31. Chapter 31

Jade

The next morning, I'm not just sore, I'm in pain. The lowest bit of my stomach hurts so badly that it cramps. If I didn't already not have class, there's no way I would be going. I can barely stand in the shower, wincing every time I shift to wash myself.

Did Dmitri really fuck me so hard that I have cramps?

Well, damn. That's a first for us.

He took me so long last night, maybe I shouldn't be surprised. There were a few times that he thrust so deep my cervix screamed in protest, but I devoured the discomfort. I loved that he could even get that deep.

Fuck, I'm definitely going to take some Ibuprofen or something. I know Matteo has some, and he won't mind sparing a few. He always shares pain relief when I have cramps. I frown, focused on the word cramp.

Is that what this is? The pain radiates in a way that makes me feel nauseous and uncomfortable, so I'm not sure what else to compare it to. It feels sort of like when my period cramps are bad.

Or wait, am I due for my period?

I freeze, thinking about it further.

When… when was my last period?

My stomach churns, and I gasp into my hand.

Oh god.

Panicked, I turn off the water and scramble for my towel. I don't bother drying off, wrapping it around my body with a knot before rushing into my bedroom. When I find my emailer, I flip it open and blink, looking for the date.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Almost four weeks ago, I was supposed to start my period nearly four weeks ago.

Realization sinks in, and the thought only makes my stomach hurt worse.

Holy shit, I'm so stupid.

I'd been so consumed by my feelings for Dmitri and my unfathomable desire to be with him that I didn't think about the consequences. I'm not on birth control, and I don't think we've ever used a condom.

As much as I'd like to blame this on the public school system's poor education in sexual health, this is on me. If I'm pregnant, it's my fault.

Okay, don't panic.

I steady myself, setting down my emailer to dry off and throw on some clothes. I have to figure out if it's true. There's still a chance that I'm just feeling off. Having a missed period wouldn't be new for me. I hardly had one at all before, maybe this one is just a hormone thing or maybe I didn't get enough nutrition this month.

A knock taps against my door, and I freeze, almost finished pulling my socks on.

"Yes?" I call out.

"It's me," Matteo sing-songs. "Can I?—"

"I'm not dressed yet," I rush out the lie.

"Okay," he says through a chuckle. "Did you want breakfast? We're all going to go in a minute."

Ask him. Ask him to help you get a test.

No, no, no. I can't do that.

I have to see Dmitri. As hard as it'll be to ask him, I have to.

"I might just stay here all day," I call out, keeping my voice from wobbling. "Cramps."

"Oh shit, it"s about that time, huh?" You have no idea. "That's fine, I'll check back in before lunch?"

"Yes, please," I croak. "I just want to be alone for a while."

"You got it," he assures me, and I wince with guilt at his caring tone. "I'll make sure the rest of us know to let you be."

I breathe out. "Thank you."

"No problem, sis. Let me know if you need anything."

I don't respond because if I do, I might cry. I really need to figure out how I'm going to make up for all of these lies. My brothers don't deserve this, but unfortunately, I've got bigger things to worry about right now.

Nervously, I sit by my window and pick at my nails, waiting until my brothers walk by below, heading to the cafeteria. I'm not sure if Dmitri will still be in his room, but I have to try and find him regardless.

It's drizzling when I get downstairs, but luckily the air isn't warm enough to be humid or cold enough to have my teeth chattering. The damp forest floor squishes under my boots, but I still rush, only slipping and almost falling three different times. I ignore every single person that I pass, keeping my head down and speeding up to the building that the Morozovs stay in.

I've caught myself wishing that our rooms were in the same building more than once before, but at least the trip between the two isn't long or uphill.

I try my best to shake off the rain from my sweater as I climb up the stairs, wiping the dampness from my cheeks as well. It's risky coming here during broad daylight, but apparently, I've lost all ability to be responsible. Hence why I bolted here in the first place.

Hands trembling, I knock heavily on Dmitri's door, sending a little prayer that he'll answer. If he doesn't I'll probably freak out even more and do something insane like demand one of his men go fetch him for me.

Before I can contemplate the idea further, his door swings open.

"Jade?" he asks, surprised to see me here.

Biting my lip, I skirt around him, entering without invitation. "Can we talk?"

"Is everything okay?" Dmitri asks, immediately concerned.

