Tutoring

Tutoring

Arabella

MY LAST CLASS of the day is one I enjoy thoroughly. I'm taking a psychology class and find it fascinating. There was one in high school that I enjoyed, but it was the very basics in the field. I like my professor and the patience he shows when people ask questions. Hell, he encourages us to ask questions because it engages our mind in what we're learning. There has been more than one debate about certain topics already in class and we're only two weeks into the semester. I haven't participated in the debates because Karmen is in my class and I know she'll go against anything I have to say. There's no point in drawing more attention to myself whenever she's around.

Now, I'm heading to the library to see if anyone would like my help with tutoring. So far, Brock is the only one who's taken me up on my available time to help him. Everyone else is making it harder for the other two or three people offering tutoring services by not coming to me. They've actually started turning people away and those students still aren't coming to me. Honestly, I don't really care. It gives me more time to work and be home with my brother. However, I have gotten a planner specifically for tutoring so I can block out times and make sure nothing cuts into my classes or work schedule. I'm not about to lose out on money to tutor people who more than likely won't bother paying attention anyway. Or bother sending the payment through to me. Yeah, I've heard that shit happens more often than not because there's other things they'd rather use the money for.

The only offers I've gotten for tutoring besides Brock are those who feel I should complete their work for them. That's not something I'll ever do. It's cheating and unethical. If someone wants help and to actually learn stuff in one of their classes, that's one thing. But to have to add someone else's workload to mine isn't something I'm willing to do. If the other tutors do, that's their burden to bear. Not anything I'm interested in getting paid to do. One of the guys wanted to pay me five dollars to write a five page paper for him. That wouldn't even be worth my time between the research, writing, and making sure it wouldn't be something that sounded like I wrote it. Some of these kids are so damn entitled and feel as if everyone ‘below' them should be bowing at their feet and doing as they bid.

Going from my last class today to the library, I have no choice but to walk through the quad. It's the very center of campus. I'd love to sit there between classes and read or study, but I won't ever be caught in the quad. There are too many people there and I prefer to be alone. Less eyes and no one around to torment me. So, I've found other places to sit and enjoy the sun when it's nice out. If it looks like it will rain or is too cold, I head for the library. The same thing I do when I have a chance to eat. Since I don't have money, there's no point in going into the dining hall for any reason. I try to bring my lunch every day I have classes. It's usually something simple like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Typically it's the only thing I have and it gives me something to eat until I can get home or eat again in a day or two.

Just before I get to the quad, which I've discovered is where everyone tends to hang out, I realize Fallon, Kash, Dante, Dash, and Braxtyn are sitting at the large fountain. It's not the first time I've seen them holding court there, but today isn't a day I want to run into them. Not after the interlude I had with Karmen and Collette. Karmen is there, hanging all over Fallon as usual. Collette is also there. She's trying to get all up in Dash's business. There's a girl sitting on Dante's lap, whispering in his ear as he closes his eyes in response. Braxtyn is talking to a few girls. Kash seems to be the odd man out. He's sitting alone with his tablet in his lap. There aren't any girls hanging all over him, he's not paying attention to anyone around him, and whatever he's looking at has his complete attention.

My heart breaks as I look at the guys. They're living their lives to the fullest. Happy, laughing, doing what they want without a care in the world. Breaking my heart ten years ago hasn't impacted a single one of them. I'm the only one who's completely alone in the world. The one who went from having five best friends to absolutely no one in my life besides my baby brother and elderly neighbor. There aren't any friends hanging out with me, walking with me from one class to the next or meeting between two of them. My life is either boring or filled with nothing more than abuse. It seems to come at me from all angles and I have nothing to laugh or be happy about. Why do they get to have the time of their lives and be happy?

Not being able to handle watching the guys hold court and everything, I lower my eyes so I'm looking at the ground in front of me. It's not exactly something I should be doing with them, Karmen, and Collette around, but I don't want to be caught looking at them. I'll never let them see how damaged I am if I can help it. My steps quicken as I try to hurry past the group without being noticed. I don't let the laughter from everyone or the broken parts of their conversations penetrate the walls I'm trying to build up around me.

