Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One

Anderson

Fuck. I bang the wheel. This traffic is killing me.

"She's at home with Brynn," Aspen reassures me, placing her hand on my thigh. "According to her text, your Mom is doing well."

Maxine, the nurse who traveled with Mom, called me just now to inform me that they are back in Seattle. My mother didn't want to upset me. How absurd is that? I'm angry because my she flew across the world to take a vacation she cut short and wouldn't tell me she needed me. She's sick and getting weaker by the day. I know she came back because she isn't well. ‘It's too hot, and there're too many people around to enjoy the landscape' isn't an excuse Mom gives lightly. Any other person believes the story. I know better. This is the woman who waited hours in line so her sons could ride Space Mountain on Independence Day. The same one who drove thousands of miles from Tacoma to Arkansas in the middle of the hottest summer so her children could visit their paternal grandmother.

Why can't we find a cure for her? I exhale my frustration.

Aspen grabs my left hand and kisses it. There's no need for her to say any words, I feel them. I'm here with you. I wish I could do more. Share your pain with me. They're as clear as the phrases she tells me daily.

"Have you hired the nurses yet?" I park the car in front of her house. "Do you have everything you need?"

Aspen suggested at-home care for Mom's last days. It sounds like something Mom would love. Except, we are moving her to Aspen's house. That way, Aspen and Brynn can be there for her. We are renting equipment to make those last days comfortable for her. Mom loves her girls, so I know she's going to be thrilled to be with them.

"Everything's ready." Aspen unbuckles her seatbelt, sliding onto my lap. Hugging the back of my neck, she stares at me with sad eyes. "Deep breaths, we are going to get through this together, okay?"

I wrap my arms around her shoulders pulling her closer to me, feeling her soft body against me. We're so close I don't know where she starts or I finish. Despite the heaviness in my soul, my heart remains warm, and it's all because of her.

In her embrace, the outside world doesn't exist.

Time stops, the pain disappears.

My mind is at peace.

When I think about my mother's future and the raw emptiness nibbles at my heart, Aspen comes to my rescue. I trusted my men to have my back. My brothers to protect me as I did during our mission. Not once did I thought I would need emotional support, or that someone smaller and more delicate than me would be my shield when reality is unbearable.

"Thank you" I kiss her neck, combing her curly hair, "for being my strength."

A hand runs through my hair. Her head turns, brushing my lips with hers before taking my mouth. There's nothing gentle about the kiss. It's hot, fiery, and filled with raw passion. The world disappears while she runs her fingers down my spine, warmth spreads to my body. I want to pull away before I lose my shit and fuck her inside my truck.

"You don't have to thank me, Hawk," she whispers, her breathing uneven after that soul-searching kiss. "I'm here to hold you when things aren't pretty, just the way you do when I'm breaking down. Couples do that. They stick together during the bad times, and celebrate the good times. Understanding each other, fighting for the last piece of bacon or the remote. Sharing what matters to the other even when it might be insignificant. We're becoming an us."

I open my mouth, ready to say the words when her phone rings.

"It's Brooklyn," she announces moving away from my lap. "Smile, Hawk. Bright, cheery. Enjoy these days because they could be over at any moment."

I chew on the words, staring at the beauty in front of me. The millions of emotions I feel every second of the day because of her. Each and every one altering my thoughts, taking me somewhere different than I ever expected. My heart beats harder as I decide to make some drastic changes in my life, like steer away from the missions where I spend months away from home. My pulse accelerates as I have a glimpse of an alternate life where I spend time with Aspen for as long as she allows me. Forever, if that's even possible.

"Come on, Hawk," she redirects my attention. "You're going to be fine."

"Yes, we'll be fine." I copy her smile, ready to face the most painful days of my life.

"Baby clothing?" I stare at my mother, then at the pile of clothing she brought me. Thank God Aspen isn't here to see them. "Why would you bring me baby clothing?"

She folds a blue blanket, handing it along with the pink one. "One day you're going to have children. At least, I hope you do." Bending lightly, she searches inside her duffle bag that seems to have no bottom to it. "They are going to need knitted clothing from grandma. I won't be here so…just make sure to tell them I love them."

"Mom, please don't do this today," I beg her. Only a few hours ago, my stomach dropped to the floor when I received the call that she'd come back early. Pale skin, skinnier, tired. My heart hurt to see my mother changing so fast. "I'll be happy to save these presents. There's no guarantee that there'll be children in my future. But if we have any, be assured they will wear what you gave me."

She smiles, staring at me with satisfaction. Happiness. Peace. "You love her, don't you?"

Love.

Do I? There's this strange feeling inside my heart that grows every day, taking over my mind and my body. Unknown to me and overwhelming in the same absolute way it exists. The emotion filled up a hole I didn't know existed. It's frightening to think how I survived without it for so long. From being a loner, I find myself next to a person I can't imagine living without. Is that love?

Mom gives me a knowing stare, yes, you're in love.

"It's too early to say," I confess. "We just started going out."

All lies. It might only be a few weeks, but it feels as if I've known her since before the universe existed. As a matter of fact, I requested a meeting with my boss. We need to discuss my future with the company. My life changed when Aspen appeared, and I like the person I'm becoming. I want to spend more time with her. Even though the distance wouldn't change what I feel for her, I'm not willing to see her only a few days every other month.

"You two deserve each other. I'm glad you found her." Her hand reaches out, squeezing mine.

We found each other , I don't say.