He shuts the door behind us, and I shrug off my sweater, feeling slightly suffocated by its weight. I kick off my shoes and make myself at home, climbing into his bed and crossing my legs into a bow. Stealing the blanket at the end of the bed, I wrap it around myself and let out a breath.

"Jade, you're worrying me," Dmitri says, approaching the bed to sit down next to me. "Are you okay? Tell me that much, at least."

"I'm okay," I wheeze, squeezing my hands together.

"What do you want to talk about, Jade? You can tell me anything."

He better mean that.

I don't know what I'll do if he freaks out even more than me. Probably run crying to Matteo and make the situation even worse for us.

I expel a breath. "Dmitri… if I needed something not on campus, would you be able to get it for me?"

His worried expression becomes serious, and his shoulders straighten. "Of course. Is there something you need?"

I bite my lip and nod, trying to find the courage to ask.

"What is it? Your cheeks are red, Krasotka."

"I think I need a pregnancy test," I confess, letting out a squeaked breath.

"You do?" he asks, looking at me in a way I can't decipher.

"I'm late," I explain quietly. "Almost a month late."

"Are you not," Dmitri starts, his voice soft. "Do you not take birth control?"

I shake my head, refusing to cry from mortification. "I didn't think about it, I swear, I'm so sorry. We should have talked about it, and I didn't bring it up?—"

"Hey, hey," he urges, interrupting my guilty babble. "I didn't bring it up either, Jade. I'm not upset with you, not even a little bit."

"You don't think I did this on purpose, right?" I ask helplessly. "You're not going to be mad if I'm pregnant and think I tried to trap you, right? I swear, I just didn't think about it. I was so caught up in falling for you that I?—"

"Krasotka, look at me," he coaxes, nudging my chin up. "I would never think that of you. And if I'm being entirely honest, if you baby-trapped me to keep me, I'd probably find it pretty fucking cute and amusing."

Cute and amusing?

My jaw drops, and I gape at him

"You would?"

"Jade, you're it for me. If you"re not pregnant and you wanted to be, I'd knock you up right now."

A sharp laugh bursts from my lips, filled with relief.

"Even if our families don't approve?"

They'll have to if there's a baby, won't they?

"Even if," he assures me. "Let's not worry about it until we're sure, okay? We'll take a test and go from there."

I release a shaky breath. "Okay, if you're sure you're not mad."

"I promise I'm not," he reaffirms, leaning over to catch my lips in a gentle kiss. "I have to tell Ivan," he adds carefully. "He'll be able to get us a test."

Get us a test.

Dimitri never fails to make me feel like we're on a team. Like he's on my side no matter what happens, and thank god he isn't any different right now. I need him.

"Okay," I agree, swallowing nervously.

Dmitri kisses my head twice, two quick pecks of comfort before heading for his door. He whistles into the hall, and not even three seconds pass before the sound of a door handle rattles. From my spot on the bed, I catch a glimpse of Ivan's lighter hair.

"What's wrong?" he asks, peeking into the room.

Dmitri doesn't respond in English. He effortlessly switches into their language and keeps his volume down. Neither of them makes a move to come in or leave.

They speak Russian to each other in low tones, and I see the moment Dmitri tells his brother what he's looking for. His blue eyes widen, looking over at me while I sit cozy on Dmitri's bed. Blankets tucked around me, I offer a shy smile.

Exchanging more hushed words, Ivan nods and dips back into the hallway.

"He'll be right back," my man says, coming to the edge of the bed to kiss the top of my head.

I nod, relaxing with his touch. "He can get one?"

"Easily," he states, brushing my cheek with the back of his fingers. "He'll be discreet."

"I almost asked Matteo for one," I admit. "I was scared to bring it up with you, and I knew I could get him to shut up about it for at least a small amount of time if I cried a little."

I'm expecting a laugh, but I only get his stern eyes. "Krasotka, you should not fear speaking to me. You should not be scared of anything when it comes to me. You're mine to care for."

The pure conviction in his words makes my heart soar.

"I know," I admit. "It's just so soon. I didn't mean for this to happen. I don't want to hold you back." Babies aren't easy and with him becoming Pakhan, a kid would certainly alter his life. Maybe not in a good way.

"You're not," he denies simply. "You could never hold me back, Jade."

I don't get the chance to tell him that I could be if this is really happening before Ivan slips into the room.