"Look guys, it's your stalker!" Karmen calls out. "I don't know why that piece of shit can't stay away from you. Or me. It's like she wants to have her ass punished and beaten on a daily basis. She just can't help but be drawn to men who don't want her."

Everyone starts laughing. I can even hear the deep laughter of the guys' mixed in with the girls. Tears fill my eyes as I fight to contain them. No one here deserves to see any type of reaction or emotion from me.

"Don't have anything to say, trash?" another female calls out.

If I were a betting person, I'd have to say it's Collette. She's just as bitchy as Karmen. It's hard to believe we share the same bloodline.

I keep my head down and walk even faster to get away from everyone. I don't know if it's because she's with Fallon or what, but Karmen doesn't attempt to stop me from leaving. She just runs her mouth calling me names, talking about me stalking them all, and taking bets as to how long it will be before I try to get with one of the guys. Again.

I've never tried to get with any guy. They aren't worth my time and there's no one in High Point I'd give myself to. My end game is to get the fuck out of this hellhole and make a life for Vinnie and myself. I want to find someone who won't hold my past against me, put me down, bully me, and understand that I'll do whatever I have to in order to raise my brother and keep him away from my mother. No one in High Point will ever fit that description. Everyone here is only out for themself and don't give a fuck about anyone else. That's been proven repeatedly over the years.

I finally get far enough away from the group that I can no longer hear the insults against me. These people know absolutely nothing about me. Yet, they feel the need to belittle me and make me feel horrible about myself as often as they can. Despite not being able to hear the group, there's a growing sensation of someone watching me. Their gaze burns into my back to the point I almost want to turn around and see who it is. However, that will only add fuel to the fire and ensure more shit is said about me. It will add to the fact that I'm supposedly stalking them.

Walking inside the library, I take a seat at a table not far from the main entrance. It's where I usually sit when I'm not working with Brock. If I'm here with him, we're usually in one of the study rooms with the door closed so we can get through our work. It keeps the noise out and no one can see inside. Brock usually tapes paper over the window so no one knows who's in the room.

Pulling out my books, I get to work on my homework for next week. I've gotten ahead in my reading already and have done most of the homework a week in advance so I don't ever get behind. Most of my papers for the year have also been started. The great thing about the syllabus here is we know all papers, projects, and homework assignments from day one. The professors have included everything in the syllabus so I can get ahead. If there's a change to anything, I'll deal with it as it comes up.

"Excuse me," a guy says as I work on my math homework. "Are you available to tutor?"

Looking up, I find a guy standing at the end of my table. He's got brown, tousled hair, black rimmed glasses on, and is wearing fancier clothes than I've seen on most people here. The guy has a smile on his face as he waits for me to answer him.

"Um, yes. I'm available for tutoring. What do you need help with?" I ask him. "By the way, I'm Arabella."

"Hi Arabella. I'm Danny. I need help in math. I just can't seem to work with numbers. It's the only class I've ever had problems with. For some reason, the numbers just don't seem to make sense to me," he says, introducing himself and giving me a bit of information I'll need to help him the best.

"I can certainly help you. Are you sure you want to work with me?" I question, not wanting to get my hopes up that Danny isn't playing some sort of joke on me because of Karmen and her friends.

"Why wouldn't I want to work with you? Dean Maddison told me you'd be my best chance at catching up and figuring out how I can pass math. I'm not asking you to do the work for me or anything. Just any tips or tricks you can think of to help it make sense to me," Danny says, still standing in front of me.

"I can help you out. Do you have some work with you today?" I ask Danny, not sure if he's prepared to start tutoring today or not.

"I do. I didn't want to come here and waste your time," he answers, looking at the ground instead of me.

I stand up and gather my stuff before heading into the same room I use when I'm working with Brock. Shutting the door behind Danny, we take seats next to one another. Danny pulls out his work and I take a minute to figure out what his class is working on. He's not as far as Brock's class and that's perfectly okay. Not every class is going to be in the same spot with classwork and not every person is going to be where they need to be in class. It's my job to work with Danny and figure out what the best solution for him is. What works with Brock won't necessarily work with Danny.

"Why don't you work through the first problem you have for homework so I can get a sense of where you are and what I need to do to help you," I tell Danny as he takes a deep breath and pulls out his notebook.

