Chapter 37

thirty-seven

ALEX

The curtain around my bed opened. I looked up, expecting to see a nurse with another tray of drugs. But it wasn’t a nurse. It was someone I hadn’t stopped thinking about. Dylan. I studied his pale face, the uncertainty in his eyes. “It’s okay. I’m still alive.”

He didn’t smile. “I was worried about you.”

A tightness filled my throat. No one had worried about me in so long that I didn’t know what to say.

Dylan slowly walked toward my bed. “The doctor said you’ll make a full recovery.”

I took a deep breath. If I didn’t say something, he’d think the bullet affected my brain. “I hope so. I can still wiggle my fingers.”

Dylan’s gaze swept across my body. Three pillows supported my bandaged arm. I moved my fingers and his eyes filled with tears.

I wanted to reach out, pull him close, lean on his strength while both of us came to terms with what happened. But I didn’t. Couldn’t. “Did Jeremy come with you? ”

He nodded. “He’ll be here soon. He’s letting our boss know you’re okay.”

“I need to call Eric, too. I don’t know whether he’s been trying to contact me.”

“Would you like me to call him?”

“I’ll do it later.” Tears filled my eyes. I wiped my hand across my face, struggling to control the emotions crashing inside me.

Dylan moved closer. “Would you like a hug?”

I barely managed a nod before he wrapped his arms around me. I buried my face in his neck, holding him tight with one arm as the stress and worry of what happened hit me.

“Everything will be all right,” Dylan whispered.

I took a deep breath and focused on the warmth of his hands as he gently rubbed the back of my neck, the shape of his body as he leaned against me. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

He kissed the side of my face. “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re in shock and you’ve just had surgery. It’s going to be all right.”

I’d always prided myself on being level-headed—the person who never panicked or became emotional. But after I was shot, something inside of me snapped.

“What are you thinking about?” Dylan’s softly spoken words brought more tears to my eyes.

“When I woke up in the hospital, I realized that everything I thought was important meant nothing. I’ve worked long hours, spent more time networking than making friends. I’ve deliberately push people away, so I don’t have to choose between work and them. If I’d died, it would have been like I’d never existed.”

Dylan rubbed my uninjured arm. “Plenty of people would have missed you, including me. But you aren’t going to die.”

I took a deep, shuddering breath. “I don’t want the rest of my life to be a repeat of what I’ve already done. I want more.”

Dylan touched the side of my face. “That’s the amazing thing about your life. You can have more. All you need to do is work out what you want.”

“What if I don’t know what I want?”

“Then you rely on what feels right.”

I held his hand. “This feels right.”

Dylan squeezed my fingers and sighed. “One day it’ll feel even better. But not yet. I care about you, Alex. But I’m here to protect you. If I let my emotions?—”

I pulled him close, kissing him with a hunger that left me breathless. Dylan’s mouth opened and he moved closer, teasing me with the taste and feel of his body, the promise of everything to come. I wanted this, needed to be close to the only man who’d ever seen the real me. He was my anchor in a stormy sea, the reason I wanted to live.

I lifted my arms to pull him closer and groaned.

Dylan jumped off the bed. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine. I moved my arm, that’s all.”

“You could have torn the stitches.” Dylan looked at the bandage and sighed. “I’m sorry.”

The regret in his eyes made me feel terrible. “It’s not your fault. I’m the one who kissed you.”

He bit his bottom lip. “It was a good kiss.”

My shoulders relaxed. We were okay. Dylan wouldn’t walk out, blame me for stepping over the line he’d drawn around our relationship. “Only good? What about great, amazing, or even awesome? ”

“If that makes you feel better, then okay. Our kiss was awesome.”

“You could at least say it like you mean it.”

His smile melted my heart. “It was the most awesome kiss ever. Was that better?”

I reached out and held his hand. “Much better. I know you have to be here because of work, but thank you. It means a lot.”

“You’re welcome, but you thanked me too soon. The nurse gave me strict instructions to only stay for ten minutes.”

“I thought you were a rule breaker.”

“I’ve done enough of that today. You need to rest.”

The curtain opened and Jeremy moved closer to the bed. “You look better than when I last saw you.”

I lowered my head onto the pillows. “I hope so. Thanks for everything you’ve done.”

“You’re welcome, but I only followed Dylan’s instructions.”

Dylan smiled. “Don’t believe him. Jeremy was fantastic.”

The warmth in his eyes made my breath catch. I didn’t want him to leave.

Dylan held onto my hand. “You’ll be all right. Jeremy will stay with you tonight, then I’ll take over bodyguard duties in the morning.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded. “What happened after I passed out?”

“Not a lot until the helicopter arrived. Liam and Jeremy found the shooter, but the FBI thinks more than one person was looking for you. The special agents searched as much of the property as they could before it got too dark. They’ll resume their search in the morning. ”

“Where’s the shooter now?”

Jeremy leaned against the metal bar at the end of the bed. “He’s in the county jail in Boulder. Tomorrow, he’ll be transferred to Washington, D.C.”

Dylan rubbed my uninjured arm. “I really need to leave. You look exhausted.”

I swallowed my disappointment. “What time will you be back?”

“I’ll be here by eight o’clock tomorrow morning. Try and get some sleep.”

“I will.”

Jeremy moved away from the bed. “I’ll be outside your room for the rest of the night. If you need anything, just ask.”

I nodded. “Thanks.” After they left my room, I thought about what Dylan said, the decisions I had to make. Of all the things I wanted in my life, Dylan was the most important. All I needed to do was wait until the terrorist group was caught. Then I could take a step in the right direction—straight toward him.