"Holy shit, that was fast," I comment, noting the brown paper bag in his hands.

Ivan looks like he can't decide whether he should laugh to lighten the mood or come hug me to offer comfort. "All we have in stock right now is the old style, two lines pregnant, one line, not. Even if it"s a faint second line though, it"s two."

No pressure.

"Do you want to?" Dmitri asks, taking the bag from Ivan and pulling out the small pink and blue package.

Even though I'm nervous, I nod adamantly. "I want to know."

"Do you want me to go in with you?"

My eyes bulge open. "No way."

Ivan chuckles. "You can't pee in front of him? He's already seen everythin?—"

"Not me peeing, he hasn't," I cut him off firmly.

Getting out of bed, I hesitantly take the package from Dmitri.

"You're sure?"

"I'll come out with it," I tell him, in case he's asking because he wants to see the test when it turns or something. The test has a cap to go over the part you pee on, so it'll be clean enough. I think.

Things sort of blur when I go into the bathroom on my own. I double-check the test instructions and then awkwardly do my business on the right side. I double wash my hands and put the cap on before being brave enough to go back into the room.

"Ivan left?" I ask, finding Dmitri alone.

"He wanted to give us the chance to do this alone, baby."

Sweet of him.

"I haven't looked," I say, nodding down to the plastic test in my hand. "I think it takes a few minutes."

"It does," he agrees, gesturing for me to sit back down in bed.

I keep the little stick facing down as I take my seat.

"Have you ever had to do this before?"

His answer might devastate or relieve me, but I ask it anyway.

"I've never not used a condom before," he admits, and I'm happy to hear it. "I've never even considered going without one, not until you."

"That's sweet," I whisper.

"I should have asked you?—"

"Neither of us asked," I cut in.

"No, but I'm older than you, and I have the experience. I shouldn't have touched you without discussing it."

"You're barely older than me," I defend, unwilling for him to take the full blame. We're both adults, and we both should have talked about it. But I'm not going to pin this on him when I'm sure I'm equally responsible.

He laughs lightly. "I'm glad you don't see it that way."

I'm already too in love with him to care, even if I did think four years was a lot.

Looking down at the pregnancy test, I assume the small amount of time needed for it to be ready has passed.

"I can't look," I admit, biting my lip. "Can you?"

He doesn't even hesitate, picking up the little stick and looking right where the result should be. His face gives away nothing as he peers at it.

I can't help but ask, "What's it say?"

When he doesn't immediately say that it"s one line, I know.

There's a flutter in the deepest pit of my stomach, and I swallow back emotion clawing up my throat. "Two lines?"

"Two lines," Dmitri softly confirms. Discarding the test, his large hands frame my face, and his thumbs stroke the apples of my cheeks.

I let out a shuddering breath. "O-okay. Maybe I should take another one?"

Head shaking from side to side, he tells me no without opening his mouth.

"It could be wrong," I reason in a whisper.

A firmer shake of his head and one of his hands shifts down. He splays his fingers on the center of my stomach, holding me there. "It's not wrong, Krasotka."

I hold in a whimper. "How do you know?"

"I just know," he states simply. "No second test, but we'll take you to the doctor here that we trust. A lot needs to change very quickly, and we'll need documentation."

Is my dad going to find out?

I gulp. "W-we do?"

"Jade, love, you're in physical classes. That will need to stop immediately. You can't be hit in training, it's not safe."

Oh. Right.

"Everyone is going to find out?"

He tilts his head. "Do you wish to hide our child? Is there something I should know?"

"No, no," I blurt quickly. "Nothing like that. I—you know how I feel about you. And I'm overwhelmed, but I'm happy. It's just…"

"Your father?"

"I don't exactly want to tell him about this in an email," I admit, voice cracking. "Do you think he'll be mad at me?"

He sent me here to become stronger, and I've ruined my chance at really training.

"He'll likely be very mad at me," he counters honestly. "From everything that you've told me, he loves you very much. He won't be mad at you, baby."

"I don't want him to be mad at you either," I pout.

Confidently, he replies, "I'll win him over."

"You think so?"

"Baby, when it comes to you, it's not an option. I'll win him over because there's no fucking way I'm living this life without you and our child."

I sniff, choking back emotion.

"I won't steal you away from your family, but I won't let them keep me away either, Krasotka. Everything will be okay."

God, I really hope he means that.