Reliving the Past

Reliving the Past

Arabella

TODAY IS SUNNY with the slightest chill in the air as I sit outside in the back courtyard on campus. It could definitely be worse as I sit under the shade of a tree and eat my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It's not much, but it will hold me over until I get home and can try to find something more substantial to eat. If Mrs. Andrews lets me go home today. I'm not sure considering she doesn't want Vinnie and me at the house with that asshole still being there. My mother didn't kick him out or anything after he beat the hell out of me and attempted to take something that doesn't belong to him. I will never give my body to anyone like that man. He only cares about his wants and needs, forcing those around him to give up what they don't want to because he's an asshole. So, Mrs. Andrews has been keeping us at her house to ensure I'm not beaten again. Or worse. Just one more reason why I'll always do what I can to help and protect the woman who is one of my only friends. She's taking care of us when she doesn't have to.

After my mother was hurt by the man who beat me, I thought she might kick him out. Sometimes she does that. Not because he put his hands on me, but because he hurt her. When it comes to me, it's clear as day that my mother couldn't care less what happens. She could probably walk in on someone straight up violating me and not do anything about it. I mean, it hasn't happened yet, but I'm still at the house with her so it's always a possibility. My mother is one of the most selfish people I've ever met and I hate knowing that my dad is the one who was taken from me when it should've been her. Yes, I hate having this thought in my head, but after everything she's done to me over the years, I really don't care anymore.

If my dad were still alive, he'd make sure I'm safe and feel the love he has for me every single day. I don't see him as a weak person who would let his feelings change how he treats me. I mean, he sure as hell wouldn't have turned to drugs, alcohol, and a revolving door of others coming in our house if something had happened to my mom. Yes, he would've mourned her, but then he'd make sure I was taken care of and treated like the princess he always told me I was. I miss my dad so much and there's no way I can bring him back. I've long since stopped talking to him and unloading all of my problems to the man I love the most in the world. He can't help me any longer. Now, I keep everything bottled up inside and carry it close to my heart. The weight of the world rests on my shoulders and I carry the burden on a daily basis. It's become second nature to make sure that it doesn't touch my baby brother and that I'm the only one who has this shit to deal with.

Brock found me today because he's the only person on campus who knows where I hide out when I don't want to be found and have time between classes. He went to get his own lunch before he comes back to join me. I don't know why he insists on staying at my side when I'm at school. He could be partying and hanging out with all the popular kids. Instead, he chooses to associate with a nobody like me who no one likes and makes fun of. I honestly don't know what the hell I'm going to do if he ever decides I'm not worthy of his time. It's going to happen eventually, I just don't know when. Everyone always leaves me when they realize I'm not worth their time and attention. It's happened my entire life and Brock would just be one more person in the long line of people who abandon me.

"Arabella, what's got you thinkin' so hard?" Brock asks, breaking me out of the thoughts spiraling around in my head.

"I'm sorry. Did you say something?" I ask him, not wanting to talk about the shit I was just thinking.

"I've been here for a few minutes, tryin' to get your attention and you just zoned out," he tells me, his voice washing over me like a warm shield as I look up at him.

"I'm sorry. I just got lost in my head today. It's been a while since I've let myself do that," I tell him honestly as I take the last bite of my sandwich before brushing the crumbs from my legs and hands.

"What are you thinkin' about, Arabella?" he questions me, moving closer to me so I don't have to talk louder than I want to.

"My dad. He was my best friend when I was little. We did everything together. He took me to my grandparents, to parties, out to the movies. Anything I wanted to do, my dad was always ready to jump on board and just let me do it. As long as it wasn't anything that could hurt me. Every single day he made me feel like a princess and told me how special I was. That I had the biggest heart he'd ever seen in someone and to never lose that. While my mother was always around, she really didn't have anything to do with me. She was just kind of there in the background. Her entire focus was on my dad. Unless we were at my grandparents' house. That's the one place she refused to go with us.

"When I was young, my dad was killed in an accident at work. It was the day of my tenth birthday. At that point, I thought I had everything in the world a girl could ever want. My dad as my best friend, grandparents who loved me, and the most amazing best friends a girl could have. Fallon, Dash, Dante, Braxtyn, and Kash were the best friends I'd ever had in my life. They protected me, let me go on adventures with them, we hung out and talked about everything. Each of them are so different from one another and they all let this nine-year-old little girl in their lives and made me feel so special on a daily basis. It was always us against the world. That all changed in the blink of an eye.

