Chapter 29

twenty-nine

DYLAN

Picking up a folder, I settled onto the sofa, trying to make sense of the debugging program’s results. It had been a crazy evening, and diving into lines of code seemed like the perfect distraction from the chaos with Luke.

“I thought you were joking about doing some work.” Alex walked into the living room, looking effortlessly attractive as always. “The report can wait until tomorrow.”

“I don’t mind looking at it now. I’m sorry about tonight.”

“It’s okay. I’ve lived through my share of family stuff as well.” Alex sat beside me, stretching his long legs in front of him. “Will Luke be all right?”

“I hope so. I’m more worried about Jarrod. This must have come as a big shock to him.”

“How long had they been dating?”

“It must be close to four years. They met each other about the same time I moved back to Boulder. You’d think Luke would know whether he wanted to marry him. ”

Alex shrugged. “Relationships are tricky at the best of times.”

“Are you speaking from personal experience?”

“I have a lifetime’s worth of personal experience.” Alex rubbed his eyes, and I felt a pang of empathy. “I fell in love for the wrong reasons. When I figured out what those reasons were, I left.”

“Was your partner upset?”

“Not as much as I thought. We both had a lot of unresolved issues. Filling those voids with each other would have ended in disaster. What about you?”

“I’ve never been engaged, but I did think I’d found someone special.”

“And?”

“It didn’t work out. Our careers made it impossible to spend a lot of time together.”

Alex nodded, his understanding gaze making me feel seen. “It’s hard when that happens. Why did you move back to Boulder?”

“I’d always planned on coming home after I left the Army. It just happened a little earlier than I expected.” My hands tightened around the report. “I met my current boss when I was working in Washington, D.C. Ryan was looking for someone to join the Technical Development Team at Bryant Security. When I returned to Boulder, I talked to him about the job and started four weeks later. Six months ago, I was promoted and now I manage the team.”

“Are you glad you left the Army?”

“I couldn’t have stayed,” I said softly, feeling the weight of my past.

“What happened?”

A tense silence filled the room as I thought about the last six months of my military career. “A lot of civilians died because of false information my team thought was correct. I was proud to serve my country, but not proud of what we did.”

“Mistakes must happen all the time.”

“Not like that.” I steadied my breathing, fighting the demons from my past. “I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I’m much better, but every now and then it sneaks back.”

Alex didn’t seem surprised. “PTSD is more common than anyone realizes. I’ve worked with people who are in high-risk situations. Over time, that kind of pressure can cause a lot of damage.”

“It’s difficult admitting you have an issue, especially in the Army.”

“Why did you enlist?”

“My grandfather was in the Army. He never talked about what he did, but I was so proud of him. When I found out how much it cost to go to college, I decided to enlist. The Army paid my tuition and, in return, I worked in the Military Intelligence Unit. It wasn’t until I was discharged that I knew I wanted more from life.”

“What do you want?”

I glanced at Alex, my heart pounding. “I want a family and friends who love me. I want to find someone who appreciates me for who I really am. And one day, I’d like a family of my own.”

Alex didn’t laugh or dismiss my dreams. Instead, he tilted his head and searched my face. “You’d make a great dad.”

His softly spoken words made my throat tighten. “Thanks. Sometimes I feel like I’m asking for the impossible.”

“Why? ”

“I swapped one job with long hours for another. It’s not easy meeting people when you don’t know where you’ll be from one week to the next.”

“You’ve met me,” Alex said with a smile that sent my heart racing.

“You’re my client. It doesn’t count.”

Alex held his hand over his heart. “I’m wounded. You know, some people would say I’m an okay kind of guy.”

“You are. You’re funny, kind, handsome, and tall.”

“Tall?”

“That’s a definite advantage. Most of my friends want to date people who are taller than them. It must increase your chances of finding the perfect partner.”

Alex laughed, the sound warming me. “So far, it hasn’t worked.”

“That could have something to do with living in the middle of nowhere. Unless you want to date a raccoon or a squirrel, you’ll have to go somewhere that has a population of more than one person.”

“Like Boulder?”

Heat flooded my cheeks. “That’d work.” Until I realized what I’d just implied. “But I’m not introducing you to my friends. I’d feel terrible if you broke their hearts.”

“It wasn’t your friends I was thinking about.”

My eyes widened. Thinking about Alex as more than my client was different from acting on it. Especially if he was willing to move to Boulder.

“Why are you still single?” I asked.

Alex started to say something, then stopped. The teasing gleam in his eyes slowly disappeared. “I was going to say that I’ve been waiting for the right man, but that’s not entirely true. I’m single because I’m scared. I don’t want to trust someone with the deepest, darkest part of who I am, then get hurt when he leaves.”

The fear of rejection was just as strong in me. No matter how confident I seemed, letting someone into my life terrified me. “If he’s the right person, he won’t leave.”

“What if I’ve already met him, only I don’t know it?”

I sighed. “A long time ago, I asked Mom the same question. She told me I’d know who he was as soon as I saw him. That’s the worst advice she’s ever given me.”

“Did it work for her?”

I nodded. “Mom came to Boulder for a friend’s engagement party and met Dad. Six months later, they were married.”

“There you go. It does happen.”

“Not often.”

Alex sent me a lop-sided grin. “What if the man you’re destined to be with was right beside you?”

He was teasing me. I should have ignored him, especially when we were sitting in front of an open fire, talking about things that had nothing to do with computers. But ignoring Alex wasn’t easy. So I didn’t. I looked over my shoulder, pretending to search for the man of my dreams. “Where is he?”

Alex’s exaggerated sigh made me smile. “Here.” He pointed to his chest, his face alight with mischief. “I could be the man of your dreams.”

“Well, you are tall. And you can be charming.” I tilted my head to the side. “But it wouldn’t work.”

“Why?”

“Because I’d have to be the man of your dreams.” I leaned closer and whispered, “I’ve been told there isn’t one romantic bone in my body. What kind of a dream man is that? ”

Alex’s eyes darkened. “Almost perfect.”

I searched his face, looking beneath his intense gaze to the man he hid from the world. We both had issues, scars that ran deeper than most people knew. Alex was asking me to take a leap of faith, to believe we could be more than friends. But there was so much we didn’t know about each other. So many things that could go horribly wrong.

Alex wrapped his hand around mine. “What if I keep thinking about a man with light brown hair and hazel eyes who makes me happy? And what if he wanted children and enjoyed living in the middle of nowhere? What would you suggest I do?”

I held my breath. “I’d ask him if you make him happy.”

Alex cupped the side of my face with his hand. “Do I make you happy?”

The longing in his eyes made me wish he wasn’t my client. “You make me happy, but I?—”

Alex leaned forward and brushed his lips against mine.

Every reason why this wasn’t a good idea melted under the heat from his mouth. Alex teased and cajoled, giving me time to back away before we did something we’d regret. But I didn’t back away. I moved closer, deepening the kiss, giving him the answer he was searching for.

Without knowing how, I’d fallen in love with Alex—and that scared me more than the terrorists who were looking for him.