While he's working through the first problem, I pull out my planner so I can figure out when I can meet up with Danny without getting in the way of everything else I have going on. When Danny's done with the problem, I look over his work and immediately find the problem. He knows how to do the work. It's inputting the numbers into the equation he doesn't understand.

I pull Danny's textbook closer and read the problem to him out loud. Taking a separate piece of paper, I write down the correct equation. Danny watches me like a hawk as I explain the steps and why I'm putting the numbers where I am. For a minute he simply looks at me before nodding his head in my direction. Taking his notebook, Danny works on the second problem. This time he manages to put every number where it goes with the exception of two. After I explain why they need to be switched up, he works through the problem.

The rest of the afternoon goes much the same. I look over each of his math problems and point out any problems before he solves them. By the time we're done, Danny looks more relaxed than when he first walked up to me. There's just one more thing we have to go over.

"I'm currently only working with one other student. I work and have responsibilities at home, so I'm not on campus when I'm not in class or tutoring. These are the days and times I can work with you. Do any of them work?" I ask, sliding my planner close to Danny so he can see what I'm talking about.

"Both of those days work for me. I'm not taking a full course load so I can get caught up on math. Next semester I won't be able to say the same though. My family expects me to be taking the maximum credits each semester and aren't happy with me right now," Danny informs me, a sad smile on his face.

"I'm sorry. I know how it is to be a disappointment to your family. Hell, I'm the town piranha. That's why I asked if you really wanted to work with me. Everyone hates me and no one wants to work with me," I state honestly as a knock sounds on the door. "I'll mark you in my calendar and see you here again in a few days. If you see me around campus and have any questions, just let me know. Most days I do sit here in the library for a while to see if anyone needs help."

Gathering his things, Danny gives me a nod and disappears. Brock enters the room even though we don't have a tutoring session today.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him as he takes Danny's vacated seat.

"I heard Karmen was a bitch to you today. Called you out for stalkin' someone when you walked through the quad on your way here. Are you okay?" he asks me, his voice full of concern.

"I'm okay. It was just Karmen being her usual bitchy self. If I got upset every time she did something to me, I'd be a fucking wreck. No one is gonna take my college education away from me for any reason," I state, holding my head high while looking at him.

"Okay. If you need me to defend you, you know I got your back."

"I know. That's gonna do nothing more than paint a target on your back, Brock. It's already bad enough you work with me for tutoring. If you want to get in with Fallon and the guys, the less time you spend with me will be better in the long run," I tell him simply, knowing Fallon and the rest of the guys rule here just like they did in high school.

"I don't give a fuck about Fallon, Karmen, or anyone else. I'm here with you because I consider you a friend and you check on your friends when they have somethin' goin' on in their lives. If Fallon wants to leave me alone because I'm friends with you, that's his choice. Personally, I believe he's missin' out on a great person and it's his loss. Karmen is just a bitch because you threaten her. She knows you're smarter, prettier, and better than she is in every way. Girls like her don't know how to compete with shit like that. The same for all of her little followers," Brock says, making me blush at his compliments. "One of these days you'll trust me enough to give me all of your secrets. Until then, just know I'm here for you and I've always got your back. I don't care who I gotta go up against."

"Thank you, Brock. Now, I gotta get home. I've got an hour home before needing to get to work. Just enough time to do what I gotta do," I say, knowing it's gonna be a cold walk home as the sun has been hidden behind clouds all day long.

"I'll walk you to the gates. I don't get why you won't ever let me give you a ride, Arabella," Brock says, his frustration filling his voice.

"Maybe one day I will."

The truth is, I don't want anyone to see where I live. See how rundown the house I live in is and the potential of my mother starting her shit before they can leave. My life is my own and if I don't want anyone to know what I deal with outside of school. It's my secret and burden to bear because it's the only way I know how to make it through each day.

We walk across campus in silence. Fallon and the guys are no longer holding court on the quad. I'm guessing they're all at their various practices or doing whatever, or whoever, it is they do. None of them are in my life any longer and it doesn't matter what they do or who they hang out with. At least that's what I try to tell myself. My reality is that I miss them more than I'll ever be able to put in words. We might not have spent a ton of time together, but for a little while, they were my entire world. Now, I'm not even a blip on their radar and I have no clue why.