’re in my class. It’s not right, dear. I hope you understand.”

He flicked a glance my way and bit at his lip. He was so clearly out of his comfort zone that I felt bad for him.

“I do, and I happen to agree,” he said quietly. “When Macklin suggested the class, I never thought in a million years that…you know.”

That, what? I’d be interested?

I furrowed my brow, wondering just how low his self-esteem was. “Well, you were wrong—and Macklin’s suggestion was crazy from the start.” If Macklin wanted Gael and me together in some way, he should’ve introduced us at an event. This wasn’t some fantasy; it was my career and my work ethic. Exploring kink with Gael would put us both in a vulnerable position where so much could go wrong. I faced Joshua, determined. “I’m going home.” Where I could hate my goddamn morals. “You two should enjoy your evening and start things at your own pace. Perhaps you have something to discuss first.” I gave him a pointed look. “Then we can revisit playtime when the semester is over. In the meantime, we’ll see each other in Mclean and at munches.”

Joshua wasn’t happy, and neither was I, but this was how it was going to be.