"The day I lost my dad, I lost everything. The boys I thought would always be there for me stopped talking to me and forgot I existed. Everyone in town turned their back on me and my mother. She moved us out of the only home I'd ever known and we moved to the poor section of High Point. That's where we've lived since that day. She doesn't work or take care of my baby brother. Everything I do is to make sure my brother is taken care of, safe, and that no evil touches him. For the last almost nine years I've wished and prayed for my dad to come back to me. To wake up from this nightmare I reside in. It doesn't ever happen, but that's my dream. To find out why the world had to take the best man away from me. To leave me so alone and unprotected," I answer him honestly as I try to discreetly wipe the tears from my eyes while they roll down my cheeks and fall to my legs.

"I'm so sorry, Arabella. I wish I could take that pain from you. To make you see that you didn't do anythin' wrong and don't deserve what's bein' done to you. I don't know why Fallon and the rest of the guys turned their backs on you, but they obviously don't see how amazin' you truly are. I've never met anyone in my life like you, Arabella. You're so fuckin' strong, sweet, lovin', and have the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met. You don't see that, but one day I know you'll find the love of your life and they'll make sure you never doubt that shit again," Brock states, wrapping an arm around my shoulders in comfort. "I want to beat the shit out of them for bein' so fuckin' blind and stupid. Everyone in this fucked-up town don't deserve to have you anywhere near them. Fuck! This breaks my heart for you."

"No, I won't. My only goal is to get my degree and find a job as far away from High Point as I can get. To give my brother the life he deserves so he doesn't have to be so scared every single day of his life. I've been scared every day for the last nine years and it's the most horrible feeling in the world. If I can take that from him, I will," I tell my friend as he continues to eat his lunch one handed while still keeping his arm around my shoulders. "I can't believe I just told you all of that. I'm sorry."

"You've got nothin' to be sorry for, Arabella. I'm glad that you're finally startin' to open up to me. I'm not goin' anywhere. I'm in this for the rest of our lives. You're my best friend and I can promise you that I'll never turn my back on you, share your secrets, or hurt you intentionally. With that bein' said, I have to tell you that Fallon and the guys are lookin' for you. I don't know what's goin' on, but they're desperate in their need to have a talk with you. They've been all over campus lookin' for you. I even caught Dante waitin' outside of your class when I went lookin' for you. Fallon's been sittin' in the library every day to see you. They've been talkin' quietly in the locker room and at practice too. Well, Fallon, Dash, and Braxtyn have been. You need to be prepared for them to find you," Brock says as I snap my head up to look at him instead of the ground we're sitting on.

"I don't want to talk to them, Brock. If they have something to say to me, it's not going to be good. Those boys are so horrible now. They might not actually hurt or bully me, but they sure as hell don't stop it either. They've proven to me over the years that I can't trust them and there's no way I want them to get close enough to have a conversation with them," I say, panic beginning to fill me with the thought of opening that door with the guys again. I can't be sucked in by them again. It still hurts too much to know I'm so disposable by the five of them.

"You don't have to do anythin' you don't wanna do, Arabella. If you don't want to talk to them, don't. No one says you have to know what they have to say. You don't have to be around them for any reason. They're older than us and it's easy for you to avoid them when you don't have any of the same classes and don't spend time on campus longer than you have to," Brock says as he finishes his lunch and sets the tray aside. "I'll be with you as often as I can. When I see them at practice today, I'll make sure they know to leave you alone. That you don't want to have anythin' to do with them."

"You don't have to do that, Brock. They're not good guys. If anything, you should be trying to stay on their good side. I mean, you play football with three of them so there has to be some kind of relationship there. They have to trust you on the field and you have to trust them. Don't let me take that from you. I'll just keep avoiding them and stay away from campus as much as I can. They won't ever catch me alone," I promise myself and Brock as we stop talking and just sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes.

"Let's get out of here. I don't see those guys not searchin' campus for you," Brock finally says. "If you want to keep your private spots for just the two of us, then we can't let them find us here."

"Okay. I have to get to class anyway. It's my favorite one even if Karmen's in it," I tell him, a grimace on my face as we both stand and I put the baggie my sandwich was in on his tray to be thrown out with his stuff.

Brock and I make our way to my psychology class. On the way there, we duck and hide when we spot Fallon and Kash looking around as they walk slowly through the campus. To anyone else it would appear as if they're simply strolling through the grounds having a conversation. I know that they're trying to discover where I've been hiding out so no one finds me when I'm not in class or the library. At one point, as Brock and I round the corner of a building, I feel my eyes connect with Kash's. He stares in our direction as I continue to look at him for a brief moment. Kash doesn't say anything to Fallon since they continue walking the same path they were on. Relief floods me for a second before Brock grabs my hand and pulls me behind the building with him.

"Don't stop movin'," he whispers as we keep moving toward the building I need for class. "Fallon isn't gonna stop until he gets you to listen to what they have to say. I don't know what this is about, Arabella, but I'll do my best to find out what's goin' on for you. Oh, and I got you somethin'."

As we finally get to the building my psychology class is in, Brock digs around in his bag until he pulls out a cell phone. He holds it out for me to take and I simply shake my head no while backing away from him.

"I can't take that, Brock. I don't have money for a phone," I tell him, my hands starting to shake with the thought of owing anyone money or favors.

"Yeah, you can. It doesn't have a plan or anythin'. This is one of those prepaid phones where you put minutes on it when you need them. Yeah, I made sure there's minutes on it now. You can text and call if you need to. I can't protect you if there's no way for you to get ahold of me. Please, take the phone so I know that you'll have a way to get help if you ever need it," Brock says, his voice showing the fear he feels for my safety. "My number is the only one in there. If you want to keep it that way, it's fine with me. You don't even have to use it if it's not an emergency."

Brock might have gotten a small piece of my history, but he doesn't know that even with this phone, no one will come help me. Emergency services don't ever come to the poor section of High Point because we're so beneath everyone here. We're the ones who are disposable. If one of us dies, then we had it coming for one reason or another. Our lives don't have any value other than staying where we are to ensure the drug market thrives and the gangs have somewhere to hang out that's not outside of our prison.

"Thank you, Brock. I'll use this wisely and not waste the minutes or anything," I tell him, ducking my head as my body slams into something hard and unmoving in front of the steps of the building I need to enter.

Strong hands grip my arms as I start falling to my ass. In seconds, I'm still standing on my feet and there's a warmth I've never felt coming from in front of me and at my back. My head snaps up to find Dante holding me carefully. His hands aren't gripping my arms hard at all. It's just hard enough so I don't get away from him. I watch as he puts his phone to his ear.

"I've got her. We're out front of the psych buildin'. Brock's with her," Dante says, and I know my time has run out. He's talking to Fallon or one of the other guys.

Keeping my head held high as Dante ends the call and shoves his phone back in his pocket, I don't look away from him knowing Brock won't let him hurt me. Dante and I simply stare at one another for a minute without words being exchanged. There's something I don't recognize hidden in the depths of his eyes. Almost a look of longing that I used to see when we were younger.

"Sunshine, we've been lookin' for you," Dante says, his voice low and gentle as if I'll be spooked and run away like a skittish animal.

"I've heard. There's nothing we have to say to one another, Dante. Please, let me go," I whisper, barely finding my voice as he continues to stare at me.

When Dante doesn't let me go, Brock carefully pulls me out of his grasp.

"Go to class, Arabella. You don't have to talk to any of them if you don't want to," Brock assures me as I look up at him to see him glaring at Dante over my head.

Without another word, I make my escape and head inside and straight to the lecture hall my class is in. Before the doors close behind me, I hear Brock and Dante yelling at one another. I'm not about to get in between the two of them. Both of them are big, strong guys and they would crush me without even trying. I'm not saying they'd purposely beat me or physically hurt me, but they sure as hell wouldn't be careful enough to miss me if I were to get in between them to make them stop fighting. Going in the lecture hall, I take my seat knowing I'm the first one here as usual. I pull out what I need for class and attempt to forget what's going on outside. It's none of my business and I have no interest in anything Dante and the rest of the guys are involved in. At least that's what I tell myself as I try to take some calming breaths.